


Put me back together

by sznups



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood-centric, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Book!Malec, Bullying, Doctor!Magnus, Eating Disorders, F/M, Forbidden Love, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Homophobia, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, My First Fanfic, Other, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Suicide Attempt, Vulnerability, alternative universe, everyone's mundane, patient!Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-10-05 18:57:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 30
Words: 175,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10314842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sznups/pseuds/sznups
Summary: Alec Lightwood suffers a lot when a whole school finds out about his secret because of a stupid bet. He is a fighter but how can one stand alone against the all-too-powerful group? Lucky for him, there is a certain glittery man who is not willing to give up on him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there ;)
> 
> Here's my first fanfiction ever! So excited and nervous to share this but I decided to give it a try. English is not my native language so there might be mistakes. If you find any, don't be afraid to tell me about them and I'll try to correct them. 
> 
> It's Alec - centric but couldn't help that! I love making my baby suffer. I'm evil :c And of course Doctor!Magnus. It's just too perfect.  
> Anyway, enjoy and let me know if I should give up or continue the story!

\- How long do we have to hide? 

It was a simple question. Simple question that got repeated definitely too many times. But still got no answer. At least not the answer Alec hoped to get.

\- You know it's not that simple. Besides, why do we need to make it public? I thought you only cared about me, not other people. And still, you don't show me this. Why should we tell the world we are an item when you clearly don't trust me? - he raised his eyebrow.

He still lived in the State of Narnia. Of course he wanted to come out, tell his parents and be proud of just being himself. But he was afraid that they won't understand and accept it. Coming out was a big step and he wasn't willing to do it all by himself, without any backup. Of course, it wouldn't work with his family but with the school society? Yeah. And then Alec met him. Firstly, he thought that this man was like the others. Pure straight guy making fun of people who were different. But he wasn't like this. Or didn't seem like it. 

Alexander Lightwood, seventeen years old boy without social and fashion skills. His clothes were all shades of black and grey, baggy with a lot of holes. They were definitely too big for him what made him look smaller and well, he was average high. But he felt safe in them like they could hide him from the world. Alec didn't need to hide. He looked like an angel with his ocean blue eyes and pale complexion but he was to insecure and shy. Didn't like crowds and talking to people he didn't know. And it definitely didn't help him with getting too many friends. But he was ok with that. He didn't need anyone because Alec had his baby sister Isabelle and adopted brother Jace. They were everything to him even if they didn't always care about their older brother. However he couldn't stop loving them. He lost one brother and even thinking about losing another one of his sibling was making him sick. So he stayed in their shadows and did everything he could to help them and make their lives easier since miss and mister Lightwood chose job over their children. He didn't blame them though. They needed a distraction. Max's death destroyed them all but he was their son. Youngest one. Pure and innocent.  
So Alec wasn't very sociable. He knew some kids from school and even talked with them from time to time. But it was nothing special, he didn't really like them. Simon and Clary were nice but they were also his siblings' second halves. And he always felt like fifth wheel being with all of them. He prefered to be alone so soon he became some kind of outsider what disqualified him from hanging around with Jace and Izzy. They were like celebrities of the school. Everybody knew them and loved them. They were popular, everyone wanted to hang out with them. The souls of all parties. There wasn't a place for Alec. They only needed him for a service like driving. Someone had to drive his drunk siblings back home and Alec only trusted himself. So that how it looked like. He attended the parties but didn't have fun. People usually didn't even notice he was there. Or decided that Alec wasn't worth their attention with his quiet and nerdy attitude, scruffy look and lack of personality. And Alec was grateful for that. He didn't need more problems in his life. He just wanted to graduate from highschool as soon as it was possible, move out from his family home and homophobic parents, start working and then maybe find someone who would accept him the way he was. But well, the last part came quicker. Or at least he thought.  
Sebastian was anything like him. He was out-going, people adored him and respected him. Even his own siblings thought that this boy was something special even if they didn't like him. He was just cocky and always wanted to show Jace that he was better than him. Volleyball's sorry stars. The war has never ended. But Alec didn't even know this Sebastian guy. He heard from Jace what a jerk this guy was and believed him. Till the day he actually met him. Then he knew that Jace exaggerated as always. He was oh so wrong.

 

It was in the middle of the Saturday night the last day of summer holidays. His siblings were invited to a party by the lake. Alec wasn't invited, he never was. He only came there to pick up these underage, irresponsible fools. No matter how stupid and reckless they were, he loved them. But at this moment, he wanted to strangle them with his own bare hands. They were late even when Izzy swore to be on time. He parked his car near a big oak and decided since he still had to wait, he could do it outside of the car as well. So he leaned on the tree and sighed heavily. He had so many other things he could be doing back at home. Sleeping, for example. But no. It was like freaking three in the morning and he was standing there, trembling from the cold and watching as Sun slowly was making its way up. Alec covered his mouth and yawned. At the same time someone rushed past him and soon was kneeling on the ground, puking his guts out on fresh, green August grass. Alec made a face full of disgust but well... he was just too pure soul not to help a stranger in need. „I can't believe I'm doing it...” he thought but came closer. 

\- Um... excuse me? Are you okay? - he asked and mentally slapped himself. Of course this guy wasn't okay! - I mean... ugh... you... you need some help? - he stuttered, still feeling stupid.

The boy stopped vomiting and slowly looked up at Alec, whiping his mouth with his wrist. Even if it was really gross for Alexander, he couldn't deny the boy's attractivenes. His eyes were black and shiny, probably because of his intoxicated state, his skin pale and his hair so light blond almost white. And when he stood up, he realised how tall he was. Delicate blush crept on his cheeks but it was still too dark for the poor victim of drinking to notice. Well, Alec's hope failed this time. The stranger eyed him from head to toes and then smiled slightly what made him even more pretty. 

\- And why would you care, pretty boy? Aren't you drunk yourself? I haven't seen you around...

\- Oh, yeah... I'm not really a party lover, I'm just waiting here for my siblings. And...um... So... you're okay now?

\- Yeah... - he looked in Alec's blue eyes and smirked. - Well... I consider myself lucky even if I just threw up all my money  
.  
\- And... why is that? - he asked not really getting his point. He would be devastated himself if he lost all of his money buying alcohol not even saying about the throwing up part! 

\- Because I met you? Because you are the only one who actually cared if I die here or not, even if you don't know me? - he answered with an answer. 

\- I'm... um... I didn't actually help you with anything, you know... 

\- But you asked and yeah, I'm grateful – he faked a grin. - Well, I'm a total mess but I'm also more than sure that you are going to be the only part of this party that I'll still remember in the morning. I'm Sebastian, by the way. I'd shake your hand but you probably would like to avoid it – he laughed a little and Alec smiled. Yeah, touching a hand covered in puke wasn't really his dream. Even if this hand belonged to a very handsome man. 

\- Alec – he answered simply. - I think I know you. You're going to Idris High, right? 

\- Yeah... it's my second year in that shitty place – he rolled his eyes and then looked at him again. - Alec? It's short for...? 

\- Alexander. Alexander Lightwood. 

\- Oh... - he blinked twice. - Are you related to Isabelle Lightwood? You know, the first year chick.

\- She's my sister – he narrowed his eyes, slightly annoyed. He didn't like when people didn't respect his sister. - And Jace is my brother. You probably know him.

\- I do – he nodded. - He's my little sister's boyfriend.

\- What? You are Clary's brother? - he was clearly shocked. This guy looked and acted nothing like Jace described him! But why would his brother lie? He didn't have much time to think it over though.

\- Seems like we are even – he laughed again and this time Alec joined him, deciding to ignore Jace's voice in his head screaming „danger”.

\- Alec! Get your ass here! I wanna go home! - he heard the real Jace calling him and rolled his eyes after he glanced at them. Izzy was almost asleep and he was so drunk he couldn't even open the car's door. Alec sighed. 

\- I have to go... well, it was really nice meeting you, Sebastian. I hope you'll be fine – he smiled politely. 

\- I don't really think so, Alec. I won't be fine – he put hands in his pockets. 

\- Why? - Alec asked confused. 

\- Because you're leaving, silly. And I will not see you till tomorrow what is a real shame! So, give me your phone number? What? I only want to say thank you when I'm sober. So? - he reached out for his phone and after a short moment of hestitation, Alec handed him his mobile. Sebastian smiled and saved his number on Alec's phone, then sent a message to himself and gave it back to him. 

\- So... to the next time? 

\- Sooner than you think – he winked at him and Alec blushed. 

That was it. He came back home and couldn't sleep that night any longer. He was thinking about Sebastian and he really felt sorry. Because he knew that the moment this boy will sober up, he wouldn't remeber about Alec no matter what he said earlier. And why would he? Alec was nothing worth remembering. He just woke up, didn't change and looked like shit. He stuttered while speaking with him and didn't really say anything witty or clever. He was just a plain, boring Alec. So it was more than obvious that someone as amazing as Seabastian would't want to do anything with a nerd like him. But he was wrong. Later that day, he got a message. He responded. And got another text. And that's how it started.  
They started seeing each other. But nobody knew about that. They didn't talk at school because it could be suspicious. And well, Sebastian had his reputation he couldn't ruin. Alec wasn't really happy that his boyfriend-to-be was ashamed of him, but he couldn't help it. He had a crush on Seabastian since he was the only one that was interested in him, was handsome and funny. Of course, he didn't feel good with the fact that Seabastian didn't want to defend him and show the people he was as normal as them, instead of that he made fun out of Alec with his 'friends'. But still, he couldn't tell him to get lost. And well, Sebastian was a real sweetheart when they were meeting secretly. He always was hugging Alec, telling him how gorgeous and beautiful he was, how much he loved his blue eyes and how happy he was that Alec wanted him. And the poor boy believed in all those lies and let Sebastian do anything he wanted. Well, not anything. Of course, he stole the first kiss. But Alec wasn't ready to give him his virginity. And Sebastian wasn't happy with this fact. They dated now over a month and the blonde one decided that it was the right time to start 'things' already! But Alec wasn't so sure. He was only seventeen and had time for such things. Of course, he was curious but it wasn't enough. He wasn't so in love to let Seb pop his cherry. His sibling never understood that but he also never discussed his sex life with them. Hell, they didn't even know that they knew each other. They had their lives, their own relationships and well, they didn't have much time for their older brother.  
No one in his family knew that Alec was homosexual or so he thought. That's why he wanted Sebastian to help him go through this. To be his strength. But he wasn't really willing to do this. Instead of being supportive to his boyfriend, he was just obtrusive. He acted like the best boyfriend ever but when Lightwood started to talk about his problems and troubles, that was the end of it. He didn't listen to Alec like he wasn't really interested. And soon it became a routine. They were meeting somewhere far away from other people. Alec was starting the 'coming out' topic and Sebastian was ignoring him, shutting his mouth with his own. The kisses weren't sweet and tender. Seb put too much force and too much tongue in them. His touch also wasn't pleasurable. He put his hands under Alec's sweater and run them along his chest and hips, leaving marks. It was just painful but Alec didn't want to upset Seabastian so he let him do this. But when he put his hands on his zipper, Alec stopped him. 

\- No – he said weakly, trying to catch his breath. - I... I don't want this, sorry – he looked away, not wanting to see the anger in Sebastian's eyes.  
\- It's okay... - he said after a minute and sat crossing his legs on a blanket they brought to the meadow. He was everything but okay. 

It was over a month. Sebastian asked Alec out after a week and he said yes. Since that day, he tried to get to his pants almost everyday. And Alec was frustrated. He didn't want to lose Sebastian. But he just couldn't give him what he demanded. 

 

\- How long do we have to hide? - he asked willing to start a conversation and forget about all of this.

\- You know it's not that simple. Besides, why do we need to make it public? I thought you only cared about me, not other people. And still, you don't show me this. Why should we tell the world we are an item when you clearly don't trust me? - he raised his eyebrow.

\- I trust you! - he protested. - I really do! I-I'm just... just not ready yet. 

\- If you trusted me, then you wouldn't hurt me like a hearltess bitch! Really Alec. Think it over. I'm heading back home. We'll see tomorrow – he almost growled and stood up. He started walking before Alec even realised what just happened. Well... it wasn't first time but it still hurt. 

\- Sebastian, please! I'm sorry! - he called but Sebastian didn't turn back. He left Alec alone, not bothered by the boy's tears. 

Alexander spent another sleepless night. He cared about Sebastian and was afraid of losing him. It all was just so scary. He was more than sure that he was gay but still, sex was a big step that he wasn't ready to take yet. However he knew that if he wanted to still be Sebastian's boyfriend, he had to force himself to do this. It was horrible. But he didn't even know how terrible turn his life will take the next day...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the support! You're lovely :3 Here's the next chapter. Hope you'll like it c:  
> Yes, yes I'm going to hell for that...

Alec got up from his bed when he heard the alarm clock beeping. He didn't get any sleep that night so he was clearly exhausted. He rubbed his eyes and stretched to wake up his body that screamed for a long rest. Alec hadn't got a time for this lately. Sebastian, school and hiding his relationship with Sebastian from school and his siblings wasn't easy either. He had too much to think and worry about that he couldn't sleep at night.  
He checked his phone but there wasn't any text from his boyfriend. Sebastian must have not felt bad about yesterday what made him a bit angry. He threw his phone on the bed and then started to search for clothes to wear that day. They were all black, no surprise here.  
His stomach growled because he didn't get to eat anything the day before. All because of Sebastian and his rude behaviour which he wasn't even sorry for! Alec didn't understand. Why Sebastian got so mad? Alec didn't do anything to upset him. Of course, he had stopped their actions before they even started but he explained why he made that decision. Nonetheless, his boyfriend prefered yelling at Alec to having a normal conversation. It hurt Alec. He had been trying really hard to please Sebastian. Since he was so insecure, he didn't even let himself think that he could be attractive or interesting, and definitely not for a boy such as perfect as Sebastian. He didn't really want to lose him. Even if this wasn't very simple for Alec to talk much and force himself to do things he wasn't completely comfortable with. But if it was the only way to be Sebastian's boyfriend then Alec could endure it. Because he didn't really believe he could ever find someone better. Sebastian was the best choice. Handsome, tall, intelligent, funny, self-confident and with bright future ahead with a talent like his. Alec knew that even his parents would be pleased. Maybe Alec shouldn't have been thinking about parents at the moment but well... he was just so freaking nervous. He loved them and always did his best to make them proud and happy. So now, when he decided to make the right decision and share his secret with them, he knew he couldn't be with someone his parents wouldn't accept. And Sebastian had all the right features his parents required from their own children. He was desperated for his plan to work. Alec was already tired of hiding and wanted to be finally free and comfortable with who he was. Because he was normal like any other kid at school.  
Besides he really liked Sebastian. He still didn't understand what this guy saw in him. Alec was his actual opposite. Shorter, dressed up like a homeless, didn't like people and this weird sport Sebastian loved so much. He was more than sure that a list this long would scare every boy away. And... Sebastian was still there. Alec felt like someone special, not plain and boring for the first time in his whole life. Although this could end really quickly. As much amazing as Sebastian was, he was also very impatient and Alec on the other hand, was hestitant with new things. And that was... almost everything. It definitely annoyed Sebastian but he never acted like yesterday. Then, for the first time Alec thought that Jace might have been right about Sebastian. He didn't want to believe it though and even was sure that he just had had a bad day. What bothered him the most was that this day might have turned into a bad one because of him. He really wished he could give Sebastian what he wanted. However, it was just too early and even if he cared about that idiot, he had his own rules and was still a human being who could make his own decisions. Or so he thought then. But when all the emotions cooled down, he felt guilty. What if those things were normal for people his age and with his situation? He didn't know. How could he even know that?! He has never been in any relationship before, for God's sake! He could always ask Jace or Izzy but then the mocking wouldn't stop. And he already had a headache, thank you very much.  
Alec sighed heavily and decided to get ready for the day. He needed a long, cold shower, deciding to skip the breakfast. His stomach hurt a little because of the stress and he didn't feel like eating anything. He felt like he could throw up any moment. 

\- Alec, for fuck's sake! Have you drowned there, or what?! - Jace knocked hard on his door.

„Fuck” was all Alec muttered, turned off the water and finished his shower. He lost a track of time and now was oh so late. 

\- Give me a minute! - he yelled back and rushed to put on his clothes.

When he came from the bathroom and looked at the clock, he cursed again. He still had some time to leave.

\- Jace! What the hell?! I thought we're going to be late! - he frowned and then yelped when his brother poked him on the ribs playfully. 

\- Nah, nothing, buddy. I'm meeting Clary in ten, so you have to drive me there on time.

\- I don't have to do anything, Jace, that's the first thing – he said, rubbing his ribs. - The second thing is, don't ever again cross the line of my personal space or you'll be running after the car! - he treathened him but of course his brother didn't take him seriously. He just laughed.

\- Someone's on their period – he sticked his tounge at Alec like immature brat he was.

\- Calm down, ladies – Izzy interrupted before Alec could answer him. - Jace, shut up. Alec, hurry up. I also don't want to be late. 

\- That's something new – he muttered and took a sip of her sister coffe. It was already cold, so he put the cup in the sink. 

\- I'm meeting Simon – she said and put a red lipstick on her lips. 

\- And I didn't need to know that – he rolled his eyes. Izzy was his baby sister and even if she already was much more experienced than him, he still felt sick just thinking of her with boys. Simon was harmless but he still was a teenager boy.

\- Don't be jelous, Alec. Just find yourself a date. I bet some cute girls would like to date you if you stop being a silent nerd and start wering some colours! - said Jace and grinned clearly proud of his advice. 

\- Won't you two be late? Get in the car! - he rubbed his temples. He was sick of his own life and didn't really need his siblings to tease him and say all those disgusting things. As if going on a date with a girl could help with anything.

The weather was awful. It was cloudy and the drizzle made him shiver even though he had a warm sweater on. As soon as they got to school, the three of them split up. Jace came to meet Clary, Izzy to meet Simon and Alec... well, he didn't really have anywhere to go. Sebastian would start his classes later than he so he had to wait. He still had half an hour to start lessons so he just sat on a windowsill and watched other people. He envied them sometimes. They seemed happy, lived a life he wasn't destined to have. He spent his free time sleeping or reading before he met Sebastian. And only then he understood how much he was missing. Only thinking of breaking up with Sebastian made him sick. It wasn't like he was so deep in love with Seb. He wasn't blinded by the big love because it didn't exist. He clearly knew how bad Sebastian treated him since Alec didn't want to have sex with him. But still, being alone again just frightened Alec. He liked Sebastian, cared about him. And hoped the boy returned the feelings. Sebastian made him feel like he was worth everything in the world just to destroy this sensation a minute later. But Alec loved these short moments when he could smile and know that someone actually cared about him and appreciated him no matter how much he was lacking social skills.  
The ringing bell made him almost jump. He sighed and headed to the clasroom. When he sat on his sit, he texted Sebastian. 

To: Sebby  
Hey. You didn't say a word to me since yesterday... I wanna talk to you. Do you have time? I'm really sorry

From: Alec  
Not now. Lunch break, math classroom on second floor. 

To: Sebby  
Ok, see you

 

Sebastian didn't text him anymore. So Alec had to wait and try to focus on lessons but he was just too nervous. What if Sebastian agreed to meet him only to break up with him? What if he wasn't good enough to be his boyfriend? He was so scared. Sebastian was his first boyfriend and even if he wasn't the prince charming Alec dreamt of, he still was the only one that wanted him. He couldn't lose him. But he should have let him go and forget they ever known each other. But he didn't know this yet. If he only knew... 

 

The lunch break finally came. It was the longest break and lasted half and hour. Alec wasn't sure if it will be enough to discuss everything but they needed to try. He put his backpack on his shoulder and walked to the math classroom. Not a minute later Sebastian entered the classroom and joined him. He wasn't smiling and his attitude was cold. But Alec wanted to sort this misunderstanding out. 

\- What do you want? - he snarled. - I don't have all day for hearing your apologies. It won't change anything.

\- No, please, listen to me – he hurried with explanations. - I'm really happy we're together, you have to believe me. The truth is... I... I've... I've never done anything like that before. It's all new and I'm scared and... look, I don't want to rush this. I love you, I do – he lied but at this moment he wasn't sure if it actually was a lie. He was so desperated. - I want you to be my first, Sebastian. Just... please, give me some more time. I'm not ready to take the big step yet. I want to know you better, that's all. Please, don't be angry... please – he looked at him with pleading eyes. He really hoped that Sebastian would understand. But well, his hope failed again. 

\- Silly boy – Sebastian sighed. - It doesn't have to be penetration. We can have sex in different ways. I see your point, you're scared. But well, aren't you selfish? - he raised his brow and Alec felt cold. 

\- W-what...? - he stammered. 

\- You heard me. You are selfish. You expect me to be patient and loving and you what? I'm young, healthy and my hormones are crazy. I need to have a physical contact and you clearly don't see it. It hurts, Alec. So I think it won't work. 

\- No, please – he panicked. Alec didn't see that this way but Sebastian did. And he wanted to leave. Alec felt his eyes sting. - Please, Sebastian, don't! - he grabbed his arm. - Please, I love you. I promise I will make it up to you – he said hurriedly not even expecting what he just got himself into.

\- How? - he wasn't affected by his vulnerability. 

\- I-I don't know but... but... please, don't leave me. I love you – he lied again and cought himself on actually believing in this shit. 

\- Okay... then prove it – he deadpanned, looking at him expectantly. 

\- H-how? - it was his time for questions. 

But Sebastian didn't answer right away. Not verbally. He grabbed Alec's hand and put it on the bulge of his pants. Alec wanted to jerk his hand away, but Sebastian's grip was too strong. 

\- Suck it. And then I'll believe you.

\- No... Sebastian, please... I'm... - he looked at him. His big, blue eyes wide. 

\- Stop being a fucking damsel in distress! - he growled. - It doesn't hurt like actual fucking. And this will prove to me if you think of me seriously. 

\- B-but wait! We're at school! Someone can walk in anytime, we don't have a key to this door! Can't this wait? - he was in schock. He knew that Sebastian was sex deprived but he would have never thought that it will come to a situation like this.Alec was frightened and felt a shiver going down his spine. It couldn't be happening! 

\- Cut this crap already! - he tightened his grip on Alec's wrist. - If you love me and want me to be with you, then you'll do this! Now – he frowned. - Down on your knees. Suck it and swallow like a good boy. Or don't talk to me ever again. 

Sebastian acted like a maniac. Alec couldn't feel his wrist any longer. He couldn't even move. He was too scared of Sebastian's change of behaviour. But what really frightened him was that – he couldn't escape. He felt like in a dream when you want to run but you can't. Sebastian's grip was too strong and moment later Alec was dragged to the teacher desk. Alec tried to push him away. He stood firmly on the carpet but it was still not enough. Then the adrenaline rushed through his veins and he hit his boyfriend. Sebastian let him go and was speechless for a moment before he laughed. Alec couldn't believe this. That guy was actually smiling and enjoying that Alec was fighting him. And then the blue eyed angel knew that he should have listened to Jace. This boy was sick. He needed help. But now... now Alec needed help more than ever.  
When he shook off from the shock, he turned on his heel and rushed to the door. But Sebastian gripped his arm again. Alec yelped in pain.

\- No, no, no, no! No, please, let me go! - he started begging as Verlac dragged him to the desk again.

 

Sebastian only grined wider. He sat on top of the desk and then placed a hand on Alec's shoulder and forced him to kneel. Tears ran down the poor boy's face. But Sebastian didn't stop. He unzipped his pant and pulled them down to his knees. When Alec saw the member of his boyfriend, he wanted to run, to shout for help. But he couldn't. He was speechless, his voice died in his throat. And he didn't want anyone to come in on them. That would be the end of everything. He turned his head away from this but then Sebastian tugged his hair and forced him to look at it again. So he closed his eyes and pursed his lips. He felt so sick.

\- What are you waiting for, slut? - he put his hand on Alec's head and brought him closer to his friend. - Open up. Be good – it sounded like a warning and Alec had no doubt that it was just it.

At this moment Alec was crying. He didn't want to do this. But Sebastian didn't give him any choice. Hating himself, he opened his mouth when Sebastian covered Alec's nose with his own hand, suffocating him. Sebastian then put his member into Alec's mouth and made him choke. More tears, loud sobbing and a smile on the blonde's face. 

\- Don't use your teeth. Suck it – he told him to but Alec was stubborn. And clueless, to be honest. He didn't even know how to do this. Sebastian wasn't very satisfied.

 

It was his first time doing something like that. And he didn't enjoy it at all. His work was sloppy and painful as Sebastian was pushing his penis deep down his throat, ignoring Alec's gagging. He didn't care about damaging this unexperienced, innocent boy. Sebastian wanted pleasure only for himself and he was getting it. Alec didn't know how much time has passed but soon Sebastian was almost laying on the desk, his head thrown back. And then it happened.  
The door swung open and two girls entered the classroom stopping dead in their tracks when they saw them. Well, they only saw Alec, who now was pale as a chalk. They didn't see Sebastian who managed to lean so much on the desk that his head was hidden behind it. It was only a couple of seconds but for Alec it was like eternity when the two girls stood there and watched this scene. Sebastian wasn't really embarassed. He didn't see a reason to stop. 

\- Sorry for interrupting! - one of them called and then headed to the door, dragging her friend with her.

\- Did you know that Lightwood was such a faggy slut? - the second one laughed when the door closed.

\- No way! How would I know? I knew something was so wrong with him but I would never accus him of slutting around at school! We need to tell Megan! 

Alec was crying. And Sebastian didn't mind. He pushed one last time and came in Alec's mouth. The taste was dreadful and he wanted to spit it out immediately! But Sebastian was blinded by his sick pleasure and hold him still. Alec didn't have a choice, so he swallowed. As soon as he did that, he wanted to go back in time and let this sickfuck suffocate him. That would be much easier. Suddenly, he was free. Sebastian pulled himself out and pushed Alec on the ground. 

\- Well, little audience happens sometimes. It actually turns me on – he shrugged, zipped his pants and then looked at Alec, frowning. - Stop fucking crying! I should be the one doing this! You were hopeless! - he yelled at him but looked rather pleased with himself. Alec's poor state clearly amused him.

And that was everything Alec could take. He stood up and ran for the dear life to the bathroom. He didn't make it to the toilet. In the last moment, he gripped the sink and vomitted harshly. It was disgusting. He still could feel this horrible taste on his tounge. It took him a minute to empty his stomach and then he looked in the mirror. He was deadly pale, his cheeks lightly flushed, eyes were still watering and his hair sticked out in every possible direction. He looked like a mess. And he was feeling even worse.  
He couldn't face anyone at this school anymone. Or at lest not this day. So he waited a little longer for the break to finish and then he ran to his car. It was rather dangerous to drive when he couldn't see the road because of his tears but dying was better than going back.  
His parents were still at work. So he could cry as much as he needed. Then he took a long, hot shower, scrubbing his skin until it became red. He felt so dirty that even after using almost all tube of toothpaste, he still wanted to drink bleach and get rid of that horrid aftertaste. He let the brush slip from his hand and then he came back to his bedroom. He laid on the bed and hugged his pillow tightly. Everything hurt. His throat was on fire, his knees were bruised and his head was pounding. How Sebastian could do this to him? He didn't do anything bad for him! He was good, caring, loving and supportive. So why Sebastian hurt him like he was nothing more than useless trash? Alec heard his heart beating fast. Too fast. He hugged his own middle and brought his knees to his chin. He wanted to shout loud. But he couldn't because soon his family came back home. Alec was paralyzed from fear. What if Jace and Izzy already knew? He waited for them to burst his door open, scream at him and call him whore. He heard knocking. And was ready for everything. 

\- Alec, you're ok? You left us without a ride! You could at least say something. Hey! Alec? Are you even listening to me? - Izzy came to his room, not bothering to knock before.

\- I'm sorry Iz – he muttered quietly. His voice was so hoarse. - I don't feel good. Sorry. Can you leave me alone? 

\- Alec, if something's wrong... - she started but Alec interrupted her.

\- I'm just sick. Don't bother, Izzy. Let me just sleep, ok? 

\- Ok... - she didn't sound convinced but she let him be. - But text me next time if you decide to leave without us. I was worried, you know? Let me know if you need something, big bro. Goodnight.

He was left alone again. The pillow was wet from tears that were still coming. Isabelle cared for him. But will she still care when she finds out what happened between him and Sebastian?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little chaotic but we're getting close to the main part c: 
> 
> Enjoy!

 

„ _So... what are you interested in? I've never seen you at any party. Yes, I remember. You said you don't like it but why?”_

 

„ _Do I really need to like partying to let people know that I have a hobby? That's stupid.”_

 

„ _I agree. But still. You must have a time-consuming hobby, if you don't show up at any party or meetings. So?”_

 

„ _It's... it's not that. You see, people don't really like me. And I don't like them. That's why I don't go to any party. No ones invites me and I'm more than okay with that. I prefer to stay at home.”_

 

„ _I don't believe you. Don't you feel bad that everyone's having fun but not you?”_

 

„ _Sometimes. But it just must be that way, you know? You always have a group of cool kids and a group of nerdy losers. I belong to the second one.”_

 

„ _Bullshit! You're cool. Cooler than all those dickheads. Why don't you see that?”_

 

„ _I-I'm... I'm... nothing like that. I'm boring. Actually, I still don't understand why you decided to see me again. You can... you can date anyone you want.”_

 

„ _But I want you, Alec Lightwood. And to be honest, I find your nerdy look rather lovely.”_

 

„ _P-please stop...”_

 

„ _I really like you. You're smart and very, very pretty. And your eyes. Were they always so blue?”_

 

„ _I-I guess so...?”_

 

„ _You are sweet. I hope... someday you'll trust me enought to know that I'm not playing games with you. I'm totally honest with my feelings for you.”_

 

„ _I do...”_

 

„ _Hmm?”_

 

„ _I do trust you.”_

 

„ _So... tell me the secret?”_

 

„ _Huh?”_

 

„ _What's the top secret hobby of yours?”_

 

„ _Archery.”_

 

„ _You really are such a nerd!”_

 

„ _Shut up, cool boy.”_

 

Alec moved anxiously in his bed and pulled the covers away. He finally managed to fall asleep but the dreams didn't let him rest peacefully.

 

 

„ _No way! You must be kidding! The almighty Jace, my biggest enemy is afraid of ducks?! How much of a retard he is?”_

 

„ _Hey! Don't say that! Jace is amazing on his own, unique way. He just has unusual fear. That happens.”_

 

„ _And what about you?”_

 

„ _What do you mean?”_

 

„ _What are you afraid of?”_

 

„ _No, no, no! Don't even think about it! I'm not telling you this!”_

 

„ _Oh, come on! I'll tell you mine!”_

 

„ _You promise?”_

 

„ _I promise.”_

 

„ _Spiders.”_

 

„ _You squeal when you see a spider?!”_

 

„ _I don't squeal!”_

 

„ _Of course not!”_

 

„ _Shut it! Now's your turn. What are you afraid of?”_

 

„ _Losing. Nothing terrifies me more than losing. I hate this. I was born to win.”_

 

„ _Oh... that's the reason you like sport so much?”_

 

„ _Yeah. But I must be a winner in every field.”_

 

„ _Even if...”_

 

„ _At any cost.”_

 

 

A drop of sweat rolled down his temple and he swallowed hard, tossing on the other side of his bed. He clenched his hand on the white sheet.

 

 

„ _Your parents won't accept who you are? Then what can I do? I don't think I'm able to change their minds, you know.”_

 

„ _I know, but... it would be easier. When I know that you will be there to support me. That might help.”_

 

„ _Are you sure?”_

 

„ _No... I'm not sure about it. I've never done anything like this. I don't know anything about coming out, but what I know is, if this will last any longer then I will get a citizenship of Narnia!”_

 

„ _Calm down, pretty boy. I get it. I just don't understand why you want me there. Wouldn't it be better, if it was your sister or this pathetic brother of yours?”_

 

„ _No... They probably won't take it well.”_

 

„ _What? That you're gay? You are, aren't you?”_

„ _Of course I am! The problem is, I don't know if they will support me. It's complicated. They have their own lives.”_

 

„ _But they're your siblings. They don't care about you?”_

 

„ _They do! They just... I don't know.”_

 

„ _And what exactly?”_

 

„ _I don't understand it! I'm always there to help them with everything but I don't feel like they would do the same for me. I can't realy rely on them. They always have something better to do. I love them to death and I would do anything for them. But I feel like they wouldn't give a damn if I've ever needed their help.”_

 

„ _Ouch. Aren't you a little bit harsh for them? You don't know this. But it doesn't really matter anymore. You have me. And I'm all for you.”_

 

„ _Thank you, Sebastian. You don't even know how happy I am that I can tell you everything.”_

 

„ _Of course you can. Go ahead, I'm all ears.”_

 

 

Alec frowned in his sleep.

 

„ _How did he die?”_

 

„ _His heart was too weak. The doctors said he wouldn't make it. There wasn't any hope. My parents could only pay a shitload of money for a treatment that led him to death anyway. But they did it. He lived only six months, though.”_

 

„ _You loved him.”_

 

„ _Of course I did. He was only a small, innocent baby.”_

 

„ _You were also a child.”_

 

„ _I was seven already. I could take care of myself or so I thought. My parents... they couldn't come to terms with his youngest kid's death.”_

 

„ _That's completely normal, I think? And how did you manage to survive this?”_

 

„ _I didn't. I still can't believe he's not with us. And I think my parents either. They became real assholes after all of that. I can't blame them but... for fuck's sake, they have three other children!”_

 

„ _But you're not kids anymore. Jace and Isabelle surely can...”_

 

„ _They can't! They're still alive because I am here to always do things for them. And I'm tired of being they second mother. They have never ever thanked me for anything. It's too much sometimes...”_

 

„ _Mhm. Take it off of your chest, Alec. You don't have to hide anything from me.”_

 

„ _Thank you. And I'm sorry... I shouldn't be doing this to you. You must be tired of hearing my whining.”_

 

„ _I'm honored to hearing your whining.”_

 

„ _Thank you.”_

 

„ _So what was his name?”_

„ _Max.”_

 

 

Alec's cheeks were stained from tears.

 

„ _You're amazing, Alec.”_

 

„ _You were hopeless.”_

 

„ _My sweety.”_

 

„ _Suck it, slut.”_

 

He woke up abruptly and sat on his bed. His breathing was fast and shallow. Tears were running down his face and he was covered in sweat. Alec shivered and then hid face in his palms. It was a restless sleep and he felt even worse when he woke up than when he cried himself to sleep. He slowly put his hands on the sheet and looked at the clock. It was too early to get up but also too late to go back to sleep. And Alec didn't want to sleep anymore. He dreamt of Sebastian. He remembered almost every conversation they had. Alec told him almost everything. Definitely too much. And now he was afraid. He just realised how many things Sebastian knew about him and his family. And how much of a nothing Alec knew about Sebastian. They needed to talk, immediately. He took his phone from the bedside table and chose Sebastian's number. Voicemail. Alec tossed his phone on the bed and then got up. He felt dizzy from all the stress, lack of sleep and food. And he was more than sure that he won't be able to eat anything that day as well.

He spent more than half an hour taking a cold shower. Then he dressed in his black jeans and t-shirt. He also put a black hoodie on. Yes, the best thing to be invisible.

 

\- Alec, come down for breakfast! - his mother called out and Alec gulped.

 

 _Shit... shit, shit, shit!_ He didn't even consider a possibility that his parents will be still at home. But he didn't have a choice. Alec had to face his parents but he also knew that he couldn't tell them what happened. They probably would kick him out of their house. And that still wouldn't be the worst part. Alec didn't even want to think how much they would be dissapointed in him. He took a deep breath and ruffled his hair. Alright, let's do this.

He entered the kitchen. His siblings and parents were there already, sitting down at the table.

 

\- You're late – stated his mother.

 

\- I'm sorry. I overslept – he came with a quick excuse and joined them.

 

\- Really? You do look like death – Jace eyed him but smiled. - Some wet dreams kept you awake?

 

\- Jace! - Maryse put her hand on the table. A little too hard.

 

\- Oh, come on! - he rolled his eyes and Isabelle chuckled.

 

\- You are so dumb, Jace. I almost feel sorry for you – Alec sighed and pour himself a cup of coffe. Jace snorted.

 

\- I agree that Jace is immature. But he's got a point, Alec. Are you okay? You don't look well.

 

\- Alec's sick – Izzy interrupted before he stuck her mouth with a scone.

 

\- You are? - Maryse put her hand on her son's forehead. - You're a little warm.

 

\- I'm okay – he put her hand away from his forehead and took a sip of coffe. - Just tired. But I'll manage.

 

\- I hope so. You can't miss school.

And then they were silent. Robert was reading a newspaper and the rest of them was eating. Alec forced a piece of toast down his still sore throat, knowing that he will be needing energy that day. Of course he would prefer to stay at home and never come back to school again. But it wasn't an option. His parents would never allow this. And he needed to explain all this sick situation with Sebastian. He was afraid. No. He was petrified from fear. It's not like this was a first time he was doing something against his will, though.

 

He drove them all to school. His sibling went to meet their friends and Alec spent another couple of minutes, getting ready to face this day. It was all so fucked up. He shouldn't be there. It was too early! But he had to.

Alec had hestitated before he pushed the door and entered the school corridor filled with people. They didn't seem to notice him so he quickly made his way to the classroom for his first lesson. His classmated didn't pay him much attention. They were glancing at him and whispering something but no one made anything obvious. He sighed in relief. One more hour of peace.

 

The history lesson was boring as always. After that he had math with the biggest bitch at school, mrs. Bellcourt. He even considered skipping this but she would probably kill him after so he forced himself to stay. Alec had luck this time. She chose some Blackthorn kid and let him be. When the lesson ended, Alec checked Sebastian's schedule. And went to meet him.

Sebastian was outside on the court with his friends Jonathan and Lilith. Alec hated them but wanted to talk to his already ex-boyfriend.

 

\- Excuse me. Sebastian, we need to talk – he started.

 

\- Oh, look who we got here! Alec, I don't think so. You have nothing to offer. Even that lesbian bitch Helen must be better at sucking than you – he had a grin on his face.

 

Alec looked at him with wide eyes, not believing what happened. He really hoped that Sebastian will be at least a bit sorry. He only needed that one word. But instead of that, he heard his and his friend's laughing.

 

\- Sebastian, cut this crap! We really need to talk. Can you leave us?

 

\- I like him – said Lilith. - Little bitch with sharp but unpracticed tongue.

 

\- Excuse me? - he blinked. - Watch your mouth. And I'm not talking to you! Sebastian, look at me!

 

\- He doesn't sound like a total pussy, Seb. Were you lying? - Jonathan put his hands on his hips.

 

\- Trust me, he is.

 

\- And yet, you still didn't fuck him – Lil rolled her eyes.

 

\- What?! - Alec yelled and then came closer to Sebastian. - What did you tell them?! What are you playing at! Talk to me, damnit! - he schook him but then Sebastian pushed him away and laughed again.

 

\- Oh my god, you're so stupid! You really thought that I liked you? Then you really are Jace's brother! - he frowned. - I despise you, little fag.

 

\- Wh-what...? - he looked like he was about to collapse. - B-but you... you acted...

 

\- Like I was a fag too? Yep, I did. And it makes me wanna barf! Dear Lord, you were so bad! Kissing you was like kissing a fish. And I'm glad I didn't fuck you. I could be damaged forever, if I did.

 

His cronies laughed hard.

 

\- H-how... how dare you talk to me like that?! I-I... you lied to me! All of this was fake! Why did you do that?! - he was at the verge of tears but he didn't let them show.

 

\- Because I always win – he shrugged. - We knew that something was wrong with the third Lightwood. We wanted to check, if you were just fucked up or gay. So we made a bet. It was supposed to be quick. My task was to take your poor virginity but you're such a virtue – he sighed heavily.

 

Alec couldn't believe in what he heard. It all was so awful. How could anyone come up with something so cruel? And why?

 

 

\- You almost did – stated Jonathan. - Well, blowjob is also sex. But still, you lost.

 

\- And you still own me for wasting my whole month with this little, boring whore.

 

\- Why...? - he asked weakly. - Why me? What did I do to you? - he looked at him. His blue eyes were so dull.

 

\- Because it was fun. But now it's over. You're worthless – he deadpanned.

 

\- How can you say that? You... you said you liked me. That... that I was... all you said was a lie...

 

\- Something special? - he laughed. - You must be kidding! You believed in that sappy shit? So now let me correct – he cleared his throat. - You are not special. You are nothing, Alec Lightwood. Look at you! A lonely, nerdy, ugly, boring, fat slut. No wonder your family gives no shit about you. You are nothing than disgrace, a manwhore!I lost because of you and you're going to pay for that – he frowned and clenched his fists.

 

 

Alec couldn't hold his tears any longer. They ran down his face in the middle of Sebastian's speech. He felt like he had been slapped. All of this turned to be a lie. And Sebastian was shameless enough to mention his family in front of his friends he knew Alec hated. He trusted him. And it all fired back at him. It hurt so bad. Alec didn't hear their laughs anymore. He ran away as fast as possible.

\- Woah. Sebby, you were a total bitch. Not that I don't like it... but you made that kid cry.

 

\- Don't act like a pussy, John! He deserved it.

 

He left them after that. Alec rushed to the bathroom and threw up his breakfast. He was exhausted and in so much pain. He couldn't calm down and wanted to go home. But it wasn't an option. His parents were there. And he prefered to face the school to confess the truth to his parents. He rinsed his face with cold water and took a deep breath. He had to go back for lessons. And pretend that nothing happened even if he wanted to stab himself with something sharp just to ease the psychic pain. He looked up his backpack and found paper scissors. He looked at the thing and then brought it to his other arm. But he had shaken off of that before he did anything stupid. He put it back to his pencil case and left the bathroom.

 

Until lunch break everything was fine. But then it all came to an end. Alec went outside to eat something. He wasn't really hungry but felt like he could drink some water and have an apple. But he needed a fresh air to help him keep the food in his stomach. That was the worst decision he could ever make. When he stepped outside, everybody burst out laughing. Alec wanted to run away but then someone pushed him further.

 

\- Get your hands off of me! - he struggled to free himself.

 

\- Don't act like you don't like this, little whore – Alec looked up at this strenger and recognised him immediately. It was a guy from the basketball team, Jon Cartwright. Couple inches higher than him.

 

\- Don't touch me! - he pushed him away. - And don't talk to me like that! You don't know me!

 

\- Everybody now knows Lightwood bitch. And that happened when we all thought that was Isabelle. You all must share slutty blood. What a surprise – he laughed.

 

And that was the moment when Alec couldn't take it any longer. They could make fun of him. But no one could insult Isabelle Lightwood and go away without a broken arm. Alec was furious. His ocean blue eyes narrowed and he didn't even know when his fist collided with that bastard's face. Everybody went silent and they only heard Jon's cries.

 

\- You fucking son of a bitch! You're going to pay for that! - he yelled and Alec thought that he would be needing a lot of money. A second person that day wanted him to pay.

 

Jon had punched him back before Alec could react. He tasted blood on his tongue and then someone came behind him and held him by his arms.

 

 

\- Congratulations, coward. Can't you do anything without your homies?! - he spat at him.

 

\- Soon you won't be so bold, pretty boy – he snarled and wanted to punch him again but then someone called out.

 

\- Stop that! - Jace pushed through the crowd. - What the hell are you doing?!

 

\- Let him go before I help you! - added Izzy who showed up right after Jace. - Did I stutter?! -she pushed the boy holding her brother away. He cursed but left.

 

 

Alec looked at his siblings. He was really grateful and relieved. But at the same time he knew that it was over.

 

\- Guys, it's okay. Really – he started but they hushed him.

 

\- No, before we know why this dick has touched you! - Izzy was really mad.

 

\- Oh, but he likes it – Sebastian came out of nowhere. Alec felt like dying. - I mean, the dick touching part.

 

\- What did you say?! - Jace frowned and gripped his shirt. - I'll punch your pretty face, if you say one word more!

 

\- But that's true. Don't you know? Oh... yeah, he didn't tell you. Well, Alec, will you? - he raised his brow and smirked, looking at Alec.

 

\- Sebastian, no... please, no – he looked back at him with pleading eyes. But Sebastian was pure evil and Alec's suffer amused him.

 

\- What no? 'No' to our relationship or 'no' to 'I'm gay' part?

 

Alec was speechless. He felt his blood rushing from his face, he was white as sheet.

 

\- What the hell?! My brother's not gay! - Jace gritted his teeth.

 

\- And even if he is, then he won't be with a douchebag like you! - added Izzy.

 

\- But I can show you. Yes, Alec. I've got that recorded. And... everybody at school either – he raised his hand with his phone and showed him the sent messages.

 

Jace let Sebastian go and looked at his brother. Alec shook his head but Jace didn't stop. He got the message from Sebastian. Izzy as well. They all watched Alec doing this horrible thing to Sebastian. His life was so over.

Izzy covered her mout with a hand and Jace couldn't believe in what he just saw. Then they both looked up at Alec, pure shock in their eyes.

 

\- Tell me it's not... - Izzy started but Jace interrupted her.

 

\- We're gonna talk about this at home. Now – he turned on his heel and headed down the pavement to get their car.

 

 

They followed. Sebastian was smirking the whole time and the whole school started to talk about the video Sebastian had sent them. If Alec thought that going to school that day was bad, then he didn't want to think about the next day.

When they got home, Jace led him to his room and then closed his doors. Their parents were busy downstair, so they could talk.

 

\- Why?! Why did you do this to us? You don't believe us?! Why didn't you tell us you are gay?! - Jace was all red from the anger. Alec has never seen him like this before and felt even more uncomfortable.

 

\- I-I wanted... I really wanted to! - Alec answered, his lower lip trembling. - But I couldn't. I was afraid you wouldn't accept that!

 

\- So you decided to trust Sebastian instead of us?! - this time it was Izzy who couldn't stay silent any longer. - We are your siblings!

 

\- And you prefered to trust a fucker like Sebastian! How could you, Alec?! You knew that he is my biggest enemy! And biggest scumbag on this planet!

 

\- And why did you do that at school?! Alec, for fuck's sake! Now everybody knows! You know what that means?! They'll destroy our lives!

 

They kept yelling like that for the next couple minutes and Alec didn't have time to answer any of that. He didn't want to either. They both yelled and were angry but not Jace nor Izzy asked him if he was okay or how he was feeling. They cared only about themselves.

 

\- Don't tell parents – was all he said. They didn't need to comfort him. But they could do this little bit, right?

 

\- You're a traitor, not my brother! - Jace finished and then left the room.

 

\- I'm so disappointed in you, Alec. We won't tell mom, but only because we're already ashamed and don't need her causing a ruckus at school!

 

„And dad wouldn't give a damn anyway” he added in his thoughts.

 

She left then. He was relieved and devastated at the same time. He lost his poor excuse of a boyfriend. Now he lost his siblings. He was scared of going back to school. It was only Jon today. But he knew that there will be more people like him. Maybe he should have used that scissors?

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Alec wasn't mistaken. The next day brought only pain and humiliation. He asked his parents to stay at home but of course they told him he was crazy. Of course, they didn't care how he felt. And what was even worse, Jace and Izzy haven't spoken to him at all. Jace was still furious and Isabelle was very dissapointed. She looked sad, though. Alec knew that he should have trusted her enough to tell her everything. But it wasn't so easy, was it? The victims of sexual abuse weren't so open with their problems. And Alec wasn't different. He was so ashamed he coluldn't even look in the mirror anymore. He still blamed himself that he believed in Sebastian's lies when he clearly had got a warning before. Sebastian was a manipulative, heartless bitch but Alec still didn't see his fault in all of this. He hated Sebastian for what he has done to him. But still the poor soul thought that all happened because he asked for this himself. He wanted to trust. He wanted to hear what Sebastian was telling him. He fell for it completely even if he was seeing the red lights. And now was time for consequences he had to accept. Because he deserved it. However, it still hurt. No one could prepare him for what he had to face the next day and the next weeks in his life.

 

„ **What are you doing here, fag?”**

 

„ **Looking for something, disgusting bitch?**

 

„ **You have guts coming back here. Wanna bang this time?”**

 

„ **Poor Jace. Now everyone's will be thinking he's a slutty fag too.”**

 

He decided to ignore it. Every word was like a slap, though. He was being insulted by people he didn't even know. Even by the school freaks who were all over the moon that the hatred has finally transfered to someone else. Oh, how much he missed those times when he was just a loser everybody didn't notice. He wanted to stay in the shadows. But it was a past now. He still had almost two years for that nightmare to finish and Alec wasn't so sure he would be able to survive it. Not after what happened that day.

Sebastian made sure to humiliate Alec in every field possible. He was telling lies and made up stories to every kid interested. And what really amazed Alec was, why the hell Sebastian wasn't in a situation like him? Why no one told anything to him? Was he really that better? No. He was the worst person ever. But people were afraid of him, so they went smoothly with the explanation of a bet to reveal real nature of the phantom Lightwood.

Alec wanted to just finish his lessons and go back home to his dark room, go to sleep and never wake up again. However, that would be just too easy. It was obvious that Alec Lightwood wasn't the only gay at school but he was the one people wanted to hurt. He didn't even suspect those teenagers to be such homophobes. But it soon became quite clear when the sport teams wanted to make sure that Alec won't infect anyone more with his gayness. Or what worse – he won't infect them. They should rather be afraid of their contagious stupidity but Alec wasn't the one to judge.

He was quiet during classes, wasn't being able to concentrate on any task. He was so stressed, his stomach hurt. But the pain became unbearable when he looked up the schedule and saw that the next lesson was PE. He cursed under his breath. Great. Just great. Alec went reluctantly to the locker-room and just as he stepped his foot there, he felt someone's hand on his shoulder. And then he was pinned to the wall, the rest of the jocks gathered around them.

 

\- I haven't finished with you – growled Jon. Alec gulped. He couldn't free himself from his grip. And even if, there was at least fifteen other idiots who wanted to do him the same.

 

\- Oh, spare the poor Alie-whore – Sebastian pushed through the crowd and joined Jon. He smiled to his former boyfriend and Alec felt sick. How could he care about this bastard?!

 

\- Don't you dare to talk to me! - he snarled. - That's all because of you!

 

\- Tsk, tsk – he clicked his tongue. - You're so wrong, dummy. It's only your fault. I didn't tell you to be a faggot. It was only a game and you played along. I don't feel guilty because you felt something. That's disgusting. You are disgusting. Just look at you. And then look back at me. You don't stand a chance.

 

Alec was furious. He treated their relationship like something special, something holy. He lied to his siblings because of Sebastian and now what? He lost them. He was left alone. All because of him! Sebastian deserved to be punished. But Alec wasn't a bad person. Nevertheless, he wasn't sorry for what he did. Adrenaline rushed through his vains. He pushed Jon away and with a swift movement, punched Sebastian right in the face. Sebastian stumbled back and put hand on his face, nose and lip bleeding. But when this demon looked at his hand covered in blood, he laughed.

 

\- I like this side of you, Alie-whore. But that's enough. Guys, let's show him what we think of such freaks of nature like him.

 

Alec was dumbfounded. Why did he laugh? He punched him hard, his own fist was almost bleeding! But he didn't have time to think about it as Jon suddenly punched him back in his stomach and he leaned forward.

 

\- Now you talk my language – Jon laughed with him. He and his cronies grabbed Alec and dragged him to the bathroom. - Let's see how filthy you are, slut.

 

He tried but all his efforts were fruitless. Alec was outnumbered and well... he was rather fragile compared to the sportsmen. He asked them to stop. Told him he did nothing to them. But they weren't listening. They were laughing, depriving Alec from his dignity.

 

 

When Alec got home after all those humiliating things they've done to him, he felt so empty. He went blindly to his room and shut the door behind him. Alec had no idea what he should do now. He collapsed on a chair and opened his laptop only to see that all his social media profiles were full of hater's comments. He had a lot messages on facebook. Luckily he blocked his wall couple months ago, so Izzy couldn't post him anything. And now he was grateful he did it. But still, lot of people he didn't know texted him.

 

„ **You're pretty. Wanna come over for a quick fuck?”**

 

„ **Don't worry. I don't find you disgusting. Quite the opposite! I would teach you a thing or two!”**

 

„ **Shame on you, stupid faggot.”**

 

„ **I'd love to see you on your knees with my friend in your mouth.”**

 

He stopped scrolling through the messages and opened the next cart to check his twitter. And that was even worse.

 

„ **Look and learn, filthy faggot.”** and next to that a link with some gay sex video.

 

„ **U r a disgrace to ur family, bitch.”**

 

„ **Omfg kill yourself already.”**

 

„ **Do me a favour and finish your pathetic life.”**

 

„ **World would be soooo much better without worthless people like you!”**

 

 

His heart clenched and he didn't even hestitate. He suspended his twitter account immediately and wanted to do the same with his facebook. Before he had done that, he got another message. A message from Sebastian. A link, actually, with smooching emoji. So he cliked on that and got on a page about... him. It was dreadful. There were photos of him. Or rather some young boys with his face photoshopped, doing all those things he refused to do with Sebastian. He felt just sick and tears ran down his face. How could they do that to him? This site had every data needed to know who Alec was. A name, surname, age, phone number, e-mail address. It must have been Sebastian's work. Alec wanted to call him and beg him to delete this when his phone rang. Unknown number. He knew what that could mean but picked up anyway.

 

\- Yes?

 

\- Am I speaking with Alec?

 

\- Yes?

 

\- How much you want for an hour?

 

\- Excuse me...?

 

\- How much for a fuck and how much for blowing?

 

\- Y-you must have chosen a wrong number, sorry. I'm hanging up.

 

He tossed his phone on the desk like it has just burnt him. His hands were shaking and he was crying. What did he do to deserve that? Why people hated him? Because he was gay? He was. But Alec was a pure angel, innocent soul. Why did they want him to be dead? He was overwhelmed with the pain. Alec went to the bathroom and tore the clothes from his body. He started the shower and put his forehead against the wall, letting water droplets to run down his body. He felt so bad that he couldn't breath. The water was hot. Too hot and soon his skin became red. But the physical pain helped him ease the internal pain. Still... it wasn't enough.

Alec finished taking his shower and put a towel around his waist. He opened the bathroom cabinet and threw out almost everything before he found an old razor. Alec liked art and used to made animal figures from clay. That was couple years ago but he kept the razor he used to draw details on his little masterpieces. And even if it was rusty and not clean at all, he didn't care. Alec put the blade on his shaky wrist and hestitated. He was so afraid. He didn't want to do that. But he couldn't stop. The pain was unbearable. So he made the first cut, gritting his teeth. It stang like a bitch and at the same time felt heavenly. So he made two more and when he finally calmed down, he put the razor at its place. Alec looked at his bloody wrist. It hurt but it was a good pain. However he knew that he couldn't exaggerate. It didn't matter how shitty his life became. He didn't wanna die. Yet.

 

 

\- Alec, dinner's ready! - he heard his mother calling out for him.

 

Alec used some old gauze to put on his wrist and then got dressed. He put a black, long sleeved sweater and a fake smile on. They couldn't know what was happening. Or rather Alec didn't want to see their ignorance and disappointment. Jace and Izzy definitely knew about the website and comments already. But they didn't speak to him anymore so he decided to leave them in peace and suffer alone. Because life taught him a lesson – never trust anyone. No one cares about your problems. They don't pity you. They're happy you're down.

 

\- You're ok? - asked his mother, giving him only a glance. His sibling didn't look up from their plates at him.

 

\- Yes, totally. It's just allergy – he sat next to Jace who brought his chair closer to Isabelle. As far away from Alec as he could.

 

\- It's almost winter - Maryse raised her brow but then shrugged and finished the topic. Well, he had red, puffy eyes so the description matched the explanation.

 

It was quite a long conversation for them. They started eating but Alec couldn't force himself to eat. He looked at the pasta and felt like throwing up.

 

„ _That's why no one cares about you, fat bitch!”_

 

Somewhere deep inside he knew he wasn't fat. But he wasn't an athlete either. So he was playing with his food, bringing it from the one side of plate to another to make the impression that some of the food was eaten. Then he excused himself. No one answered him. Alec came back to his room and locked the door, then looked at his phone. Almost thirty missed calls. All from unknown numbers. Alec turned off his phone and decided to try to fall asleep. The blood loss was really helpful. But it didn't stop the nightmares.

 

 

Almost two months have passed. Alec hoped that in a couple of days these people will get bored and let him be. But he was oh so wrong. The bullying became even worse. Everybody still called him names and insulted on every occasion. He was getting a beating every single day. He couldn't cross the corridor without anyone pushing him on the lockers. They put condoms on his desk and into his locker. They put ads on the bulletin boards with fake sex offers. And updated the site everyday. Alec stopped using his phone when the calls became bolder and more disgusting. It made him sick so he decided that he would throw his phone away. He didn't need that anymore anyway. First he deleted Sebastian's and other's numbers. If it only would be so easy in real life...

Alec's life became a living hell. He was being humiliated everyday for the past two whole months. And they still had new ideas how to destroy his life. They tried to drown him in the toilet more than once. They were throwing colourful coctails at him, shouting that his 'rainbow faggy community' doesn't like the colour black. And they always were doing that at the beggining of the day so then he had to sit in wet, cold clothes all day, feeling teacher's glares at him. And the teachers weren't so innocent either. Alec was always a great student and the teaching staff always liked him. But it changed when they heard the rumors and saw the video. They didn't help him with the bullying but also didn't call his parents. So he continued his silent screams for help. 

His grades were not so high anymore. He could barely sleep and eat, what's more learning! They always had meals together and still, no one noticed that Alec was leaving almost full plate everyday. His family couldn't notice that he lost on weight so much because he put more than one sweater to cover that up. Alec was still weak and white as sheet, dark circles under his eyes. But simple 'I'm fine' was enought to please them all. They only reacted after a call from school. His favourite teacher, mrs. Bellcourt also knew about everything and decided to join the others with making his life even worse. Alec wasn't a math genius but suddelny she demanded more from him than from the rest of the class.

 

„ _I realise you have very interesting hobby but even this occupation requires a knowledge of numbers.”_

 

He got some F's but didn't care about them. He even wanted them to call his parents, so maybe... just maybe they will pay him some attention and help him go through this. But he was wrong. Maryse and Robert were furious.

 

\- You're a disgrace! - his father shouted. - I've never got so many bad marks in my whole life! Are you stupid or what?!

 

\- Dad's right, Alec. You better start learning! You're a Lightwood ,so stop bringing shame to that name! You're dismissed. And don't even think about going to sleep tonight! You'll be learning hard! Understood?!

 

\- Yes ma'am... - he muttered. It wasn't much of a punishment. He couldn't sleep even if he wanted to.

 

He could really expect no more from them. But he still hoped they would ask what was wrong. It turned out that the only wrong thing was Alec himself. He started believing in all of the words they were saying.

 

„Pathetic, worthless, ugly, disgrace, fat, disgusting, stupid, slutty fag” he heard those words in his head all the time and couldn't get rid of them. They carved into his mind. And the next beating only confirmed them. He had bruises all over his body along with the red, unhealed cuts. He started doing this after the first day. It helped him with the pain and soon he couldn't stop. Alec cut his forearms, thigs, belly and wrists but he wasn't brave enough to cut them deeper and finish this nightmare. The cuts hurt and were slow to heal. Alec suspected that it must be a fault of the old, rusty razor but he was too tired to go and buy a new one. He didn't care if his wounds will get infected. In fact, it would be actually really helpful. The razor was his only friend. The only thing that he could talk to and the only thing that gave him comfort and helped with his pain. So he started bringing it to school. After washing the coctail stains from his clothes, he liked to make a fresh cut or two and get rid of the anxiously tension. No one knows. Or so he thought.

His sibling were silent for all the time. Alec tried to apologise, to explain but they didn't want to hear it. Jace still felt betrayed. So did Izzy. But she was his baby sister and lived with Alec from the day she was born. She loved him. And even if she was mad at him, she wasn't blind. Izzy saw a lot of times how people at school treated her brother but the anger was stronger. She wanted him to be punished for all the lies. But she soon realised that it was too much. They were doing this too long and the bullying was becoming worse everyday. Alec looked bad. She has never seen him like that. Alec has never cared about the fashion but he looked good anyway. And now his hair was dump, face gray and his beautiful eyes so dull that it scared the shit out of her. She understood finally that something bad was happening. And then she thought about Max. She lost one brother. And she couldn't lose another one no matter what he did. She had to talk to him.Alec must have understood that she was still a stupid teenage girl. She had no idea that Alec was suffering this much.

 

\- Alec – she found him near the entrance and came closer. Alec looked at his sister with wide eyes.

 

He knew that he was starving himself probably too long and that he cut a little bit too deep this time but still... was he hallucinating or what?

 

\- Izzy? - he asked weakly and blinked twice to make sure she was real.

 

\- Yes. Alec... Alec look... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you with all of this shit but please! Come back home with me today. Let's talk. I wanna hear your version and... - she stopped when Alec interrupted her with his laugh. But it was so bitter...

 

\- You're funny, Izzy! Why would you want to hear me out? Now? It's been over two months! You don't even look at me anymore.

 

\- Alec... - she raised her hands to her chest. - Alec please. I know I totally screwed up but please. I'm hopeless. But you are my brother. And I'm worried and sick of all those things they're doing to you.

 

\- You are sick? - he frowned. It annoyed him, really. She was not the one who had to face it everyday. But he was glad it wasn't her. - I would never let anyone do these things to you. And you were just watching. Why do you care now?

 

Izzy couldn't hold her tears anymore.

 

\- I am so sorry, Alec. Please, forgive me. I want us to get along again. I want to be your sister again. Please, Alec...

 

Alec's gaze softened. Izzy dissapointed him badly. But she was still his sister and he really missed her. He was afraid. Of course he was. But he loved her. If there was a one thing he was sure he wanted, then it definitely was Izzy and him together. And still, he was hestitant. The past few days were worse than the others. Sebastian has posted his address on the site so now he had to deal with horny strangers on his way home. He got almost raped yesterday. And almost commited suicide after that day. He couldn't promise anyone nor himself that he didn't want to finish what he had started. But Alec decided to give her a chance. To give himself a chance. He has lost everything already, so there was nothing left after all.

 

\- I want that too... - he said after a moment, tears glistening in his eyes.

 

Izzy threw herself at Alec and hugged him tight. Alec wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back. He didn't even know how much he needed another human's wamrth. He was just a step away from breaking completely. He stopped, though.

 

\- We're going to talk at home – she stepped away from him and smile slightly.

 

\- I still have lessons... and I can't miss them. Mom and dad...

 

\- After your lessons – she nodded. - But... what about Jace? You want him to talk with us too?

 

\- Yes... yes, I would love that – he tugged his sleeve down and look at his feet. - But he... he probably won't...

 

\- Nonsense. He wants that as well. Come on, big bro. You should start right now. I don't want you to be nervous for the rest of the day.

 

\- Yeah, you might be right. But... were is he?

 

\- Behind the school I think? He probably practises.

 

\- Okay, I'll go to him right away – he sighed and left.

 

\- I'm right behind you! - she called after him and went put her things in the locker.

 

Alec wasn't sure he was doing the right thing. Especially when he saw Jace and the rest of his team. And Sebastian. He gulped hard and panicked. No... no, no no... why? He wanted to run away but then Izzy joined him.

 

\- What are you waiting for? - she encouraged him and patted his back.

 

He nodded and slowly took a step forward. No one noticed his approach. No one but Sebastian. He smirked and cought the ball instead of passing it to his teammate.

 

\- Hey, Herondale – he called out and Alec stoped in his tracks.

 

\- What the hell you want again, fucker?! - Jace raised the net and walked under this to meet Sebastian.

 

\- Nothing. I just wanted to tell you that you, loser, are playing like your slutty bitch of a brother – he grinned and Alec's blood went cold.

 

\- Say that again! - he gripped his shirt. Alec didn't know if he should be happy or not. Was Jace defending Alec or himself?

 

\- But he's damn right – said next Seb's crony, Aldertree. - You saw what he did. He sucked Sebastian's dick like a pro. Maybe that what you're destined for as well? Because you've been playing like a lady lately.

 

Jace's face became red.

 

\- What did you just say?!

 

\- You heard – Raj joined them. - You missed the ball! I don't know what is distracting you so much. You wanna tell us something? Come out like that nerdy faggot? - he frowned.

 

\- Yeah, Jace. You might be gay as well. I think we are no more safe. The risk is too much to take if you are actually a fag. That would be awkward for all of us.

 

\- H-how dare you?! - Jace clenched his fists. - I've got a girlfriend!

 

\- And what if Fairchild is just a cover? - Aldertree rolled his eyes. - Let's vote. I think Jace shouldn't be one of us anymore. Who's with me?

 

He looked around and almost everyone raised their hands.

 

\- Looks like we've got a verdict. Bye bye, Jacey – Sebastian waved his hand.

 

\- No... - Jace really panicked. This team was everything to him. They couldn't kick him out!

 

\- We told you. No one gay allowed! - snarled Raj.

 

\- But I am not gay, for fuck's sake! - he shouted.

 

\- And how do we know you're not gay? - he tilted his head and glanced at Alec who was still standing couple steps away from all of them and was listening.

 

People didn't know Alec was there. And they, who knew, were silent. It was Sebastian's game after all. They all knew that. But there was one boy – Simon, who also noticed Alec. And tried to tell Jace using signs to shut the hell up. But Jace wasn't looking his way.

 

\- Because it's fucking disgusting! - he exclaimed. - I'm not gay because it's disgusting! - he said that again. Sebastian's smirk grew wider and Alec felt like he was slapped.

 

\- How can you say that? - Sebastian continued. - Shall I remind you that YOUR brother is gay?

 

Jace didn't have a choice. It was the last chance to stay in the team. It wasn't fair. But Alec wasn't there to hear it, was he? Well...

 

\- He's not my brother! - he stated loudly. - He's a filthy traitor! A liar! And gay! I have nothing to do with him! I'm adopted and free of that faggy disease! - he finished and looked with wide eyes at his teammates.

 

Isabelle gasped. Simon shook his head. Raj, Aldertree and almost the rest of the team laughed. And Sebastian started clapping.

 

\- What?! - Jace couldn't handle it anymore.

 

\- Oh, nothing. Why don't you ask him? - he pointed at Alec.

 

Jace turned around and when he saw the expression on Alec's face, he wanted to cry. Alec looked at him with wide eyes that showed all this pain he was feeling. He felt like Jace just stabbed his heart with a blunt knife. Nothing was hurting so badly as his words. Even Sebastian's cronies' beating wasn't so painful.

Alec couldn't control his tears. He forgot to breath. Isabelle covered her mouth, dumbfounded.

 

\- Oh my God... - Jace whispered. - Alec... Alec please, no... - he walked this way but it was too late.

 

Alec started running. He felt so empty, the pain suffocating him.

 

\- Alec wait! - Isabelle called after him and ran with Jace. She had a really bad feelings...

 

He ran into the bathroom. He closed the door and then leaned on a wall, panting heavily. He knew that Jace didn't accept him but he had no idea that he hated him so much. Alec loved him to the death. And now he knew that all of this was fake. That all of his life was a one big lie. A painful life. And he hadn't had any strenght left. He took the razor with his shaky hands and this time he didn't hestitate. Alec put the sharp metal on his wrist and then slashed deep. He winced but didn't stop. He was exhausted and wanted this all to stop. No one loved him. No one wanted him there. Even Izzy lied, wanting Alec only to hear those awful things Jace was talking about him.

Blood poured on the floor and he felt dizzy. He threw the razor into the sink and rolled sleeves down when he heard someone outside the door. He thought it was Jace and Izzy but he was wrong. The football jocks noticed him running to the bathroom and wanted to have a little chat. They opened the door without much effort.

 

\- Hello there. Come with us. We have something to show you – Jon pushed him toward the door and Alec walked. He didn't care anymore, starting slowly to seeing black spots. They saw him acting weird.

 

\- Don't fall asleep here, faggot! - Nathaniel gripped his shirt and then threw Alec on the lockers. But it didn't work. - I'm talkin to you! - he lost his temper and hit the lockers with Alec again.

 

That was enough for the poor angel. He hit his head hard and felt so dizzy. Alec closed his eyes deciding to rest a bit. The last thing he remembered was his sister shouting his name.

 

\- Alec! - she rushed through the gathered crowd, Jace right behind her. - Let him go! - she screamed, panicked.

 

Nathaniel blinked. He didn't know what just happened.

 

\- Fuck off. I'm not finish with this... - he didn't get to finish his sentence because Izzy punched him so hard, she broke his nose.

 

Nat screamed in pain. But his friends made place for Isabelle, clearly scared of her.

 

\- Alec! - he shook him slightly. - Alec, please! Alec, wake up! - she was at the verge of tears.

 

\- Alec, buddy, please – Jace was now kneeling right next to him. - Please, open your eyes, Alec! I'm... - he took his hand and felt something wet. When he looked at his own palm covered in red liquid, his heart stopped for a minute. - Alec, no! - he screamed, frightened.

 

\- Oh my God... - Izzy started crying when she saw the blood. - Call the fucking ambulance! What are you waiting for?! Do this! Alec, don't you dare to leave us! Alec!

 

They were panicking, people were whispering and recording all the situation on their phones. And Simon called the ambulance immediately. They had to wait ten minutes. Ten longest minutes in their lives. Teachers came there with the principal Woolsey, hearing the noises. It was obvious that it wasn't a game anymore. Soon parents Lightwood would know. And the games will have new, different rules.

The paramedics were on time and acted quickly.

 

\- What has happened? - a tall, dark haired man with beautiful blue eyes appeared out of nowhere. - Is he breathing?!

 

\- He is. Barely... Please, help my brother, please – Izzy couldn't stop crying. She was so scared and felt so guilty it almost hurt.

 

Jace was speechless. He knew it was all his fault. The paramedic doctor, Will, checked Alec's vital functions and cursed under his breath.

 

\- Bring the stretcher! We're taking him to the hospital, we have a suicide attempt! - he called out to his partners who started their work without a word, putting an oxygen mask on Alec's face and setting up a drip in master time.

 

\- Where are you taking him? - asked Izzy.

 

\- Beth Israel Hospital – Will answered and then left with Alec and the rest of his team.

 

The crowd became silent. They were all scared. Of course they had fun torturing Alec. But now it wasn't fun. Now was time for consequences. And they were all guilty.

 

 

Isabelle called her mother and said what happened. Jace hasn't spoken a word since they took Alec.

 

\- Yes, mom. Beth Israel Hospital. Yes, we're taking a taxi! Please, go there! Please, mom... I'm so scared – she hung up and then called for the taxi. - Jace, for the love of god, say something!

 

\- It's my fault, Izzy... I almost killed him... - he whispered, tears in his eyes.

 

\- No... we almost killed him...

 

 

Alec was taken to the hospital. He was still unconscious when they got there. Will took him to the ED where his friend Raphael had a duty that day.

 

\- What do we got here? - he asked when the paramedics put Alec from the stretcher to the bed.

 

\- Suicide attempt. We gave him some saline on our way here and patched those wrists up. But the rest is up to you, Raph.

 

\- Yeah, leave it to me - he put on his gloves and took a look at Alec's bloody wrists and hen rolled up his sweater. He cursed when he sąw his bruises. - Will.

 

\- Yes? Oh dude, that looks fucking painful! - he flinched.

 

\- No shit – Raph rolled his eyes.

 

\- Can you help that kid?

 

\- I'm a doctor, you dumb idiot. Of course I can and I will. Nurse, blood tests for everything, including a blood type. When you get the results, get the blood matching his type. And check his vitals again. Thank you – the nurses nodded and rushed to carry out their orders. - Will.

 

\- Yes, again? - Will sighed.

 

\- Call that freak and let him know that he'll have a new patient. That kid needs him more than these stitches.

 

\- Roger.

 

Alec needed stitches, a drip with blood and painkillers. And a hell lot of rest. But Raphael already made sure that he won't be resting on that ward. He needed a special treatment no one here could give gim. He could despise this human, but he was the boy's last hope. And no ones dies on Raphael's watch.

 

 

\- Yes, William? How can my magnificent self help you today?

 

\- Magnus, we have a suicidal kid right here. Teenage boy. Your type even, I think.

 

\- Bring him here.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read please! 
> 
> I'm a nursing student so I know how the hospitals work, etc. However, english is not my native language. I don't know every name of every medicine and equipment in this language and I don't know if the meds have the same names... but I'm doing my best in finding the right translations. Thank you for understanding :)  
> If you find any mistakes, just let me know! It's very important for me. 
> 
> ____
> 
> Finally! Mr. Magnificent appeared in glittery doctor's coat. Hope you enjoyed reading this :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear Lord, you guys are insane! Thank you for all the supportive comments and kudos. It means a lot and I'm supper happy! :) 
> 
> Here's the new chapter, folks! Some medical shit but I love it. I'm sorry in advance if any of the translation isn't correct. Let me know if you find any! 
> 
> Enjoy!

Raphael was left at the ED with unconscious Alec. Firstly, he used the curtains to shield them from other patients and then called for another nurse. Alec's wrists were bloody, so he told her to put a cannula on the inside of the boy's elbow since the first Will's collegue made wasn't the best. When Alec's sweater and pants were taken off of him, Raphael frowned.

 

\- Oh shit – cursed Amatis, the needle slipped from her hand, when she saw all the bruises. They were quite colourful. Different shades of gray, blue and yellow.

 

\- Careful – Raph sighed and rolled his eyes. - You're very clumsy for a qualified nurse, you know? Now, stop fucking staring! - he snarled.

 

\- Don't boss me around, Raphie – she glared at him but did what he told her.

 

He was a cardiologist but for a weird reasons he was stuck at ED. He wasn't complaining, though. The payment was really good. But he hated being there. When he saw so young people destroyed like Alec, he wanted to find the one that led him to this and kick his ass. This kid definitely didn't hurt himself because he wanted. The bruises were made by someone, not him himself. And the cuts... they were chaotic. Alec's wrists and forearms had old, healed scars and the new bloody ones. But it started from them. Then his thighs, belly... that kid was so desperate. He was cutting everywhere, screaming for someone to notice, to help him.

 

\- Amatis, when his family arrives, first thing you do is to call me – he ordered, putting new gloves, then took a gauze and needle from her.

 

She just nodded. She knew that face. Raphael was furious and so was she. That kid was so pretty and young. But his body told her everything she needed to know what he must have gone through. He was beaten, aching and so thin... She noticed the outline of his ribs and swallowed hard. Amatis could count them easily from the place she was standing and she felt so helpless. She was a nurse. Raphael was a doctor. They both were great. But still, they couldn't do much for this child. In a situations like this, even as intelligent people as them questioned their proffesions.

Raphael stitched up his wrists and gave him a drip with blood when it finally arrived. Alec woke up for a moment and vomitted all content of his stomach. It was almost nothing but still. Raphael told the nurses not to wait anymore. So they took him for a CT. Doctor Santiago couldn't do anything more. He had to wait for all the results, even if it was a massive pain in the ass. He sighed and walked to his office to have some coffe. He felt like he could use something stronger but he still had couple of hours to spend at work. He hated his life sometimes.

 

 

Isabelle and Jace took the cab to get to the hospital. They arrived at the same time as their parents. Maryse looked scared and shocked. And Robert... he looked rather uncomfortable and nervous. Like always.

 

\- What happened?! How? - called Maryse. - Why is Alec at hospital? - she looked at Izzy then at Jace.

 

They both looked down, tears in their eyes. They felt so guilty, so ashamed. But now it was just too late. They could try apologising later. For now, they had to think, at least one time, of Alec.

 

\- It's my fault... - whispered Jace and finally looked up at his adoptive parents. - I'll explain everything later...

 

\- We will. But now, please mom. Please, let's see how Alec is doing.

 

\- Yes... let's go – she nodded.

 

Of course Maryse wanted to know what happened. But Isabelle was right. They needed to talk to the doctor first. She was already worried when her daughter called and said that Alec fainted and was taken to the hospital. She didn't know the details but Izzy was panicked. And that was enough for her to stop everything she was doing and make Robert do the same. Hospitals were a tabu for Maryse Lightwood. She felt so weak when she entered that building, all memories coming back to her. She spent there over six months. The last two months of her pregnancy and six months after giving a birth to her baby boy. Only to hear that she will lose him soon and the baby will suffer all his short life. It was a nightmare that destroyed the caring woman and made her a cold, strict bitch. She loved her other children. But has never come to terms with Max's death.

Since Izzy didn't tell her mom the reason Alec was taken to the hospital, a milion thoughts were coming through her mind. She was scared that Alec may be sick too. That she could lose him. Well, she could. But she could avoid this. If she only wanted to listen...

They came to the reception-unit of the ED and Maryse walked to the receptionis to ask about Alec. Robert sat on the chair and looked through his phone. Jace and Izzy were pacing back and forth, couldn't calm down.

 

\- Yes, Alexander Lightwood. They brought him here and hour ago – she explained to the nice lady who smiled back at her.

 

\- Right. Doctor Santiago is taking care of your son. He's on his break now.

 

\- I want to talkt to him. Where can I find him?

 

\- In his office, I think. Down the first corridor, last door on the right.

 

\- Thank you.

 

She almost ran there. Jace and Izzy after her. Only Robert didn't panick. He was rather upset at this moment. He could be at work now but his son had to come up with something, as always. Robert also changed after Max's death but he was even worse than his wife. He demanded everything from his children, especially from Alec since he was his oldest son and a heir of his company. No, he didn't ask Alec if he wanted this. He was more than sure about it. So he couldn't understand why his son was wasting time being at hospital instead of school when he was supposed to learn hard for his future role! But Robert wasn't so stupid. He knew perfectly well that saying anything about work to Maryse would be like asking for slow, painful death. So he came after them.

Raphael was sitting in his office with Amatis, sipping his coffe. They got along rather well so they spent their breaks together. They never talked much. But this time they didn't even say a word, thinking about Alec. Amatis wasn't a doctor and she couldn't decide what will happen with Alec. But she trusted Raphael and knew that he won't harm this boy more. They put their cups on a desk, when they heard knocking on the door.

 

\- Yes? How can I help you? - asked Raphael, eyeing his guests. He suspected who they were but let them talk.

 

\- Doctor Santiago? - she asked and Raph nodded. - I'm Maryse Lightwood. I'm Alec's mother. The receptionist told me you were taking care of him. What's with him? Where is he? - she asked too much questions for Raphael's liking.

 

He wanted to scream at her. He wanted to slap her and call her a fucking mother of the year. But it would be higly unprofessional and even if his boss Luke was a nice guy, he wouldn't tolerate such behaviour. So he took a deep breath and maintained his composure.

 

\- Yes, indeed. Alec's stable. I just got his results and I'm not going to lie to you. They are bad. Really bad. But I don't think that a corridor is a good place to discuss such things, isn't it? Please, come in. Amatis, can you leave us? - he let them enter his office. Amatis looked at Raphael and left without a word.

 

Maryse was already white as sheet. The doctor wasn't content with Alec's results and was taking too long to explain everything! She sat on a chair and the rest of them stood behind her. They were all breathing hard. Jace and Izzy already knew and were horrified but they knew that with the moment Maryse will know everything, it all will become even more hellish. But it was all for Alec. And they already have messed up enough.

 

\- What's with him? - she asked again. - What's with the results? I know that Alec learns a lot lately but a lack of sleep shouldn't cause him so much harm! - she stated.

 

Raphael raised his brows and counted down from five to zero to calm himself. He was just step away from hitting that woman.

 

\- So, you didn't notice anything weird happening with Alec lately, mrs. Lightwood? - he asked, wanting to prove his argument.

 

\- Weird? - Robert spoke for the first time. - My son's not weird! How dare you insult him?!

 

\- Robert, shut up! - Maryse growled but hushed her husband.

 

The doctor frowned and took a deep breath.

 

\- I'm not saying he is weird. I'm trying to get to the point, but if you are going to shout and interrupt me, then I must ask you to leave, sir – he said politely. So politely he was almost proud of himself.

 

\- No, he won't say a word again – promised Maryse and glanced at Robert who just nodded. - And to answer your question, no. I... I didn't see anything strange. You see, my son is rather guiet child. Very ambitious but not very talkative. But... why do you want to know that? You were saying something about his results, doctor. What is with him?

 

\- Well, I'm asking because his behaviour is strictly connected to these results – he took the paper and started reading. - Low blood pressure, very low pulse, blood glucose level is too low – he rubbed his eyes. - Anemia, sleep-deprived, severe malnutrition and what's more, all his body is covered in cuts and bruises. So, you still are gonna say that you didn't notice anything? - he put the paper back at his desk and looked at them.

 

They all were left speechless. The siblings were crying, Robert mouth hung open and Maryse had tears stains on her cheeks. She didn't say anything for couple of minutes and when she digested what she just heard, she looked at her children, anger and fear in her eyes.

 

\- What does it mean?! What did Alec do?! - he yelled and then turned her gaze on Raphael. - I...I swear I didn't know! He can't be malnourished! I cook everyday. He always eats with us!

 

\- His blood doesn't lie, mrs. Lightwood. You didn't notice that he barealy ate anything? - he raised his brow.

 

Maryse felt cold. She realised that she was throwing out almost all plates of food but never really thought about that. Since now. She shook her head and didn't say anything.

 

\- And what with the bruises? I'm gonna ask directly... do you beat your son? - he asked and second later they all raised their voices.

 

\- No! - they yelled in unison and Raphael had to count again.

 

\- So? How can you explain the bruises? I need to call a social care and police. Sorry, but I can't trust you only with words.

 

They all were frightened. Maryse and Robert weren't best parents ever but they didn't want them to take Alec away and then supervise them. And it would be such a shame for they family.

 

\- It's not mom and dad – said Isabelle. - It's... Alec has been bullied the past two month. People at schoold did this to him – she hid her face in her hands.

 

\- What?! - Robert roared. - And you didn't say anything?! Jace! - he looked at him.

 

\- I'm... I'm so sorry... - he bit his lower lip.

 

\- We'll be talking about this at home – Maryse looked back at Raphael. - Will he be okay?

 

\- Physically? Yes, I've already stitched up his wrists, stopped the bleeding, given him medicines and vitamines. So yeah, he will be back on his feet in a couple of days. However... mentally it doesn't look so good.

 

\- What do you mean? - she gasped and the rest of them concentrated on the doctor.

 

\- What I mean is... Alexander is sick. He is dangerous for himself. Your son has been self-harming for couple of weeks. He's starving himself and tried to commit a suicide – he stopped when he saw their faces. Marys looked like she has been slapped. - Oh, so you didn't know. Alexander tried to take his life. The cuts on his wrists were really deep. He would bleed out to death if the paramedics didn't get there on time. So... I can't let him go home.

 

\- What do you mean? - it was Robert this time with a big frown on his face. He was already furious that Raphael threatened them with a social care.

 

\- Alexander needs to be hospitalized. But not here. We need to transfer him to a psychiatric ward. We have w whole, big wing here in this hospital. Don't worry, it's like a small building and it's only for children. Since he is stil seventeen, he can't be hospitalized with adults with severe illnesses. He will be staying there with children like him. With problems like self-harm and eating disorders. He will get a proper treatment and psychoterapy. We will also put him to his weigh before he stopped eating. I just need your sign here – he got a card from his drawer.

 

They didn't move. It couldn't be happening. Jace and Izzy were crying, knowing that it was all their fault that their brother had to spend who knows how much time in a hospital for freaks. Maryse was shaking and Robert was upset as hell.

 

\- No fucking way! My son is not some kind of a damn psycho! Say one more word again and I will sue you! - he shouted but Raphael wasn't listening to him.

 

Raph passed the card over to Maryse. She took a pen and without a word signed the paper.

 

\- What the fuck, Maryse?! - he put a hand on her shoulder but she swatted it away.

 

\- I'm not losing another child – she gritted her teeth.

 

\- Thank you – said Raphael and stood from his chair. - I can't let you see Alexander today, though. I'm sorry but you need to go back home and come tomorrow. You can visit him tomorrow on psychiatric ward. Excuse me – he took the card and left his office.

 

He had had enough of the Lightwoods. They were so ignorant he couldn't stand them. He really felt sorry for Alec. No one deserved a family like this.

 

The Lightwoods got back home. They didn't speak a word on the way home. They were all overwhelmed by what they heard. Jace knew that he screwed up but he had no idea that he led his brother to this point. Izzy thought the same. She wanted Alec to pay for his lies but not in this way. She had no idea that bullying could lead to that. But well, she didn't know even half of the things they were doing to Alec. Maryse felt so empty. She was a mother but she let down her child when he needed her the most. Robert on the other hand was just mad. He didn't understand what was this fuss all about. Alec should come back home and man up! Laying in bed won't make him anything good.

 

\- Tell me. Everything – Maryse said when they were all in the living room. - How long? And why?

 

\- Mom... please, sit down – Izzy sighed heavily.

 

They should have told her much earlier and save Alec from the cruelty of this world. But they were doing this know when he was already broken. But... maybe... just maybe... they still could fix him?

Jace and Isabelle told Maryse and Robert everything they knew. They had to tell Alec's secret and reveal his sexuality. Robert was disgusted, Maryse shocked. But they let them talk. They wanted to know everything. And so they did.

Izzy told them about Sebastian and the bullying, Jace told them about the insults and beating. It wasn't easy talking to their mother about Alec's sexual activities but it was crucial in all this story. The worst part was when they had to confess that they've done nothing to help Alec. But Maryse couldn't judge them. She wasn't any better.

They all spent the whole night in the living room, crying silently. Raphael told them bluntly not to come that day anymore so they had to stay at home and fight with their thoughts and guilt. But it still wasn't enough to feel any better.

When the Sun rose up, Maryse couldn't take it any longer. She had puffy, red eyes and it wasn't caused by the allergy. She felt so stupid, so bad and useless. She stood up and stormed to Alec's room, followed soon by the rest of her family. Maryse opened the closet and took out a bag. Then she started to putting clothes in it.

 

\- We're going to do some shopping on our way to hospital. This blanket is too old. He needs a new toothbrush as well. Does Alec like oranges? Should we buy him slippers? - she was asking a question after a question till Robert came to her and held her hands, stopping her from this paranoia.

 

\- Maryse, take it easy. He won't stay there forever. Alec's not a freak. They'll just cure him from this being gay and everything will be fine again. He's not a child. It will only help him man up – he smiled but his smile didn't last long.

 

Smack. It was all they heard when Maryse slapped her husband. Hard. She was burning with anger. Robert looked at her, pure shock in his eyes.

 

\- Shut up! - she had exclaimed before he could say anything. - Are you really that fucking blind?! It's all our fault! He was hurting! He desperatedly wanted to take it all off of his chest and we've done nothing to help him! Fucking nothing! We weren't there for him. We've left him all alone to deal with this shit and why? Because we devoted our lives to our jobs! We're parents, Robert, for fuck's sake! And we've srewed up... so badly. My little baby boy is in the hospital because I'm a poor excuse of a mother. I didn't notice his screams for help! Neither any of us. It's all our fault – she wiped her eyes. - I don't care if he's gay or a fairy. He's my son. And I'm finally going to be a mother for him. And if you don't accept him the way he is, then we have nothing to talk about! - she was panting heavily but didn't stop. She packed the rest of Alec's stuff and gave the bag to Jace.

 

\- Mom, I... - he stuttered. - I know you hate me. I hate myself too. But I wasn't speaking the truth. I love Alec and I want to help.

 

\- We all screwed up – added Izzy. - But I wanna try to regain his trust. Even if he will push me away... I wanna try.

 

\- It all depends on him. But we will never know until we talk with him – she sighed heavily. - Robert? You're coming with us?

 

\- No. I'm good. I'll stay here.

 

So they left without him. On their way to the hospital, they stopped and went to the market to buy Alec all things needed. But she still didn't know that clean pajamas wasn't something Alec needed the most to recover.

 

 

The sunrays went through the window and landed on Alec's pale, sleeping face. He stirred in his sleep and then slowly opened his eyes. It hurt at first but soon his eyes got used to the bright light. But when his consciousness came back, he realised that he had no idea where he was. He sat up abruptly and winced when his head throbbed with pain and he felt nauseous. He sat like that for a couple of minutes and then put a hand on his forehead. And then he saw it. He had a plaster on the inside of his left elbow and a cable attached to it. It led to a drip bag. Alec felt shivers running down his spine and then looked at his other arm where he had a hospital band with numbers written on it. He ran his fingertips down the bandages and then looked around. The room he was in was completely white. The walls were bare and white as fresh snow. The smell of antiseptic was horrible. Everything hurt and was a bit blurred. And then the memories came back.

He remembered what happened the day before. Jace's words and the cutting. So they rescued him. He was in a hospital. And he started to panic when he realised that. Alec lied to Sebastian about one thing. His biggest fear wasn't spiders. It was the hospital he feared the most. It wasn't his fault. He was only seven when a hospital became his second home. Robert and Isabelle were not staying days and nights by Max's hospital bed. It was Marys and Alec who almost moved there just to be closer to this little, poor baby. Alec was a perfect big brother. He loved taking care of Izzy and was really happy when his mother announced him that he will have a little brother. He loved Max till that day and even was crossing out the numbers in calendar, waiting for Max's arrival. So when he heard that his so awaited brother will be gone in couple of months, he just lost all his happiness. Alec refused to go back home, deciding to stay with Max and keep him company. He was reading him stories and made plans of what they're gonna do when Max will recover. He didn't want Max to be afraid. But even his efforts couldn't help this small angel. His heart was giving up and there was no one who could help him. But Alec hoped for the good ending until the last second and visited him everyday. It was very sweet and very mature for a child this age. But it was also really cruel to let him see his baby brother when he was so severly ill. Alec watched him suffer. He saw him fighting for every breath. He heard his cries. He saw the bloody bruises after too thick needles the nurses were putting into his small arms and legs. It all was coming back to him in his nightmares and never stopped. It carved in his mind. Hospitals meant only pain and death. And even if Alec was already in pain and wanted die, he didn't want to die in a place like this! He wanted to say goodbye to this world in a nice, cosy place, with a smile on his face, not in a sad place like that!

He wanted to get out of there immediately. Alec tore out the cannula and winced. It hurt more than he thought. His blood stained the white, scratchy sheets. But he didn't care. He stood on the floor, his feet bare and shivered, swaying a little. He put a hand on a wall to stedy himself and then decided to leave. Alec made his way to the door and then realised that he was in a hospital gown that looked like a dress. But he was too humiliated already to really think about it. He opened the door and looked around the corridor. It was empty at this moment. He took his time and looked at the walls. They were painted more friendly. Yellow, blue and light orange. They had also some paintings made with sharpies and crayons. Definitely children's work. But Alec didn't understand why he was on a pediatric ward. He wasn't a little kid anymore!

When he decided where the door should be, he rushed down the corridor. All the rooms were closed so he thanked his luck and ran faster. But it wasn't so easy to find the exit. The ward was bigger than he previously thought. He didn't know that he was in a small, psychiatric hospital. He felt anxious all of a sudden. Alec was trapped there. They wanted to experiment on him and kill him like they used to kill small babies! He couldn't allow this. So he turned to the next corridor and ran.

 

 

 

\- I'm telling you, Jem, I hate my life. Who came up with such a stupid idea like working on this inhuman hours?! It's six in the morning for the love of glitter – he threw his arms in the air and pouted.

 

\- You should have listened to me, Magnus. You stayed up late again, it's only your fault. So stop whining - he sighed but smiled after that. He loved working with Magnus. It was always fun even if their job wasn't easy.

 

\- How dare you?! I was doing something really important! It couldn't wait, it would be a deadly sin to choose a sleep over this!

 

\- And what is „this” this time, Magnus?

 

\- Cute cats videos. Did you know that youtube is full of... waah! - he squeled suddenly.

 

 

Alec was running, not wanting to be cought. So when he heard the door opening, he looked back to make sure that no one saw him. And he didn't notice that he ran in another corridor which wasn't empty as the others and collided with something hard and noisy.

It was too late for Alec to stop. Magnus lost his balanced and fell on the floor with a loud thud and Alec collapsed on him. Well... at least it didn't hurt so bad. At least not Alec. Magnus cried dramatically.

 

\- Why world?! Why you hat... - he bit his tongue when he opened his eyes and saw this clumsy runner.

 

Alec slowly opened his eyes and then Magnus gasped. Magnus saw a man so beautiful he couldn't believe it wasn't a hallucination caused by the fall. This boy had raven black hair, his lashes were long and thick, his skin pure from any imperfections, pale and flushed from the running. He was gorgeous. But his eyes. Yes, his eyes were just hipnotizing. A shade of blue he has never seen in his life.

 

\- Wait, world. I've changed my mind. You're the best! - he called out and that was this mistake.

 

The blue-eyed boy stood up immediately, leaving Magnus on the floor and he backed up to the wall. Jem helped Magnus get up to his feet and then they looked at each other. They knew who Alec was. Their new patient. Victim of abuse and failed suicide attempt. They looked at Alec and saw how terified he was. He seemed to not see anything.

 

\- Hey, calm down – it was Jem who started. He was so gentle and his voice so soft. - We are not going to hurt you, Alec. We're here to help you. You don't have to be afraid of us. We're friends. See? I'm doctor James – he came closer and offered him his hand.

 

Alec eyed him from head to toes. He didn't look harmful but he didn't trust anyone anymore. He swatted his hand away and used the moment of Jem's distraction to push him away. It was Jem's turn to say hello to good friend floor. And Alec started to run again.

Magnus left James where he was, knowing that he will be fine. And he ran after Alec. He knew he shouldn't be doing that. It was the worst idea. He could only scare the boy away and it wasn't the best way to gain someone's trust. But he didn't have a choice. Alec would definitely put himself in danger if Magnus didn't stop him. Luckily, the younger man didn't know where he was going so he soon reached a dead end. He pressed his back to the wall and shook his head.

 

\- Don't come near me! Stay there! - he shouted and Magnus stopped right on his tracks.

 

\- Hey, don't be like that! Some kids are still sleeping, we shoudn't be so noisy – he sighed and then grinned. - Look, I'm not going to hurt you or do anything you don't want to, ok? I just wanna talk to you. I promise.

 

\- I don't fucking believe you – he growled. Oh, he know those promises so well...

 

\- I know. You don't have any reasons to believe me. If I were you, I would definitely not believe me – he laughed lightly and Alec must have to admit that it wasn't an unpleasant sound. - Let's have some tea and a little chat, hmm? That's all I'm asking for – he had to try, no matter how long it would take him.

 

\- A tea and chat don'tt need the syringe's company – Alec frowned, looking at Magnus' coat pocket with outlined syringe. He hated those little fuckers.

"Fuck. The kid's smart" - he thought.

 

\- Where am I? And why am I here? And who the hell are you? - he didn't care he was rude. He had a damn right! They kept him there against his will!

 

\- I will answer all your questions but in my office. You're barefoot and I don't think you wanna catch a cold standing here. But I can tell you who I am. I'm doctor Bane. But call me Magnus, please – he smiled and slowly make a step forward to Alec. He reached his hand.

 

Alec looked at his hand and then at him. He was... weird. His dark hair was spiked up with a pink strand on his fringe. His shirt was purple and sparkly, so was his pants. Black but tight. The doctor's coat was white and quite normal. Wait a minute... was it glitter on his eyelids?! And why was he so handsome with this sparkly shit on his face? Yes, Alec didn't want to but had to admit that this doctor was really something. But still, he was a doctor. The next person to hurt him.

 

\- Are you really a doctor? - he raised his brow.

 

\- Yes. Why? - he smiled.

 

\- Because you look like a freak – he stated bluntly.

 

\- Hey! - Magnus made a hurt expression. - I'm not the one wearing a hospital gown, young man! You children have no such thing as fashion sense these days – he clicked his tongue.

 

Alec looked at him for a moment longer and then sighed, defeated.

 

\- Where's that tea?

 

Ten points to the Magnificent Doctor Bane, bitches.

 

 

Magnus kept his promise and didn't touch Alec. He took him to his office and made him tea. Alec took the cup and blew at the steam before taking a sip. He was cold and still wanted to get away. But he didn't stand a chance with Magnus. So he decided to use him in learning the way out. But first he wanted answers.

Alec was shocked when he heard that he was on a psychiatric ward. Oh sweet. First they made a slut out of him and now a psycho! He didn't even want to hear the rest of the explanation. Neither let them treat him! They didn't have rights to do that! He was furious.

 

\- Alec, please, calm down. I know it may be hard to understand but you must know that we're not doing this because it's your punishment. We're here to help you get better. Just let us – he smiled politely.

 

But Alec wasn't so easy to fool again. He threw the cup at the nearest wall.

 

\- I'm not a freak! - he yelled and realised that he had just acted like a total freak but he didn't care. They destroyed his death and still wanted to continue making his life a hell.

 

He ran through the door but stopped when he saw his 'family' standing right next to him. They looked so tired, so weak. So... guilty? Alec didn't know. Everything he knew was the feeling of pain and panic. He was scared of them. They put him there! They wanted to get rid of him because he was damaged!

 

\- Oh, my baby boy – Maryse came closer but Alec took a step back. The hurt in her eyes was visible. - Alec, sweetheart. It's me.

 

\- Don't talk to me like I'd lost my mind! - he growled. - I know it's you. And I don't fucking care! Don't touch me! - he clenched his fists and took another step back. He wanted to run away but he didn't know how!

 

\- Alec, let us talk to you. We want to help you – Jace took a step forward and looked at Alec, reaching out his hand. Like Alec was some kind of scared pet.

 

He didn't know what but something broke in him when he saw Jace with his pleading eyes and fake smile.

 

„ _He's a filthy traitor.”_

 

„ _I'm free from that gay disease.”_

 

Alec didn't even know when he punched Jace's face. He did it once and then twice. Izzy and Maryse sreamed. And Jace... Jace let Alec hit him. He did but Magnus didn't. He gripped Alec's arms and pulled him away from Jace. But Alec was still aggresive, pure madness in his eyes.

 

\- Leave! - Magnus ordered the Lightwoods and tighten his grip on Alec's arms.

 

Maryse, Jace and Izzy hestitated but after a moment Maryse left the bag on the floor and walked away, crying. The rest two following her, giving their brothers apologetic look.

 

\- Alec, stop right away or I'll have to sedate you! - Magnus said after they were left alone.

 

Alec took a deep breath and stopped struggling. Magnus felt him shaking and didn't even think before he hugged him tightly, letting the poor boy cry in his arms.

 

\- Shh, it's okay now, they're gone – he whispered and carresed his back.

 

 

„ _Your silent screams were heard, Alexander Lightwood. I am right here.”_

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the nice comments and support. You guys are the best! :) 
> 
> Here's a new chapter I wrote during a very boring lecture. On paper. My hand needs to be amputated...
> 
> Enjoy c:

\- Shhh... they're gone now. No one will hurt you. Just cry and let it all out.

Magnus kept caressing Alec's back. He didn't even know how long they were standing there. And to be honest, he didn't really care. Magnus didn't know this boy but he already knew that Alec will be the most troublesome patient he has ever had. He was damaged so badly but at the same time, this little shit was so beautiful that Magnus couldn't take his eyes off of him. And he was smart. Yes, Alexander Smartass Lightwood. But he didn't suspect his intelligence to be the reason he came through so much. The corridor was empty and quiet. Only Alec's sobs were heard. And someone's footsteps. Magnus saw his friend Jem and quickly pointed a finger to the direction of the lounge. He knew that there will be at least one nurse. And they needed this silent angel right now. Jem nodded and tiptoed to the room.

\- Hey, Alexander – Magnus said softly when Alec calmed down a bit, his voice soothing. - You feel better?

Alec looked up at him and wiped his eyes with his bandaged wrists. Magnus realised that the painkillers must have still be working or Alec would be screaming in pain at this moment. But it was good that he wasn't hurting at least physically. He could give him something to beat the internal pain as well but he clearly didn't want to do this. Sedatives and other drugs were really helpful but Magnus wanted to treat Alec without the help of heavy medication. He was too young and his body too devastated to poison him with this crap. It was necessity. For this kind of meds because he knew that Alec won't avoid the rest. He had anemia which needed to be treated. The heavy malnutrition they had to take care of. The insomnia that couldn't exist anymore. All the wounds that needed to be healed. And heavens knew what else. It was a very long and hard road for Alec. But he didn't have a choice as to take it.

\- Yeah... sorry – he stammered, his voice tearful. Then he realised he was hugging the weird doctor. He stepped away from him, a sligtly blush creeping on his face. Magnus thought that this kid was too adorable to be real.

\- You've got nothing to be sorry about. Alexander, I know you don't trust me and it's totally fine. You shouldn't be trusting me before you know me. So all I'm asking you for is to let me get to know you. Hmm? Give me a chance at least – he smiled politely. He had to try again and now was the best moment.

Alec looked him in his eyes. His eyes were also weird. Gold with a little bit of green. And his pupils' shape reminded him of cat's eyes. This man was incredible. No wonder he worked with a bunch of loonies. And with him as well. Oh well. Alec knew he didn't have anywhere to go anymore. And they probably wouldn't even let him go. So he decided to stay till he comes up with some plan of escaping this crazy Alcatraz. But he still was hestitant. He wasn't sure if he should believe Magnus' words. Of course, he was a doctor, a professional. But did it change anything? It was his job. He got paid for it, for pulling the wool over stupid kids' eyes and telling them that everything will be fine. No, it won't! It fucking won't! They couldn't make them go back in time to avoid the shit that led him to this place. They couldn't erase their memory. They couldn't give them families, who would care about them. So nothing will be fine. But still, Alec had to make his decision.

\- What if I say no? What if I want to go home? - he asked to made sure he was right.

\- Well, I'm really sorry, darling. But you can't go back home. You are underage and your parents signed for your hospital stay. You will stay here for all your treatment. And I must warn you, Alexander. I won't push you to do anything. But the longer you resist our help, the longer you'll be staying here. I'm sorry.

„You surely are” thought Alec but he didn't get angry this time. He was just tired from all the stress and cries. But something was telling him that it wasn't time for bed. He was stuck at the psychiatric hospital. Could it get any worse? Well... it could, definitely. But for now, it was the worst option possible.

\- I don't have much choice – he shrugged, giving up. He was just powerless. Magnus could be saying what he wanted but he knew that they will force him to the treatment because that was their job.

\- Unfortunatelly. But I'm glad you decided to cooperate, Alexander – he put hand on Alec's shoulder and the boy flinched but didn't swat his hand away. It was warm. And he felt so cold.

\- As much reluctantly as it's possible – he rolled his eyes.

\- I suppose – he laughed quietly.

\- You called, Magnus? - asked a female voice that belonged to his best friend Catarina Loss.

The girl had sky blue scrubs on and her hair was white, made in a neat long braid. She was really pretty and looked rather nice and harmfull but Alec wasn't a fool anymore. She could look like a kitten and be deadly. He had no doubt that was the secret side of this girl.

\- Oh yes, Cat. Please, meet Alexander. Alexander, this is my beloved friend, Catarina. She works as a nurse here – he introduced them to each other.

\- Nice to meet you – she smiled widely. But Alec didn't smile back.

\- Why did you call her? - he asked Magnus instead. Well, he could be nice but he didn't have such intentions. Magnus stated bluntly that he had to be there for god knows how long and he wasn't happy with that. And wasn't going to pretend he was.

Magnus looked at Catarina apologetically but she smiled again. She has been working as a nurse for couple of years now, so situations like that were totally normal for her. Alec had to raise the bar, if he wanted to offend her. But he didn't. He just wanted to go back to sleep and then wake up and laugh because all of this was just a nigtmare. But the reality was much more cruel.

\- Well, since you tore out your cannula, we need to clean that wound up and put a new one – he explained.

 

Alec looked at his bloody arm and frowned. No way in hell he was letting them put this shit back! He could still see Max's little hands punctured and didn't want to have a constant reminder of that image.

\- I have to stay here but I don't have to agree to everything. So back off – he crossed his arms on his chest.

\- You're scared of needles? - Magnus raised his eyebrow. He wanted to laugh but managed to get a grip on time. Well, who would have thought that needles will be one of mr. Smartass' weakness. That was too cute.

\- I don't like them – he admitted not seeing anything strange with that.

\- Well, then I'm sorry. Your anemia is caused also by the blood loss but the main reason you've got it is because of the lack of vitamin called kobalamina. Don't worry, we've got it under control but you need to take some injections to stabilize its amount in your body – he sighed. He really didn't want to do anything against his will but it was for his own good.

Alec wasn't thinking the same. He was so right. They wanted to torture him, experiment on his body with some weird substances. He was a bit paranoic but no one could blame him. Someone told him not so long ago that he could trust him, that he would never hurt Alec. And now he was here because he wanted to take his life because of that someone. They were just the same, he knew this.

 

\- Oh, watch me – he frowned and then turned on his heel and walked away.

\- You're not going after him? - asked Cat.

\- No. I will let him be for a moment. The kids are awake now anyway. And you know better than anyone else that he won't run away, no matter how much he would want that. Let's give him a day to get used to this place. So... coffe?

\- Coffe.

Magnus cared but also knew that Alec needed some space. He just woke up in a psychiatric hospital after trying to commit a suicide because of being bullied. It could break almost every adult person and Alec was still a child. So he decided to start the treatment tomorrow. And let the boy think everything over.

Alec had no idea where he was going. The hospital wasn't big but he still managed to get lost. He wandered through the corridors, thinking of what he should be doing now. He couldn't go back home. His parents definitely knew about him being gay. And he couldn't look Jace in the eyes. Not after all of this. Alec didn't even know why they came to visit all of a sudden.

\- Did I really have to be stuck in that fucking madhouse so my parents would notice they have a son? - he sighed heavily, didn't realising he said it out loud.

\- That's how it works.

Alec looked to his side and saw a girl with dark skin and curly hair. She was so thin he could almost see her bones. Her clothes were hanging on her body. But she had a nice smile.

\- How do you know? - he blinked.

\- Because my parents noticed something was bad when I nearly died. Enough or should I say more?

\- I think I know this story.

 

And so they talked. Alec knew the girl's name. Maia. She was a great conversation partner. She was funny and smart. And even if Alec couldn't force himself to smile, he still felt a little bit better. For the first time in forever someone wasn't judging him. But well, they were on the same boat. Alec had a lot of problems he hasn't even known about yet. And Maia recovered from anorexia only to suffer from bulimia now.

-Why are you here? You're okay with staying in that place? - he asked. He was really curious to know what she was thinking about all of this.

\- Well... at first I was furious and rude for all the staff. I wanted to escape even if the only way out was the window – she laughed. - But now... no. I know it's for my own good. And besides, Magnus and the rest are great. I feel here more at home than in my actual home, so... yes, I'm totally fine with being here – she smiled and patted his shoulder. - What about you?

\- I... - he bit his lower lip. That was a good question. Alec knew deep inside of him that he needed help and that he wanted that badly. But he was just so scared and exhausted that he could no longer see that. He wasn't able to trust the medical staff. They were all like monsters that wanted only cause him pain. But at the same time, at home it would be even worse. And he couldn't go back to school. So maybe... maybe this place wasn't so bad? But why couldn't it be something else but hospital?! - I... don't know – he said the truth. - I hate hospitals and all this shit. But... are people here like me? You know... bullied, hated... broken...?

\- They wouldn't be here, if they weren't.

\- Good.

\- Yeah.

It turned out that they had a big common room where they could spend their time reading books, painting or watching Disney movies. The kids in that place were between fourteen and twenty years old with Maia as the oldest and Jessamine as the youngest. There were definitely much more girls than boys.But he didn't care. He wasn't going to get to know them anyway. But he decided to be friends with Maia. They both have never had a friend so they were both excited. It was such a fake attempt on making the impressions that they could be happy, that then they both just cried. They could lie to themselves. But that couldn't change the truth.

They spent all noon together and after that it was time for a dinner. The scariest moment of a day for Maia. But Alec wasn't happy either. He didn't have apetite and his stomach hurt only at the thought of food. He's been starving himself too long now and his body was refusing any food Alec tried to eat.

Maia left him in the canteen and went to take her food. She had a different diet and was eating with other people suffering from eating disorders. They were supporting one another and it definitely helped. Maia was slowly getting better.

Alec had to eat with the rest patients for now. They got a fatty broth with pieces of chicken meat, carrots and noodles. There was a time Alec could like a dinner like that but now it only made him sick. He put the spoon into the broth and made a face. It smelled like chicken but looked not really appealing. He tried anyway and that was really bad idea. He finished his dinner after eating one spoon of pure soup. No meat, no vegetables. Alec looked around the hospital canteen. The kids were eating silently, so Alec had his time to think. He was never interested in medicine or psychology but when he was looking at all those children with so many different illnesses, he was wondering what led them there. Maybe he wasn't alone in his suffer? It was horrible and Alec hated himself for thinking like that but he wanted one of the kids to know what he came through. To feel all this pain. He wasn't cruel. He just wanted to be normal. And if more than one person experienced the same thing then he wasn't a lonely weirdo.

Alec sighed and rubbed his temples. He was very tired and his headache was killing him. He wanted to lay down but he didn't know the way to his room, so he just put the full plate away and laid on his arms. One of them still covered in the dried blood but Alec couldn't care less. He closed his eyes only for a minute and drifted to sleep in no time.

\- Isn't he adorable? - asked Catarina, who was watching the children eat, along with her friend.

\- He is – Magnus admitted because how could he not? Alexander was beautiful even when he looked like he just ate a lemon. But sleeping Alexander...

\- Come back to earth, doctor – she waved her hand in front of Magnus' face. - I know he's so your type but don't forget that he's your patient! A patient who has been starving himself and still hasn't eaten anything since he got here – she put her hands into pockets.

\- I know. And I'm not saying I agree with that. But Raphael brought him here in the middle of the night. We've still haven't completed his diet list. I'm more than sure that Jem's working on it right now. Let him be today. I don't want him to feel trapped.

\- I won't force him to eat. That's your job and I actually must say you're right. He needs a break. I just don't want him to catch a cold here.

\- Well, you're right. I'll take him to his room – he decided immediately.

\- Wait. Isn't that my task to do? - she raised her brow but Magnus was alredy walking to Alec.

\- Not with that patient, Cat – he grinned. - You may go to help Aline. She seems a bit lost.

Magnus stood next to Alec. That boy was even more beautiful in his sleep. He wasn't scared anymore, his features relaxed. He seemed to be enjoying his little nap and Magnus felt bad for waking him up. But he didn't have much of a choice.

\- Wakey, wakey, Sleeping Beauty – he shook his shoulder lightly.

 

Alec stirred in his sleep and mumbled something. Magnus smiled. He would love to carry this boy to his room but he promised Alec not to touch him. He wasn't ready. Magnus was a young doctor but a hella good one. And he knew that they had to take baby steps,if the treatment was supposed to work. Alec was too fragile not to treat him with respect and care.

 

\- Alexander, I'm terribly sorry but you have to go to bed, if you want to sleep. The table must be very comfortable but it's not warm enough, I'm afraid. So? Can I take you to your room?

\- Mhm – Alec gave up and opened his eyes, finally. He was so exhausted he didn't even know what was happening around him.

Magnus led Alec to his room and helped him sit on the bed.

 

\- Do you want to change? That hospital gown is not very fashionable – he clicked his tongue.

\- It's like a dress. Almost... drafty – he pulled the material down to his knees and narrowed his eyes. - But I don't have anything to change.

\- Well... - Magnus smiled. - Actually, you have. Your mother brought you a lot of stuff, so...

\- No! - he exclaimed suddenly and glared at him. - I don't want anything from that woman! I don't need her pity!

 

He looked sad, thoughAlec wanted his mother's help not so long ago. He craved for it more than anything but Maryse showed him that he was nothing for her. He loved her so much but she cared now only because she felt guilty her son was admitted to psychiatric hospital. She thought of him like of some crazy freak. They all did. And Alec didn't need that. He knew he was damaged and dirty. He was disgusted, couldn't look in the mirror anymore. But he didn't want their fake pity. It was too late. They hadn's cared before, so why would they now? He was a filthy gay aftel all. A disgrace. They gave up on him. He gave up. And was too weak to keep fighting. He lost everything.

Alec was so done with the pain. He wanted this to stop already. They could be saying they were willing to help him but he didn't want any help now. It was all too late.

Magnus could read Alec like an open book. He was so vulnerable, so lost and scared. His heart clenched. He was not going to let this boy drown in his own pain and sorrow. Magnus made a promise and was determined to keep it. Even if Alec didn't believe in them anymore.

\- Hey, I get it. She screwed up – he shrugged and leaned on the chair.

Alec looked at him with his blue eyes wide opened. Really... he wasn't so sure whether Magnus was professional or not.

\- Aren't you supposed to to be convincing me that my mother wants best for me like every mother because she loves me? - he tilted his head.

\- Nah, probably. But I've told you before, Alexander. I'm here to help you, not to lie to you – he said firmly. - She is guilty just as the rest of your bullies. But what makes her different from them is that she really loves you because yes, she is your mother. She just has a shitty way of showing it. Because you know... guilty or not, sooner of later, she at least tries.

\- Too late – he muttered.

\- Can't disagree. Very bad timing and circumstances. But you don't have to rush anything, Alexander. There's no pressure on you. But think it over again when you'll get a little better, okay? - he smiled, not taking his eyes away from Alec.

 

Alec looked down at his bare feet. What if Magnus was right? Maybe making sudden decisions wasn't very smart. He actually wanted to believe that Maryse loved him. He was not sure he could forgive her but he knew one thing... He wanted to leave this world knowing that someone will cry after him. That someone will come to his funeral and mourn him. It wasn't so complicated, was it? Maryse could do this. She owned him. However, Alec still wasn't ready to face her of any other member of his family. He didn't have much time. But it was just too early.

\- And what if I don't want to take the meds? - he changed the topic not wanting to think about Maryse anymore. It was actually more important than his mother. Alec wanted to know what awaited him. He really wasn't a ball of happiness but it didn't mean he would agree to take a crap that would only blur his mind and make him unable to think on his own. Well, he didn't hide it. Alec was exhausted of thinking all the time, he wanted to stop the rush of thoughts. But at the same time, the fear of being unaware of the world around him was even worse. Especially in a place like that. He needed to find escape, for Christ's sake! And for that he had to have a clear mind.

\- Oh – Magnus blinked. - I'm not giving you any meds as long as you'll cooperate with the treatment, Alexander. We will be talking, mostly. But you will get to know everything tomorrow on our first session – he explained, drumming his index finger on his own forearm. He was curious what was happening in that little, gorgeous head of Alec. But he knew he would find it out, sooner or later.

\- And about the anemia...

\- Yes, but those meds will help you recover. You'll no longer feel tired and weak all the time.

\- But you said that as long as...

\- Yes, but I was talking about psychotropic drugs not the meds that other doctors prescribed you. So you see, I'm not lying – he smirked, watching the boy's reaction.

 

Alec opened his mouth only to shut it again. Oh, how much he wanted to punch Magnus in that pretty face! But he realised that he couldn't do this. There was something in that man that soothed his nerves. Something he didn't understand. He couldn't be mad at him even if he threatened Alec with needles. What was wrong with him?!

\- Fine – he growled. He said this before his brain actually thought that through. Why his mouth wasn't a friend with his brain? He really needed to shut up.

Magnus gave his magnificent self more points. He got Alec's agreement. The rest was up to him and the rest of the staff. But as soon as Magnus was aware, they all were determined to help that boy.

 

\- Sooo... I know that this will take you some time but you can't stay like that forever. Let's find you something to change, shall we?

\- Let's do this – he rolled his eyes, defeated.

Alec was reluctant to touch the bag or anything his mother brought him. But well... he was cold in that gown and it was stronger than him. So he decided not to hold his grudge at the moment and find something warm to put on. Maryse did a good job in packing Alec everything he could needed. He was wondering how did she manage to put it all in this small bag. He blamed the magic.

Alec put a flannel pajamas on and took the fluffy blanket Maryse has bought him that day. This thing was actually really nice. But Magnus didn't understand why all of those things were in such sad colours. What was a point in buying dark, navy blue blanket when you could have a bright pink one? Alec would definitely get a pink blanket if it was up to Magnus. But it wasn't, even if he wished... Magnus slapped himself mentally. _„Be a professional, damnit.”_

 

\- Better? - he asked, turning back to Alec when he finally changed. He looked not so good. The pajamas were too big on him but well, it must have been his size not so long ago.

\- Better – Alec nodded and hopped to the bed. - But I still don't want to be here – he confessed. He didn't know why he did this. He must have been really tired that his mind was clouded and he was saying all those nonsenses. But Magnus didn't seem to mind it. Quite the opposite.

\- I know, Alexander. But it's not so bad here, you'll see. Just give it a chance – Magnus covered Alec with the blanket, ignoring the boy's confused face.

Alec clearly didn't get that. Why Magnus was doing all those things? He wasn't a nurse to make sure he was comfy and yet, he still was there. He was patient, talked to him like to a normal, mature person not some kid. Why?

 

\- I'll let you rest now. Catarina will come later to clean up that mess you've made – he pointed at his bloody arm and Alec looked apologetic in no time.

\- I-I didn't mean...

\- I know – he interrupted politely before Alec started blaming himself for such a trivial thing. - It's quite alright. It happens all the time, don't worry – he just shrugged. - Get some sleep, Alexander. If something's bad, press that red button next to your right. We'll start your treatment tomorrow. Goodnight.

 

Magnus left. Alec was alone again in this sterile, white room.

 

\- More like afternoon – he muttered under his breath and sighed heavily.

 

Alec was really confused. It all just happened all of a sudden. He wasn't prepared for all of this. One day he was a quite normal, nerdy kid living a plain, boring but happy life. The next day he was a 'slut' bullied by all school because his sorry excuse of a boyfriend wanted to rape him and he was the one who suffered from that. And now he was here, in some freaking madhouse with mentally sick people. Yes, they didn't seem very dangerous but Alec was not sure they weren't on drugs. There was a reason they were there. He wasn't there because of a nothing, he knew that. But why couldn't they understand that he just did what he wanted? It was his body. An ugly, fat body, but still his body. And he could do anything he wanted with it. If he decided to cut, they should have let him. After all, wasn't it what all the kids at school told him to do? Alec was asking desperatedly for help but it never came. And now, when he finally made his decision he was sure about, there they are! Of course, it's always easier to get rid of the problem and let the strangers deal with it. He couldn't stand it anymore. Alec laid on his right side and looked at the windows with thin bars. Lovely. They wanted to help but kept him there like an animal in a cage. He turned on his back and winced. The bruises still hurt and painkillers were wearing off. But he wasn't calling for anyone to do something about it. He wanted to feel the pain because it helped with the chaos going on inside his head.

He needed to think. He was trapped in a psychiatric hospital with bars in the windows and probably a security guard standing by the entrance. Not a chance he could escape with obstacles like that. He could always tell them all to fuck off and refuse to take any meds and let his weak body finish itself. However he soon realised that it wasn't an option either. They wouldn't allow this. And Alec didn't want to be forced to do anything again. Yes, he knew they won't insult him or beat him. But every doctor and nurse had at least two syringes with some magic potion in their pockets. And Alec wasn't really willing to know what magical qualities they had. Nonetheless it was obvious that he would if he decided to fight them. In any possible way - it just sucked. He already lost. Alec realised that if he still wanted to take his life, he had to let them fix him first. He wasn't really looking forward to it but that's how it was. Alec was not stupid. But even someone not so smart would quickly understand that the fastest way out of this place was leading through the treatment. Magnus said that if he finished it, he was free to go. Easier said than done. But he didn't have much of a choice. He had to get better. That was the only way to the sweet escape of death he wished for so bad.

The sleep finally came, giving his mind and soul a little break.

 

Magnus had a second coffe that day. He left Alec in his room and went to the appointment with a girl who suffered from panic attacks and man, was that exhausting. But he was finally free now. Sitting in his armchair and sipping the heavenly drink, he was wondering what to do with Alec. This boy was like the most expensive porcelain. Beautiful and fragile. One bad move could break him completely.

He put the cup away and grabbed the phone. Magnus was a doctor, he knew what he could do and what not. But Alec's family didn't have that knowledge and they could easily destroy his efforts to help Alexander. So he made a phone call.

 

\- Yes, mrs. Lightwood. I'm Alexander's doctor, Magnus Bane. Yes, ma'am, Alec feels better know. Yes, he calmed down, yes – he rolled his eyes. Oh, how much he hated that! - Can you come to my office now? No? Oh, that's okay, I understand it – well, he didn't but if she was doing something at work to get some days off for her son, then she was forgiven.

\- Look, Alexander's treatment is starting tomorrow. So we have to make some things clear. He had a pannick attack when he saw you, so I suggest you shouldn't visit him in a while. Please, don't raise your voice, mrs. Lightwood – he rubbed his eyes. - Alexander's still not ready for your visits. You have to give him some time. Yes, I will call you everyday to inform you if the treatment is making any progress. But for now, please, for only Alec's own good. Yes, you can bring him some more things but call me first. Have a good day – he hung up then stood up from his chair.

 

His duty has ended and he decided to go home. Magnus was tired after that day and knew that he won't get much sleep that night. He couldn't stop thinking about Alec.

 

\- You really think I can do this, Chairman? - he scratched the cat behind its ear. The little ball of fur purred. - Yes, you're right. I'm magnificent, after all. And I love a challenge.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Magnus stood in front of his dressing room, wondering, what he should wear that day. Yes, he covered all the fancy clothes with his doctor's cloak later, but still! Being magnificent was a really hard and full time job. He put hands on his hips and walked to the trousers section. Magnus could afford such luxury and it was one of the reasons he chose to study medicine all these years ago. A total independence, lots of money and respect from other people. His life wasn't always so good, though. Magnus has never experienced anything so horrible in his life like Alec has, however, he still needed to fight his demons from the past. Being the only child with suicidal mother and abusive father wasn't really easy for anyone, what's more for a little kid. He lost his mother when he was only eight and his life became a nightmare since that day. It was getting better, though. Magnus was growing up and with all the years passing by, his father realised how bad he treated his son. It was sudden and unexpected. Magnus wanted to laugh at his face and tell him to get lost but he couldn't. It was his dad. He has been praying for his attention for so long that when he finally decided to be a father not some freaky stranger, he could do nothing else like just hug him. Asmodeus apologised thousand times and even though Magnus forgave him, he knew that his father didn't do the same. He was still blaming himself for being shitty parent but Magnus wasn't going to deny it. He was holding his grudge because it was impossible not to. But tried to be normal. After all, his father really helped him. Without his money, Magnus wouldn't be now a respected doctor. He was really thankful because he loved his job. But he has never forgotten.

 

\- Chairman, my lovely munchkin, tell daddy what he should wear today – he looked at his cat which was playing with tassels of one of his shirts. - You say purple, hmm? Maybe you're right. Those are great on me. Pff, who am I kidding? - he took the hanger with purple leather pants and walked to look in the mirror. - Everything looks great on me – Magnus smiled to himself and then put his pants on.

He added a plain, white shirt. Magnus decided to not look too fancy that day. After all, he had his first session with Alexander this morning and didn't want to distract this poor boy with too bright colours.

 

\- Oh, my poor baby. Daddy must leave you again – he picked up the cat and gave him a quick peck on his pink nose. Chairman wasn't really content with his owner mental issues but Magnus put him down before the cat could show his claws. - Bye bye, my dearest – he looked one last time at his flatmate and then left to work.

 

 

Alec's morning wasn't as pleasant as Magnus'. He was waken up by Catarina who brought him breakfast and didn't want to leave him alone until he ate everything. Easier said then done.

 

\- I'll stay here as long as this plate is completely empty – she said and sat on a chair next to his bed.

 

\- Enjoy your stay then – he muttered and turned his back on her, covering himself completely with the blanket.

Catarina had to count down from ten to zero not to strangle that stubborn kid. She took a deep breath and put a smile on her face.

\- Alec, please, eat. It's not a shitty hospital food. I made the sandwiches with my own hands – she lied smoothly, being totally used to doing this.

 

And it worked. He didn't want to be ungrateful especially for someone he was rude to just yesterday. But he still didn't understand why this breakfast couldn't be served a little later. He sighed, defeated and sat up slowly. Everything hurt. The magic of painkillers faded away and now he wanted to scream. Catarina seemed to notice this but she only raised his bed and pillow a little higher so he could lean comfortably on it.

 

\- So, dig in – she handed him the plate and smiled.

 

Alec looked down at the food. Well, it was quite pretty and very colourful. It didn't mean he wanted to eat those sandwiches but Cat was looking and he didn't have much choice. He managed to eat only one and a half, though. But the nurse was pleased. Maybe lying was bad but sometimes it made life a lot easier.

 

\- Wasn't so scary, was it? - she took the plate from Alec.

\- You don't want to hear the truth – he laid down again and closed his eyes. Alec felt like he ate too much and was dying to get it out from his body as soon as possible.

\- You're unbelievable – she sighed. - Don't fall asleep again. You have an appointment with Magnus in twenty. Dress up, I'll lead you to his office then – she left him alone.

 

Alec didn't wait any minute longer. He rushed to the bathroom and shut the door. He was starting to hyperventilate. He didn't know exactly why he was doing this. Alec hated this so much but at the same time felt so heavy and guilty that he couldn't take it anymore. He kneeled in front of the toilet and then brought two fingers to his mouth. He hated himself for that. It was so gross and yet, he couldn't force himself to stop. So Alec put the fingers into his throat and moment later emptied his stomach, tears in his eyes. When his body stopped shaking, he flushed the toilet and brushed his teeth to get rid of that horrid taste. When Alec looked in the mirror he really thought he was messed up. What a normal person was doing something like that? And then he thought of Maia. She was killing herself slowly that way. But what made them different was that Maia wasn't willing to die. She just wanted to be pretty and appreciated. She was sick. And Alec... Alec knew he could eat normally, that all of this was caused by stress and fear. He would try to stop that... but it wouldn't make any sense. It was just easier that way. Why making efforts that were completely fruitless? Starvation led to death and that was what he really cared for. He wouldn't be hated anymore, called names and beaten. He would finally find his own peace.

When Catarina came back, Alec already finished putting his clothes on. Normal sweatpants and too big sweater. Nothing fancy here. But he was sure that Magnus will make this up for them both.

\- You're ready?

He just nodded. Cat showed him the way to Magnus office but it turned out that the had to wait a couple of minutes. The nurse tried to talkt to Alec but he reminded silent. Alec was a little anxious to be honest. He didn't know what this session was all about. Magnus told him something about talking but it couldn't be so easy, right? He stopped thinking about it when the door opened and a young girl with long blond hair appeared.

 

\- Hello Jessamine – Cat greeted her. The girl just looked at the older woman and walked away but Catarina didn't comment her behaviour. She put a hand on Alec's shoulder and led him to her friend's office. - I'll be back in an hour, Alec. Be good – she left him there and closed the door.

Alec looked around. He was really expecting Magnus' office to be more... extravagant? But it looked quite normal like every ordinary doctor's office he has ever seen in his life. And it was quite a few, actually.

\- Good morning, Alexander. Please, come in – Magnus grinned and invited him to the couch standing in front of his desk.

Alec walked to the couch and raised his eyebrow then turned his gaze to Magnus. Now he actually believed that this whole appointment was about talking. There was nothing scary in that place. But he still felt a little upset.

\- Isn't it suppose to be like... you know, like in the movies? You should have here this weird armchair and the next one where you could sit, crossing your legs and ask me stupid questions, pretending you actually care? - he gestured with his hands and when he finished his speech, sat on the couch. It was quite comfy.

\- Sorry about that – he laughed. - Well, my office is rather boring, can't help with that. But we can still have our little session, right?

\- It depends. Will it be only talking?

\- Yes.

\- No tricks? - he frowned a bit.

\- Nope. No tricks, no magic. I'm totally harmless. Just talking as I said yesterday. But you have to promise me one thing – he took his pen and spinned it between his fingers.

\- What? - Alec decided to sit comfortably and to do that, he almost laid on the couch. But Magnus didn't mind it.

\- You must be honest with me, Alexander. Truth and only truth. And in exchange for that I swear on my Armani suit, that all you say will stay between the two of us. You're okay with that? - he asked politely. He was supposed to help him and to do that, Alec had to tell him everything even if it was painful.

 

Alec eyed Magnus. He looked quite nice that day. Not so showy what he prefered, definitely. But the glitter on his eyelids was still on. Although this time it was purple and brought the deep of his golden eyes. Alec stared a bit too long but Magnus must have been thinking that Alec was thinking about the answer, so he wasn't really embarassed. He didn't know why he was looking at Magnus so intensively but this man was like a magnet. He was really beautiful, his beauty unique and tempting. Alec wasn't stupid. He knew that someone like Magnus would never look at him that way. But he was okay with that. Alec was suppose to die as soon as he leaves the hospital. There was no need and no sense in falling in love. And even if Magnus was beautiful, intelligent and polite, Alec wasn't sure he could still trust someone enough to be with that person. And well... he was not a person who would lie to himself. Who would want to be with someone so fucked up like Alec? Problem solved.

 

\- Alec? - Magnus brought him back to earth.

\- Yes, let's talk – he said quickly, wanting to abandon those stupid and meaningless thoughts going on in his head.

\- Okay. Let's start with the basics. Tell me something about you, Alexander. What do you like to eat? Your favourite book? Any hobbies? - he took a notebook to his other hand.

\- Well... you probably know all this stuff already – Alec shrugged but decided, since those questions weren't really hard, to answer. - I'm Alexander Lightwood. I'm seventeen. Living in New York since forever. Yes, I hate that place. Too noisy, too much people and it smells like cat's piss, what you definitely noticed already – Magnus nodded and Alec continued. - I like pancakes and normal water. My favourite book is Harry Potter and hobby... I like art and archery. Done. Can I go now?

\- No – Magnus scribbled something in his notebook. - So, Harry Potter, hmm? Which house you are in?

\- Ravenclaw.

\- Why is that?

\- Ask the Hat, not me – Alec rolled his eyes. - You?

\- Slytherin. But I'm the good guy – he smiled and tilted his head, still looking at Alec. He still looked so tired that Magnus wasn't sure he won't fall asleep on his couch. So he went on with the questions. - And what do you think about the „Cursed child”? You think that Albus really had reasons to think that he was worse than his dad and siblings?

 

Alec was silent for a moment. He knew why Magnus was asking that question and really, using Harry Potter to do his psychiatric shit was really unfair! But he promised to tell the truth.

\- I think he did. It's not easy to be different especially when you are being compared to someone else. You would like to be normal like everybody. Have the same privileges – he started fiddling with the sleeve of his sweater. Albus' story was quite familiar. - Be accepted because of who you are, not because your family is so great it's impossible for you to be so pathetic – he sighed. He didn't know why he was telling him all of this. He shouldn't. It was only his business but at the same time he felt like Magnus was really listening. And it was a nice feeling.

\- And you, Alec? Do you accept yourself or are you like Albus? - he noted something else in the notebook. It was really hard to sit in the same place and listening to Alec when he couldn't join him on the couch and hug him tight. But he was his doctor. He was there to help him and had to do his job.

\- Well... - Alec bit his lower lip. He was really getting anxious now. Magnus started the delicate topic but probably the most important one. _„You promised”_ he repeated this to himself and then took a deep breath. Now or never. - I'm gay – he said finally.

\- That's totally normal. Does it change anything? - Magnus answered immediately and Alec looked at him, pure shock in his eyes. Magnus was pretty happy that Alec told him his biggest secret. A very nice secret, actually.

\- Were you listening? - he sat abruptly, putting his feet on the floor. - I'm gay! Like, I don't like girls!

\- Yes, Alexander. I may be old but I know what that word means. You like boys, you're not interested in girls. And? How do you feel about that? - he was totally relaxed talking about topics like that but he saw Alec's blush and his nervous fidgeting.

\- I don't know – he admitted. - I thought that I was okay with it and ready to come out but... it all happened because I'm gay. I wouldn't have to go throught this if I wasn't gay so... no, I'm not good – he shook his head. That was the truth. He no longer believed that he was something 'special'. He wasn't even something average. He was just nothing. Sebastian was right about this one.

\- Nonsense – Magnus drummed his fingers on the desk. - They didn't do all of this things because you are gay. That's not the reason. The reason is – they are all just really stupid – he explained. - They are just dumb and don't understand that being gay is not a disease but a normal thing that doesn't change anything and doesn't cause any harm. Moreover, they are just jelous and scared. Scared to be theirselves and jelous because you were not afraid to be who you are. They just couldn't stand it and because they're stupid, they used violence instead of putting their shit together – he watched Alec's reaction and now really wanted to go to that couch and hug him. This boy was speechless and tears were running down his face. - You are strong, Alexander. And worth much more than all of them gathered together.

 

Alec didn't say anything for a long while. He was shaking and couldn't stop the tears. He rubbed his eyes till they were red but it didn't help with anything. It was just too much for him to handle. He heard everything he wished to hear for so long. And was sad. So, fucking sad. Because he had to came through hell and back, and now be here to meet a stranger who cared more about him than his own family. Magnus didn't know him well. But he was sincere and Alec really felt like being a doctor and doing his job meant nothing at this moment. Magnus said it because he really thought that. That even if he was a patient of psychiatric hospital, he was normal, that all of this was not his fault. It was really hard and Alec didn't quite believe him but still was glad that someone kept his side and didn't see him like something filthy and worthless. Magnus gave him time to calm down and when Alec finally stopped sheding tears, he smiled reasurringly.

 

\- You shouldn't be ashamed of your tears. Only strong people are not afraid to cry – he handed him a box of tissues and Alec thanked him, taking one of them.

He knew that this was gross but since Magnus was a doctor, he didn't care. He blew his nose and then stood up to throw away the used tissue.

\- You cry sometimes? - he asked, going back on his place.

\- Yes. Sometimes it happens. But I can't allow to cry very often because I have patients that need me.

\- How can you work with so many people? - he sniffed. - People are the worst.

\- Alexander, the world isn't split into idiots and bullies. They are also great people like you and me. You just didn't have luck to find them. Yet.

\- Are you going all Harry Potter on every patient you have an appointment with? - he raised his eyebrow.

\- Nah, nope. Only for the chosen ones – he winked.

\- You're such a dork – Alec rolled his eyes but for the first time in forever he felt like he could actually laugh. He felt so light, so natural.

\- So, archery? That's not very common – he started the new topic knowing that Alec wasn't ready for teasing.

 

\- It's not – he nodded. - I don't know. It just happened. But I stopped doing this a year ago.

\- Why? You love it, don't you?

\- I do. But my parents told me that it was too time-consuming and I should study no play like a kid. So I had to quit – he shrugged his shoulders. It really hurt. Archery was his everything, the only way to stop thinking. But they took it away as well.

\- That sucks – he let a loud sigh. Magnus started to hate Alec's parents even more now. - We don't have any bows here. Too dangerous. But we have books so maybe you won't be very bored.

\- I'll manage – Alec looked at Magnus desk. It was quite neat and normal. But what cought his attention was a photo frame. He felt a sting in his heart. Well.. what was he thinking? Someone like Magnus definitely had a wife and at least one child. He didn't know why but it hurt. However... he's been in pain for so long that this won't change anything, right? Alec leaned forward and grabbed the frame from Magnus' desk. The older man raised his brow but let him touch his stuff.

\- That's my precious baby – Magnus said with a big smile on his face.

Alec blinked looking at a picture with a white ball of fur. A white munchkin kitten with a pink collar. His cheeks flushed with excitement.

\- Is it real? - he asked breathlessly. Something so fluffy couldn't be real!

\- As real as possible. Meet Chairman Meow Bane – he introduced his cat, proudly.

\- He's so cute. You have more pictures? - Alec put the photo back. Magnus must have admitted that Alec was the sweetest thing he ever saw in his whole life.

\- I do – he laughed. - Actually, my whole gallery contains only Chairman's pictures. But I don't think it's the part of our session.

\- Then I call it a night – he crossed his arms on his chest. If Magnus decided to be mean, then ok.

\- It's not even late afternoon, Alexander. Some more questions and I promise, I'll bring you album with Chairman's photos tomorrow.

\- I don't believe in promises – he reminded him politely.

\- I know. But did I lie to you so far?

\- Okay... you've got a point. But you will do this? Like one hundred percent?

\- One hundred and one percent.

\- Okey then. Go ahead.

\- Well, thank you. I'd like to know how do you like that place? How do you feel in here?

\- Your office or the whole place?

\- The whole place.

\- Well... it's... it's like a hospital. It it hospital, so I'm not really comfortable here. And it smells weird.

\- You'll get used to it – he stated and wrote down few more words. - Why do you hate hospitals so much?

\- And who like them?

\- But you don't like them more then other people. Do you want to share this with me?

\- No... - he looked down on the floor. - Sorry but... but no.

\- It's okay. No pressure. Maybe some other day?

\- Maybe.

He was comfortable with talking to Magnus. But he still didn't trust him so much to tell him about Max. It was too painful and right now he felt good. He wanted to feel that way a little longer.

Magnus wanted to ask Alec another question but then they heard a knocking on the door and Catarina entered the office.

\- Time's up – she announced, smiling. - Sorry, Magnus but I'll be taking Alec for his injection, if you guys are finished already.

\- We're not – Alec said quickly. And that was over for his good mood.

\- We are – Magnus corrected him, looking amused at Alec. Could this kid got any cuter?

\- Great. Come with me, Alec – she reached her hand and he stood up, sighing. Good bye world.

\- I'm coming with you – Magnus joined them. - I'm in a big need of a coffe.

\- Can I have some? - Alec looked at him with his blue eyes and Magnus felt like he could faint.

\- Well, I think it won't collide with any of your meds so yes. But after dinner.

\- And why is that?

\- Because you'll have motivation. Okay, let's go.

 

Alec wasn't really happy. He felt like they we're leading him to an electric chair for slow and painful death. He couldn't help that he saw the needle like a dry sponge to only make him suffer longer. They entered the treatment room and Magnus closed the door behind them. Alec scowled. Did that man really thought he would try running away? Well, maybe it crossed his mind but hey!

Catarina walked to prepare everything and Alec looked anxiously around the room. It was even more white in there and the cabinets contained a various amount of pills, drops and cruets. Why people bothered to invent so many things when they could use their imagination to write books, for example? They could do more good with that. But know, why.

 

\- Okay, pants down, mr. Lightwood – Catarina said suddenly.

\- What?! - he almost shrieked.

\- Yeah! - Magnus was a little too excited.

\- You're not staying here! - Alec frowned and took few steps to Catarina's desk.

\- Oh, don't be rude – he pouted. - Did you know that Cat has cool stickers for brave patients? I can even hold your hand, if you... hey! - he ducked when Alec suddenly threw a cup with wooden sticks at him. They scattered everywhere.

\- Get the hell out! - he shouted the last time and Magnus left, looking like a scolded puppy. Well, maybe next time he would be able to support Alexander. For now, he respected his decision.

\- I'm starting to like you – Cat grinned after watching them fooling around. - Okay now, take them off and lay on the examination table.

\- Is it really necessery?

\- I'm a nurse. I've seen more butts than you can count – she rolled her eyes.

Alec blushed but obeyed. Did he have any other choice? He was just glad that Magnus left. It would be rather awkward to have him here right now.

\- It may sting a bit – Cat warned.

A bit. More like fucking lot. The needle sunk in his body and Alec covered his mouth with a hand to force back a cry. _„Get a grip, Lightwood. You're a grown man. A grown man! Oh... shit, shit, shit, shit, fuck!”_

\- You're done down there?! - he raised his voice a bit, not really controlling it anymore.

\- Yup, I'm done. Only six left to go.

\- Cat?

\- Yes?

\- You have any of those stickers left?

Alec came back to his room with a whole box of stickers. He put it to the drawer and then hopped to the bed. He was tired and sore. And it was only two p.m! Alec decided to take a nap and then go for the coffe Magnus promised him. But that could wait.

 

 

The Lightwoods were spending the next day without Alec. The whole house was quiet, even Robert wasn't getting on anyone's nerves. Maryse could not do anything. She was on pills to help with the stress and her two other children were in their rooms. They didn't go to school that day. Jace didn't want to see anyone. He felt like a trash for hurting his brother so much. Isabelle wasn't any better. They only now realised how selfish and blind they were. Alec did his best to make sure they were safe and happy. And they did nothing when he needed them. Isabelle had no more tears and Jace still had blood on his face from where Alec hit him. But they knew that they will have to go to school eventually. And they were scared. Now when everybody knew that Alec tried to take his life, they could have getting a hard time too. But it wasn't the worst thing. They both were afraid that they'll kill Sebastian the moment they see him. Jace and Izzy didn't know the whole truth. But it was Sebastian who started all of this. And Jace didn't really care anymore if this brat was his girlfriend's brother. He would have his revenge on that psycho.

Jace's relationship with Clary were coming through a crisis. Clary wanted to support her boyfriend with all this shit going on in his life but it wasn't so easy. Sebastian was her brother and she loved him. She trusted him when he said that he had nothing to do with it, that someone just lied to make him guilty. She was definitely too naive. But also loyal to Jace and she didn't say a word to anyone about Alec. But she didn't have to. Her stepfather Luke was the head of the Beth Israel Hospital. And he knew everything. But he didn't share any information with his adoptive children. Especially not with Sebastian. He only talked to Jocelyn about this kind of things. And this time it wasn't any different. They were alone in their bedroom, Luke was getting to work.

 

\- What's with the Lightwood kid? - asked Jocelyn. - I heard he tried to commit a suicide and they took him to your hospital. Is that true?

\- Yes – he tied his tie. - We rescued him but since it was a suicide attempt, he was admitted to the psychiatric ward. I don't know how long he will be staying there.

\- Poor child – she sighed. - Will he be okay?

\- I don't know. Nothing can guarantee that he will ever recover mentally from that. But we'll do everything we can to help him.

\- I don't doubt that.

What they didn't know was that Sebastian was eavesdropping. He smiled wide when he heard all those delicious news about his little Alie-whore. He walked away and headed to his room.

 

\- Something happened? You look strangely happy – stated Clary when she saw him.

\- Because I am – he answered shortly and then closed the door to his room and took out his phone. He called Lilith. - Lil, you're still into hacking? Great. Because we have a little twitter profile suspended that I think needs refreshing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alec's reaction is actually me when my friend and I practiced injections on each other for the first time. That's called real pain, trust me ;-; 
> 
> Enjoy! c:


	8. Chapter 8

Alec took his time with the nap. It was supposed to be an hour but turned out to be three. He missed the dinner but it didn't mean he managed to get away. Catarina finally came to wake him up and dragged the still not fully awake boy to the canteen. Alec was too sleepy to notice a silver haired man who joined him by the table.

\- Hello, Alec. I'm doctor Carstairs, you remember me? - Jem smiled gently. He was not angry with Alec. It wasn't the boy's fault after all. And even if, Jem was still a doctor and Alec his patient. Something like holding grudges was highly unprofessional.

\- Hmm? - Alec mutted under his nose and then he finally opened his eyes and turned his gaze to Jem. He was awake in no time when he recognised this man. His cheeks were flushed from the shame. Why everything had to be so akward? - Y-yes. I-I'm... I'm sorry - he stuttered. Alec felt really bad for what he has done to Jem. But Jem only smiled wider.

\- For what? - he asked simply.

\- For pushing you to the ground? - he bit his lip.

\- I don't know what you are talking about - he blinked twice like he would really forget the incident. And Alec felt even worse. Why he acted like an asshole for someone so nice like Jem?

\- Thank you - he wanted to smile but to no avail.

\- Now I'm even more confused - he laughed quietly. - I heard you haven't had dinner yet.

\- I'm not hungry - he fidgeted on his seat, knowing where this was going.

\- Maybe. But we are going to eat now. I've had a busy day.

\- You can eat, if you want. I don't mind it - he shrugged.

\- But I want to have dinner with you, Alec - he stated stubbornly and Alec wanted to scream. Great. From all the people in the world, he had to come across Jem Carstairs. He couldn't even tell him to get lost because Jem... was Jem. He sighed, defeated.

Catarina put two plates on the table. Alec looked at the food. White rice, cooked fish and salad. Was he really at hospital?

\- Did something change when I was asleep? Since when hospitals have money to feed their patients with actual food?

\- Since the head of the hospital is a man, not a heartless bastard - he answered right away, not mentioning that his parents paid a shitload of money for Alec to have everything best in that place. Jem handed him a fork and Alec took it reluctantly.

  
  


The food looked and smelled nice but he still was not sure. He was hungry. God, Alec was so tired from the lack of food and constant feel of hunger but at the same time he couldn't eat, knowing how bad and guilty he will feel after that. And he didn't want to suffer more so he just skipped the meals. Jem seemed to know that and because of that, he wasn't leaving Alec's side till the end of their dinner.

Jem started eating and encouraged Alec to do the same, still watching him. Alec's hands were shaking. He was fighting his inner war. Alec didn't want to even touch the plate but Jem was so polite. After couple of minutes he decided to give it a try, not to upset the older man since he owed him. But Alec wasn't stupid. He knew what was the least harmless from all of this. He stabbed a slice of cucumber with fork and then put it in his mouth. Well, it was almost only water so he didn't feel any guilt. By the time he had eaten three slices, Jem already finished his meal.

\- You are aware that we will sit here as long as you eat at least half of your food, right? Don't rush. I have time - he just started his duty so sitting with Alec was not a problem. Jem took out his phone and started playing The Candry Crush Saga. Something his best friend Will despised but Jem knew that it was because Will sucked at this game.

Alec's hands started sweating. He felt so nervous he was almost suffocating. Alec didn't want to sit there. The chair was hard and uncomfortable. He was getting more frustrated with every passing minute. But Jem didn't seem to be concern about it, smiling and sliding his fingers on the screen. Alec was at the verge of tears. Why were they doing this to him? He didn't do anything bad so why he had to be the one to take the consequences? He looked at the plate again. The salad was almost gone but rice and fish remained. And they were getting cold.

„ _You eat so much, Alec. Aren't you afraid you'll get fat?”_

„ _I'll worry about this later. Now let me enjoy it!”_

He sighed. Alec loved eating before this nightmare started. But now it was totally different. Now he was just scared. Putting on weigh meant only more laughs and insults. And only more vomitting. And even longer suffering.

\- I don't want it! - he hit the table with his opened palms. Jem's phone fell on the floor, when he jumped on his chair, startled by Alec's sudden outburst. Alec knew that he was acting like a kid. But they were treating him like a kid too!

\- But why? - Jem asked simply and so softly that Alec's anger soothed a bit and transformed into confusion.

\- Because... - he scratched the bandages on his wrist, anxiously. - I can't.

\- Why? - he asked again and Alec's anger was back. - Just tell me why you can't eat this? Something hurts you? Or you don't like that? - he looked so concerned now that Alec started hating himself for wanting to punch this man.

\- I just can't! - he was starting to slowly hyperventilate. - I don't want to eat! I don't want to be here!

\- But if you don't want to be here, then you need to eat, Alec. Look, the food will do you only good. You don't have to eat all of that. Just try it. Please? - he looked at his frown and sighed heavily. - Okay, let's play a game. One bite for one answer, okay?

Alec blinked twice, the anger gone and confusion on a full swing. Why Jem thought that Alec was interested in his life? He wasn't. He always minded his own business and didn't see a reason why he should stop now. But he though that over. He had a choice. Finish the food or sleep in the canteen. It was rather obvious. So if he already lost the game, he could at least have some fun.

\- Okay - he took the fork to his hand. - You are psychiatrist?

\- No. I'm paediatrician - he answered simply and waved his hand to remind Alec of their little agreement.

Alec put the fish into his mouth and chewed it slowly. It wasn't so bad, but still. He shouldn't be eating that.

\- Then why are you here? - he asked again. He knew that he was dooming his own self but well... he was a curious beast.

\- Because it's a psychiatric hospital for children who suffers also from other illnesses, not only those mental ones.

Alec took another bite.

\- I don't believe you - he stated. - There must be other reason.This one's just stupid - he frowned.

Jem sighed and thought exactly the same thing as Magnus. "That kid's fucking smart."

\- A certain nurse works here. And you take two bites for this indelicate question.

Alec obeyed but those bites were really small.

\- Hard topic, huh? So she doesn't really like you?

\- I-I don't know. She does... I think. Look, can you ask something else?

\- What's her name? - he asked, not feeling sorry for him. Yes, it was evil but hey! Jem also wasn't very nice for him now.

\- Tessa - he muttered, regretting the idea of playing games with Alec. - Eat.

Alec didn't have any more questions so he took the last bite. Well, halves were equal. But not his. He ate the smaller part of the fish and decided that it was enough.

\- Finished. Can I go now?

Jem closed his eyes, rubbing his temples.

\- Well, it's not bad for a first time. Tomorrow you'll eat a little bit more. You are free for now. Goodnight.

\- Night.

Alec stood up and left the canteen quickly. He felt so bad for eating all that food that he was only dreaming of going to the bathroom. He already felt gross for wanting to do his daily throwing up party but didn't see any other option. But there was a problem. He knew that he had a bathroom connected to his room. But he didn't know the way back and it was getting dark outside. So he had to look for another one.

The kids were playing in the common room. He saw Maia there as well but decided not to ask her for help. He would be a total douche. She would know immediately and probably never speak to him again. And even if this was wrong, even if he knew Maia only for one day, he cared for her. She was nice and funny. And seemed to like him. So Alec didn't want to screw this up. He walked further.

\- Alexander! I thought you'll never come - Alec cursed under his nose when he heard Magnus.

Alec stood right in his tracks and turned around to face Magnus.

\- I've... overslept? - he came quickly with and excuse and glanced behind his shoulder to find an escape from this situation. But it wasn't so easy with someone so observant as Magnus.

\- Lucky you - he laughed and then opened the door to his office. - Come in, Alexander. I promised you coffe.

He wanted to refuse the offer but Magnus would suspect something right away. He didn't hestitate much longer and walked into Magnus' office, heading right to the couch.

\- What coffe you like?

\- Black, no sugar.

\- Eww - Magnus made a face but made him this bitter, emotionless coffe. - You sure you don't want any milk?

\- More than sure - he took the cup and blew at the steam. He actually liked his coffe sweet not that bitter but right now it wasn't an option. He took a small sip. It was too hot to drink it in one stand. He wanted to go and find that damn bathroom! Alec felt like he could throw up anytime right now.

\- Are you okay? - Magnus sat on the other end of the couch.

\- Yes, just... - he took a breath. - Can we talk? - he asked suddenly. Well, he needed a distraction and talking was actually better than throwing up on his doctor's carpet.

\- You wanna talk? Like a next session? - Magnus was a bit confused with Alec's request. It was sweet but... weird. This kid seemed like he didn't want to talk at all when he saw him this morning and now? Something was wrong.

\- What? No. No... I just... - he bit his lip. Well, what was he expecting? Magnus was his doctor, not a friend. He was doing his job and talking with Alec after their sessions wasn't anything he had to to. Alec felt so stupid. - I-I... sorry. I'll just go now.

\- No, Alec, stop! - Magnus understood his mistake immediately. This kid needed attention. And asking for that was a big step. Magnus was more than happy about that. If he only knew that Alec wasn't doing this for his well being. Not exactly. - Stop, please. I'm actually really honored you want to just chat with me. I'd love to chat with you as well - he smiled, wanting to encourage Alec to speak.

\- I don't want to talk about me - he said after drinking some more coffe. Yes, he was in Magnus' office. Yes, he was drinking his coffe. Yes, that was his carpet that was in danger. And yes, he was making rules for their conversation.

\- And... what do you want to talk about then? - Magnus put right elbow on the armrest and eyed Alec. This boy was really something. Magnus could clearly see that he was anxious and uncomfortable. And still, he wanted to talk. Maybe Alec trusted him a bit?

\- You - he said simply. Alec wasn't very self-confident but now he just didn't care. He felt sick and trapped but wasn't actually scared of Magnus. That man... he was different. Alec was fascinated with him. And since Alec was supposed to be dead in a month or two, he didn't really care what a fool he will made out of himself.

\- Me? - Magnus laughed. He didn't know what Catarina injected him with those vitamins but he was glad she did it. - And what do you want to know about me, Alexander?

\- Let's start with the basics - he imitated him, enjoying the smirk on Magnus' face. - How old are you? - he was curious. Magnus looked really young for a doctor. Handsome, young, without any wrinkles. It was hard not to notice. And Alec was focusing his gaze on Magnus since he needed something to distract himself.

\- Thirty one. I'm single, no children except Chairman Meow, living in Brooklyn - he grinned. - Now you've got your basics. What more you want to know?

\- Why you wanted to be a doctor? The studies must have been hard as hell.

\- You can't even imagine - he shivered. - But it was worth it. And I always wanted to do that. It's interesting. And I love nothing more than helping people. It's so rewarding - his smile grew wider. He wasn't lying but wasn't telling all the truth either. Magnus loved helping people but he didn't choose medicine because of that. As cliche as it is, it was money that led him to the med university. But now he was glad that he was a greedy teenager.

Alec was looking at him all this time. Magnus' answer was so gracious that he didn't even know what to say. Alec has never thought about what he would like to do in his life. It was always obivious since his father planned a future for him. But being a lawyer was never his dream. He didn't have one, actually. But when Magnus was talking all this sappy shit, Alec started to consider his life. And then stopped suddenly. His life was shitty. And was supposed to be really short. There was no need in wasting time planning it.

\- Really heroic - he said finally and finished his coffe. Alec put the cup on Magnu's desk and then sat on the couch again. His stomach stopped hurting and he felt much better. - So, will you show me Chairman's photos now?

He couldn't get any cuter, could he?

So Magnus showed him his baby's pictures. They spent two hours watching Chairman and talking about Chairman. Alec actually pretty enjoyed it. So did Magnus. But unfortunatelly, nothing good lasts forever. Magnus led Alec back to his room. They had to call it a night.

\- Thank you for today, Alexander. I've had so much fun talking to you. I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well - he wanted to hug him, cherish him with kisses and lie down with him in bed. But he could only smile.

\- Yes, you too - Alec didn't smile back even if he wanted to. He shut the door behind Magnus and then took out a handful of sharpies he grabbed when they were going through the common room.

Alec's room was white and bare. And he was sick of it. He knew that he will spend in that place at least a month. And well, he had his standards. He took the box of stickers he got from Catarina and put it on the bedside table. Alec knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep. It was impossible. He took a long nap not so long ago and just drank a bitter black coffe. This night was all his. He knew that trying to run away won't make him any good. And he didn't want to make his stay any longer than necessery. So Alec decided to do something with this room. Since he loved art, he took the markers and looked at the wall. He bit the tip of the marker and closed his eyes for a moment before he came up with an idea. Then he started. He made the first line. And it all came back to him.

„ _Look at yourself, filthy gay!”_

„ _You're disgusting!”_

„ _Don't look at me, fat bitch. I don't want to catch your disease!”_

„ _Die already, faggot freak!”_

He wanted to scream but he knew it will bring nurse's attention and that could be a problem. Alec wanted to be alone for now. He looked at the wall and sighed. It looked like he was moving in for a bit. And it made him sad. Magnus was actually right. This place was not so bad so far. Yes, they had needles and were forcing him to eat. But the pain was all for his own good. They weren't happy because he suffered. They cared for him. Jem watched him eat to make sure he wasn't starving himself anymore. Catarina was gentle, knowing he was scared. And Magnus... Magnus seemed to understood him. He wasn't treating him like a crazy kid. He was patient and polite. Alec felt confused. He would like to live like that, being appreciated and liked. But he was too scared to try and risk. No, he couldn't. He may hestitate but he made his decision already. Even thought he knew that a lot of things they were saying was just a lie. But he was just too weak to fight back. He had enough.

\- To you, I'm only a worthless gay. But what is essential is invisible to the eye.

Alec whispered those words, tears running down his face. When he finished his drawing, it was already a dawn. He threw the markers on the floor and went to bed, not bothering to change.

When Catarina brought him breakfast this morning, she dropped the plate when she saw Alec's drawing of Little Prince and Fox, saying their farewell. Her heart stopped and she rushed to the boy's bed. The painting brought only one thought – Alec did something stupid. But when she saw him, tears stains on his cheeks, his chest slowly falling and rising, she only realised that she was crying too.

  
  


  
  


Sebastian came to visit his friend Lilith. They spent the whole night hacking Alec's account. It was active again after couple of hours. And Sebastian read all the hated comments again, big smile on his face.

\- You're such a creep - stated Lil. - What are you going to do now?

\- Nothing.

\- What? What hides behind this 'nothing'? - she raised her eyebrow.

\- Nothing is nothing. God, how dumb are you? - he frowned.

\- I'm not the one who destroyed innocent nerd's life, so I don't know who's the dumb one here.

\- You are a part of it, so cut this crap.

\- But seriously, what is this 'nothing'?

\- Nothing like actual nothing. It's too early. Those stupid puppets are too unstable now. I'll wait till everyone knows that Alec's account is opened again. And then I'll tell them the truth.

\- What truth?

\- About the madhouse. That it's not our fault he wanted to kill himself. He was a psycho a long ago. He would have to pay for those lies.

\- I'm very happy we're friends, you know? I would never want to be your enemy.

\- Oh, Alec's not my enemy. He's just my disobedient property that needs to be punished.

\- Wasn't he already punished enough?

\- Maybe. But it's too much fun to stop now.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's quite boring, I know, I'm sorry. The next one will be better. c: 
> 
> Thank you all for your support!


	9. Chapter 9

Jace and Izzy came back to school. It was already  nine days since Alec got admitted to the psychiatric hospital. A whole  nine days without their brother and now they have already noticed how much Alec was doing for them and how ungrateful they were. But it was too late for guilt.  They let Alec down, watched him suffer and did nothing to help him. It still hunted them in their dreams. Izzy and Jace tried to contact with Alec but he didn't want anyone to visit him and he didn't have a phone there. But could they blame him? Not really. They acted like they didn't know him. They almost disinherited him because they were ashamed of their own brother. Any of them listened to Alec's explanations, though. And Alec wanted to tell them the truth, to ask them for help. They were respected and strong. They could defend him, if they just wanted. But no, they saw how much they screwed up only just now. And now was too late. 

Izzy had a support in Simon even though this boy was as much helpless as she. He couldn't convince her that everything will be fine because he clearly didn't know that. He was never Alec's friend. Simon liked him but well... Simon liked almost anyone, not seeing a point in hating people. "He may be cool, how can you know?" was almost like a motto to him. And he was a bit disappointed in his girlfriend that she didn't want to listent to her brother's explanations. But he wasn't blaming her. He also did nothing to help Alec. He was afraid that Izzy will be mad and that the bullies will spot him. He was ashamed that he had been acting like a total coward but well, everyone now was smart. So the last thing he could do was to support Izzy, even if it wasn't so easy. She was acting like in a mourning. Simon could be explaining all day that Alec was fine in the hospital but she wasn't listening. So he just hugged her. And their relationship survived. However, the problem started with Jace and Clary since both of their brothers were connected with that case. Jace was dying because of the guilt. He couldn't eat, sleep nor think. Everything screamed 'Alec' and was bringing back the memories of the day he betrayed the most important person in his life. Clary was no exception. She was Sebastian's brother. Of course, Clary was a sweetheart and very good girlfriend but she seemed to care more about her family than her boyfriend. No one could blame her for that. She spent her childhood with abusive father who was beating them. They had to support one another in order to survive this. Clary and Sebastian were each other's strength, they were really close. So she just couldn't stand it when Jace was insulting her brother and blaming him for everything. At first, she believed him. Clary knew how Sebastian was. He... he had problems and tough personality but she knew he was a good person. He was caring, loving and supportive. And even if all of this things happening to Alec were disgusting and came up from her brother, she trusted him when he said that Alec had wanted it himself. That it was a vicious computer virus' fault that everyone at school got the video Alec wanted to record himself. He was lying smoothly and she was so naive that she believed in his every word. Jace loved Clary and couldn't stand it. She was supposed to believe him, not some sneaky bastard! They were arguing a lot. And that was what Sebastian wanted to accomplish. Clary was crying herself to sleep every night and Jace had insomnia from all this stress. They were hurting each other and he didn't have to move a single pinky to have the best entertainment possible. No, he didn't see anything bad in the destruction he caused. He enjoyed it and was happy that people at school were so easy to manipulate. They believed in every word Sebastian said. He didn't even have to try hard to convince them that Alexander Lightwood was a manwhore. Oh, how less they needed to be happy. However, it was still not enough! But now, he was just watching as his sister's relationship was coming to an end. Or so he thought.

Clary and Jace were arguing everyday but they finally got tired of this and had a proper conversation. They came to the terms and promised each other's some things. Jace promised not to say anything about Sebastian anymore and she promised not to say anything to her brother about the things they were discussing. They loved each other too much to let anyone destroy their relationship. The love was so stron that Jace could agree not to beat the crap out of Sebastian. However it didn't mean that he wiould become his friend. No, over his death body. He knew the truth, that it was all Sebastian game that started the bullying. But at the same time he couldn't blame only this bastard. Jace and Izzy weren't better. They didn't notice or didn't want to notice that something was happening. Their lives were just too great to deal with something so negative. And because of that, their Utopia has fallen. When the sibling came back to school after two days of abscence, they were really ashamed. Everybody was whispering behind their back and it was so uncomfortable that they felt even worse. The kids were not talking about them. And Alec was in the center of the bad attention for so long even if this was the one thing he hated the most. But it continued. Jace got tired of this later that day when he saw Sebastian. The blond boy was playing volleyball and smiling like nothing has happened.

\- Oh, look who's here. You decided to finally show up, Jacey? - he passed the ball to Raj and stretched.

Jace didn't answer. Something switched on in him, when he saw this monster. Yes, he was not the only one to blame but if he didn't start this then Alec wouldn't be now in a situation like this. He closed the distance between them and a moment later was pinning Sebastian to the ground. The other boy was not fighting back. He was enjoying the state Jace was in.

\- You'll fucking pay me for what you did - he gritted his teeth.

\- I didn't put those words in your mouth, Herondale. You said them because you clearly thought like that. So it's only your fault - he shrugged, not being bothered by his position.

\- You started this shit. What Alec has ever done to you? - he ignored him. He wanted to know the truth and since his own brother didn't want to see him...

\- Nothing. He was just so adorable desperated. I gave him what he wanted. And do you know why? Because he knew that you won't take his side. Not you, nor your bitchy sister. You should actually thank me I made him happy - he smirked.

Jace wanted to punch him and erase that stupid smile from his face but he was pulled away from Sebastian by their teammate Raj.

\- Let me go! I'm gonna end him! - he growled but Raj pushed him away.

\- Chill out, man! It happened! Past tense. And we have now better things to do!

\- Well - Sebastian got up from the ground. - You wanna put all the blame on me, huh? But it won't change anything. You still will be a coward. But go on, I won't stop you. Hit me. And then tell Alec what a brave revenge you got on me - he spread out his arms, making an easy target out of himself.

Jace clenched his fists. It was so tempting! But he was right and Jace hated him even more know. It won't change anything. And he knew that Alec wouldn't want that. He hated violence. Jace had to make it up, apologise. Punching Sebastian would be just lovely but it won't make Alec suffer less painful. So he gave up, feeling helpless as never before.

\- Great - Raj cut in. - What happened to Alec was only fun. It's his fault he took it so seriously. But let's talk about our bussines. We have a match to win so let's get down to the practice!

He couldn't believe in what he just heard. Yes, everything came to Jace definitely too late. He was blind before but now it was all just too clear. He felt sick and couldn't believe he worked with those people, he called them friends! And they all just had fun torturing his brother! No. No more.

\- Without me - he said, frowning.

\- What?! - Raj exclaimed and threw his hands in the air. - What the hell, Jace?! It's the most important match! We've been working so hard to be able to play in it!

\- It's only your fault you took it so seriously.

Jace turned on his heel and left the other boy speechless. He had more important things to do than socialize with those liars. But after this move, Sebastian wanted to make his own. He didn't really care for that stupid game. He played because it made him popular. And being popular meant knowing people and knowing their secrets. And secrets meant manipulation - his favourite thing in the whole world. But it wasn't the thing that pulled the trigger. No. Jace was annoying but it was Isabelle who provoked him almost week later. Izzy really tried to obey Jace's advices and stay away from Sebastian. But she just couldn't stand it when Sebastian had something to Simon. Well, their team was falling apart since Jace left them.

\- Don't whine like that faggot bitch - he snarled at the poor nerd who only wanted to help them win and came up with a strategy. But Sebastian didn't want to listen to some wimp.

It was too much for Izzy. She loved Simon even more when he showed her his support. And she was still hurting because she was so worried about her brother. So she just acted without thinking. Izzy pushed through the crowd and then slapped Sebastian so hard that a hand trace left on his cheek. Everybody looked in their way and laughed. They dared to laugh. At him. That was it. He looked back at Isabelle with pure madness in his eyes. And then striked back. They all felt silent and only Simon's whimper was heard. He stood before her in time. It was bloody painful. But worth it. What was horrible in all of this the most? That the rest of the watching kid started laughing. And then Jace showed up, panting. When he saw Simon lying on the floor and Izzy kneeling next to him, he knew immediately who did this. He even wanted to fight back but decided not to. Sebastian's cronies could make their lives a hell like they did to Alec. And Jace didn't want his sister or friend to suffer as well because of some idiot. He helped Simon to get up and took him to the nurse office with Izzy. He really thought that it was just a single incident but no... Sebastian was really angry. And decided not to wait any longer. They just deserved it.

\- They are all crazy, just like Alec - he said loudly.

\- Being a gay is called crazy now? I mean... no one sane would be a faggot but...

\- Oh, stop it! He almost killed himself! We should stop already...

\- No - he interrupted the unknown girls. - I mean crazy like a real crazy. Ali-whore didn't want to commit a suicide because of what we've done to him. He wanted that because he's just a weirdo. A psycho weirdo. Jace didn't tell you that he's in a psychiatric hospital? - he looked like he was not enjoying himself at all. What more, he looked... hurt. - He lied to us. Wanted us to feel guilty and take the consequences for what he was planning for so long - he watched the dumbstrucked teenagers and almost wanted to smile when he saw how they faces were changing.

\- What the fuck?! Are you kidding me?! - Aldertree was just furious. - I started blaming myself!

\- Well... unnecessary. It's true. Jace and Isabelle don't say anything because they are just ashamed of this coward. But you can trust me. Everything I told you about this slutty whore was a true, wasn't it? - he tilted his head. And they nodded.

Soon, the crowd was smaller with every second. They all looked pissed and Sebastian just smirked. He knew he just won. But well... Lightwoods didn't have to upset him. It was all their fault this time.

Alec had no idea what was going on in the school or his own house. He has been in that hospital since nine days but it felt like a whole eternity. And what was the worst, he started to get used to to this place. It wasn't so bad, actually. After Alec finished taking his shots, it was only the eating part that bothered him the most. He could be taking pills that were making him all sleepy but he still had a big problem with keeping the food in his stomach. But they didn't expect him to be okay so soon. It was a long term treatment. And it only depended on Alec, if he wanted or not. And he was rather on the 'not' side. However, they were not so nice anymore. They trusted him once. And he threw up everything not even five minutes later. Since that day someone was watching him during and after the meals. That's why he could tell that he and Catarina became quite good friends. They were spending a lot of time together. And even if she was nice, he would like a company of certain someone else. But unfortunately his sessions with Magnus took place every other day. He could do nothing about that. But it was obvious that he waited for those appointments. In days when he wasn't seeing Magnus, Alec was only sleeping or lying in his bed, not wanting to see anyone. But the days when he could see this glittery doctor, he was more alive, if it could be called like that. He was meeting him in the morning after a breakfast and after that, he was sleeping. They didn't wake him because it was the only time he could get some sleep. Alec still suffered from insomnia and was spending his nights painting. At first they didn't take it too well. They had to tell Luke about it and he wasn't really happy that Alec was painting the walls with markers. But Magnus knew how much it meant for the boy so he decided that it will be a part of his therapy. And he wasn't really lying. Alec's paintings expressed his feeling even if he didn't know that. But Magnus was a psychiatrist. He knew exactly what Alec had on his mind when he drew The Little Prince and Fox. Or Mustang. Or Nemo. It really bothered him. Magnus knew that bad things were happening in Alec's head. And he decided to make the sessions more productive. Talking to Alec was really great. This boy was sweet and funny in a way he had no idea about. But the demons were chasing him. And he finally had to face them.

\- Come in - Magnus invited him when their next session took a place.

Alec took his seat on the couch and looked at Magnus. He liked doing that. He was so bored and frustrated in this place, that Alec started remembering what kind of glitter Magnus was wearing during his sessions. This time it was a pearl glitter with eyeliner. And god help him if the lines weren't better than Izzy's. He adored him as long as Magnus started talking.

\- How are you feeling today, Alec? - he asked with the common question to help him relax.

\- Sleepy - he answered simply. The pills for his anemia were killing him. And he was not so sure they didn't give him anything for his anxiety. Yes, it happened once or twice. But was it really a reason to give him meds for that?

\- You should really sleep at night, Alec - he sighed. Magnus knew that it wasn't Alec's fault but still. He was worried. Almost too worried. And it worried him as well.

\- I can't - he just shrugged.

\- I know. Did you draw something knew? - he took his pen and notebook.

\- I wanted to draw Stitch but I don't have enough blue marker.

Magnus smiled lightly. He actually really enjoyed that Alec was a Disney freak just like him. But this time it wasn't very good. Alec was drawing only those characters that had some similarities with him. He didn't notice that, though. He just liked them and looking at them helped him to calm down. But every of this character had his own issues. The Little Prince was lost and wanted someone to help him, to be with him. The Fox was the savior. Mustang lost his family and was held captive agains his will. Nemo couldn't go back to his house, thought that his own father didn't love him because he was damaged. And Stitch was an alien. Alone, different. That was enough for Magnus to know that Alec needed help. He was screaming for it. But now he just didn't realise it. Because... they were only drawings. He just felt like drawing that.

\- I'll buy you one tomorrow - he offered. Magnus has never lied to him. He brought the album with Chairman the next day as he promised. And even if he didn't have to buy Alec anything, he enjoyed doing this. That kid must have not gotten many presents in his life. He was so stunned and confused when Magnus bought him markers for the first time that he completely forgot how to speak.

\- You don't have to - he muttered, sheepishly. Of course he enjoyed Magnus' attention. Magnus understood him and wanted to make him happy for no reason. But still, he didn't want to use him. He was doing too much anyway.

\- But I want to. And well, Alexander, I would like to talk to you today about something... something more important than your movie preferences - he started slowly, not wanting to scare him away. But Alec just nodded. Good. - I wanted to talk about your family. Would you like to tell me something about your siblings?

Alec bit his lip and started fiddling with the string of his pants. He didn't want to talk about them. Of course he was thinking about them every day, almost all the time. Alec wondered how were they doing, what happened in their lives, if they were happy. But still... he was afraid to meet them.

\- I know it's hard - Magnus added. - But it's really important. Could you do that for me?

He was too polite to deny his request. Alec sighed heavily and nodded again but still stayed silent for a couple of minutes. He needed to think it over.

\- I have a brother and sister. Jace and Izzy. I don't know what you would like to know about them, though.

\- What do you like in them?

\- I... Jace is strong and funny. He plays volleyball like a pro and is very self-confident. He has a lot of friends and... well. He's just... just Jace. And Izzy. Izzy is my baby sister but she is more experienced in everything than me. She's beautiful and has everything you would like to have. The look, she's smart and has a great body. And he could kick your ass in six inches heels. But she's a terrible cook - he sighed, not wanting to cry. And he could feel the familiar sting in his eyes. He couldn't help that. He missed them so much and at the same time didn't want to see them.

Magnus scribbled something in his notebook and gave Alec time to calm down. When he knew that the boy was ready, he continued.

\- And what you don't like in them?

\- That... - he swallowed hard. - That they don't love me back - his voice broke.

Alec thought that he got it under his control. And Magnus thought that too. But he was so wrong. He didn't foresee that this topic had so strong affect on the boy. Alec started crying and sobbing and breathing fast. Magnus knew that he had another attack, and this looked worse than the previous one, so he stood up and walked to him quickly. He sat next to the boy and put a hand on his shoulder.

\- Alexander, look at me. You need to breath. It's not true that they don't love you. They do. They just messed up really badly but they are just spoiled, immature children. They still haven't grown up to be as responsible like you.

He knew that Magnus was right. But it didn't change anything.

\- B-but they left me! - he cried almost in agony. Magnus thought about the syringe in his pocket but abandoned it just as fast. No. Alec needed him, not some drugs. - I-I-I... - he stuttered, couldn't form the words. - I a-asked them to... to he-elp me b-but... - he started hyperventilating and Magnus cursed under his breath. This kid was going to suffocate if he allowed this any longer.

Magnus kneeled in front of him that they were on the eye level. Alec's eyes red and full of tears. He was beautiful even crying his eyes out. How was he doing that?

\- Look at me - he ordered and cupped Alec's face with his own hands and forced him to look Magnus in the eyes. - I am here. Now breathe in - he took a breath to show him how to do that and Alec did the same, though it was rather painful and hard for him. - And out - he exhaled and Alec followed. - You're doing great, Alec. Again. In... and out. In... and out - they repeated this couple of times till Alec anxiety stopped and he was just sobbing, ashamed and tired. - You were amazing, Alexander. Here - he offered him the box of tissues.

Alec took all the box and blew his nose. He didn't bother to throw away the used tissue. He held it in his hands, still shaking ligtly.

\- I'm sorry - he whispered, his voice hoarse from all the crying.

\- Alec, don't apologise for something like that. I'm here for you and only you - he smiled, trying to cheer him up but to no avail. He sighed. - Alec, would you like to see your siblings?

Alec pursed his lips, hushing his sobs but his chin was trembling. Why had it be so painful? Why it has to be Alec? He did nothing to deserve any of this! He couldn't talk because he knew he would cry again. And one anxiety attack was enough for one day. So he just shook his head.

\- But you miss them?

He nodded this time.

\- Would you like to know how are they?

Another nod.

\- Let's take you to bed. Would you like some milk to sleep better?

He nodded again. Alec hated milk. But it was much better than pills. He was sick of them. Magnus took him to the room and helped him change into his pajamas. Then Catarina brought them a cup of warm milk and left. Alec started sipping the milk and felt bad for taking food from little, innocent cows. He felt like the worst person in the world. He was torturing Magnus with his behaviour first and now he probably killed a baby animal. But he didn't cry anymore. At least not when Magnus was still with him.

\- Try to have some rest, Alexander - he took the empty cup from Alec. He wanted to cover the curtains for him but there were none in this room. Well, they were too dangerous for someone with suicidal thoughts. Magnus smiled last time to Alec and headed to the door.

\- Magnus? - Alec asked weakly.

\- Yes? - he turned around to look at this poor boy.

\- Will you come to me later?

Magnus was speechless. Alec was incredible. And even though Magnus wasn't happy that the kid had the attack, he was really happy that Alec started to be more open to him. He smiled wider. No, Alec couldn't get any cuter.

\- Of course, darling. But sleep now, okay?

\- Okay.

He closed the door as gently as he could. And then leaned on the wall, sighing. It was more than a challenge. Any challenge was that hard. But Magnus Bane never gives up.

Alec fell asleep really quickly, wondering, why did he ask Magnus for something so embarassing? And why did Alec even want Magnus beside him? It was ridiculous. But he felt so safe with Magnus. He knew he could rely on him. And Magnus wasn't judging, even if Alec acted like a real insane person. He felt bad for bothering him. And at the same time he wanted to bother him more.

  
  


Magnus had his lunch break but didn't eat anything. Instead of that, he decided to pay a visit to the Lightwoods. They needed to talk.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going straight to hell


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all sooooooo much for all these great comments and support. You guys are the best! <3 
> 
> WARNING!  
> Slightly gore, I think? 
> 
> Yes, I've just bought a new carpet to my room in hell...
> 
> Enjoy c:

\- Catarina, go check on Alec in half an hour. If he wakes up and asks for me, then tell him I'm having an appointment.

\- No problem, Magnus. But... where are you going? The weather sucks. We can order something if you're hungry.

\- Thank you, my dear. Actually, you can order me a whole box of donuts with sprinkles. I'll be back in one hour.

She blinked but let it be. It was Magnus, after all. You never knew what he was up to. And she had too much work to actually care. Cat went to check on Alec immediately to make sure that everything was alright. The boy was sound asleep, so she just covered him with a second blanket and then left, not wanting to wake him up.

Magnus would love to chat with his friend but for now, he had more important task to do. Alec was in a really bad shape and needed help. Magnus was doing everything he could to help Alec and the sessions were helpful but he still needed something else. Alec's problem was his family. He loved them too much not to suffer because of their betrayal. It was literally killing him. He couldn't come to terms with what was happening to him and why. He just felt so lonely. Yes, Magnus was there for him. But it was totally different. He devoted all his life for those people, trying to be responsible and perfect, so his parents could be proud. But now he saw that they've never been proud. He was always not good enough. And the same thing goes for his siblings. They didn't even open their mouth and Alec was already there, ready to help them with anything they wanted. But when he was abused, hurt, they just pretended they didn't know him. Magnus could only imagine how terrible it was for this young man. But he was there to help him go through this. But to do that, he needed to ask for help himself. Fortunately, he knew what he was doing. Or so he thought. He got into his shiny car and drove to the Lightwood's house. On his way there, he was thinking about all those things. Maryse was calling and texting Magnus almost everyday. But he never heard anything from his father like Robert didn't care what was happening to Alec.

Their house was huge and luxurious. Magnus almost whistled when he saw the expensive marble their stairs were made of. He has never been there. Magnus only talked on the phone with the Lightwoods but never had any occasion to visit. Until now. When Maryse opened the door and saw him, she was pale as a sheet in no time.

\- Oh my god, no. No! Tell me that Alec's alright! - she was at the verge of tears and Magnus had to take his time to actually understand her.

\- Oh... oh, no! Nothing like that, Alec's fine. I came here to talk about his treatment. Can I come in? - he was impatient but he didn't have a whole day!

\- Of course - she sighed in relief. - Come in. Make yourself at home.

She said and Magnus made a face but she didn't see that. "I wouldn't like to be a part of this home, thank you very much" he thought. That was the truth. Even if the house was very spacious and very beautiful, it didn't change anything. It felt so cold, so distant. It was actually pretty uncomfortable. Like he wasn't at home but some kind of a freaking museum.

\- You wanna drink some tea? - she offered, not knowing what to say. She was afraid to ask anything in case something bad happened to Alec.

\- No, thank you. I'm here just to talk. Are your children or husband at home? - he asked, following her to the living room.

\- Robert's in his office. And children will be here in a moment. Jace called they finished earlier. I'll call my husband. Please, take a sit.

Magnus was left alone for a moment. He sat on the sofa and looked around. Old, expensive furniture made of a real, ebony wood. Lot of paintings. But not even a one, single photo of their family. Nothing. He didn't like that. It wasn't supposed to be like that. They were quite a big family and at the same time it looked like they were complete strangers to one another. Magnus didn't have a family. He only had his dad who he still didn't have best relations with. And Chairman. Asmodeus was not a camera loving person. But Magnus didn't forget about his cat. Meow was everywhere. Literally. Magnus' loft looked like a single old lady's house. But it showed his love for this fluffy creature. And Chairman Meow was only a cat. Alec, Izzy and Jace were Maryse and Robert's children. They should be honored just because of that with at least a stupid photo. But there was none.

He didn't have to wait too long for Maryse and Robert to join him in the living room. And before they even had time to start with the topic, the door opened and their children came back from school. They and one more boy. Isabelle and Jace were really mad and worried. And Simon looked like he was in quite a lot of pain but tried to hide this behind a smile.

\- Oh my god - Maryse stood up abruptly. - What happened?! - she knew something bad has happened. She was just sure. - What did you do again?!

\- Nothing, mrs. Lightwood, really! - Simon started talking, knowing that he couldn't leave his girlfriend and friend alone with a monster like angry Maryse. - I ran into a wall during our match and well... we lost. They're kinda upset at me - he came up with and excuse. And it actually worked because mama Lightwood decided to ignore it.

\- Mom, who is our guest? - Izzy closed the fake match topic and looked at Magnus. He was something. Yes, she was in love with Simon but this man...

\- Isabelle, Jace, Simon, meet Magnus Bane. He is Alec's doctor and...

But she didn't get to finish her sentence. They both ran up to Magnus and bombarded him with questions. Only Simon stayed in his place but he was just as nervous.

\- How is Alec?!

\- Is he okay?

And many, many more. Magnus eyed them. Alec was right, they both were beautiful. Izzy looked like Alec's twin sister, she was perfect. And Jace... he looked like an angel. But didn't act like one. And that was enough for him to stop seeing their beauty. It was them who were blind, though. They could spare Alec all the suffers long time ago.

\- Don't speak at the same time, please - he raised his hand to hush them. He was used to the noise, he worked with mentally ill people but outside of the hospital it was just annoying. They were quiet in no time. Magnus understood that they had a lot of questions but asking them all at once wouldn't get them any answers anyway. - Thank you.

\- What is with my son? - Robert wasn't really happy because of Magnus' visit. He thought about all this case as some kind of a joke. - Did you cure him already?

They all didn't get that question. Magnus wanted to smile at first. He thought that Robert didn't care about his son and he was happy that it wasn't true. But it was not the time to be smiling. It was not a visit to chat about everything and nothing. What's more, they were all waiting for the answers. Isabelle and Jace were shaking from the impatience.

\- Well, Alec's treatment is going slowly. We've started the psychoterapy and a treatment for the anemia. He also has an eating disorder we have to take care of. It's not so easy, though. We watch him during and after meals but he still sometimes gets his ways to get away and throw up. But he started eating and that's actually a big step.

Izzy gasped and covered her mouth with a hand. Jace sat in an armchair and Maryse had to lean on a wall. Simon decided to leave since it was rather a familly matter, not his. They all were speechless. They did know that Alec was at the hospital but they didn't know that it looked so bad. And it was already nine days! Shouldn't he be fine in nine days? It was enough time to recover, damnit!

\- He also suffers from insomnia and anxiety attacks. He had one today. A very bad one. That's because I'm here. I wanted to...

\- It was not my question - Robert interrupted him and Magnus shut his mouth, not knowing what he meant. And he wasn't the only one. Izzy and Jace looked at their father and Maryse did the same.

\- Robert? What do you mean? You asked if Alec was cured, so doctor...

\- It was not my question - he said again, raising his voice. - I asked if you cured him from the gay disease. Is my son still gay?

It was Magnus' turn to be speechless. He was a very intelligent man. He finished a difficult studies, he faced difficult cases every day with his patients. But never... he has never felt so dumb like this before. He has never ever been so taken-aback as at this moment. He wanted to laugh at himself for actually believing in Robert and his humanity. He was just a monster and could see in his family's faces that they were thinking the same. The atmosphere became even more heavy.

\- How dare you? - Maryse was the first one to speak. Or yell. - Your son is in the hospital! A hospital for mentally ill people! He tried to kill himself! We could lose another child and everything you care about is, if Alec is gay?! - she couldn't believe that her husband was such a heartless bastard. After what happened to Max, he still couldn't see what was really important in life. And Magnus cought the 'losing another child' part.

\- It's a disgrace, Maryse! - he stood up. - All of this is a sick joke! My son is completely normal and he only brings us shame for being in that fucking madhouse! He's not some fucked up loony! And definitely not gay!

\- Shut up! - Izzy couldn't stand it anymore. -Alec is gay! And he should be proud of it! We should be proud of him! He's a perfect son and perfect brother! He's not fucked up! He needs help and that's not a reason to be ashamed!

\- You know nothing about the world! You're still too young to understand, Isabelle!

\- Fuck the world! - Jace cut in. - It is Alec we're talking about! He wanted to kill himself because everyone at school was making his life a living hell just because he is gay! He doesn't need his own dad to be like those fuckers!

-Watch your mouth!

\- No, you watch your mouth! - Maryse stood in front of him. - You're going to accept Alec and love him the way he is. If not, then get the hell out of my house - she gritted her teeth and Robert was silent for a moment. They all were.

\- He is my son as well. And you won't be the only one deciding what's good for him - he frowned and looked at Magnus. - We can see him?

\- It is a very, very bad idea! - Magnus said quickly. He felt so uncomfortable being in the center of a family drama but well... he was doing all of this for Alec, so it was worth it. - Alec doesn't want to see any of you. He is not ready.

\- Bullshit! - Robert growled. - How can he know he's not ready when we're not there?

\- He just knows - Magnus tried to stay calm but it was a real challenge. - He'll tell me when he's ready.

\- And why the hell it is you?! I'm his father and you're just a stranger we pay a lot of money to help our son! And you did nothing to heal him!

Magnus tried but was so angry that he couldn't fully control his words.

\- I'm not a stranger. I am Alexander's doctor. And I've already spent with him more time than you have for all his life - he knew he said too much but it was too late.

\- You... - Robert was red from the anger and wanted to hit Magnus but Jace held him in place and Isabelle stood between her father and the doctor.

\- Being gay is not a disease. It's a normal thing. He doesn't hurt anyone because he likes boys instead of girls. It's his choice. What is more important is that Alec still has suicidal thoughts - he said without so much emotions this time. - So it's better if you just wait for his decision. It may take a week, a month. But you need to respect it.

\- You won't tell me what I should do with my son! - he pushed Jace away. - I'm going to take him home. He won't waste his time anymore - Robert left after that.

They were all tired. Magnus wasn't expecting this visit to be so intense. He really thought that Alec's family will be more cooperative after they knew how much Alec had to struggle everyday. But well... he was terribly mistaken.

\- Doctor - Jace walked to him and looked him in the eyes. Magnus didn't need to talk to him to know how much this boy was suffering. The guilt and pain were visible in his eyes. But he didn't feel sorry for him. Jace deserved that. - Please. We want to see him. We have to apologise, explain all of this! Please...

\- We're begging you - added Izzy, tears in her eyes.

\- I didn't say this because I wanted to be mean for your father. I said this because it's true. Alec is not ready.

\- But we really...

\- I know - he stopped the Izzy's useless explanation. - We had a session today. I wanted Alec to tell me about you. He was praising you in every way possible when I asked him what he liked in you. But when I asked what he disliked... well, he had a really bad anxiety attack. I almost had to give him sedatives.

They looked at him, pure horror in their eyes. Maryse was crying, not even noticing the tears.

\- And... what... - Jace swallowed hard. - What did he say? What he... dislikes in us? - he was scared to ask that question because he was suspecting what the answer was. Izzy was also nervous.

\- That you left him - he said simply and waited a bit when they all started crying. - He can't understand why you didn't want to know him when he needed your help. He still loves you, though - he caused even more tears by saying that. They were hating theirselves so much and Alec loved them even after everything they've done to him.

\- C-can we... - Izzy sobbed. - Please. Can we see him?

\- Sorry, but the answer is no and it won't change for now - he shook his head. He felt bad for them at this moment. But well... that couldn't change anything.

\- So just... can you... could you tell him how sorry we are? - Jace didn't sound like him anymore. He wanted to finish his useless life right now. How could he hurt his brother so much?

\- No. You can do it yourself - he shrugged and they looked at him with wide eyes.

\- But you said...

\- I did. Because it's true. However, Alec wants to know how you guys are doing. And I need to take the psychoterapy to a higher level. I can't do this without your help, though. So you're going to write a letter for Alec. Write everything you want to tell him. You have three days for that. You agree?

They nodded immediately. They were so nervous and so excited at the same time.

\- But why three days? - Maryse came closer.

\- Because we need to take care of the anxiety. We can't put too much on his shoulders. Three days, lot of rest and some meds will help him. And I can assure you that this time won't be enough for you to write this letter - he turned his gaze to the siblings. They just nodded again because they knew that Magnus was right. They had so much things to tell him...

\- Is... is the treatment going well? He feels better? - Maryse brought back his attention.

\- Physically, yes. Mentally, still no. He needs more time. I don't want to rush this. Alec's hiding something and I need to gain his trust first. And it may take time.

\- But he will be okay?

\- You know that I can't tell you for sure. He has a chance to fully recover but it's up to him.

Maryse pursed her lips. It hurt so bad to know that her child was in so much pain. But she needed to be strong.

\- Could you take some more of his things? I bought him more clothes and a new pillow. If it's not a problem.

-Not at all.

  
  


The Lightwoods were devastated when Magnus left. The treatment was not only supposed to help Alec. They all were coming through this but it could only help them. Magnus came back to the hospital an hour later thank he had planned. He took the new bag for Alec and entered the building. Magnus still couldn't believe in what Robert was saying. Was he really so stupid?

\- Magnus! - he heard Catarina's voice and cursed under his breath. - Were have you been?!

\- At Alec's house. I needed to talk to his family. He needs more strict therapy after what happened today.

\- Oh... and how did it go?

\- You don't want to know - he sighed heavily. - Is Alec awake?

\- He woke up a half hour ago and had some porridge.

\- Did he really eat that? - he raised his brow. Even him would not touch this thing.

\- It worried me too.

Magnus rushed to Alec's room. He had a bad, really bad feelings. And he wasn't wrong this time. Alec was left alone in his room and felt so bad. Even looking at the drawings was not helping. He got from the bed and shivered when his bare feet touched the cold floor. Alec looked around his room and cursed. There was nothing. No curtains, no sharp objects, not even a fucking door handle to hit his head on. He looked at his wrists which were still bandaged. They were itching so badly that he couldn't stand that. And since he didn't have anything to help himself with the tension, he decided to use them. Yes, Alec was not cutting since he got admitted to the hospital. But only because Jem was giving him a regular check ups and would notice if Alec cut himself again. The boy did everything to avoid the specialistic medication but today was different. He didn't care. It was too much. Talking about his siblings was soothing in one way but on the other hand, it was just terrible. The memories were back. The pain was back. His chest was on fire and his head was pounding. But it was nothing compared to the images that came back to him. He could even hear their voices.

 

„ _Come on, big bro! Play with me!”_

 

„ _Woah, Alec! I didn't know you're so good at English!You're the best, bud!”_

 

„ _Can you braid my hair, Alec? Thank you!”_

 

„ _You're really not mad I broke your bow?”_

 

„ _Thank you for defending me. Those jerks will never bother me again.”_

 

„ _You didn't have to take all the blame on you, Alec. I was the one who broke the window.”_

 

„ _You really like my cooking, Alec? That's awesome! Jace told me it tastes like a deadly poison. Idiot.”_

 

„ _You're going to let me drive your car? You're insane, man! I love you!”_

 

He stopped hearing the immature voices and then heard his own. He could almost see those situations.

 

„ _Sure thing, sis. How fancy you want your hair to be?”_

 

„ _I know but I don't want them to be mad at you. I'll be okay.”_

 

„ _Mhm, it's... delicious... ekhm, really, Izzy.”_

 

„ _Jace, calm down. Clary definitely likes you. Like... why wouldn't she? Just look at yourself.”_

 

„ _Don't worry. That idiot didn't deserve you anyway.”_

 

They were so nice, so great. They were best friends and Alec loved spending time with them and making them smile. He didn't mind getting a food poisoning because of Izzy's cooking because she was so happy that Alec was eating the food she made. He didn't mind being scolded because of something he didn't do, so Jace would go on a party he wanted so much.He didn't mind getting into troubles for beating someone who wanted to hurt his sister. He didn't mind his bow being broken when he saw how sorry his brother was. He only and always stood by their side, no matter what. But it wasn't a Disney fairy tale.

 

„ _Jace, you have to believe me! I didn't want this! Please, talk to me! I'm sorry!”_

 

„ _It's been two weeks, Iz. I know you're upset but... can we talk? I would like to... Izzy, please, come back!”_

 

„ _It wasn't me. Just let me explain and you'll understand everything. No, you don't know what happened!”_

 

„ _I'm not a traitor! Why are you listening to Sebastian but not me? I'm your brother!”_

 

He asked for help so many times. He tried. But it was all for nothing. They didn't want to hear him out. They just left him. He was all alone. And everybody was against him, trying to make him believe that he was everything they were calling him.

 

„ _Cut this crap! The video doesn't lie! You sucked Sebastian's dick and you're calling yourself my brother? Get lost!”_

 

„ _You could lock the door if you were so horny you couldn't wait!”_

 

„ _I know everything. You're a liar! I won't listen to any more lies!”_

 

„ _They're laughing at me because of you! You ruined my life!”_

 

„ _I'm adopted and free from the gay disease.”_

 

„ _He's not gay!”_

 

„I'm disgusted!”

 

It hurt so bad. Alec leaned on the wall and took a shallow breath, looking at his wrists. Left alone. Hated. And he still loved them to death. That hurt the most. Alec just untied the bandages. The stitches were still there. His skin slightly more pink but they were healing nicely. Slowly, because of the lack of vitamins and minerals in his body, but after all those days they didn't look so bad. He knew that it was too extreme even for a real psycho but Alec was not a fighter anymore. He felt so weak and wanted to end the pain, end all of this. He knew he wouldn't be able to meet his siblings and face their hatred ever again. He would never be ready for that. And if that was the condition of being discharged from the hospital, then he wanted to do it now. He didn't want to call this place his home. Never.

The bandages were on tle floor by now. Alec used his fingers and tried to catch the end of the stitch and pull it off. But his hands were shaking and the threads were too short. He got frustrated after a third try. Alec got on his knees when a sharp pain knocked him out of his feet. He knew he had a fever, the headache was telling him this pretty bluntly. But it was still too weak to soothe the inner pain he was feeling.

\- Shit - he cursed, feeling tears in his eyes.

But he didn't want to cry. His fingers were useless, no matter if he used left or right hand. It didn't work. He needed a tweezers but well, good luck in finding that! He had to use something sharp to get rid of the stitches. But he didn't have anything. Alec bit his lower lip and then... bingo! He brought his right hand to his mouth and used teeth to catch the tiny thread. When he felt it, he just clenched his jaw a bit harder and pulled, firmly and fast. Alec wanted to scream. The pain was horrible and there was so much blood. He didn't rip all the stiches of his wrist. Some remained but he didn't care. He concentrated on the pain caused by the injure and it actually helped. But not as much as he would want. So he did the same thing with the left wrist as well. Alec was watching the blood dripping on the floor. He felt so pathetic. So freaking pathetic. They were all trying so hard to help him and he was so ungrateful. Alec was ashamed of himself that he knew he would never be able to look them in the eyes. He would never be able to look Magnus in the eyes. Oh, those beautiful eyes. He would miss them. But he knew he was doing Magnus' a favour for leaving him alone, so he didn't have to deal with his poor persona again. Magnus believed in him. Told Alec that he was better than those losers. But he was that loser. He let Magnus down.

Alec didn't know when he started scratching the wounds, opening them. His nails were weak but hard enough to tear the thin, still healing skin. The pain was unbearable and yet, he didn't stop. He did it when the door burst out open. Alec was staring at the floor, not wanting to look at the person. Magnus entered the room quickly but stopped right in his tracks when he saw this bloody massacre, his eyes wide from the shock.

\- Oh no, Alec...


	11. Chapter 11

\- Oh no, Alec...

Magnus wanted to throw up when he saw what Alec did to himself. The blood was everywhere, the boy was shaking but what was weird - he didn't cry. Magnus expected him to do this since he caused himself so much pain. But Alec was just sitting on the floor, his back leaned on a wall. He was keeping his gaze down but Magnus saw the red liquid on his face and lips. That was just dreadful. He could almost feel Alec's feelings. He wanted nothing more than just hug him and protect him from all the evil in this world. But at this moment Alec was this evil. He was dangerous to himself and Magnus had to remember that he was his doctor, not a boyfriend or any guardian angel. He had to help him and he knew that Alec probably will hate him. But it was necessary.

\- Alec, can you hear me? It's me, Magnus. It's okay, don't worry about the mess. I just want to talk to you. Can I? - he was gentle, deciding not to jump on Alec and sedate him with some strong drug like a wild animal.

The blue eyed boy stayed silent. He was all covered in blood, still shaking from the pain and all those memories that didn't want to leave his head. He just wanted to get rid of them and this bloody massacre seemed like the only way to do this. Alec knew that he came too far but now it was too late. He calmed down a bit when Magnus walked in to Alec's room. But his anxiety was back when he realised that Magnus now knew how messed up Alec was. And Alexander didn't know why he cared about Magnus' liking. It was just important for him. When he was with Magnus, he felt safer even though he couldn't explain it. And talking to the glittery doctor was even more soothing. He could almost forget that all this nightmare was real.

\- Alexander - Magnus continued, when Alec didn't say a word. He slowly came closer to the boy and then kneeled in front of him. - I am here. How are you feeling? - it was really stupid question. Magnus knew this from the first glance at the boy. But he needed to get him to talk. Alec hestitated for a bit longer before he spoke.

\- I-I-I'm sorry - he whispered and felt sick, tasting his own blood on his tongue. - I-I didn't... really I... - he stuttered, not knowing what to tell him.

\- It's okay. It's totally fine, Alec. Can I see your hands? Don't worry, I won't do anything, I promise. I just want to take a look. Can I? - he reached his hand toward the younger boy. Magnus knew that they had to act quickly to stop the bleeding but Alec had to cooperate. If Magnus just forced him to go with him or was angry, he would only scare the boy away. And then he could say goodbye to all the progress they made.

Alec wasn't sure, if he wanted to go with Magnus. He knew that his doctor was mad at him. And that he would upset the rest of the medical staff. He was scared. Of course, the enormous pain helped a lot with the voices and memories. Alec knew he would do the same thing once more just to stop this. But still. He wasn't blind. He saw what he did and was now more than sure that they did not longer believe that he was normal. He didn't believe that either. Alec looked up slowly and when he saw the gold eyes full of concern, he felt so guilty. Magnus cared so much for him and he was so ungrateful.

\- I-Im sorry - he repeated again and his chin trembled.

\- No, no, no. Don't be. It's okay now, Alexander. I am here, you're safe now - his voice was so reassuring that Alec actually believed in that. And soon, the chaos in his head was gone. Magnus waited a minute more for Alec to calm down and then asked again. - Can I see your hands?

The boy only nodded and let Magnus take a look at his hands. Magnus frowned a bit. It looked really bad and he knew that they couldn't wait any longer.

\- Alexander, I need you to go with me. Can you do that, please? - he really didn't want to force him to anything. Fortunately, Alec was too tired to fight. He nodded once again and got up to his feet, Magnus supporting him.

They walked to the examination room. Magnus helped Alec sit on a chair and Catarina took care of the rest when he decided to make a call. Magnus was a doctor and yes, he wasn't always a psychiatrist. But he was a psychiatrist too long to trust himself enough with such cases. So he called his friend and prayed he would pick up the phone. Lucky for Magnus, he did.

\- No way in hell, Magnus! I'm not going to the bar with you. After the last time I had to drag your sorry, passed out ass to your flat, I have fucking enough for a one life!

\- What? No, no, Ragnor, it's not that! I'm not calling you for that!

\- If you're going to start talking about that bitch again then I swear to God, I'll kick your ass!

\- I'm not talking about Camille! Screw her.

\- You did. And that caused nothing good.

\- Ragnor!

\- What?! I've just spent ten hours operating a dumb idiot who decided to become a fucking spiderman! I can be not happy!

\- I totally get that, man. But I need your help!

\- What did you do?

\- What?! Why are you thinking I did something bad?

\- You are Magnus Bane. Enough?

\- You've got a point. But it's not me this time.

\- What did you do to my wife?

\- Now you crossed the line! Cat's fine! I need your help with my patient!

\- Magnus, I know shit about psychiatry! I'll get depressed by those sad kids!

\- For fuck's sake! Just get your ass over here!

Magnus hung up and ran his hands down his face. He loved Ragnor but sometimes he wished for nothing more than just strangling him with his own, bare hands. But he had better things to do now. He walked back to the examination room where Catarina was cleaning up Alec's wrists. They boy was so pale that Magnus started wondering, why he did not pass out yet.

\- Your husband is a jerk - he said and came closer to take a look at his patient.

\- I know. But he'll be here - she was more than sure about that. Ragnor was a jerk but not a bad person.

\- I know - he smiled lightly. - Catarina, call for two units of blood. ARh-. I'll finish this. Thank you.

\- Got it - she left the room and Magnus took her seat.

He looked at Alec and his heart hurt. He was so beautiful. Catarina cleaned the blood from Alec's face so he could stare at his perfect skin, now definitely too pale and flushed. His angelic blue eyes were shiny from the fever but dull at the same time. The regret was visible. If he could only hug him and don't worry about anything... if it only was so easy. Magnus put gloves on and took another gauze. He put it on Alec's wrists and pressed firmly to stop the bleeding. Alec flinched but said nothing. They were sitting in silent for a moment.

\- Alexander, why did you do this? - he asked finally. He knew he should wait but just couldn't. Alec scared the shit out of him. And well... there was also something else that bothered Magnus.

\- I... - Alec bit his lip. He felt so dizzy and weak that he didn't even have enough strength to ignore Magnus. Besides, he didn't want this. Not really. Telling him everything could help him with the guilt. And when he was looking at his own wrists, he actually was scared he could do something like that. It helped back then. But how messed up you must be to do something like that? - I just... My siblings... you... we were talking about them this morning. And I-I don't know what happened, really. I'm... remembered and it just hurt so bad. I wanted this to stop. I'm sorry, so sorry! - he tensed and ignored the pain, clenching his fists. The bleeding increased. Magnus cursed under his breath and then put one hand on Alec's cheek. The boy looked up at him, eyes wide. Magnus knew immediately that Alec didn't feel comfortable with Magnus touching him. But didn't move his hand.

\- I'm not mad, Alexander. I'm just worried. But don't think about this now, okay? Relax, please - he smiled and Alec nodded.

\- You're an idiot, Magnus, if you think that after telling him you're worried, he would actually relax - Ragnor entered the examination room, rolling his eyes.

Alec eyed the new doctor. He was tall and had the same white hair like Catarina. And well, he looked rather scary and didn't sound very nice. Alec frowned a bit and moved on his chair. It was only an inch but Magnus knew that his little friend didn't like this grumpy surgeon. He would have so much fun because of that. But later.

\- You're here finally! - he sighed in relief. - Alexander, this is Ragnor Fell. He's a surgeon and will treat your wounds - he had to explain everything. His friend didn't understand that but Alec nodded and then Magnus switched places with Ragnor.

\- Let's see what you did there, bud - he put gloves on his hands and then threw out the used gauze. - Oh shit - he summed up after seeing Alec's wrists. Ragnor sat on the chair and gently took his hands to have a better view on the wounds. - Did you rip your own flesh?

Alec shivered and closed his eyes. He really didn't want to remember this.

\- I'll explain it later. Can you just patch this up? - Magnus cut in.

\- Are you kidding? - he snarled. - I've just fixed that spiderman idiot's spine. It was like puzzles. This is nothing compared to that. Very delicate area, but yeah, I'll manage.

\- Thank you.

\- Yeah, whatever - he rolled his eyes again. - Call Cat here. He needs anaesthesia for that. Oh, and get out from here. I need peace.

\- No! - Alec exclaimed suddenly and they both looked at him, shocked.

\- Hey, kid. Without the anaesthesia you'll just die from pain, you realise that?

\- I-I don't... it's not that - he muttered.

\- Then what is it? We need to hurry, you know? - Ragnor was really annoyed. That's why he didn't like this kind of patients. Too much unnecessary talking.

\- Can Magnus stay here? - he asked quietly. - I want him to stay here.

Alec looked at Magnus with such pleading eyes that he actually felt like crying. His heart melted and he smiled, not controlling this any longer. Ragnor was shocked and when he looked at his friend he knew that they needed to talk. But this kid's life was the most important thing right now.

\- Okay. Magnus, you're staying. And now let's get to work. I want to sleep.

Catarina joined them a minute later. They fixed Alec's wrists. It still hurt even with the anaesthesia but Magnus was there all the time. He was just sitting next to Alec and Alec was looking at Magnus. It distracted him enough for the rest two to work in peace.

\- It's not the reason I've got banned from Peru but I hope you had a good time listening to my little story, hmm? - he smiled. Yes, Magnus was telling Alec a story to help him stay still during the unpleasant treatment. And he was stunned that Alec was listening with such interest.

\- Done - Ragnor finished bandaging Alec's wrists and then threw out the bloody gloves. - Magnus, that story was lovely but I hope you know that I need to call Luke, right?

\- Yes. Do it. I'll take Alec to his room - he helped the boy to his feet. Alec needed to be supported. The dizziness to strong for him to walk alone.

\- Why Luke? - he asked, almost sleepwalking.

Magnus gritted his teeth. Yes, they had to tell Luke that their patient had a second suicide attempt. But it meant nothing good for Alec and Magnus wanted to avoid it at any cost. But Ragnor was right. They couldn't lie. It was their job after all.

\- Don't bother the pretty head of yours with such things, Alexander. How are you feeling? - he tried to change the topic and Alec was too weak to be suspicious

\- Sleepy. Can I go to sleep?

\- Of course, Alexander.

Alec didn't remember how he got to his bed. But Magnus did. The poor boy passed out walking to his room and Magnus had to carry him. He was scared how light Alec was but it was not a time for this. Alec woke up after couple of minutes and saw an iv drip with red liquid in it. And then heard someone talking.

\- I know you care about this boy but he is a difficult case! We need to start treating him with something more than blood suplements and talking - said the voice Alec didn't recognise.

\- Oh yes, do it! Let's cloud his mind completely. That will definitely stop him from wanting to take his life! - and this voice he knew very well.

\- You have a better idea? It's been nine days, Magnus. There's no any progress.We need to start the medication!

\- No fucking way, Luke! It'll destroy him! He'll close himself completely! And we've done progress!

\- I can clearly see that! If you weren't there on time, he would be dead now! How would you explain this to his parents?!

\- I'm the one who visited his parents! I'm the one who will have to call them and tell them that while we were chatting, their son tried to kill himself again. But I will do this because as you've already noticed, I care for this boy. And I won't allow you to give him any drugs.

\- You have no power here, Bane - he frowned.

\- I think he has more power than you, Luke - said Ragnor, putting his hands into the cloak's pockets. - This boy trusts him. And that's the best cure medicine has ever invented. Don't forget the penicillin, though. He just needs time.

\- Time? Yes, let's wait for his next suicide attempt. It's so much fun - he growled.

\- I'm not a psychiatrist and so aren't you. But I trust Magnus and you should do the same - he took his friend's side and Magnus wanted to thank him but he could do this later.

\- But I am your boss. And I care about this boy just as much as you - he stated and Magnus laughed.

\- Are you kidding me right now?! You only care about yourself and your family. Think about it. What if your son was here instead of Alec?! Would you feed him with drugs he doesn't need?

\- I don't have my own kids. But I'm more than sure that Sebastian or Clary would understand that it's for their own good!

Alec's heart beat faster. Sebastian. And suddenly the realisation hit him. Luke. Clary. Sebastian. Not his real son. He did his math. It couldn't be a coincidence, could it? He tried so hard to forget about this monster and now he was so close. He didn't feel safe anymore. Alec tried to get up but his body was too weak and didn't cooperate with his brain. It was even more terrifying. He didn't know when he started sobbing. He felt so trapped. He couldn't run away and Sebastian could know his every step.

\- Then I'm more than happy that your adopted brats are so great but you won't... Alec? - he stopped talking when he heard someone crying and rushed back to Alec's room. Shivers ran down his spine when he saw this poor angel. He wanted to comfort him but then Luke and Ragnor followed him.

\- I don't get it. I gave him quite a lot painkillers. He shouldn't be crying - said Ragnor.

\- It's not that - Magnus rolled his eyes. How did Ragnor could not understand it? Really. He came closer to Alec's bed. - What's happening, Alec? You heard us? - he knew the answer but waited till Alec nodded. Fuck. - Don't worry, Alec. It'll be all fine.

\- No it won't! - he wanted to scream but it came up as a pathetic whimper. - I wanna go home. Let me go home!

\- It's enough - said Luke. - I'm sorry kid but the playtime is over. I'll give you something to sleep better. Ragnor, prepare me a diazapam shot.

\- No! - Alec was angry but also scared. He heard from Jace and Clary that Luke was cool but now he was everything but cool. What if he was just like Sebastian? - Don't touch me! Get away from me! - he raised on his elbows and Magnus immediately put his hands on Alec's shoulders, forcing him to lay down again.

\- Alec, deep breath. No one's going to hurt you - he tried to calm him down but he was just as angry. Alec's was his patient, not Luke's. Why did he have to interfere?!

\- You see, Magnus. He's too unstable. Strap him for the night.

\- What?! - it was Magnus' turn to panick. - You want to strap him?! He can barely move!

\- After that incident, we need to take all the precautions - he looked at Alec who was now only staring at them with wide eyes.

\- Over my dead body, Garroway - Magnus growled and stood before Alec's bed, not letting Luke get any closer.

\- Ragnor, the shot, please! - he ignored Magnus and turned his glance to the surgeon.

\- Fuck you, I'm not a nurse - he frowned. Luke was his boss but he didn't give a single damn about that right now. He didn't know Alec. But the fifteen minutes were enough for him to know that this kid was a sweetheart. He didn't know anyone who would listen to Magnus' rambling and be interested in that shit. And besides, he really made his work easy, staying still even though he knew that all of this hurt like a bitch.

\- Ragnor! - Luke was taken aback by his answer. But Alec started liking this grumpy doctor right away.

\- I've finished my job so I don't have to listen to you - he shrugged.

\- Enough! - exclaimed Luke. - We will talk in my office, the both of you. But now, straps. I'm not going to risk again.

\- No straps - Magnus said this time without so many emotions.

\- So, how you're gonna make sure that he won't do anything stupid?

\- That's simple. I'll stay with him for the night. I'll be watching him over.

\- I'm not going to pay you for this, you know that? - he didn't know what else to say. He didn't expect Magnus to do something like that but well... doctor's presence was much better than straps. He couldn't argue with that.

\- Look at my face, carefully. Do I look like I give a shit about money? - he frowned and Ragnor smirked.

\- Fine. Inform me if something else happens. And I mean it, Magnus. Don't let anything else happen.

He left. Alec sighed in relief but kept his gaze on Magnus. He couldn't believe that he did all of this for him. He was actually feeling guilty for putting Magnus in trouble. But on the other hand, he felt happy. First time from god knows how long, he felt happy. Magnus really cared for him. Alec wasn't only a job responsibility. Magnus really liked him. And that was everything Alec needed to forget about the pain for some time.

\- And now I really need to have a drink - said Ragnor. - I'm going home. Magnus, will you be okay?

\- Sure. Thank you for everything, buddy - he smiled and then sat on a chair beside Alec's bed.

\- Yea, no problem, I'll call you later. Great drawings, kid. Sleep well.

Alec only nodded and when he finally was alone with Magnus, he looked at the older man.

\- I'm so sorry - he whispered, but this time kept looking at him.

\- Well, you should be - he crossed his arms. - You scared me, you know?

\- I'm really sorry - he said again. - I didn't want to do this. I know you don't believe me...

\- I do - Alec's eyes widen in shock. - I do believe you.

\- I... thank you. Thank you for everything. You really don't have to stay with me here - he bit his lower lip, feeling bad that Magnus was in a situation like this because of him.

\- I wanted this. No one told me to do this. So, please, stop. All you need now is rest, Alexander. Sleep

Magnus grinned and moment later his eyes widen in shock when he felt Alec's hand covering his own hand.

\- Alec...

\- No one told me to do this. Goodnight, doctor Glitter.

He could swear he saw a shadow of smile on Alec's face. And he felt so happy and so bad. The boy was asleep before he even realised what happened. Magnus was left alone with his own thoughts. He knew he did the right thing staying with Alec. But he was looking at the sleeping boy's face, he felt so guilty. It was all his fault. They had a session this morning and Magnus should have noticed that something was bad with Alec. But he hasn't and that what happened. It was all his fault that the poor kid almost killed himself. He wasn't with him when he needed his support. Magnus was a doctor, for crying out loud! And he failed. Alec suffered because he was not good enough. He really wanted to scream. Or at least get wasted and forget about all of this even for a moment. But it wouldn't help with anything. Luke was right. He had to change the way of their sessions and improve the pace. But not like this. No meds. Magnus felt like a shit. Useless shit. However, Magnus was not a person who would give up that easily. He could feel the way he felt but he promised Alec that he'll help him get better. And he was determined to keep his promise. No matter what.

Alec's hand was still on Magnus' when he got away from the train of his thoughts. He smiled and caressed gently his hand and bandaged wrist.

\- I'm not going to lose you, you stupid teenager.

  
  


The Lightwoods didn't know what happened till Luke called them. Magnus could be talking anything he wanted but Luke was the head of the hospital and this was his duty to inform the patient's family. Maryse picked up the phone and sat immediately when she heard what happened.

\- Mom? - Izzy became white as sheet when Maryse made a gesture with her hand to tell her to be quiet.

\- Yes, Maryse Lightwood here. What happened?

\- I'm sorry to inform you about this. But Alec had his second suicide attempt.

\- Oh my god... no... - she started crying and Luke had to wait for her to calm down.

\- Don't warry, miss. We have it under control now. We're going to change his treatment. I'll inform you when we will know something else. Alec's resting now.

\- Thank you.

Maryse hung up, not being able to handle this conversation any longer. She was crying and so was Izzy. She hugged her mother tightly.

\- Mom, will you help us with the latter?

\- I'd love to.

  
  


At the same time at Garroway-Fairchaild-Morgenstern house it was rather peaceful. Clary was painting something, listening to music with her headphones on. Jocelyn was cooking in the kitchen and Sebastian. Well, Sebastian was doing a lot of things. Because a lot of things was happening since they opened Alec's account and said all of those lies under Alec's address. He was scrolling through the wall, reading the comments when he saw Luke walking outside. He put his phone in the pocket and walked after him. He didn't hear all the conversation but heard the most important parts. But... well, it wasn't him who led Alec to do that. He knew that Jace and Izzy dind't have any social media after the incident with their brother and Clary with Simon also deleted all their accounts to support their second halves. But well, it didn't matter.

\- Sebastian? What are you doing here? - he almost jumped when he heard Luke's voice.

\- You scared me - he sighed. - Nothing. I was looking for you.

\- Oh... - he didn't suspect anything. - So... how can I help you?

\- I just wanted to know, if you know something about Alec? I heard he's at your hospital.

\- Yes, he is - he nodded.

Luke didn't know anything about his adoptive son and Alec being together. Any of the adults knew. And even when the police was called to school, no one pointed Sebastian as the culprit. They knew that keeping their mouths shut was better than getting in a fight with Sebastian. They didn't want to end like Alec.

\- But I can't really tell you anything.

\- That's a shame - he put a hand on his neck. - Can't you even tell me when he'll be discharged?

\- We don't know yet. Why do you ask? - he raised his brow.

\- I know him. And I feel bad for him. I don't know... maybe... could I pay him a visit?

\- I don't think so. Even his family can't see him right now. But if something changes, I'll tell you.

\- Thanks, Luke.

Sebastian smirked, when he was alone again. They didn't know. Everybody had the video on their phones but no one said anything. Sometimes he wondered how stupid and easy to manipulate the kids were. But they meant nothing. He found it rather funny how Alec was scared of him if he still didn't tell anyone. Maybe he really should pay him a visit? After all, he told Sebastian he loved him. So there was no doubt Alec would love the idea. He knew that.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I freaking love Ragnor. My little cabbage ♥ 
> 
> Love you guys. Thank you so much for staying with me and this story! A little Malec to brighten up your day c:


	12. Chapter 12

Magnus stayed with Alec all night. He was sleepy and uncomfortable on this hard chair as hell. But promise was a promise and he was going to keep it. Alec slept quite peacefully after Magnus gave him some paracetamol to kill the fever. And then he was just looking at him, still holding his hand. Alec was incredible and so beautiful. He couldn't get enough of that man. He knew it was bad. Alec was still a boy, a teenager, fourteen years younger! It was too much, that wouldn't work. And then Magnus just laughed under his breath.

"What the hell are you talking about, old man? He may be gay but he would never be interested in you. He will find someone his age and never remember you again."

It was sad and actually hurt Magnus but he knew that it was the truth. The relationship was temporary. He was Alec's doctor and Alec was Magnus' patient. It will all come to an end with a moment Alec will get better. He knew that but it didn't ease the pain. Magnus has never got so close to a patient in such a short time. But Alec seemed to be different. He was honest and caring. And so damaged. It was breaking Magnus' heart everytime he saw the boy's sorrow. He still didn't know all the truth but he knew that he didn't deserve what he came through. Alec had a good heart. Probably too good for most people he met in his short life. He remembered their conversation not so long ago.

„Yes, Alec. I took a photo of Chairman licking the ice cube. You like it?”

„I do. This cat is amazing.”

„He thinks so too. So, Alec. How's it come you love animals so much and you don't have one?”

„I-I... I can't. My parents don't like them, so...”

„Oh... I get it. Well, maybe some day. But hey, don't worry. Chairman is a little egoist. In that case, having human friends is much better. Do you want to talk about your friends?”

„I... umm... I don't have any so we can't really talk about them.”

„Why don't you have friends, Alexander?”

„I'm too boring for them, I think. I don't really know.”

„How do you feel about that?”

„Fine. I don't really care. They're too stupid for me anyway, so...”

„You've never wanted to make friends, Alexander?”

„I have. But those people are strange. They laugh at everything and only take selfies. I mean... what's the point in having a hundred copies of the same photo?”

„That's the only reason?”

„No. I just... I just know how two-faced they are. I hate that. Or hated when I couldn't trust someone. So I just stopped trying.”

„It's not good to be alone, Alec.”

„I wasn't alone...”

 

Now he knew that he meant his siblings back then. And he admired him even more. Alec forgave his siblings everything they've done because his love for them was so strong. And Magnus was jelous. It was his biggest dream. To be loved truly by someone so pure and beautiful like Alec. But it was impossible. He was destined to be hurt by heartless devils like Camille.

Before he realised, it was already a dawn. Magnus rubbed his eyes, his makeup now ruined completely. He looked one more time at Alec and then put the boy's hand on the bed, covering it with a blanket. He had to go even if he didn't really want to. But a very hungry cat was waiting for him back at home. So he didn't have a choice.

\- Rest, Alec. I'll be back in couple of hours. Don't do anything stupid, I beg of you - he sighed heavily and then stretched. He was so tense and tired.

Chairman Meow was happy and furious at the same time. Magnus gave him food and that helped with the cat's humor. Lucky for him, because after Magnus took a shower and ate some leftover pizza, he wanted to cuddle. And this little fluffy ball was just perfect for that.

\- What am I supposed to do, Chairman? - he asked, laying in his bed, the cat on his chest. - I'm so confused. Why do I care about the boy so much?

\- Meow.

\- Of course I feel bad for him. That was a really stupid question, Chairman.

\- Meow.

\- Yes, I know. But... I also feel bad when something is happening to him, you know? Like... why? I take care of many patients after all.

\- Meow.

\- Yes, my friend. He is special. If you could only see him... He ends at the level of my lips. He has hair black as ebony and skin white as snow. But those eyes. Oh, my cutie, you should see his eyes! They're ocean blue. So deep blue. I've never seen this shade of blue before but I know it's my favourite.

\- Meow.

\- No, I'm not exaggerating! He's drop dead gorgeous! And so polite, so funny and... so young - he sighed heavily. - Why is he so young, Chairman?

\- Meow.

\- He's too young for you too, you traitor!

They finished their conversation after that because Magnus jus fell asleep. Chairman stayed with his owner since his body heat was very pleasant. And didn't move. They slept like that together. For a good couple of hours. Magnus' dreams were just too sweet.

„They were laying on a blanket by the lake. The weather was fantastic. Sunny, warm and a little breeze. Magnus was looking at Alec, who was smiling and cuddling to him, wrapping his arm around Magnus' middle. He slid his hand into the angel's hair and the boy purred, contented.

\- Magnus, I feel so happy I have you.

\- My cute angel. Come here.

Alec was now on Magnus' eye level, still smiling. Magnus was looking at the ocean blue orbs.

\- You feel tense, Magnus. Busy day at work?

\- As always, darling.

\- I'm sorry. But don't forget that you have me. I'm always here for you, okay?

\- How could I forget?

The boy moved closer and Magnus could feel Alec's breath on his lips. He wanted to meet them halfway so he did the same move.”

But Alec's lips were strangely... plushy? His eyes snapped open and he saw Chairman Meow. Magnus opened his mouth in his sleep and must have started snoring because the cat thought that the best way to hush his owner was just putting a paw into his mouth.

\- Eeeewwww! - Magnus sat immediately and started wiping the cat's hair from his tongue. - You little devil! I'll never feed you again! - he glared at the cat, threatingly.

Chairman only yawned and then curled into a ball, deciding to take another nap. Magnus sighed, defeated. He couldn't be mad at this mean creature. He scratched him behind the ear and then smiled.

\- I've had the most stupid dream, you know? - he smiled but looked so tired. - Why am I doing this to myself - he sighed again, rubbing his temples.

Magnus dreams were different nowadays. And they helped him realise that his priorities have changed about one hundred eighty degrees. A couple years ago, he could only have fun. Magnus didn't think about consequences. It was only university, then work and parties. He had girls and boys for a one stand night everyday. He didn't even remember their names in the morning. But he enjoyed living like this. However, now it looked completely different. Magnus was now thirty. And still single. He was in love like two or three times in his life but it was all so bad. He was the only one who cared in the relationships. His partners only hurt him and didn't even say sorry. Magnus had enough and continued his carefree life. But he didn't enjoy it anymore. He was watching his friends getting married and he was just jelous that they were so close. That they could trust each other so much they didn't need words to communicate anymore. He also wanted to experience something like that. Magnus was tired of being all alone and talking only to his cat. He wanted to wake up and look at the person sleeping next to him. He wanted to go back home, knowing that someone was waiting for him. Yes, he wanted stabilization. But now when he became a psychiatrist, it wasn't so easy anymore. Magnus could read people too easily. He didn't have to know them for a very long time to know if they were even worth the effort. And Alexander... Alexander was worth all the efforts. He appeared out of nowhere and turned out to be so different. And so young. Yes, very young but at the same time very mature for a person his age. He had everything Magnus was looking for. No, he wasn't in love, that would be just ridiculous. It was only a couple of days. But he felt that he needed to protect him at all cost. He wanted to be near him as often as he could. Magnus didn't understand that. But... did he have to? He wasn't doing anything bad. He was just taking care of him, as a good doctor he was. He wasn't breaking the law. Because yes, the next problem with Alexander was that he was underage and his patient. Even if Alec would like to know Magnus better, he couldn't. And Magnus wanted to know Alec better too. But he also needed and loved his job, he couldn't lose it. The last thing he could do was to be professional and help Alec get back to his feet. And then... maybe he would agree to a coffe?

\- Fuck my life! - he exclaimed suddenly and fell back on the pillows, covering his face with his arms. Why everything had to be so tough? - I'm done, Chairman. We're going to find you a girlfriend. And you're going to be daddy and give your daddy your babies so I could finally do something useful with my life - he was laying like that for some minutes before he looked at the clock and cursed. He was so damn late.

When he arrived at the hospital, he was dressed as fabulous as always, his make up on fleek. Magnus could feel the nurses' stares on him. Yes, they could spend hours before a mirror and they wouldn't look as perfect as he. Life was so brutal somedays.

\- Magnus! You know what time it is?! - or more than somedays.

\- Cat, darling, I know, I'm sorry. I've overslept - he shrugged. - Did I miss something?

\- Marisol had a panick attack again - she sighed. - We needed to sedate her, nothing else worked.

\- That's a shame. I'll go to her when she wakes up. When do I have my next appointment?

\- In ten. Oh, and Magnus...

\- Yes?

\- What you did yesterday... I'm so proud of you.

She smiled and left him, going back to her duties. Magnus smiled back. It was so nice to be appreciated. And his next patient was also a good kid. George Lovelace was bipolar and Magnus felt so bad for him. He could have had a great life but with this mental disorder it was impossible to live without strong drugs. And Magnus was the one to prescribe them. They spent a whole hour talking and then the kid came back to his room and Magnus went for a coffe.

\- Here - Jem handed him the cup.

\- Thanks, bud. How's it going? - he sipped the heavenly drink.

\- Good. But you know, you don't have to pretend. I know you want to ask about Alec - he smiled politely.

\- And why you think that? - Magnus raised his brow.

\- Because the coffe doesn't have any sugar in it. You would yell at me if you weren't so deep in your thoughts. So?

\- Damnit. You sly fox, how are you doing that?! - Magnus put the cup down and crossed his arms over his chest.

\- You're not the one who's fabulous. Now, the question.

\- I hate you, that's the first thing. And the second... how is Alec? Did he wake up?

\- I love you too. And no, he didn't. It may take him couple of days since he lost so much blood. But don't worry, he's sleeping peacefuly. Tessa came back from her vacation. She's taking care of him now.

\- Great. And how the things are going between you and Tessa?

\- You know... after thinking it over again I decided I don't love you so much. I must go back to my patients.

\- It's a nap time...

\- Bye, bye.

Magnus rolled his eyes. Why did he choose such people for being his friends? Yes, they were the best people in the world, but still! He sighed and then threw seven cubes of sugar to his coffe. He needed this if he wanted to survive this day. Magnus had few more patients and then he came to visit Alec. The boy was sound asleep in his bed, new drip in his arm. He looked so tired even in his sleep. Magnus could be watching him all day but he didn't have all day. He looked the last time and left.

It turned out that Alec was unconscious for whole four days. Four days that were like eternity. At least for Magnus. Since he was his doctor, a furious and crying Maryse wanted to meet with him. So he had to go to their house again. It was too much risk for her to come to the hospital. Alec could wake up any moment and the sight of his mother would be too much.

\- What kind of a doctor you are if my brother wanted to kill himself again?! - Jace wasn't even very mad. He was just so frustrated. As all of them.

\- I have nothing to say in my defence - he said honestly. - I failed as his doctor. I thought that whatever pushed Alec to this wasn't so severe. But now I know I was mistaken. I've already planned a new treatment. I'm against the drugs, though.

\- You didn't give him anything the last time and now what?! - Maryse was shaking from all the stress. - He almost killed himself again!

\- Miss Lightwood, I know. As I said, I take all the blame and all the consequences - he sighed. He knew that this woman was a lawyer and could do very bad things to him but he wasn't a coward.

\- Just help my son, damnit! I heard you're the best so show this! - she wiped the tears from her eyes.

\- I'm sorry, I'll do what I can. I insist on treatment without drugs but since you are his mother, the decision is yours - he didn't want to do this but well... Maryse had all the rights to decide for Alec.

\- I don't know. I'm not a doctor. Do what you have to. Just give me back my boy already! - she started crying again. Isabelle put a hand on her mother shoulder. They both looked so tired and lifeless. But Magnus couldn't promise them anything.

\- Did you write the letter? - he changed the topic.

\- Yes - it was Jace this time. - We did... we don't know if... you know... if it won't upset Alec. So if you could read it first.

\- Even I don't know what can upset Alec. And it's rather private. The point is that Alec should tell me how he sees that. So I'll leave it to him - Jace nodded and handed him the envelope.

\- Can you tell him that we really miss him? - Isabelle spoke for the first time during Magnus' visit.

\- Sure thing, darling.

  
  


It happened the next day. Magnus still had to wait three more days for Alec to wake up. The letter was waiting for him in the doctor's office drawer. But it turned out that it will have to wait some more because Alec was in no state to read it. Catarina called for him and Jem when the boy finally opened his eyes.

\- How are you feeling Alec? - asked Jem since he was his doctor from the physical problems. - Do you need anything?

\- A shower - he said simply, his voice hoarse from all the sleep. Jem chuckled and looked at the nurse.

\- Catarina, could you please help Alec with the shower? And then bring him to my office. We need to do the next check up.

\- Of course.

So they left him. Alec took his desired shower and dressed up in clean clothes. He felt much better after that but he still was weak and his head was hurting. He slept too much but he had to manage.

\- You still need to gain at least 11Ib, Alec. But your bruises are almost healed now.

\- Great. Can I go now?

He nodded so Alec put his clothes on and left the doctor's office. Alec didn't really know what he should do with himself so he just joined some children in front of the tv and watched The Little Mermaid. Maia was nowhere to be found and since he didn't want to socialize, he sat as far from the rest as he could. Lucky for him, the children were too busy with the cartoon so they didn't bother him. And when Ariel was finally happy, it was already time for a dinner. Alec was scared of this. He was awake but his stomach was still asleep. Well, he did have to manage. Again. This time it was Catarina who was supposed to make sure he ate anything. Jem was called to a paediatric ward so she had to take his duty. However she also had to leave almost immediately.

\- Cat! - a brown haired woman called. Alec didn't know her. - Please, come here quickly. Jessamine and George. I'm gonna kill them. But they may have done that already...

\- Shit! Alec, I'm sorry. Stay here and eat, okay? - he didn't even have time to answer before they both ran out of the room.

Alec looked at the bowl and made a face. He didn't really like tomato soup. And with rice to it? No. But decided to give it a try since Catarina asked him to. But he couldn't. When he tried to hold the spoon, his wrist started aching too badly. So he just sat there, feeling so useless. He got into troubles again only because of his own stupidity. Magnus had to withstand his boss' orders and he was sure he took the consequences for that. He sighed. Alec was so tired of being in that hospital. And he didn't feel safe there anymore. He would like to go home but at the same time, he didn't even want to think about going back there.

\- What are you doing? - he almost jumped when he saw Magnus standing in the door. - I may be wrong but... you can't eat the soup only by looking at it, you know?

\- W-what? I-I know, I just... - he bit his bottom lip. What should he say? That he was so hopeles that he couldn't even hold a stupid spoon? - I'm not hungry - he came up with an excuse. A lame one. And Magnus thought that too.

\- You might not be, but you're going to eat anyway - he said and a moment later he was sitting next to him. - Come on.

Alec tried again. He clenched his teeth and managed to put the spoon into a bowl but it was everything he could do. Magnus raised his brow, looking at the blushing from embarassment boy. And then the realisation hit him.

\- Oh, they still hurt? - he asked simply and Alec just nodded, not looking his way. Magnus smiled and took the spoon for him.

\- What are you doing? - Alec finally turned his gaze to Magnus and moved an inch away from him when he saw what Magnus was up to.

\- I'm feeding you since you can't do it yourself? - he took the bowl to one hand and the spoon to the second one.

\- I refuse - he frowned.

\- Don't be a baby, Alec. I can do the "plane" thing if you want - he winked. And Alec blushed harder.

\- No way in hell! That glitter affected your brain. You should be sitting here instead of me!

\- Oh, if you want to feed me, then we can take turns. But now is mine - he smiled, amused.

\- No! - his frowned deepened and Magnus had to do his job. The doctor took a spoonful of the soup with rice.

\- Here comes the plane! - he called and Alec wanted to smack him. - We're approaching to landing! - he brought the spoon to Alec's lips but he pursed them. If Magnus wanted to play this way, then here it comes indeed.

Alec shook his head and Magnus wanted to laugh. He was too adorable to be real.

\- Here's the pilot of the plane speaking. Please, open up! We have Asian children on board! - he called.

Alec couldn't take it anymore. Magnus was unbelieveable and his joke was so lame that Alec's lips twitched. He lost his guard and wanted to comment on this self racist joke since Magnus was Asian himself. And then Magnus took the chance and slipped the spoon into Alec's mouth. The boy's eyes widened. He wanted to spit it out but it would be just too gross. So he swallowed the now cold soup and flinched. Magnus laughed this time.

\- Was it really so bad?

\- Worse! You are the worst! - he wiped the drop of soup from his mouth.

\- Aww, flattery will get you nowhere, darling. Here comes the second plane!

\- Oh god, make the plane crash already!

Alec ate all the bowl of soup since Magnus decided that it would be the best way for him to recover. And he wasn't utterly wrong. Alec felt a bit better after the food even if eating this was a real hell. He stopped fighting after five spoon when he couldn't stand Magnus' behaviour any longer. The doctor seemed to have too much fun!

\- Well, Alec you deserve a reward.

\- Just don't do this ever again, please - he sighed.

\- Ow, but it was fun! I can't promise you anything. Now you've learned your lesson I hope. Do that to your wrists or any other part of your body again and I swear I will be feeding you any food you'll eat - he smiled but his voice said it clearly. This was the last time when Alec got out from something like this without any punishment.

\- I-I know... - Magnus blinked twice when Alec became sad suddenly. - I know it was stupid and I shouldn't have done this but... I wasn't controlling it, I'm sorry.

\- It's quite alri...

\- No, it's not! - he looked at him again. - You got into troubles because of me. Apologising for it is everything I can do.

\- I just got a scolding I wasn't listening to anyway - he shrugged. - I'm too good to be fired, Alexander. And even if, I would find a new job in a matter of hours.

\- But I don't want you finding a new job... - he muttered under his breath, embarassed. That was the truth but in his head it didn't sound so sappy!

\- Alexander - Magnus heart beat faster and he smiled wider. - You really deserve a reward. What if I tell you that I already have a little gift for you?

\- New markers? - he raised his brow.

\- You'll see. Now go to your room and take a nap. We have another session in two hours.

Alec obeyed. But he didn't want to sleep anymore. He had enough sleep for at least one day to skip the nap. However he didn't have anything to do anymore. Jem already gave him his meds, Cat was busy, Maia was nowhere to be found and he didn't want to go back there and sit with the children anymore. So he just looked at his wall and sighed, taking a black marker to his hand. He knew that with his hands so weak now, he wouldn't draw anything good. But he needed something to kill the time. So he started, deciding that this time it will be Johnny the gorilla. But he wasn't thinking of Sing. He was thinking of Magnus. He didn't know why because... he was just his doctor. But he cared for Alec so much that he wanted to already start the session only to hear the man's voice.

Magnus wanted to wait with the letter but if Luke was right with one thing it was definitely the time. They wasted too much time. Magnus wanted to be gentle and go slow with Alec but it turned out to be ineffective. And he didn't want to go through this nightmare again. He needed to stay firm. But with Alec it wasn't so easy.

Alec didn't need to wait for any nurse to lead him to Magnus' office. He already knew the way. So when the time has come, he knocked on Magnus' door and entered the office. The doctor invited him to the couch, as always and Alec took his place.

\- Alexander, we need to talk.

\- Isn't it what we always do during these sessions? - he tilted his head, not really getting Magnus' point.

\- We do. But this time it will be different. I thought that we have time but we don't. What you did... this can't happen again. That's why we need to start the second level of our treatment. It won't be easy but we have to. So now my question... are you ready for this, Alec? Are you ready to be completely honest with me and finally tell me what led you to trying to take your life? - he was eyeing the boy all the time.

Alec felt uncomfortable and he felt the familiar feeling in his chest. He didn't want to panick but he just felt it coming. Saying the truth... no, he couldn't. He was too embarassed to confess what Sebastian did to him. And he was scared. Scared of this bastard who caused him so much pain. He had his siblings and even if they didn't love him, he loved them. And he didn't want Sebastian to hurt them as well. They probably wouldn't believe Alec anyway. And even if, his mother worked in a police. Alec couldn't do anything.

\- No - he said honestly. Yes, he could lie but Magnus would know right away so what was the point?

Magnus sighed and rubbed his temples. He couldn't force Alec to speak. They didn't have time. But Magnus had to give him some more of it.

\- Let's start with something easier then, okay? - he said after a couple of seconds.

\- Okay.

\- I visited your family, Alexander. Izzy wanted me to tell you that they miss you - he watched his reaction.

And Alec's reaction was... well. He gulped and started breathing faster. Why Magnus was bringing the topic of his family again? Why did he go there? Did his siblings tell them? No, they didn't. He would know if Magnus knew. But still, he felt really bad. Alec shook his head, not believing in a word he said. Why would they miss him? They wanted him dead as the rest of the school.

\- Why are you lying? - he asked, voice breaking, tears in his eyes.

\- I'm not. Here - he took the letter from his drawer. - I visited them twice. The first time was the day when you tried to commit a suicide for the second time. I asked them if they wanted to tell you something. And they wrote this letter. It's adressed to you, so... you can have it, Alec - he put the envelope on the desk and waited.

Alec was fighting with himself. The envelope was white but he felt like it was glowing red, alarming him not to touch it. But at the same time... they said and did everything already. This wouldn't be anything worse, right? There wasn't anything worse than what they've already done. But it wasn't a simple decision. Izzy said they missed him. And he missed them too. There wasn't a single minute he wouldn't think about them. But what if they wrote that they didn't want to see him again? He was frightened. But at the same time... if it was true, then he needed to know this. Alec leaned forward and took the envelop hestitantly. Magnus smiled.

\- You want me to leave? - he asked but Alec shook his head.

\- No. It's your office after all. I just... can you do me a favor?

\- What is it?

\- Can I have some coffe?

\- Coming right away.

Magnus left him for a moment and Alec fiddled with the envelope. It burnt like a real fire. What was it hiding? He felt like he got a letter from Hogwart. Excitement but also a fear. The piece of paper was supposed to decide about his life. But before he got a time to think about it more, Magnus came back with a steaming mug of coffe.

\- Thank you.

\- Please, don't. Take your time - he pointed at the letter and took his sit behind the desk. He wanted to give Alec some privacy but he was glancing at the boy. Well, he had to.

Alec definitely took his time. He was in so big stress for almost half an hour before he decided to open the letter. There were to pieces of paper. Light pink colour. Izzy. His heart beat even faster now and he felt the unpleasant feeling in his chest. But now it was too late to run away. He needed to know. He wanted to know! So he started reading.

„Dear Alec,

It's Isabelle, Jace and mom. We know that you might not want to read it or even look at this but please, give it a try. We really want to tell you something but mom will be writing all of this because you won't understand our scribbling. We hope you are okay with that. Please, be okay with that.

Alec, we all owe you our deepest apologies. We were so unfair and so blind. We didn't notice how much you were doing for us. We are just ungrateful bastards and we know it already. Better later than never as you used to tell Jace when he was doing Jace things. Still, it doesn't justify us. We screwed up too bad to be forgiven and we know that. We can only hope that one day you'll want to speak to us. We are really sorry. And we really miss you.

Big bro, it's me, Izzy. I wanted to write my part as I know I need to apologise myself properly. Alec, I'm so, so, so sorry! I am the worst sister ever. I've never thanked you for all those things you did for me. And I hate myself so much that I see all of this just now. But I want you to know that I really appreciate it. And I want to change. I want to be a good sister you could be proud of. I don't care about being popular anymore. To hell with this shit! I have enough of all these fake people. I swear, Alec. I know you may not believe me but I'm saying the truth. I love you. More than anyone or anything. You are my best friend. And I'm so sorry I didn't treat you right. I'm not ashamed of you. And I don't blame you for anything. The blame is on me. I should have helped you but I didn't. And I will never forgive myself for that. I now you may not want to forgive me as well. And I understand. But I want you to know that I miss you so much, Alec. I miss you. And I love you. And I'm really sorry. Please, get better.

Buddy, that's my turn. I... I don't even know what I should write here. I've never been good in such things but you already know this, right? If not you and your help, I would fail my classes so many times. You are great, Alec. I've always known this but I was too proud brat to admit it. And now won't change anything. But I want you to know that you are amazing. And I really miss you. Alec, I... what I said back there, I didn't mean to. I was under pressure. I know, it doesn't explain my bitchy behaviour. It was all my fault, all my words. But they were fake. I could never hate you. I love you, Alec. I love you more than anyone. More than that stupid game. I quitted the team. It doesn't have sense without you cheering for me anyway. And Alec... I'm so sorry. I just wanted to be in the team and I did what they wanted me to do. Sebastian is a manipulative fucker. I know you didn't do anything bad. It's alright if you wanted to be with him. I should be supportive and I'm sorry I jumped on you. I let my hatred blind me for your feelings. But you're not a traitor. You're the one I can trust. I just wanted to protect you from Sebastian. And I'm sorry if all of this happened because of me. I should have protected you just like you've been protecting me all this time. Alec, I really miss you. I know you hate me and I totally understand. I will never speak to you if that's what you wish for. Just... Please, get better soon. I love you, bud.

Alec, mom's here. My poor baby boy. I'm the worst mother in the world. I chose my job over you. Over all of my children knowing that I've already lost one kid. I can't look at myself. I didn't notice something was wrong when you were telling me this in my eyes. I was so stupid. I don't deserve your love and forgiveness. I failed as a mother. But I really love you, Alec. I love you so much it hurts. I regret all the things I did to you. All the things I didn't do for you. But I promise I will try to be a better mom. If you could just let me... but you don't have to. I will wait as long as you need. Please, just don't try doing this again. You're life is too precious.

Alec, we are really sorry. We love you. We love you the way you are. Gay or not. Hell, be even a squirrel. It doesn't change the way we look at you. We know, we screwed up but you can believe us that we're doing our best to be better people. You don't have to forgive us, we don't deserve it. But if you... if you would want us to visit or call you, then we want you to know that we would be extremely happy. You can write a letter back if you want. We will be waiting, whatever your decision is. We love you and miss you so much. Get well.

Isabelle,

Jace,

Mom”

Alec didn't know he was crying the moment he read the first sentence. He read the letter twice. And then a third time, not believing it was real. But he knew his mother's writing. They really wrote that letter. For him. He couldn't believe it.

Magnus was worried about Alec. He was watching him now and his heart hurt when he saw him in so much pain. But he stayed silent. And just waited.

\- Magnus...? - Alec sobbed, sniffing.

\- Yes? - Magnus voice was quiet and weak. He was scared himself.

\- C-can y-you do... do me an... another favour?

\- What is it, Alexander?

\- Ca-an you... can you hug me?

He didn't need to be told twice. He didn't remember when he stood up and walked to Alec. He didn't remember when he hugged the boy tight and let him cry on his shoulder. And he didn't remember when Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus like a koala bear. But he remembered when he promised him that everything will be alright. And he knew that he will keep that promise.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've overslept to post the chapter on time but well. Here you have it! It's... 4am here. I started at midnight. So sorry for any mistake. And for this 'joke'. I didn't mean to insult anyone! I just found it funny. Yes, I laughed so hard. It's too late. And my classes are starting in 3 hours. I love you guys so much :3


	13. Chapter 13

He was holding him tight in his arms. Alec's fragile body was shaking violently and Magnus could feel his shirt getting wet. But he wasn't annoyed by it. Quite the contrary. He was happy that Alec wasn't keeping it all inside.He couldn't imagine that the situation from couple of days ago would repeat. It was the scariest thing in his life. He didn't know Alec too long. But they talked a lot during their session so Magnus got to know him quite well. There still were things he didn't know, though. But now it seemed like they finally started making progress and Magnus knew that everything was going the right way. He caressed Alec's back and smiled a little, when the boy's sobs ceased. But Alec still didn't move away from Magnus. He was hugging him, enjoying the other man's warmth. Alec didn't understand why he was doing such thing. Magnus was a stranger. Only his doctor. But he felt so comfortable with him. And in his arms... it was like a fairy tale. Warm, safe and he smelled so nice. Alec felt like he could stay like this all day and wouldn't get bored. He fitted so well into Magnus' arms. And Magnus thought that too. Unfortunately, life wasn't that easy. It was only a part of their session and he knew that he couldn't take advantage of the situation. Alec was hurting and he was there to help him not seduce him. Even though it would be really nice and the circumstances were perfect. However, he was sure Alec wasn't thinking of things like this at the moment. And he wasn't mistaken. The blue eyed angel felt so good in this position but Magnus was right. He wasn't thinking of the possibility for them to be an item. He was thinking about the letter. They all wrote so many nice words and Alec knew they were sincere. If they didn't know what they hurt him with, they wouldn't write this, right? They couldn't be that accurate. Well, Alec read everything he wanted to hear for so long. And it really eased the pain in his heart. However... his father didn't even say hello. Alec knew that Robert would never accept him. That's why he wanted to show him that he could find someone who was valuable. Sebastian was definitely the worst choice he could ever do but now was too late to think about it. Robert already knew that his son was gay. And Alec could not hide it any longer. He didn't want to. His family knew and accepted it, Magnus and the rest as well. His father... his father never accepted him before he even knew that Alec was gay, so he wasn't really surprised. But it still hurt. Wasn't Robert concerned about him at all?

\- I'm fine... sorry - he muttered after several minutes of just smashing Magnus with his body and he finally pulled away from the doctor. He felt embarassed when he realised what he has done. He looked at the clock and his jaw dropped when he saw that they spent almost two hours on that session. It always lasted only one hour. But Magnus didn't push him away. He stayed with him and wasn't complaining. Alec felt a little bit guilty. Magnus was too good and Alec didn't do anything to make his life easier.

\- You have nothing to apologise for - Magnus smiled and looked at him. Alec's eyes were red and puffy, tears stains on his cheeks. - You feel better now?

\- Yes. A lot better - he nodded but didn't smile and it made Magnus worried.

\- Is that so? What are you going to do, Alec? Will you write them back?

\- What? - Alec looked like he has been slapped. How did Magnus know they asked him to respond? - Did you read that? - his voice was weak and he sounded so hurt.

\- Alexander, why would I do that? It's not mine. I don't read other people's conversations. But when you get a letter, you usually write a letter back. Doesn't it work that way? - he kept smiling but was a little disappointed that Alec thought he could read not his letter. Well, he really had trust issues they needed to work on.

\- I... no, I mean, yes... yes, it does - he took a deep breath and then sighed heavily before he looked back at Magnus. - I'm so sorry. So sorry - he shook his head to alarm Magnus not to interrupt him. - I got this letter only because you cared enough and still, I can't properly thank you and instead of that I'm acting like an ungrateful bitch. But I'm really thankful, Magnus. Really - his guilt couldn't get any bigger. Magnus did so much for him. He still was doing so much to help him, to comfort him. And Alec only took but gave nothing.

\- Aren't you just cute? - he couldn't stop himself and said it. And then just laughed when he saw Alec's blush on that perfect pale skin.

\- I-I'm not! - he crossed his arms over his chest and got up to his feet.

\- Of course. But seriously, Alec. What do you think about this letter? Are you going to forgive them?

\- No - he took the paper, folded it and put back into the envelope.

\- No? - Magnus raised a brow, not understanding him completely.

\- No - he repeated. - I won't forgive them because I already did a long time ago - he shrugged. - I'm... I think I'm happy because they said sorry. But I... even if I forgave them I don't feel like seeing them. I may answer the letter but not today.

Magnus was really shocked. He didn't know anyone who would have such a big heart like Alec. This kid was something. He might have been young but at the same time Alec was much wiser and much more polite than any other human being he knew. And he knew quite a lot of people. Good people. But they wouldn't let anyone hurt them like this and then not hold any grudges. But when he looked at Alec he knew that the boy wasn't mad anymore. He was just scared and it was totally understandable. He needed more time but Magnus knew that the letter helped better than anything. So they could take the next step. Even if the session should have ended an hour ago.

\- I see. It's only up to you. But when you finish the letter, just tell me. I'll deliver it to your family.

\- Thank you.

\- It's okay. So, Alec, are you ready to continue our session? - he sat at the couch and patted a place next to him.

\- Aren't we finished? It's late... - he sat down and looked at him.

\- It is but we still have some things to discuss. Will you talk to me? - he needed to make sure. What was the point of sitting there and wait for miracle? Well, he wouldn't mind. Just looking at Alec was better than going back to an empty house.

Alec nodded. He didn't know what Magnus wanted to talk about but he owed him. He only hoped it wouldn't be about Sebastian because he clearly wasn't ready to talk about him and all those things he did to him.

\- When I visited your house last time, your mother said something about losing a child. Alec... did you have more siblings? - he askec carefully. He didn't want to upset Alec but it was realy important for him to know. Although, the boy didn't seem to enjoy that question. He became even paler and he started fiddling with the envelope he still held in his hands. Magnus took the cup of now cold coffee and handed it to Alec.

\- Thanks - he muttered and took the cup. The coffee was not good anymore but the bitter taste helped him with getting a grip of himself. He didn't like talking about Max and didn't understand why Magnus wanted to know about him. It always hurt when he thought about this little guy whose short life was only a suffer. But the letter unlocked something in him. They loved him, they were sorry and waiting for him. Alec still didn't know if staying in this world was a good idea but he could give it a try. And to do that, he needed to listen to Magnus' orders. - I had a brother. Max. I was seven when he was born - he didn't look at Magnus. But at least started talking. - He lived six months. Something was bad with his heart. There's nothing much to talk - he shrugged, not knowing what Magnus wanted to know more.

\- You remember him? - his heart clenched. Magnus liked children. He wouldn't work with them if he didn't. He didn't want to have his own since he was the most irresponsible person in the world but still, he couldn't stand when those little creatures were suffering.

\- Yes - he sighed heavily and tighten his grip on the cup. - I spent more time at hospital than at my own house. I literally watched him die. That's why I hate all of this. Hospitals, medications, doctors. I don't say that you all are bad. Because you're not. It's just... they didn't do anything to save Max's life. He was so tiny... he didn't do anything bad - Alec closed his eyes but didn't cry. He had enough of that for one day even though thinking about his younger brother was always bringing tears to his eyes.

\- I'm sorry, Alec - was everything Magnus could say. He hated that doctors after learning so many difficult things still couldn't save everyone. It was so freaking depressing. He decided to be a psychiatrist since it was interesting but he has never thought that it would be so tough. Cases like Alec's were the worst. He wasn't ill, life forced him to be there. And what meds he should prescribe for life? Alec found the best ones. But it wasn't the right way. - It's quite a lot for a seven years old. How did you manage to accept it?

\- Simply. I didn't - he shrugged and took another sip of the cold drink.

Magnus knew that Max's death was one of the reasons this boy was now so sensitive and kind. Watching a child die... he must have really loved this little buddy if he didn't forget about him after all those years. The feelings were still there, he could see it in his eyes. Sadness, pain. Magnus didn't have any siblings. But he understood how much he must have missed him. And he felt even more affection to Alec. He was too good for this world.

\- You still love him?

\- Yes.

\- So you must know that Max loves you too, right? - he smiled lightly, when Alec relaxed after hearing this.

\- I think so - he muttered.

\- And I know so. That's why you can't give up. Max would love to see you happy. I know it's not easy. But we will work for that. For you. For Max. Will you let me help you? - he looked in those beautiful eyes and got answer right away. They were so easy to read.

\- Please - he nodded and Magnus wanted to hug him again. But instead of that, he stood up from the couch and offered Alec his hand.

\- Come on, then.

Alec took his hand. He still wasn't sure if all of this was worth the effort but he couldn't say 'no' to Magnus. There was something unique in that man that worked like a magnet. He was not only beautiful, smart, funny and stunning but also had a beautiful soul and such good heart. Alec has never met anyone like him in his whole life. And he really regretted it. Maybe... maybe if he met Magnus instead of Sebastian, he could be happy now. Alec knew that it was crazy to think like that but he really thought that Magnus would never hurt him. That he would be supportive, sweet and loving. Alec didn't doubt that. Why? Because he was like this already. And Alec was only his patient. He really envied Magnus' partner. He knew that there was no one taking place by Magnus' side at this moment. And when he was laying in his bed that night, he was wondering, how would it be to be in that place. Alec wanted someone to look at him with a sincere feelings, to hold him the way Magnus was holding him that day. But it was impossible. Magnus was a respected doctor, much older than him. And he could have every boy or girl he would want to. And Alec? Alec was broken. No one would want him ever again. He knew that. He knew that even if Magnus would like him and wanted something more, he wouldn't do anything. First thing - he was underage. Second - he didn't know if Magnus was gay. Third - he had nothing to offer. Fourth - he was damaged. Alec didn't know if he could ever be able to be interested in sex. At this moment it just disgusted him. He didn't understand why people were doing this. And he had to wait a bit longer to realise this on his own.

\- What should I do? - he muttered to himself, looking at the envelope. It was the middle of the night so it was really dark in his room. Alec couldn't read the letter again. But he didn't have to. He remembered almost every word they've written there. He had to make his decision. But he could do this in the morning.

  
  


The decision took Alec the next five days. Five days filled with monotony. And it was driving him crazy. Every day looked the same. Wake up, take shower, eat, go on a check-up, take meds, take a nap, eat, take meds, do what you want. But the 'do what you want' part was also monotonous. He could wander the corridors, watch tv or draw. So he just stayed in bed and read the letter again till he lost the count. The days looked different when he had sessions with Magnus. He was really looking forward to them. Magnus was patient, listened to him and after their appointments, they often stayed longer to have a coffee together or just chat. Magnus enjoyed it himself. His friends were working too hard to listen to stories about Chairman. And Alec seemed so interested. He also could know the boy better and he regretted with every minute that he didn't born couple years later so he could seduce that boy without feeling like a criminal or a pedophile.

\- No, I didn't draw anything new. It gets quite boring, you know? - he shrugged and put a slice of lemon to his tea.

\- I'm sorry you're bored. Maybe read something?

\- I've already done that.

\- And what books you like to read?

\- Criminals. Fantasy.

\- I think I have some good ones. I can bring you them tomorrow if you want?

\- I do! Magnus?

\- Yes?

\- Could you bring Chairman with you as well? I would like to meet him.

\- Pets are not allowed in a hospital, Alec.

\- Oh... I see...

\- But no one has to know about this, right?

\- Really?!

Magnus couldn't say 'no' to Alec as well. Yes, they still didn't get to Sebastian part but they were getting close to it. Alec was talking about his family and now Magnus knew that his only friends were his siblings. That Maryse became a cold bitch after Max's death. That Isabelle dated a lot of guys and Alec hated it, that he didn't really like Jace's girlfriend and he had a crush on his adoptive brother when he was younger. It was really important. But the most important thing was the information about Robert. Alec felt like his own father didn't even like him, always demanding too much from him.

\- He must despise me now - he stated and brought the white, fluff ball to his face. Magnus promised to bring Chairman and he did it. Alec fell in love right away when he saw this beautiful creature. And Magnus was so deep in love, watching the two of them that he wasn't even listening.

\- Huh? - he blinked, realising that he drifted off too deep.

\- I said that my father must despise me know when he knows I'm gay - he repeated and kissed the cat's head. Magnus knew that he would do the same just to touch the place where Alec's lips were.

\- Your father is a jerk. No offense but it's true.

\- None taken.

\- If it really bothers him so much, then it's his problem. You have your mother and siblings who are totally okay with it. And you should be who you are, Alexander. Never change.

\- What's breed it is? - he asked, not wanting to talk about his father anymore.

\- Munchkin.

\- Whose a little, fluffy munchkin? - he then hugged the cat and Chairman purred. - Yes, you are.

Magnus had his own business in bringing Chairman to the hospital. To make Alec happy, yes. But Magnus never dated people his cat didn't like. He made an exception with Camille. And he knew he would never do that again. But lucky for him, Chairman adored the blue eyed angel.

Alec had to say goodbye to Chairman later that day. It made him sad since he already loved the cat and wanted to adopt him but well... he was like Magnus' son, so he had to let him go. When he came back to his room, Alec decided to finally respond to that letter since it was over a week he has been ignoring his family. Well, he wasn't doing this on purpose. He just wasn't sure and wanted to think it over. But he was in a better mood, thanks to Chairman Meow, so he wanted to make a use of it. But it didn't make writing the letter any easier. He had to throw away ten pieces of paper before he was satisfied.

„Hi there,

I'm sorry it took me so long. I just wanted to think about it. And I don't want to see you. Not yet, I'm not ready for this. But I'm happy you wrote me a letter. It was really nice, so thank you.

Nothing is happening here. And I won't be writing what's with me since Magnus tells you everything regulary. I'm alive and I think I'm doing good. Still not good to let me go home, though. I think I'm kinda bored. I rewatched every Disney movie existing and I'm more than sure that if I hear 'let it go' once again, I will definitely be crazy.

You can write me about your day, how are you feeling. I would like to know. It may help me to decide when we will see again. Take care.

Alec”

It wasn't very touching letter but what he was supposed to say? That he understands their behaviour and he is totally fine with that? No, he wasn't! He still felt pretty hurt. Forgiveness didn't mean forget. He still needed to sort things out before he could meet with them. But he knew that they would understand.

\- I'll give it to them today - Magnus promised, taking the envelope from Alec. He was really happy that Alec decided to write back to his family. A next step into recovery. It was still a long road but they were making progress. - How are you today?

\- I miss Chairman - he shrugged.

\- I'm offended. You don't miss me but you miss my cat?

\- He's prettier than you.

\- You're just rude now, Alexander! I missed you! - he teased but well... he also didn't lie.

\- Now I feel sorry for you - he wanted to play along but he just didn't know how. Instead of that, he blushed, a light pink on his cheeks. Magnus had to admit that Alec was the cutest thing in the world.

\- I see you're getting better. It really makes me happy, Alexander. But you know that we still have a lot to talk about, right?

\- Yes. But not today. I won't tell you anything today.

\- As you wish. I can't force you to anything.

\- I wanna know why you're wearing make-up - he said suddenly and Magnus eyes widened in shock. He didn't expect that question.

\- Well.. I just want my look to be perfect. And the make-up helps a lot.

\- When I will... when I will be telling you about... you know. I would like you to clean that from your face - he said, embarassed but looking at him.

\- What? Why? - Magnus raised his brows, not understanding a single word. - You don't like my make-up? - he probably looked hurt because Alec rushed with the explanation.

\- No! I do. It's... it really suits you. I think you don't need it, though - he almost whispered and Magnus smiled. Oh, so Alec liked him after all. - It's just... I don't want to be distracted. It's too hard for me and... you know.

\- Got it - he answered simply, too happy to complain. Alec wanted to tell him. Finally. He could only suspect what led him to do this horrible thing. But since he wasn't sure, he couldn't say anything.

\- Thanks.

\- You're very welcome, Alexander.

Magnus delivered the letter to Lightwoods. They were a little disappointed that Alec didn't write much but they were also really happy that he answered at all. Jace read the letter aloud. Maryse and Isabelle laughed and then smiled. He thought he was doing good. He was going to be back to health. And they couldn't be more happy.

\- Thank you so much, Magnus - said Maryse, wiping her eyes with a tissue. - Our little boy would still think we hate him if you didn't help us. I don't know how we should thank you.

\- No... you don't have to - Magnus felt uncomfortable. He didn't want anyone from them. He just wanted to help and seeing the change in Alec was totally worth it. - Alec's feeling better and that's all that matters.

\- You're not only hot but you also can make miracles - said Izzy and Magnus smiled. He always smiled when he heard compliments. - Thank you.

\- The pleasure is all mine, my dear.

\- No, really - Jace cut in. - We owe you, man. But... can you first deliver our next letter?

\- No problem. Alec would be happy.

\- Why Alec would be happy? - asked Robert who just entered the living room.

\- Alec's feeling better. He wrote back - Maryse was too happy to think. She showed her husband the letter and he read it.

\- Great. He can go back to work now - he deadpanned.

\- What?! - they asked in unison.

\- You must be kidding me! - exclaimed Jace.

\- Quite the opposite. If he's better then there's no need to be in a hospital for crazy people.

\- They're not crazy! - Magnus stood in their defence. - They're sick. So is your son. He still needs help and he still doesn't want to see any of you. He needs more time.

\- I don't remember asking for your opinion. Get out of my house, weirdo - he frowned and Magnus blood went cold. He couldn't believe it. He really wanted to show Robert his place.

\- Robert! - yelled Maryse. - How dare you talk to him like that?! He saved our son's life!

\- It's okay - said Magnus before they could argue. - I wanted to leave anyway. Goodnight - he just took the letter from Izzy who apologised for her father's behaviour. And then he left.

  
  


Magnus gave Alec the letter the next day and he could see that the boy was willing to read it right away. But it turned out not to be so easy when suddenly Alec's father appeared in the hospital.

Alec was white as a sheet and started shaking when he saw Robert. He dropped the letter on the floor and took a few steps back. He really wasn't ready to see any of his family member and especially not his dad! But Robert didn't give a damn. He only frowned when he saw Alec's reaction. And the poor boy had anyone to call and anywhere to run.

\- Don't act like a pussy, Alec - Robert walked to him and Alec felt so small. - Why are you in your pajamas?

\- B-because it's a hospital? - he answered with a question but he didn't really know what he should tell him. Alec didn't bother changing his clothes since he was taking a nap almost every two to three hours. It would be too troublesome.

\- Don't be so smart. You let them lock you here for a month. Do you know how much shame you brought me? - he growled and Alec gulped. He really didn't want to be there.

\- I-Im sorry, father. I... - he stuttered and looked nervously around, looking for an escape

\- No, shut up! Only losers try to commit a suicide. You weak wimp! - he looked like he wanted to hit Alec and Alec closed his eyes, waiting for it.

\- What are you doing?! - he heard familiar voice and when he opened his eyes he saw Cat.

\- It's none of your business. Get back to cleaning this place. It's filthy! - he didn't even look at the girl.

\- First thing, you're wrong. And the second thing, I'm a nurse, not a cleaning lady!

\- The same thing - he snarled and Alec could see the murderous aura around the nurse.

\- Excuse me? Enough! Leave the boy alone, I'm calling a doctor! - she ran to get help.

\- Pathetic. You let a woman defend you? So it is true that you are a faggot? - he spat out this word and Alec's memories were back.

„Filthy faggots like you should be killed”

„What are you looking at, fag?!”

„Don't look at me, I don't want to catch your faggy disease!”

Alec wrapped his arms around himself, wanting to protect his own self from the demons living in his head. But Robert wasn't very concerned and continued.

\- A disgrace. But I found you another hospital. They will cure you from this. And you will start to learn since you're only sitting here and watching cartoons - he told his plan and Alec felt like fainting.

\- No, please... - he whispered. He didn't want to go to another hospital. He was scared. He already knew this place and knew those people. His nurses and doctors were very patient and polite. They didn't treat him from being gay. They told him it was completely normal and he didn't want to go to people who would treat him like a freak and feed with drugs. He didn't want to leave Catarina, Jem, Tessa. And Magnus... no, Robert couldn't do this to him!

\- Shut up. They will finally do something with you!

\- Enough! - Magnus almost ran to Alec and the boy wanted to hide himself behind the doctor's back. But he couldn't move. Catarina and Jem stood next to him. - You won't take Alec anywhere. He's in the middle of his treatment. And don't talk to him like that.

\- You won't tell me how I can speak to my son! - Robert was just furious now.

\- Watch me - Magnus frowned. - You're in the hospital. Stop yelling or I'll call the security guard.

\- Fine - he calmed down and looked at Alec. - You're leaving.

\- No... - he shook his head and Catarina hugged him, not wanting Alec to have a panic attack.

\- Mrs.Lightwood filled all the papers. Alec is staying here. And I as his doctor, don't allow Alec to leave this place - Jem cut in but his angelic face showed a pure anger now.

\- He won't stay here long. I can assure you that. But for now, he will have a tutor. My son won't be a faggy idiot - he had to give up for now but he always had to have a last word.

\- A tutor? - Magnus raised his brow and a moment later his heart stopped when he saw the tutor.

Tall, beautiful woman with long, curly blond hair. He would never forget her. After all, she made his life a living hell.

\- Hello, Maggy. I've missed you so much, my darling - she came closer to Magnus and kissed his cheek. Magnus couldn't move and let her but felt sick.

\- You know each other? - asked Alec, clearly shocked that this evil woman knew Magnus. And they seemed to be close.

\- If we know each other? - she glared at him. - Magnus is my fiance.

Alec felt dizzy and Cat had to support him. Magnus panicked. No. No. Fucking no!

\- Was - he corrected, spitting the word like a venom.

\- We can always change that - she winked.

 

Magnus was so screwed up.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello angels c:  
> Thank you for all the kudos and amazing comments! They totally make my day c:  
> Let's start hating Robert in 3... 2... 1...  
> __  
> I have a question to you guys. It's 13 chapter but I'm still new to all those things here so I wanted to ask because my collegue said to me that it's wrong to answer all the comments. And I do this. So my question is... is it weird I do this? I shouldn't? o: 
> 
> Nah. The next chap will probably be updated on Wednesday because tomorrow is so busy and bad. Sorry, folks. Love you ♥


	14. Chapter 14

„He is my fiance.” This sentence echoed in his head, making him sick and dizzy. How someone so wonderful like Magnus could be with such a bitch? He didn't understand. But they were engaged so it must have been serious. Alec felt like he has been slapped and he had no idea why. He wasn't really close with Magnus but he cared. Magnus was the nicest person he has ever met in his life. And the only one person he loved talking to and felt comfortable with, not including his siblings. And now he got to know that this amazing human being was in love with the biggest bitch on the planet. How could it even be possible?! It wasn't fair. Because... if Magnus was with Camille... didn't they have something in common? Maybe he really was just doing his job and didn't care about Alec? Maybe he was making fun of him just like the others? His good mood disappeared in a thin air. Catarina noticed it right away but it wasn't a time to have a cheering chat.

\- Yes, a tutor - answered Robert. - If Alec is feeling better, he can go back to study. There's no any school here so school came to him. My son must catch up with all those things his classmates have already done at school. So mrs. Belcourt will help him with it. She will be coming here everyday for two hours to teach him math and science. Alec, I bet you won't disappoint me more - he frowned, looking at his son who was staying close to Catarina.

\- I won't, father... - he muttered, too scared to tell him to get lost. It all looked too bad. Camille knew everything about Alec and why he tried to kill himself. He knew that it won't end good. It couldn't end good...

\- Great. I brought your notebooks. Mrs.Belcourt will tell you what's next.

\- Yes - nodded Camille and looked at Alec, smirking. He knew exactly what she wanted to tell him by that. He felt even sicker. - You'll prepare the second and fifth chapter for tomorrow. And do exercise six and seven from your workbook.

\- But... - he blinked when the realisation hit him. - It's already six pm. How am I supposed to do so much in such short time? - he asked, feeling so pathetic. He wasn't a bad student. Quite the opposite. He was really good but no one knew how hard he had to work for it. Especially for math and science. It just wasn't his thing. And he knew that he had to be perfect this time as well or Robert won't let him stay there any minute more than necessary. And he really didn't want to change hospitals.

\- Haven't you had enough sleep already? - she raised her brow. - You must sacrifice if you want to achieve something big in your life. Sleep can wait - she stated and Alec nodded. But he knew it was impossible. The drugs were making him so sleepy that Alec went to bed everyday around seven pm.

\- Sleep is crucial for his recovery - Jem cut in, clearly annoyed and mad. - He won't stay up at night to study numbers. I'm sorry, mister Lightwood. But as Alec's doctor, I won't let him.

\- Then wake up earlier - she shrugged. - I don't really care. You must prepare those subjects for tomorrow. How you're going to do this is really your business.

\- I'll manage - he muttered. He really wanted them to leave.

\- Better for you - Robert frown was still there. - I'm going to leave. Mrs. Belcourt, you're coming?

\- No, mr. Lightwood. I need to stay a bit longer. Thank you.

He just nodded and didn't even look at Alec before he left. And Alec felt a little better when he was gone. But still... Camille was standing there and smirking all the time.

\- Magnus, you're not going to greet me properly? - she asked, her voice soft, just like not hers.

\- Oh, yes, I'm sorry - he smiled and Alec wanted to cry. Magnus walked to Camille and took her hand. But he didn't kiss it. He turned her around and reached his hand forward. - Doors are these way. Have a nice trip.

\- You were so sweet - she just smiled and grabbed his lapels. Before Magnus could do anything, she just kissed him.

The kiss was dreadful. Her lips cold and tasted like venom but Magnus acted on autopilot. He was alone for quite some time right now, so he didn't even notice when he kissed her back. She pulled away from him, clearly satisfied.

\- This is a promise, Magnus. You can get more... see you tomorrow - she licked her red lips and headed toward the exit.

Alec stood there, dumbfounded. What just happened? Why Magnus told them first that she was no longer his fiance and now kissed her? Alec started breathing faster. He couldn't believe this. He felt so betrayed. Yes, Magnus didn't promise him anything. He knew that someone like Magnus would never feel anything for him. He wasn't worth it. But Alec... Alec didn't know how he felt. He was sure that Magnus was his friend who he could trust. Maybe he felt a little bit too much affection for him, yes. That was true and when he realised that, he panicked even more. But it didn't change anything. He felt like all of this was just a big fat lie. And even if so many people hurt him so bad in those past months, this pain was a new kind he didn't know yet. He felt like Magnus stabbed him right in his heart. And Alec couldn't stay there any longer. He couldn't be near Magnus at this moment. So he just shrugged off Catarina's hand and walked to the table where his father left him all his books. He took them and ignoring the letter still laying on the ground, headed to his room.

\- Alec! - Magnus called after him and soon Alec felt a hand on his shoulder.

\- Don't touch me! - he raised his voice, not even realising that. - Stay away from me! - he felt the familiar sting in his eyes. But it wasn't the worst. The worst thing was definitely the hurt in Magnus' eyes. But he didn't care. He deserved it! So Alec stormed out to his room, not reacting on his name when they all started yelling after him.

\- What was that? - asked Cat, coming closer to Magnus.

\- I don't know... I don't really understand teenagers that day. Maybe he really doesn't like math?

\- Fuck the math - she hit his chest with her open palm. - What were you thinking?! Why did you kiss her?! - she was clearly mad and well, that was very understandable.

\- Have you lost your mind? - Jem cut in again. - Why, Magnus?

\- I... I don't know... I have no fucking idea - he answered honestly.

Really, he had no idea why he did that. Why did he kiss her back? Magnus hated her. That woman destroyed his life, he was devastated after they broke up. And now she was back to break his heart into pieces again. He barely recovered. It was too early to see her again. And why now? Why now, when he already got back on his feet and wanted to go on without looking back? Life was really unfair.

Magnus didn't know why Alec was so hurt. He thought that was because of his father's behaviour because why he would get mad if not because of that? But something was odd and Magnus felt that. But Alec clearly said he didn't want to see him. And he couldn't force him to anything so he decided to finish his work a little earlier. He was so mad he felt like he could use a drink. And his friends saw that too.

\- I'll take care of Alec, guys. Go and have some fun. I know that the rest are waiting for you already - she smiled gently. Yes, she was also angry. She hated Camille for what she has done to Magnus. And now she wanted to hurt him more. What she didn't know, thoug, was that Magnus wasn't alone now.

\- Are you sure? - asked Jem. - We can stay longer. He didn't look so good...

\- I'll manage. He's just a rebelious kid. And well, he hates math just as much as me. It will be fine.

\- Call me if something's not right - asked Magnus and then he hugged his friend. He was really worried about Alec but well... it was his choice if he wanted to be alone.

\- Go already - she sighed and said goodbye to the two of them.

They got into Magnus' sparkly car and drove to the bar. Well, they were only men in their early thirties. They could have some fun from time to time. And today was a special day. They all got time, which was a miracle since their job was depriving them from something as free time. But today was different. So they decided to meet in a bar and have some fun. Magnus really needed that. He was so scared after Camille's visit. All the memories were back and he started considering if he shouldn't use the syringe he still got in his cloak's pocket, now folded neatly in his bag. He needed something strong to soothe his nerves. He knew no one would judge him. They all knew how much Camille hurt him and what he had to come through after that.

_„You are so beautiful, Camille.”_

 

_„I know. What's more?”_

 

_„You are so intelligent.”_

 

_„And?”_

 

_„And smart. And funny. And wonderful. And I'm so happy I have you.”_

 

_„It may not last long if you don't try hard enough.”_

 

_„I'm doing my best, darling.”_

 

_„Clearly not enough. I know you can do better than this, Magnus.”_

 

_„What do you mean...?”_

 

_„This ring... I'm starting to wonder why I said yes... is it a real gold?”_

 

_„It's a white gold. And yes, it is real. I was saving my money for so long to buy you the most beautiful ring I could find.”_

 

_„I don't like it.”_

 

_„Wh... why...?”_

 

_„It looks like a cheap forgery. I really thought you had more taste. Give it back and buy me something worth my person.”_

 

_„B-ut Camille! You agreed to be my wife. Isn't this the most important thing?”_

 

_„Do you want me to change my mind?!”_

 

_„No, I... I'm sorry, of course not, love. I'm sorry. I'll find you something better.”_

 

_„Platinum.”_

 

_„What...?”_

 

_„I want platinum. If you want to be my husband, then treat me right.”_

 

_„Camille, you realise how much it costs?”_

 

_„I don't care. Find the money and come back with a proper ring or forget about our marriage. I love you, Magnus. I would do this for you. You don't love me?”_

 

_„I do! Of course I do! I do love you. I'll get the money and buy you the most beautiful ring. I promise.”_

 

_„That's your last chance, Magnus.”_

 

_„Yeah... sorry, darling.”_

 

That was only a beginning of a nightmare.  Camille was always demanding but she became a bitch with the moment Magnus wanted to make their relationship real and decided to propose. She knew he was going to do this. And changed her way of treating him. Magnus couldn't be mad. He couldn't tell her to get lost and disappear from his life. He loved her too much. That was her plan from the very first day when they met each other. She knew that Magnus had a good heart and decided to take an advantage of it. She made him love her, idealize her. And the she showed her truth self. It started with being a material ignorant. And then became even worse.

\- Magnus? - Jem asked and shook Magnus' shoulder gently. - I respect your time to think over your life but you know, we've been sitting here for ten minutes already. Can we go inside?

\- Oh... yes, yes, we can - he unfastened the belt and got out from the car.

\- Are you sure you're alright? We can reschedule, you know.

\- No, it's alright. I'm just tired. Come on, buddy.

Jem didn't argue anymore because it wouldn't have sense. So they entered the bar and saw their friends already sitting at the table. Ragnor, Raphael and Will had already ordered beer for all of them and martini for Magnus since that princess had her standards.

\- We thought you're never gonna show up! Jem, I thought you cheated on me! - Will pouted but smiled not even a second later.

\- You should have more faith in me, William - Jem smiled back and took his sit. Magnus followed.

\- What's with that sad face, bud? - Ragnor gave Magnus his drink.

\- Thanks - he took the glass and then took the first sip. The burning feeling of alcohol pouring down his throat was so nice.

\- You're going to answer me?

\- I'm not sad, Ragnor. I'm just tired. Why don't you ever ask Raphael if he's sad?

\- Because he always looks like this, even when he's happy - he answered simply.

\- I am here, if somebody didn't notice - he rolled his eyes and then turned his attention back to his phone.

\- At least with his body - muttered Ragnor and ignored his friend. - Busy day?

\- Don't even ask - he sighed and finished his drink. - I'm going to order more. You want something?

\- Tea, please - said Jem and they all glared at him, even Raphael.

\- You're pregnant or what? - was all he could say.

\- Six month, can't you see? - he sighed. - Someone has to drive your sorry asses home. And as I see, I'm the only one who didn't drink anything yet. I just hope you got here on foot.

\- You've got a point. So... does it mean I can have your beer? - Will looked like a child on a christmas day. Jem rolled his eyes and handed him the pint of beer.

\- Sweet. I'll just take you the same - Magnus shrugged and left them alone for a minute what was never a good idea.

\- Okay, so now James, care to share with us what happened to our sparkly friend? - Ragnor didn't give up.

\- He will tell you after some more drinks - he answered, shrugging. Of course he was concerned about Magnus but he felt like it wasn't his decision to tell them about what happened.

\- Stop it, Ragnor - Raphael sighed. - He will get drunk pretty quickly, so be patient and stop whining.

\- I love you too - he smirked but didn't get to do much teasing because Magnus was back with their drinks.

And they drank. And more. And even more than before. Soon, they were more talkative. Even Raphael wasn't playing with his phone anymore and was listening to the conversation being on a full swing.

\- I'm telling you! Cat's so hot. I made the best decision ever. And I'm telling you this... if I ever think of cheating my wife, just fucking kill me!

\- If I would ever want to cheat Tessa or Jem, do the same to me. Death seems less scary than them!

\- You're such a drama queen, William... - Jem sighed, defeated. He didn't like when Will talked about their love triangle. It was just too embarassing.

\- I can kill you right away, I don't need you to be bigger douchebags than you already are - stated Raphael, taking another sip of the alcohol.

\- We're so happy to have you, Raphie. Would you like to kiss? - Ragnor was definitely too happy and too bold to make fun of Raphael and his little "problem".

\- Come near me and I swear to god, you'll beg for a quick death - he frowned.

\- Always a ball of sunshine! - he laughed and then looked at his other friend. - Magnus, you're oddly quiet today. What happened?

\- I just... I just don't get it - he slurred. - Why did he was so mad at me? - he asked all of them.

\- Who was mad at you? Magnus! You have a new crush and you're not telling us anything?! What kind of a friend are you?! - Will was clearly hurt.

\- It's not a crush! It's Alec - he said but Will and Raph seemed to not understand while Ragnor just whistled. - You know, the boy who tried to commit a suicide? The gorgeous one.

\- I remember! He is very similar to me. Of course he is gorgeous - Will grinned.

\- I remember - said Raphael. - But he is a kid... oh god - his eyes widened. - Please, don't tell me you're sleeping with a minor in a hospital room!

\- W-ha... wait, what?! - exclaimed Magnus, shocked when he saw at his friends and they all were looking at him like it could be true. - Of course not! Who do you think I am?! Wait... don't answer that! Just... ugh, no! We're not sleeping together. I don't think he even likes me.

\- But you like him - said Ragnor and Magnus glared at him. - You don't have to hide it from us, you know? I was there. I saw what you did for that kid. It's obvious he is more important than the rest of your patients. Still, illegal.

\- I know! And yes, I like him - he confessed but his friends didn't judge him. They just looked worried.

\- You know you shouldn't, right? - asked Will, carefully. - He is your patient. Underage, may I add.

\- I know it too well, Will. Thank you - he growled, annoyed.

\- And why do you think he doesn't like you? Is he rude to you? - asked Raphael, raising his brow.

\- No. Alexander is a real sweetheart. Very badly damaged but he's lovely. And I don't think he can be rude.

\- Then why do you think he doesn't like you? What did you do to him?

\- Me?! Why are you guys so... okay, nevermind, I get it - he sighed. - I did nothing. Everything was fine, he did great on our sessions. I thought he started to feel better. We were chatting. And man, the boy's smart. He seemed to enjoy it. And then he just told me to fuck off.

\- Not literally - Jem cut in.

\- But he meant it!

\- Yup.

\- Okay. But something must have happened - Ragnor noticed. - So? That's the reason you're feeling so down today?

Magnus bit his bottom lip. They were best friends and they knew perfectly how badly Camille hurt him. They didn't talk about it since Magnus asked them not to. It was too painful. And they respected this. So he wasn't sure if he should but... he could trust them, right?

\- Camille came to the hospital today - he muttered.

Will choked on his beer, Jem looked down at the table, Raphael cursed in spanish and Ragnor clenched his fists.

\- What?! What that bitch was doing there?! - Ragnor was furious.

\- She was there because of Alec. Alec's father is a dick. He decided that Alec can't be stupid so he employed him a tutor. Camille is the tutor. She will be coming to him everyday for two hours - he explained and then there was silent. They just couldn't believe it was happening. After what she has done she still dared to show up her face to Magnus.

\- Fuck - Raphael summed up and they all nodded.

\- Now we know why you are so upset. It's totally okay. Order another drink, this one will be on me - Will tried to smile but he was too mad. - But... hey, what's with the kid?

\- I don't know. He just listened to some insults from his father and then they told him he can't sleep because he has to learn if he doesn't want to disappoint his dad even more. So he snapped. At me because I was the first to talk to him. And Camille kissed me. That's everything what happened.

\- A fucking dickhead - cursed Raphael. - This kid almost didn't make it and he tells him not to disappoint him?! What kind of a father this jerk is?

\- He shouldn't even be called like that - Will frowned. - He's not a father, he's a monster!

\- What are you going to do, Magnus? - asked Ragnor and looked at him just as the rest of them.

\- I have no idea. All I know is that Alec doesn't need a tutor but a lawyer!* This bitch will cause him nothing good.

\- We have to keep an eye on him - said Jem. - I have bad feelings about this. Alec is still recovering and we all know how good at destroying people Camille is - he sighed. - We have to stay focused.

\- I won't let her hurt him - Magnus gritted his teeth.

They were silent for a moment before Will realised something.

\- Hey, Mags! - he earned his attention.

\- Yes, William? How can I help you?

\- I was just thinking... you know, since that bitch kissed you... did Alec see that?

\- Yes. Why?

\- Doesn't he has a crush on you?

\- Oh my good, you really need help - he rubbed his temples. - Don't drink anymore.

\- Hey! It is possible! - he crossed his arms over his chest.

\- He's quite right - added Jem.

\- It's not possible - Magnus rolled his eyes.

\- But he is gay. So why it's not possible? - Ragnor raised his brow.

\- It doesn't mean anything. Just... he's so much younger and he's too good for me - he sighed. It hurt but it was true.

\- I saw really valuable people falling in love with you, so - Raph shrugged. - It is possible. And it's probably the truth. But still... you are his doctor.

\- I know it too well... - he reached his hand for a glass. They could be right. Alec could really like him and Magnus would be so happy if it was a true. But... at the same tame, he would hurt Alec so bad. He kissed Camille back. And felt sick. He couldn't believe he did it. But at least he was sure that he didn't feel anything to her. Anything but a hatred.

They spent another hour drinking and talking about nothing. And after they felt sleepy, Jem drove them home. Since he used Magnus' car, he decided to do a little sleepover at his friends' house. He didn't bother with the couch. Magnus had a bed big enough for two people and a cat. Jem borrowed one of Magnus' t-shirts and wanted to go to sleep but his friend was too drunk to do the same.

\- Am I a bad person? - he asked when Jem almost drifted off to sleep.

\- No. Why? - he answered, forcing himself not to fall asleep.

\- Because I care too much. And it's bad, James. He's my patient, I can't... he won't. It doesn't have a future. Why anything in my life has a future? - his voice cracked and Jem knew that in his state, Magnud didn't need much to start crying.

\- Magnus - he opened his eyes and moved closer to him. - Stop. Help the kid. Help him get back to his health. And then you will think about your future with him. Because for now, he is the one without it - he sighed and then just hugged him to his chest. Magnus cuddled to Jem and closed his eyes.

\- But Camille... - he muttered.

\- You're not alone, Magnus. We won't let her hurt you. But now, sleep.

\- Love you.

\- Love you too.

James smiled and a minute later he was fast asleep. Magnus was still awake but didn't bother his friend anymore. He was just thinking. Camille did so many bad things. She hurt him even more than his father. Hah, Asmodeus was an angel compared to that devil bitch.But he had to grit his teeth and endure it. For Alec. Because he now knew that he cared for him and that he would like to be something more than just his doctor. But Jem was right. He needed to help him first and then worry about their future together.

  
  


Alec didn't have such a good evening. Catarina checked on him but he was fine and she had other patients so she left him alone. Alec wanted to sleep so badly that he felt nervous. But he couldn't sleep because he had so many things to do. When he opened the book and started reading the first chapter, he already knew he was so screwed. Alec didn't understand a word. There was too many numbers and they meant excatly nothing to him. What Camille wanted from him? What was he supposed to do with all those lines, brackets and letters? He had no idea but he tried anyway. He failed so bad, though. After three hours of the fruitless attempts to make a one equation, he just gave up. Alec could already hear Camille's irritated voice and see her disgust for him but he didn't care. He was so tired. And so guilty for snapping at Magnus. It was his life and he could do anything he wanted. And loved anyone he wanted. But it still hurt. Camille was really evil and didn't care about other people. Magnus was her oppsite. He was so caring, so good and compasionate. Why someone like him had to be with Camille? He could make so many people happy. He could make Alec happy.

„Who are you kidding, Lightwood? He won't look at you this way. Never.”

It hurt. But he could manage since no one really loved him. His family was a different case since well, they were family. They were supposed to love one another. But people not related to him didn't like him very much. Alec was always different from the rest. He was too mature and things like drinking till you throw up didn't really interest him. He just didn't see a point. So now he was. Alone. Trapped in a psychiatric hospital. Without friends. With a crush on his too old for him doctor and vicious woman. Just great. Alec turned on his right side and closed his eyes. He didn't have strength for all of this anymore. He could please everyone but couldn't since he wasn't gifted enough. And now Camille appeared and he knew that she will tell them who he really was. But one thing hurt him more than others. Magnus promised that he won't let anyone from his family to visit him until he doesn't say 'yes'. He lied to him. Robert was there and now Alec felt so stressed. Why Magnus broke his promise? Maybe he really had enough of Alec? He really wanted to think of a way to apologise his doctor but the urge to sleep was stronger.

  
  


The next day was awful. Magnus had a terrible hangover and only Jem was smiling, happy he didn't drink anything. Lucky bastard always had the best strategy. But well, drinking too much didn't mean he didn't have to go to work. That wasn't that easy. However, even if he had a free day that day, he would be at work anyway. Camille was too dangerous to leave her with Alec all alone. He needed to keep an eye on that kid. What he didn't know was that Alec didn't want him to do this. He was still angry even if he felt stupid about it.

\- Alexander, how are you feeling? - he asked, looking at Alec, who just sat at the desk, putting his books on it.

The common room was completely empty at this hour. Well, it was a nap time after dinner and Alec actually enjoyed this part of the day. But they took it away from him as well.

\- I could be sleeping right now - he answered, not even looking up at him. He just opened the book and wanted to read it once again but after the first sentence he knew that it had no sense.

\- I'm sorry. You've learnt everything? - he asked again and this time Alec glanced at him. But he wasn't very happy.

\- Why you even bother? - he frowned.

\- Alexander - Magnus said his name, his voice soft. But he looked hurt. He really didn't understand why Alec was so mad at him. - Did I do something to upset you? - he asked simply and Alec looked away. And he knew he was right. - Please, talk to me.

But they didn't have time to have a proper conversation because Camille entered the common room. She looked... scandalous. People didn't wear clothes like that to a hospital! But she didn't care. She wore a short, leather skirt and, her shirt elegant but showed almost all her breasts. And well, Alec always wondered how girls managed to walk in shoes like that. Because those were not high heels. They were enormous high heels. But Alec wasn't looking at her. He was looking at Magnus whose eyes were on Camille. And he felt so upset.

\- Hello, Maggy - she smiled but he didn't greet her. - Alec, I hope you prepared what I asked you to do - her smile faded when she turned her gaze to the boy.

\- I did... - he lied because he didn't want Magnus to know that he was stupid. His father always told him that if he couldn't understand something, then he clearly wasn't just smart enough and he should be ashamed. So he was.

\- So let's start then. Maggy, will you join us?

\- No - he said simply, seeing how uncomfortable Alec was. - I won't disturb you.

He left but asked Tessa to have an eye on them. He had other patients he needed to take care of. But he was still thinking of Alec. He didn't know that Camille was his teacher at school. Of course he knew that this kid hated math and the math teacher but he had never said her name before. If he only knew.

The lesson was going so bad from the beginning. Alec was stressed, he didn't know anything and Camille was a true bitch. She demanded more from him than normal students had to know. But it was bearable. He was used to people yelling at him and calling him names. That didn't do much to him anymore. But she was looking at him the whole time, smirking like she was just waiting for him to break. However, he already done that many times and this time it wasn't enough. He needed stronger emotions than shame and stress. She didn't know that, though. And continued to make a fool out of him.

\- I always knew you were dumb but today you just proved that - she sighed heavily, putting a pen down.

\- You could explain that to me instead of yelling, you know? - he raised his brow. He didn't know what he was doing. He wasn't scared of her anymore and that was weird even for him. But after seeing her kissing Magnus, he just hated her even more. And that was stronger than fear.

\- No. I told you to prepare that and you ignored it. So you will sit here as long as you finally understand it - she frowned.

Alec took the pen to his hand and looked at the numbers. He didn't know what he was doing and he didn't care, to be honest. Alec knew that Robert will be disappointed anyway so there was no need to try. He was sleepy, tired and mad. So mad, he couldn't sit in one place. The one thing he liked in that hospital was that he didn't need to look at people he didn't like. And Camille was on top of that list, just under Sebastain's name. But Sebastian hurt only Alec. And Camille was here, insulting him and seducing Magnus. He didn't know why it made him so angry but it did. Magnus lied to him! And he was engaged to that devil. Even if Alec knew from the start that relationship with Magnus would be impossible, he still couldn't come to terms that he was with someone like Camille. But he didn't know the truth yet. He didn't even realize that someone so cheerful like Magnus could come through a hell.

\- What the fuck are you doing?! - she brought him back from his thoughts and Alec looked at the paper.

\- Counting?

\- You just wrote a row of random numbers. And you had to prove that 'b' equals 'a+c'. Where you have that?

\- How can I count letters? I don't even have any numbers here and this task just doesn't have any sense. I'm done, I wanna go - he put the pen down and closed the book. Learning was too depressing for this day and he really wanted to just punch something. Camille's face looked like something but he knew he had to act right.

\- Don't be so smart, little whore - she growled and Alec shut up. No one called him that for a month now. And it hurt. But not as much as he thought it would be. - I know that the only thing you're good at is sucking cocks but your father don't pay me to make a pro slut out of you. So start using your brain if you still know how.

\- Don't call me that - he clenched his teeth.

\- Oh? But it's true, isn't it? Don't you miss it? Or maybe you're practicing here? - she laughed. - I heard Magnus is your doctor. He likes things like that. Have you already shown him your skills? - she was smiling and Alec felt like crying.

Why was she doing this to him again? Didn't she had enough?! Alec was in a hospital. He was trapped there for a month, wanted to kill himself and she was still hurting him. She didn't have a reason to be like this. But she enjoyed making him suffer. Alec closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing. He didn't want to feak out now. He even wore a long-sleeved sweater to cover his bandaged wrists so she couldn't notice them. Well, the school didn't need a new sensation, however he was sure she will come up with something. But why was she talking about Magnus? And what did she mean by...

\- Things like that? Magnus isn't your fiance? - he asked before he bit his tongue.

\- He was. I broke up with him. He still does everything I tell him to - she was lying but she was doing this good. And Alec believed that.

\- So why did you say that he would... - he bit his bottom lip and she laughed again. Why was he still talking?

\- For a shameless slut you really have problems with talking about this - she shook her head, amused. - He is bisexual. But don't get so cocky. He would never be interested in a cheap whore like you. He has his standards - she threw the cascade of blond locks on her back and smirked again. She was having so much fun watching him.

\- Shut up - he muttered, gritting his teeth. Alec didn't think of Magnus like that. He noticed his good look, yes. That was hard not to. But he was enchanted by his character, his kindness, not what he had in his pants. Why they all thought of him like that? He still couldn't understand.

\- Does he even know? - she tilted her head and almost burst out laughing when she saw the sudden fear painted on his face. - Oh god, he doesn't! You didn't tell him? That would be a shame if...

\- No. And you also won't tell him - he frowned.

\- Oh? - she stopped smiling. - Is that so?

\- Yes. Excatly. You won't - he crossed his arms over his chest.

\- And why you think that? I can go to Magnus even now and tell him what a slut you are.

\- Yes, you could. However... do that and this time I will do this properly - his eyes changed. He was determined the first time from a very long time. Alec didn't even recognize that feeling. It was nice. He didn't feel pathetic anymore. - With a note. With your name on it.

\- What are you talking about, freak boy? - she frowned, her smiled long gone.

\- About my death. I have nothing to lose so I don't care. But I can assure you that my parents won't give you a single penny if I will commit a suicide because of you. Think that over, miss -he stood up. Alec acted on his adrenaline but he actually enjoyed that. He never felt so confident in his life and he didn't know why this happen right now. But he had just enough. And he really didn't want Magnus to know, to see that video. It was too embarassing. And he really wanted Magnus to think good of him. Why? That was too confusing to understand. But he cared. He cared more than ever. And realized that with being rude to this man, he won't achieve anything.

Camille was left alone. She was furious. How this little brat dared to talk to her like that?

\- If you think that you can threaten me, then you clearly don't know who you are talking to.

 

She then headed to the exit since Alec finished the lesson. She knew she won't leave it like this.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello angels <3  
> It's so chaotic. But they are starting to discover their feelings for each other. Finally. c:  
> *credit for the quote goes to the lovely Shadowhuntress. Thank you, love ♥
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes!

He went back to his room. Alec was so mad back there but when the adrenaline started wearing off, he freaked out. Yes, he knew that Robert would never be satisfied but he wasn't the biggest problem here. Alec made Camille upset. He was proud of himself that he stood his ground since it wasn't so easy for him lately. But still... she was a heartless, ruthless bitch who knew way too much. And Alec only wanted to finish his treatment, get discharged and finish the thing he didn't get to do back then. But Camille was a real threat. She could tell Magnus everything and then they also would lookt at him like he was some kind of oversexed slut. He was afraid of that because he really cared about those people who accepted it even when they knew the truth he was gay. However, they could still believe in Camille's bullshit and that would be just to much for him. He knew he wouldn't be able to take any more humiliation. He was so done. Alec laid on his back and stared at the ceiling. It was all so bad. He was bored, stressed, sick and overwhelmed with everything. And without a way out. He sighed. Alec felt much better since they were forcing him to eat and not to throw up right after that. And he was taking his meds everyday so it was impossible not to feel better. But it was all physical. But the psychic case... it was a totally different topic. Alec still felt like a worthless shit and after these two days, the feeling of it increased. Magnus was lying, his father didn't give a single damn about him, his mother also lied and Camille wanted to bully him even more. Just sweet. He rubbed his temples trying to get over the feeling of being hopeless. But it didn't help. He needed something to release all this tension but there was nothing in that room. Ales sat up on his bed and looked around. Walls, bed, door without a door handle, and some sharpies. Nothing useful. But he didn't give up. It was stronger than him and since he knew that they were all faking their compasion toward him, he didn't care he could disappoint them anymore.

„ _You are a disappointment.”_

He bit his bottom lip. Why did it have to hurt so bad? A mistery he could never solve. But it wasn't the most important thing right now. Right now he needed to help himself. He found only those damn markers, though. And yet, he thought that over. Aled didn't even know when he started to fiddling with the marker's lid. It was plain but with a little help from his teeth and a little bit of effort, he broke the plastic thing in two halves. Sharp ones. However, his wrists weren't an option anymore. So he decided on his thighs since he always wore dark pants. Alec pulled the pants down to his knees and took the broken lid to his hand.

„ _You don't want to do this, man. You've come so far. Don't. You're gonna regret it. Just don't.”_

He heard in his head and he shut his eyes close. It was so confusing and scary, talking with your own conscience. He could almost picture two characters standing at his two shoulders and debating whether he should do this or not.

„ _Why would you care? It's all about you. They don't want you here anyway. It's all for the money.”_

And he believed this. Why Magnus would be nice for him for no reason? He was Camille's fiance so he had to be a douche in private life. But Alec still didn't deserve him, even with being the infamous slut Camille told him he liked to use. Right... he didn's deserve him. He didn't need more motivation. Alec pressed the plastic to his skin and moved it firmly. The sharp edges hurt his skin and blood showed. He winced a bit but then it was all good and nice. So he made couple more cuts and then put his pants back on. The piece of lid was a problem, though, since he didn't have anywhere to hide it. So he decided to put it under the mattres and forget about it for a while. He felt guilty, yea... but he didn't have anything to lose anymore. His family accepted him and even though he knew they were telling him the truth, he couldn't get rid of a feeling that it was all because they felt guilty. But now he felt better and they thought they could control his life again. And then he realized, he forgot about the letter. But he didn't have enough strength and motivation to get up so he laid down and decided to take a nap. He definitely should start learning, if he wanted to please his father's expectations. But then Alec realized, he really didn't. What was the point of learning math when his life was supposed to be over in a month?

Magnus was furious. Alexander was mad at him for no reason and now that bitch was in his life again. And he knew that would cause nothing good. Camille was a manipulative, deceitful woman who couldn't be trusted. He was afraid that she would do something bad to Alec. Well... the boy already stopped talking to him. He didn't know why but the next day was a day of their session and he knew he would find it out whether he liked it or not.

Alec slept through all day and all night, waking up only to have something to eat. Or rather being woken up and forced to eat because he didn't need those two things. But still, it was only this. No more examination, sessions or any other shit so he could endure it and enjoy his sleep, the books laying on the floor, forgotten. He was just too tired to do anything and he knew it didn't have much sense since Camille would show him he was stupid anyway. And Alec had a feeling that this woman won't leave him alone. He knew that days where he could live in this hospital without anyone talking behind his back about how shameless slut he was, were going to be over. He clenched his hand on the sheet. He really didn't want Magnus to know. Yes, he already was rude to this man and knew perfectly well that they couldn't have a future together but he still cared. Magnus was the only person that has ever seen and treated him like someone equal, not a freak. And he didn't want it to change. That's why he was exhausted the next day he woke up. The sleep was so restless he didn't want to get up from bed. But he didn't have much choice and frankly, he got used to that. This time it was Tessa who came to wake him up. He didn't really know this nurse to well. The only thing he knew was that Jem had a big crush on her. But he had no idea on what terms their relationships worked.

\- Good morning, mr.Lightwood - she smiled to him politely but Alec was too grumpy and worried that day to even say 'hello'. - Oh, come on. The breakfast will be served in ten minutes. You need to get dressed.

\- I don't need to do anything - he pulled the covers up. - Leave before I'll make you - he closed his eyes, not knowing why he said those words. Tessa seemed to be nice and he really didn't want to act like a total dick but it just happened.

Tessa looked at him and frowned a bit. But she worked there for more than one day and knew that patients like Alec could be dangerous. So she decided to let him be and just inform his doctor. The boy looked exhausted and not too strong but he stil was a man and she was only a girl. A girl who could defend herself pretty well. However, she was against hurting patients. Especially someone like Alec. She overheard some of their conversation the day before and she wasn't very pleased with what she heard. Tessa thought that maybe Alec would like to talk about it so she could help him. But it looked like he wouldn't be very talkative today. So she left him and went ot Magnus' office. She didn't knock, pff. Definitely knew him too well and the case was too important for formalities.

\- Oh dear! - Magnus almost squealed when the door burst open and Tessa came in. - I could be naked, you know?!

\- Like I've never seen you naked - she rolled her eyes. - Too many times, Bane! Definitely too many times!

\- Hey! There are thousands of people who would like to be in your place, you know? Heck, they would even pay for it! I mean, just look at me. I'm flawless. And my eyeliner is so on fleek today I almost surprised myself. But I think you didn't come here to compliment my looks?

\- For god's sake, no - she sighed and rubbed her eyes. She wasn't wearing too much makeup so she didn't make a panda out of herself. - We have a problem.

\- Let's me name it - he raised his hand. - Alexander Grumpy Lightwood?

\- Yes... - she blinked. - How did you...? - she raised her brow and Magnus shrugged.

Magnus knew his friends and knew they did their best with job. They were all doctors or nurses and patients were their priorities. So Magnus knew perfectly well that Tessa could handle anyone. And if she had a problem, then it definitely must have been someone making trouble. Since Alec was the one who wasn't taking any heavy medication and was in a very bad mood lately, then it couldn't be anyone else.

\- Nevermind - he shrugged. - So, what's wrong with our dear patient?

\- He threatened to kick me out of his room or hurt me if I don't leave. I'm not really sure but I think those two things are actually connected to each other - she sighed and put hands in the pockets of her scrubs. - He refuses to eat breakfast. And... I would like to talk to you. But first this.

\- Dear Lord, give me strength - he sighed heavily. He couldn't believe this sweet angel could say something like this. It wasn't like him. And Magnus knew that he just had to know what was happening. - Okay, then. Go back to your duties, cutie. I'll handle this kid.

\- You're sure, Magnus? I can help you. It's also my duty, you know?

\- I know, dear. But really, I will be fine. This is my patient, after all. And i think that George and the rest of the kids need you more. We'll talk later. Go, go - he made a dismissing motion with his hand and Tessa stuck out her tongue before she left. - Okay. Let's do this - he said to himself and followed his friend.

Magnus didn't understand and was really worried about Alec's behaviour. It was going so well, so what happened just now? He felt like he didn't actually know this kid. Just when he thought they were close... maybe it was a mistake from the start?

\- Alexander? - he entered the room and sighed when he saw the boy still in bed, under two blankets, not paying attention to anything and anyone. - The nurse told me you were really rude to her. I wanna know why.

\- Get lost - he muttered and Magnus frowned.

\- We won't be talking like that, Alec - he stated and then grabbed the blankets and tugged it.

\- Hey! - he protested but it was too late. Magnus took the blankets away and looked down at him. And Alec didn't like that look. - What do you want?!

\- I want you to act properly - he said patiently. - And to eat your breakfast. The jokes are over, Alexander. You've been here long enough to know the rules. If you don't eat, then we make you. And it won't be pleasant until you enjoy feeding with tube. So?

\- Did you just threatened me? - Alec blinked and then frowned. So he was right... Camille and he had something in common.

\- No. I'm just showing you how the nurse felt when you treated her like this. Not very nice, hmm? I would tell you to apologize but I'm not here for that. You're going to have a breakfast - he crossed his arms on his chest. Yes, he didn't feel good talking to Alec like that but he knew it was the only way. Asking politely wasn't effective anymore.

\- Fuck you - he answered and that was enough for Magnus.

\- What happened to you, Alexander? You're acting really weird, you know? It worries me. You can talk to me, you know that. So do this. Tell me what makes you so upset? - he was determined to know but Alec was determined to not let him know.

\- Just get out of here, damnit! You don't undersand English? I don't want to talkt to you. Or any of you! Just leave me alone! - he yelled and didn't even realize that.

Magnus was really taken aback with the rude behaviour of Alec. This boy was so sweet and he didn't know what happened. Because now, Alec was just a heartless brat. He cared so much only to be yelled at? No, he didn't deserve it. And decided to not allow Alec to act like this. It was too much! That's why he should have acted like a doctor not his friend. Not his... well, he wasn't anything but his doctor. But Magnus really wanted to be gentle to Alec because he knew that this kid had enough on his plate already. However it turned out to be a mistake.

\- I won't leave until you tells me what is wrong - he stood in the same place even if he really wanted to leave. But it wasn't an option. Alec wasn't the one making rules.

And Alec had enough. It was too much. He was thinking and was now sure that Magnus was something more to him than just a doctor. He trusted him, wanted to spend time with him. He just felt so good with Magnus around. And he really didn't want to be like this because he knew that Magnus was too good to be treated like that. But he couldn't control himself. It was stronger than Alec. And Alec felt like a total bitch but he couldn't help it. Everytime he looked at Magnus, he saw Camille as well. That evil woman who Magnus was in love with. And it hurt so bad! The pain was irrational and he shouldn't be feeling it. But the reality was different. He was hurting because Magnus loved Camille. And he was jelous. Camille was a devil, a bad person. And Alec always wanted to be nice and polite. He helped everyone without asking. But no, life gave him Sebastian who dragged him through hell and left in the center of it. But Camille, the queen of hell got Magnus, a pure soul, such an amazing person. It was just so unfair. Alec knew he shouldn't take it all out on Magnus... but it was too late. His unstable emotions and exhaustion were stronger than a common sense.

\- Oh, you want to know? - he finally got up from his bed. His thighs hurt but he ignored it and walked closer to Magnus. - You are a fucking liar! You are sickening! I just hate you! - he didn't mean it. But it was just easier. He really felt something and that scared the shit out of him. Because Alec felt like he was ready to trust Magnus. Not to tell him the truth but to trust him for real. But now he knew that all of this was fake. A lie. And it was better to kill the emotions before it got too painful.

Magnus' mouth was hanging open. He felt like he had been slapped. Magnus didn't expect such an outburst and such words. They hurt more than a sword blade. He really cared for Alec and did everything so the boy could feel good and safe in this place. He broke so many rules for him. Fought for him. And now he was sickening? Magnus frowned, couldn't controlling it. No. Alec said definitely too much. However, he was still his doctor. And now only his doctor. It wasn't appropriate to snap at him. So he stayed calm even though it wasn't easy.

\- What did I lie you with? - he asked simply.

\- With everything! With my family, with the rest of this shit! I won't talk to you ever again! - it was a lie. A big, big, big lie. He would love nothing more than a conversation with him. But it was impossible.

\- Will you eat your breakfast? - he had enough and didn't know how to answer. Magnus didn't feel guilty. He didn't know what Robert was planning and hell, he hated that himself! But he was helpless at the same time. Magnus couldn't forbid them to visit Alec. It was just a goodwill of his mother and siblings. But his father... his father was a monster who wasn't listening and respecting anyone.

\- No - he snarled and went back to his bed. He sat on it and started looking at the wall.

\- Fine. You have a check-up right after.

Magnus left because he couldn't do anything else. Yes, Alec shouldn't be skipping his breakfast but one meal wasn't enought to do what he told him they could do. It was just too drastic but still, he was so angry that he felt like he could do it. But Magnus was a doctor and learnt how to control himself. Alec wasn't the first patient to drive him nuts. But he has never cared before...

\- It didn't go well? - asked Tessa when Magnus' came to the office to grab something to eat.

\- I don't know what is happening with him, Tess. He just... ugh, I can't even say it! - he calmed down after Tessa gave him his morning coffe.

\- Here. Relax, it's not worth it - she shrugged a little. - Actually... I think we should talk, Magnus.

\- Huh? - he looked at her and smiled a bit. - You're pregnant and want me to guess which one of our lovely boys is the father?

\- What?! - she blinked couple of times. - Magnus Bane, I don't know what is going on in the head of yours but I swear to god, one more of something like this and I will hurt not only you but your closest friend as well. Understood?

\- Understood - he gulped and started sipping his coffee not to upset her anymore. Really, they were more funny back in college.

\- Great. Because I really want to talk to you. And it's about Alec - she stopped for a moment when he frowned. - I don't care, Magnus. I will always support you, no matter what you do. But the case is a little bit too complicated. I've overheard the conversation between Alec and Camille. Magnus, he's hiding something - she looked really worried and really was. Alec was so rude to her but still. She was a nurse, a pure soul and she cared for all the children in the hospital.

\- I know that - he admitted right away. - I knew that from the start but I'm waiting for him to tell me this. It's very important. But after this morning I know it will take much longer than I expected. However, I still think we should just wait for him to be ready.

\- We can not have time for this.

\- What are you talking about? - he put the mug on the table.

\- I'm trying to tell you that Alec talked with Camille. And Camille must know about Alec's secret because he told her that if she tells anyone about this, then he will kill himself. But this time we wouldn't have any chances to rescue him - she sighed and Magnus heart start beating faster.

\- That bitch... - he gritted his teeth.

\- She will be here today as well, right? Then I can...

\- No - he shook his head. - Camille is the plague that should be exterminated. And Alec is the one that should be punished for being a dick for me.

\- I thought you...

\- Yes. But I would like him to be a dick for me in a different situation.

\- Too much information! - she covered her ears.

\- Love you too.

They drank their coffee and had some sandwiches. After the breakfast Tessa came for Alec to take him for his check-up. He couldn't say no anymore because he knew that they would drag him there anyway. And he felt bad. Not only because he yelled at Magnus and told him all those lies. But he skipped the breakfast and now he felt just weird. His stomach protested, being already used to get food at this hour of the day.

\- How are you feeling today, Alec? - asked Jem and smiled as always.

\- Just like yesterday. Can I come back to my room? - he put his hands into the sweatpants' pockets. It didn't look well. He had fresh cuts on his thighs, some of them still bleeding a bit. And he always had to undress to his underwear on Jem's check-ups...

\- Right after we finish - he was still smiling but he also noticed a change in Alec's behaviour. He was too nervous and too impatient. But he was just about to find out why.

\- We did this yesterday. Nothing has change since then - he had to try everything.

\- Let me see this, then. Take off your clothes and hop on the weighing scales.

\- It's cold. I don't wanna do this - he muttered. And that was enough for Jem to know what Alec did.

\- It won't be long, I promise. Just a quik check-up. Come on - he tried to encourage him, still keeping his smile on.

Alec sighed. He knew that he couldn't hide it anymore. So he took his clothes off and put them on a chair. Jem gasped when he saw what Alec did to himself. His skin wasn't nicely cut like when he was using the razor. The broken plastic did much more damaged.

\- Forget the scale. Sit on the examine table. Nurse, call for doctor Bane, please.

\- I don't need him here - he said and sat on the table.

\- You won't be the one to decide, sorry - Jem tried to be nice but he was so mad at Alec. He really believed that this kid felt guilty and won't do anything like this again. And what? Here we go again.

Jem put the latex gloves on and started to cleaning the wounds and now swollen skin around them. He wasn't even specially gentle and Alec just was lucky he didn't need stitches. He was just about to tell him that but then Magnus entered the room and Alec turned his gaze to the side. He didn't want to look him in the eyes. And he was right because Magnus looked so betrayed when he saw Alec's cuts.

\- You're eating a whole dinner today. And I'm going to change your drugs. These don't work - he said it and left, shutting the door a little bit too hard behind him.

Alec knew he did bad but Magnus' words didn't make him feel guilty. Quite the opposite. He was disappointed that this man didn't talk to him and just left. And then he realized he said it himself that he didn't want to talkt to him ever again. And that actually hurt.

He went back to his room after Jem finished and decided to go to sleep. He knew that he would get into more trouble if he stayed awake. And sleep was much better than learning so it was settled. At this time, Magnus was furious. And even more furious that he couldn't let it go because he had other patients. But Jessamine was silent almost all this time so Magnus had time to come up with something to punish Alexander and hurt Camille at the same time. And he knew just the thing.

The sessions were over after four hours just before a dinner. He made sure Tessa brought Alec to the canteen and when he saw the boy eating, he decided to make his plan work. He went to the nurses' office where they held drugs and started his research.

\- What are you doing? - Magnus almost jumped when he heard Ragnor's voice. He and Jem joined him right after that.

\- I'm preparing a new set of drugs for Alec. Jem, could you hand me the medicine pot?

\- Sure... - he went to another glass cabinet. - What are you going to give him this time? I highly suggest something to keep his anger at bay.

\- I'm just going to open our Skiving Snackbox - he smirked.

\- What? - Ragnor came closer. - You're a wizard or something?

\- You don't even know - Magnus laughed and then took out a little box from the cabinet. - Here it is.

\- What is it? - Ragnor was confused and Jem tried not to scream.

\- Puking Pastille.

\- What? It sounds like it makes you wanna puke?

\- Exactly.

\- What's the point in losing your electrolytes on your own wish? - he raised his eyebrow.

\- You'll see - his smirk widened.

\- You can't do this, Magnus! - Jem protested. - I know it shouldn't cause any harm but still! You can't do this. It's only a kid. Today a brat, I agree. But it doesn't mean you can do this, Magnus!

\- I am his doctor and I can do anything I think is good for him. And this definitely is great.

\- You want him to throw up when he has problems with eating? Now I totally don't get it.

\- Camille is coming here today to tutor Alec - explained Jem.

\- Oooooh, then give him two! - his eyes sparkled.

\- Ragnor! - scolded Jem but they didn't listen to him.

\- I'm so glad you are on my side, my friend. Not that I don't enjoy your presence but... what are you doing here?

\- I don't work today so I decided to visit my wife. But Cat's busy so I decided to sit with you, guys since the nap time is about to begin.

\- We're glad. Really, Ragnor, we are. But tell him not to do this.

\- Hell yea we are doing this! - exclaimed Magnus and high fived Ragnor.

\- I hate you. Both of you.

\- We love you too.

Camille was on time, as always. And she looked just as scandalous as the day before. Magnus nor Ragnor understood why she was going out almost naked and Jem felt disgusted with it. He hated women who weren't respecting their own bodies. That's why he chose Tessa. And Will, pro bono. She looked with a pure hatred at the kids who finished their dinners and were going to their rooms to take a nap. She sat at the table and waited for Alec, checking her watch every two seconds. But Alec had troubles eating and he needed a bit more time.

\- I will handle this - decided Magnus and handed the pot with meds to Jem. - Give it to him. And I will go to visit our lovely friend - he almost spat out the last word.

Jem could only watch as Magnus walked the way to Camille and he sighed, defeated. He went to give Alec his meds and the boy took them, not even asking about anything. Jem thought about taking the bad pills from the pot and throw them away but then decided not to. Maybe Magnus was right? His ideas were crazy but they worked. Usually.

\- Hello, Camille. Alec will be here in a minute - he said, coming closer.

\- That kid is really irresponsible. I almost feel sorry you must deal with all these retards - she sighed and Magnus felt sick. How could she call those poor kids like that?

\- I'm good- he just shrugged even if he wanted to slap her.

\- It's good to hear. Did you think about my offer? - she smiled.

\- What offer?

\- You know... - her hand landed on Magnus' thigh. - We had amazing times, Magnus. I would like to go back to them. You were so good at this... - she bit her bottom lip and he really wanted to run away. How he could think that she was attractive?

\- Yes. That's why you were cheating on me with every man you met. Who was the guy I walked in on you with? Pizza guy?

\- Stop this - she frowned. - It was a mistake. But I've changed, Magnus. And you can see this - her hand went up but Magnus grabbed her wrist.

\- That's enough, Camille. You disgust me - he said, smiling a bit. She looked so furious.

\- Oh, really? But you're not disgusted with this little slut? - she frowned.

\- What? - he was now confused. Magnus was single after all.

\- The Lightwood bitch. You defend him like a knight in shining armor when he is just a typical whore - she smirked when she saw Magnus face. He was pale and even more confused.

\- Sorry I'm late - Alec interrupted them and that was actually the best thing he could do because Magnus was just about to hit her. He had to consider her words. But now it wasn't the time.

\- You better be - she answered. - Sit down, we have a lot of work - she ordered him and Alec sighed, not having any other choice.

Magnus left them alone and went back to his friends. They sat at the table near them and drank coffee. They could do this in an office but they just must have seen this. There was not other option. Alec was quiet like the last time. He was totally lost in all these tasks and Camille repeating him how stupid he was if he didn't see the result right away. Alec blinked and took a deeper breath. He didn't know what was happening but he felt so weak all of a sudden. His stomach hurt, he became even more pale than before and felt so freaking sick. He tried to fight it but soon the urge to throw up was just too strong. It was already almost a second hour. He fought bravely but it was enough.

\- I-I need to go to the bathroom - he muttered, putting the pen down. He didn't write anything, anyway.

\- Forget it. You will seet here and count this till you get the results - she stated firmly.

\- B-but I... - he took a deep breath. - I-I need to... really need to...

\- No! - she growled.

But it was too much and Alec knew he couldn't hold it anymore. So he stood up and wanted to go but before he could even make two steps, Camille grabbed his arm and jerked it so now Alec was facing her.

\- Don't go when I tell you to stay! - she almost yelled.

The three of them looked up from their mugs. And every one of them wanted to tell her to fuck off of Alec but they had to wait. Alec looked worse with every passing second and they knew he wouldn't last long.

\- I... please... - he whispered, trying his best to hold the content of his stomach in his stomach.

\- Shut up you ungrateful, little shi... - she looked in shock at Alec who really couldn't hold it any longer and threw up at her perfect outfit.

Alec didn't feel better after that and felt like the second round was coming but Camille started screaming and pushed him away. She was all red and covered in puke. She didn't look so sexy anymore. And it got even worse when Ragnor burst out laughing, Magnus following his friend right away. Jem tried to cover his smile under the sleeve but his shoulders started shaking and she knew immediately he was laughing too. Alec was too confused to realize that, though.

\- You fucking scum! You know how much it cost?! - she yelled and came closer to Alec.

Catarina rushed to the room, not knowing what was happening. When she saw Camille in this state, she could not do anything more than smile. It was priceless. At least for them. Because Alec didn't feel very safe with uneasy stomach and furious Camille coming his way.

\- You'll fucking pay me for that! - she yelled again and Alec didn't have more doubts. She was going to hit him. But he felt so weak he decided to accept it.

However Catarina didn't think the same. She ran to Alec and stood between Alec and Camille.

\- Stop this - she said and the boys finally got up from the table and went to join them.

\- Get out of my way, you ugly maid - she gritted out through clenched teeth. - I'm gonna help this pathetic slut with his useless life.

She didn't know Catarina, though. And she broke two crucial rules. First, never call Catarina Loss a maid. Second, never say that any life is useless. So when Camille still wanted to hurt Alec and wanted to go past Cat, the nurse just lost her temper. She grabbed the lapel of her shirt and pushed her away. That didn't stop her so when Camille wanted to hurt her, Cat just punched her. Magnus and the rest gasped. The blood poured from Camille's nose.

\- Get out of here before I help you, my lady - she frowned, clenching her fists.

\- I will sue you, you ugly whore - she grunted.

\- Excellent. We will be waiting for the later. And now get the fuck off of here - Ragnor was really mad that someone like Camille insulted his wife and now he was more than determined to kick her ass himself.

\- Don't touch me - she growled. - I will end you. Every one of you - she grabbed her bag. - And you, little whore will be the first.

That was the last thing she said before she stormed out of the room. They all stood in silence for a moment before Ragnor pulled his wife into a tight hug.

\- You were amazing - he whispered.

\- I always am - she answered and smiled.

\- I'm sorry to interrupt you but... I'm gonna throw up again. Can I go now?

All attention turned to Alec and they cursed in unision. They gave him two pills since Ragnor wanted to be sure it will work. And now they knew how a big mistake it was. Cat grabbed the kidney dish on their way to Alec's room. And that was a very good decision because he threw up a three times on the way there. When they finally arrived, Jem helped Alec get to his bed and Ragnor helped Catarina with the cannula and drip. Alec didn't mind anymore. He was too tired.

\- I will stay with him - said Magnus for the first time since they got to Alec's room.

\- You're sure? it's not actually your duty, you know? Puking is not a delightful view.

\- I do know this - he nodded. - But it's my responsibility. Go home, get some rest, okay?

\- Okay - they said after looking at one another.

Magnus was left alone in a room with Alec. The boy was curled into a ball, only the arm with an i.v drip sticking out from the blanket. He was so pale. Magnus felt guilty for doing this to Alec but now was too late. He knew that he would do the same thing again, though. He sat on a chair beside Alec's bed and smiled a little.

\- Hey there. How are you? - he asked softly.

\- It hurts... - Alec complained.

\- I know, love. I'm so sorry - he sighed.

Alec didn't know why Magnus called him that. But it was nice. And he felt so bad that he needed someone to talk to him like that. It was so reassuring.

\- Why are you sorry?

\- Because you're in pain now because of me - he started when Alec looked at him with those beautiful eyes. - The drugs... I gave you a pill that causes the vomitting. I'm sorry.

\- Why did you do that? - asked Alec. He wasn't angry because he didn't have enough energy for that. But he was curious. - Because I was so rude to you?

\- No... well... yes but no - he shook his head. - I was mad at you and that was the reason I didn't hestitate. But I really wanted to do something to Camille. She deserved that.

\- Why? - Alec was just confused now and he wasn't sure if it was real. Because... why would he want to humiliate Camille?

\- Because she's a bitch. She's a bitch to you and she was a bitch to me - he rubbed his temples. It was a very hard topic but he hurt Alec so Alec deserved explanation. - She made me love her and then just used me. That woman destroyed my life in the worst way possible. I hate her so much you can't even imagine - he pursed his lips, not wanting to tell too much.

The realization hit him like a train. Magnus was a victim just like him. But he was so stupid that he didn't asked and judged right away. Alec felt ashamed for real. And then the fear came up. He said so many bad things to Magnus that now the doctor must have hated him. And it was terrible because Alec cared for him and now when he knew that they both hated Camille, he realized how stupid he was. Magnus needed someone to talk to. Yes, he had friends and they probably were better listeners and trusted people but still. Asking didn't hurt.

\- I'm so sorry - he muttered, weakly.

\- For what? - Magnus was taken aback. Again.

\- I shouldn't have acted like that. It was unfair and I'm really sorry, Magnus. I didn't mean it. I don't hate you and I don't think you are sickening. I just... I just thought that you knew about Camille. I didn't know... I thought you agreed for her to be my tutor because she was your fiance. And then you kissed her... - Alec swallowed hard. - It's just... I felt so mad because I hate her and you kissed her and you shouldn't be doing this. I like you, Magnus. And you kissed her... - he didn't know what he was saying anymore. He was too exhausted to make any sense of his words. But it was enough for Magnus to understand. He forgave Alec everything right away.

\- I didn't want to kiss her - he confessed and gently took his hand. - I'm sorry it looked like that.

\- Why are you sorry? - he asked, blushing a little, feeling Magnus' warm hand.

\- Because I like you too - he smiled gently. - And I don't want you to feel bad because of my stupidity.

Alec's heart made a 'boom boom' sound and he almost wanted to cry. Was it for real?

\- Thank you, Magnus... - he looked into his eyes and smiled.

Alec smiled for the first time since the day when Sebastian raped him. Magnus was the first person to tell Alec he liked him. It was so uncommon. So unrealistic. And so beautiful at the same time. Because Magnus got to know him when he was admitted to the hospital. He got to know him as a broken boy who wanted to kill himsel. Magnus saw him bleeding, crying, misreable and much more. He has seen his good and bad sides. And he still liked him. It must have been a dream. But it wasn't, even though Magnus thought the same. He wanted to dance because of how happy he was. Alec didn't despise him, he was just confused. And Magnus believed him because those eyes couldn't lie. He really liked Magnus and now Magnus could feel that. And this was beautiful. He wasn't in love for the first time. But he felt something like this for the first time in his life. Alec, the boy whose life meant nothing for himself, decided to trust him. And the smile... he realized he had never seen him smile before. And he didn't know enough words to describe how gorgeous it was.

\- Don't thank me, please. You're throwing up because of me.

\- Yes, I know. But I puked on Camille.

\- You did.

\- It was so cool.

Some people say that love is the colour of red. But for Magnus it was an ocean blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello angels c:
> 
> You probably don't want to kill me anymore. Thank you for that!  
> It's all starting to go the right way. It*cough*won't*coughcough*last*cough*long*coughcoughcough*
> 
> But enjoy for now c:


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Progress is good.
> 
> I wrote this in the night yesterday so it's not a respond to all your comments. Mr. Fabulous Sparkles and the angsty bitch me know we screwed up with the last chapter. Sorry for that! And for this chap too!
> 
> Oh... and since you didn't like the last chapter so much, I think it doesn't have much sense anymore. I lost my spirit. So here's the last chapter of this story. Thank you so much for staying with me so long, guys. You're the best <3

They sat like this in a total silence. Alec was a bit angry with Magnus and his stupid, unprofessional behaviour but it didn't last long. He knew that he would agree himself to this plan since he hated Camille's guts. But it still would be nice to know before they planned something so stupid. But it didn't matter right now. Magnus was holding his hand and he was now sure that this man didn't lie to him. He had his own past and still, he was there for Alec. He wouldn't be if he didn't act so childish but Alec decided to pay him back after he got some sleep. For now, he just felt good, knowing that someone was there for him. Someone who liked him. Magnus could feel guilty and he probably did but Alec knew that he was telling him the truth. His eyes didn't lie. They were so sincere that he couldn't stop looking.

\- I'm so sorry, Alexander. I don't know what has gotten into me I... - he sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. He got carried away by all his frustration and bad memories. He was disappointed that someone special appeared in his life and despised him despite all his efforts. He knew it wasn't an excuse, he was a doctor for god's sake! But he didn't act like a doctor at this moment. He used Alec for his own revenge on Camille, he punished him for being rude when he had the damn rights to be rude. It should have never happened. He let his emotions got the lead instead of brain. That was the result. Magnus felt terrible but he knew he deserved it. It didn't matter how much damage Camille made. He shouldn't be taking this out on Alec. This kid had already too much on his plate. - I'm not going to justify myself because clearly, you should press charges on me. I don't deserve my doctor license if I do something like this to my patients...

Magnus has never done anything like this to any of his patients. Alec was the one who suffered because of his unprofessional actions and he was more than sure that he would be the last. Because he didn't doubt that he will be fired with the next hour. And Alec would be right to do this. But Alec wasn't a bad person. Yes, he knew that Magnus made a huge mistake and should be punished for that. However... who has never done anything really stupid? Everybody, even Alec. And pressing charges. He wanted to laugh at this. He could do this to many, many people. But not to Magnus.

\- Yes, you don't. But you can make it up for me - he said after a moment.

\- How can I do this? I won't forgive myself anyway but... what can I do for you, Alec? - he seemed really desperated and he surely was.

\- What did she do to you? Why do you hate her so much that you used me to have a revange on her? - he asked. - Ach, well... You don't have to... - Alec added when he saw Magnus face. He became even more sad all of a sudden.

It wasn't easy for Magnus to talk about this. He tried so hard to forget it, to erase her from his life. But after this day he realized that he won't get rid of the demons so easily. He was hiding all of this deep inside of him and now he hurt someone because of this. It was enough. He had to get it over with and life taught him that the best way to do this was just to tell someone about this.

\- You're going to make a session right now, Alexander? - he smiled a little but before Alec could say something, he raised his hand to hush him. - It's okay. You deserve to know. I want you to trust me even if... after this, you definitely shouldn't. But I want to tell you. It won't be very enjoyable, though. Is it okay?

-No. But I want to hear it. I know it's not really my business but... tell me - he nodded, giving him a sign that he could start.

\- It all happened in high school. Camille was amazing back then. She was the most beautiful girl I've ever met. Stunning and funny We met on a party and we just... clicked. We knew from the start that we'll be together. And it happened. We had sex that night and after that it was just so normal. I could be myself with her, you know? I don't know if you have ever experienced something like this but it was so amazing. She listened to me, I didn't have to keep any secrets from her. She supported me. I just fell in love and after we graduated, I decided to propose to her. She chose teaching and I chose medicine. We were staying here in New York so it wasn't a big problem to see each other almost everyday. And I was sure I wanted this. So I proposed. And she said yes. But... then something bad happened. I don't know why but Camille stopped being Camille - he bit his bottom lip. It hurt so much to remember all those things The best and the worst time in his whole life. - I'm sorry, I've never talked with anyone about this.

\- Take your time - Alec was wide awake now. He just had to know what happened even though he saw how bad Magnus looked just talking about it. But his story was so familiar. And he felt like he just had to know. He hoped it would help him with gaining the courage to do something with his life again.

\- Thank you - he sighed. - So I proposed. And then we were engaged, we lived together. It was like a fairy tale. Or so I thought. Because Camille became a real bitch all of a sudden. She didn't like anything. You can't cook, Magnus. You leave your clothes everywhere, Magnus. You earn not enough money, Magnus. And many, many more. But I really did my best. However it wasn't enough for her. She complained about everything. About the ring, our flat, about everything. But I endured it because I was so deep in love. So deep, I didn't notice what she was doing behind my back. Or I didn't want to notice - he stopped for a moment but Alec didn't say anything. He was waiting patiently for him. - Then one day I told her I have enough. That I know she has been cheating on me and I won't stand it anymore. I wanted to break up. And then she told me she was pregnant - he rubbed his temples and Alec sat up, his heart beating fast. - And that this baby was mine. I believed her. I was really young, not ready to be a father but... but I loved this baby from the first time I heared about it. And I started working even harder because I wanted to be a good dad and be able to afford everything for my son or a daughter. And let me tell you, it was hard as hell. But I was happier than ever. I even made a nursery. It was small but so pretty. I spent couple of nights to prepare everything. Camille wasn't excited, though. Quite the opposite. She disappeared for couple of days, not saying anything to me. Then Ragnor took me to a party and... well, she was there as well, kissing some stranger who was touching her. I felt so sick...

„ _Magnus couldn't believe his eyes when he saw his missing fiance in embrace of a stranger. The stranger was really eager to know Camille better and Magnus knew immediately how it will end. And he couldn't let this happen. He was so furious he didn't even know when he pushed this guy away from his fiance and dragged Camille to the outside. The music was playing loud and his head was throbbing but it didn't stop him. He was in so much pain. Camille was everything to him and now he realized that it was really one-sided._

_\- What the hell, Magnus?!_

_\- What the hell?! You're asking me what the hell?! I am the one to ask you this, Camille! Where have you been? What were you doing with this guy?!_

_\- Cut the crap, Magnus! I'm young! You think I will be staying at home like an old lady and play with Catsby?! No way in hell! It's so boring. You are so boring!_

_\- Camille... - it was worse than a slap. - Please, calm down. I'm not telling you not to live but for fuck's sake! Camille, you are pregnant with my baby! And I won't allow you to drink and do god knows what when you're carrying my baby! - he didn't want to yell but the emotions were too strong. And Camille... Camille laughed._

_\- Are you kidding me? - she shook her head. - What a baby? You're talking about this disgusting parasite?_

_\- H-how can you... oh my god, Camille! It's our baby! Don't call it like that!_

_\- There's no any baby, Magnus! I told you this because I didn't want you to break up with me when I was broke - she finally said the truth. And it was thousand times worse than any slap._

_\- W-what...? What... Camille.... you... you're not...?_

_\- Pregnant? Fuck no! It's disgusting! And besides, I wouldn't even know if it was yours - she shrugged like this was nothing when Magnus' whole world stopped exsisting._

_\- Why...? - was all he could say._

_\- Because you're so fucking boring. I would never spend my whole life with a sappy idiot like you. You weren't like this. What the hell happened with you? Seriously, put your shit together!_

_It hurt so bad. So, so bad. His perfect life was over. His family was over. Everything was over._

_\- Go home. Take your stuff and leave my life. I don't want to see you ever again._

_\- You're kidding, right?_

_\- I'm more than serious. I may be boring but I'm not desperated. Don't ever come near me._

_That was the last time they talked. When Magnus came home, Camille's stuff were gone. So was she. She left a note, though. 'You're going to regret it' was written on it. But he didn't regret it when he entered the empty nursery. He was quite happy, actually. He lost a child and this was horrible. But maybe that way it was better? Camille would be a terrible mother and Magnus didn't want his kid to be unhappy. So he decided to erase it from his memory. He decided to move away. He decided to forget about all those things Camille did to him. Even this that she poisoned his cat. Poor Catsby didn't deserve it. But life wasn't fair and Magnus knew that now.”_

When he finished, Alec was left speechless. He didn't realize he had tears in his eyes. How much of a monster a woman had to be to come up with something like this? How cruel Camille was? And why did she work with children if she hated them so much? There was so many questions. But Alec knew it wasn't a time for this when he saw Magnus crying, his makeup ruined. Alec didn't say anything because it wasn't needed. He just moved closer to Magnus and hugged him. Because it was the thing he craved the most when he was at his breakdown. Magnus opened his eyes who now hurt like hell when the mascara mixed with his tears and got to his eyes. But he smiled when he felt Alec's body embracing him. This boy was too good. And he really didn't deserve him. But at this moment it didn't matter. He hugged him back and they stayed like this for a moment. Alec let him cry and Magnus gladly accepted this. He couldn't believe how light he felt when he got all of this off of his chest.

\- Thank you - he whispered.

\- I'm sorry, Magnus. You had to come through so much - he sighed.

Magnus felt like he could cry again. Alec. This young man who wanted to kill himself because his life was too cruel was now feeling sorry for Magnus. It was unbelieveable.

\- I'm sure it's not as much as you had to endure. Am I right? - he rubbed his eyes and now he was a real panda but he didn't care. He wasn't important. It was all about Alec. This beautiful angel. He couldn't think of himself when he got Alec who needed his help. And he didn't want to screw this up even more.

Alec just nodded and then bit his bottom lip. Yes, it was a hell. But for someone who loved children so much like Alec, it was even worse. He knew he would never be a father because he was gay. And he couldn't understand why people didn't respect their ability to have a family.

\- I think it's time you finally tell me what really happened, Alexander - he said after a longer moment of silent.

\- What day is it today? - he asked instead of answering.

\- Tuesday.

\- No, a data.

\- Twentieth. December.

\- It's only four days till Christmas, right?

\- Yes, why?

\- Because I will tell you. But after Christmas.

\- All the truth?

\- All the truth.

\- Okay.

\- Magnus... do you maybe... do you have the letter?

\- Yes. You dropped it but I took it for you. Why? Do you want this now?

\- Yes.

\- Why now?

\- Because it's Christmas in four days. And... I think I would like to go home.

He opened the envelope when Magnus left him. And started reading.

„Alec!

We are so glad you responded to our letter. It means a lot, you can't even imagine. We are doing really fine even though school is hard without your help. But we manage. I quitted the team and now I can focus on learning. It's not so bad, you know? Isabelle is making fun of me but I don't care. I actually enjoy my life but... buddy, come home, please. I miss you. It's not the same without you. Please, write back and tell me how you are feeling, okay?

Big bro, I miss you so much. It's all so messed up. This should have never happened but... well, how can I tell this? It is better here at home, you know? Mom doesn't spend all days and nights at work. She talks to us and started to care. It's really nice, Alec. I wish you would be here with us. We want to fix all of this mess. I started working on my behaviour and now I see why you were getting so upset sometimes. I was terrible. But I can promise you, I will be the sister you always wanted to have. Just get better and come home, okay? Love you so much!

Honey, I hope you're doing good. We're quite fine. Your siblings make progress at school and I decided not to devote my life to work anymore. I know it's too late and not enough but I'm trying really hard. And I really miss you, baby boy. It's Christmas soon... I know how you feel about it. And I'm not forcing you to do anything! But if you wanted to come home for Christmas... if it was possible, then know that we all will be so very happy. Love you so much, sweety. Take care.

Mom,

Izzy,

Jace”

Alec thought about it. He knew that it would be hard to get a permission to leave the hospital for at least two days but he decided to try. He felt much better after talking to Magnus when they explained everything. He didn't think it over, though. He promised to tell Magnus the truth because he was so moved with the story. But to be honest, he still didn't know if he was ready. However Alec knew he would never be ready. So he needed to take the big step and face the reality. Because he was just too tired of all of this. The hospital, meds and the rest of this shit. He was normal. Yes, he wanted to take his life twice but hey! He didn't want it right now... so maybe going home wasn't a bad idea after all? He had to give it a try. Because if Magnus could keep going after this, then he wasn't any different, right?

The next day it was quite noisy in the doctor's office since all of them were discussing their stupidity. And well... Tessa and Catarina already knew what boys decided to do to their patient.

\- I swear, I will never listen to you! Never again - Jem sat on a chair, guilty because Tessa didn't spare him a good scolding.

\- I know, I know! The next time I will want to do something so stupid, just bitchslap me! Hard.

\- I won't have the slightest problem with that. It includes you as well, Ragnor. How stupid can you be?!

\- Hey! I was just curious if it works. I thought it was a bullshit!

\- You are a doctor, for fuck's sake! You shouldn't be testing any shit on your patients!

\- I know, I'm sorry! We all will apologize to Alec. Maybe he will go easy on us.

\- He shouldn't...

\- I know I shouldn't - said Alec, entering the office.

They all turned their gaze to him and then looked down. They all looked like a children who were caught with their hands on a cookie jar.

\- Alec, we are so, so, so sorry! - started Jem. - I have no idea why I gave it to you...

\- We will take all the consequences - said Ragnor.

\- Good. Because I need you to go to Luke - they all went pale and Alec could almost hear their hearts beating fast and hard. - No, I won't make a complaint. But you owe me so you can do something for me.

\- Anything - said Magnus immediately.

\- I've decided I would like to go home for Christmas. But... after what I've done... I mean, the new cuts, you probably won't let me so...

\- This kid is blackmailing us - Ragnor blinked. - Cat, let's adopt him.

\- Shut the fuck up - she hit his shoulder.

\- It's not a blackmail. But I know you know it could be. So? - he looked at them.

\- We will do this - said Magnus. - But under one condition.

\- Name it - he wanted to smile but decided to wait with it.

\- We will give you our phone numbers. And if you feel like cutting or doing something stupid again, you call us. It doesn't matter who you'll decide to call. We're spanding Christmas together, anyway. Is it okay with everyone?

\- Yes.

\- Totally.

\- Of course.

\- Sure.

\- So it's settled then. I'll talk to Luke.

\- Thanks, Magnus. But... I would like you to do one more thing for me.

\- What is it, Alexander?

\- Can you text my mother and tell her that I will be back? Or at least I'll try?

\- Sure thing.

  
  


Magnus kept his promise and when Alec walked back to his room, he texted Maryse to tell her that Alec wanted to go home for Christmas. He was a little worried but needed to trust him. If he really felt like he could meet his family then he couldn't stop him. Luke didn't really agree but Magnus managed to convince him. It wasn't much. Only three days but it was enough.

\- Mom, someone texted you! - Jace called from the living room. But when Maryse didn't respond, he took her phone and went to look for her.

They started preparing for Christmas and it meant exactly one thing - cleaning up. Jace tried to avoid it as much as he could since he liked when it wasn't messy but well... Tidying up was not his thing. Luckily, his mother and Isabelle didn't force him to do it this year because they needed a distraction. And work was the best for this.

\- Mom - Jace called again and then entered his own bedroom.

\- Jace, I found condoms under your bed. Care to explain this? - Maryse put her hands on her hips.

\- You know, mom... when two people love each other...

\- Oh, stop this right now - she rubbed her eyes. - Did you come here to help?

\- No? You've got a text so I came here to give you your phone. That and only that -he handed her the phone.

\- It's from Magnus - she said. Izzy and Jace were by her side immediately. - He says that Alec wants to come home for Christmas...

They all smiled. Isabelle started crying and then hugged her mother. Jace joined them a moment later. Their happiness couldn't be described with words. They didn't see Alec for so long, had so many things to tell him. But before that, Jace and Izzy had one more thing to do. But it could wait a bit longer.

\- Mom, where you keep the vaccum cleaner?

\- I thought you said you don't want to help us.

\- I'm willing nothing more than that.

They wanted everything to be perfect. It was still three days till Christmas but it didn't matter. They spent all day cleaning the house for Alec's arrival and after that Izzy was more than sure that there was no a single dust of dust in there. So there was only one thing to do. Buy presents. But Maryse refused to go with them since she still had Alec's room to clean up. They left then and Maryse went to Alec's room. It was dark and dusty. She took care of the curtains and then went to put the books on a shelf.

\- What is it...? - she found his phone and raised her brow.

Why Alec left it there? Maryse plugged the phone to a charger knowing that her son would be happy to have it back. And then went back to work. What she didn't expect was the phone calling. She didn't know the number and Alec didn't have it in the contact book either. She wasn't sure at first but decided to pick it up.

\- Yes?

\- Is it Alexander Lightwood speaking? - someone on the other side asked and Maryse frowned. It was a male voice but it belonged to an adult, definitely.

\- No. He's not at home right now. Can I...

\- Fuck yes! - the man growled and Maryse blinked. - Tell him to pick up the fucking phone. I tried to call him like twenty times already!

\- But why...? Who are you?

\- Does it matter now? What matters is that I pay! And I demand that sweet ass right now! I'll double the price.

But Maryse hung up, not being able to hear it anymore. But the phone started calling again. It was a different number this time. She picked it up but her hands were shaking.

\- Hallo?

\- Hi, pretty boy. How much you want for a blowjob? I would love to feel your lips on my...

\- Where did you get that number?! - Maryse almost yelled, tears in her eyes.

\- From your website? Oh, you like roleplaying, huh? It's okay. It turns me on, ya know?

Maryse threw the phone away like it just burnt her. She was shaking violently but now she started understanding the whole situation. She sat on a chair at Alec's desk and pressed the starting button on the laptop. But it wasn't so easy because she needed a password. She tried couple of times before she got the right one. Luckily, Alec wasn't very complicated and she soon realised that a data of his sister's birthday was the right one. Just after that she got on the Alec's social media. He got all his passwords saved so it wasn't difficult. And soon she saw that. Lots and lots of hated comments where the kids were insulting her child. They were from couple of days ago but still. It froze her blood.

„Hope you killed yourself already, freak.”

„I always thought psychiatric hospitals were for faggots.”

She read couple more and couldn't take it anymore. But when she logged on Alec's facebook and looked through his messages she found one with a link on it. She clicked it and opened the website. She was crying, not even knowing about this. This website had all of Alec's data and his phone number. His face was photoshopped to different pictures, there was a lot of gay porn and the description of Alec and what he had to offer... she just felt sick. She was more than sure that Alec didn't do this. So she checked the message again. Sebastian Morgenstern.

\- You'll pay me for that... - she whispered and grabbed her phone. - Jace, Isabelle. Come home. Now!

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy April Fools' Day, angels ♥ 
> 
> I appreciate all the nice and critical comments equally. They're very helpful. Thank you c:


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, angels c:  
> I'm so sorry for pranking you last time. But it was so funny I got you all :D And so nice that you cared. Thank you for that :)  
> Sooo... to apologise properly here's the chapter most of you were probably waiting for. A fluffy fluff. Cotton candy fluff. Fluffier than Chairman's fur! Prepare toothbrushes!

Jace and Izzy were in the middle of doing shopping. Isabelle decided that it would be nice to buy Alec some new clothes and since Maryse gave them her credit card, they could afford it. Jace thought that Alec would prefer books to clothes and he wasn't very mistaken. But before they agreed to anything, Maryse called them. Isabelle didn't understand much of her call but it was obvious that the shopping was over.

\- But we've just started - noticed Jace and sighed.

\- We can do this tomorrow. Mom was really pissed off. And I think she was crying. So hurry. We need to catch the bus.

\- Only two months and I will have that fucking license.

\- Right, but I won't wait here two months. Come on!

She dragged him from the mall and they ran to the bus stop. They didn't talk much on their way home because they were too scared. What could have happened? Maybe Alec made his mind and decided to stay at the hospital? Or Robert did something stupid again? Everything was possible. They still didn't know what Robert did about the tutoring thing since he didn't discuss anything with anyone. He never liked when Maryse was bossy so he almost didn't talk to her anymore. Happy family indeed.

\- What happened, mom? - asked Izzy when they entered Alec room And she had a feeling that it was nothing good.

The room was still messy, nothing had been cleaned up. Alec's phone was still calling but Maryse silenced it since she couldn't stand this. She felt sick everytime she heard the ringtone.

\- Mom? - Jace came closer to her and then she stood up from the chair.

Maryse cheeks were stained from the tears. She didn't look like her. There was nothing left from this proud, strong woman. She was so broken right now. But how couldn't she be? He child was in a hospital because she didn't do anything. They all did a big fat nothing when the answers were right in front of their eyes.

\- You knew? - she asked simply and when they didn't answer, she just showed him the laptop. Jace closed his eyes and Izzy gasped, covering her mouth with a palm. - Did you know?!

\- We did - said Jace after a moment and reached his hand to close the laptop. - We did know about all the hate comments towards Alec. And about this website. But we deleted our social media accounts so we didn't know they still continue this.

\- And you didn't tell me? You did nothing?! - she just couldn't believe this.

\- We don't know who made this page! - exclaimed Isabelle. She knew that theit mother was right. But it couldn't change anything anymore. - And the whole school was writing those comments. We tried, mom. We really tried to fight them but...

\- My son... your brother is at the hospital and those brats are staying at home, laughing and enjoying their pathetic lives when my son's life is falling apart! We could do something about this right away! - she yelled and they both just looked down.

\- We're so sorry, mom. We didn't want to tell you. We were ashamed.

\- We still are - added Izzy.

\- It was our job to protect Alec but we did nothing. We even couldn't force them to stop writing those things. And this website... we really don't know who did this.

\- You know Sebastian Morgenstern? - she decided to ignore the rest and ask directly.

Maryse watched as her children's eyes widened in shock and they looked very uncomfortable. Jace and Izzy looked at each other and nodded, deciding to tell Maryse the truth. There was no sense in hiding it, since she already knew.

\- Sebastian was Alec's boyfriend - said Isabelle. - But then he broke up with him when... - she bit her bottom lip. Izzy wasn't scared of talking about this kind of things but it was totally different, talking about your brother's sex life with your mother. It was just too much for her.

\- Sebastian recorded Alec when he was having sex - Jace explained for her. Maryse gasped, new tears in her eyes. - And the whole school saw this. That's why it all has started - he sighed heavily. Jace knew he could do something with it. It might have not worked but still, he could try. But instead of that, just watched Alec's suffer and made him suffer even more. He wasn't any better than those kids.

\- Oh god... - Maryse sat down, not being able to stand anymore. This was horrible and she didn't remember being in such a big pain since the day of Max's death. She couldn't believe that Alec agreed to record his private moments. It wasn't her son, she was more than sure about that. But after listening to her children, nothing was so obvious anymore. She would never suspect them to act like this, to abandon their own brother and to lie to her. But they did all those things. And she didn't yell at them only because she did as much as them to help Alec. And she was his mother. She should have known better.

\- What are you going to do, mom? - Isabelle kneeled beside her and put a hand on her mother's knee.

\- I need to call Magnus. I have to talk to him right now - she sounded so weak but knew she couldn't sit and do nothing now when she already knew some of the truth. - Give me the phone.

Isabelle handed her the phone and she called her son's doctor. Maryse didn't want Alec to be scared again so she needed to know how to act. And who would know it better if not Magnus?

\- Hallo? Mrs.Lightwood, how can I help you? Alec is sleeping if that's what you're going to ask - Magnus picked up the phone and got into his car right after that. It was too cold to stay outside.

\- That's good, he deserves this. But no... I'm... can you please come to my place? I think you should know this. And I... I need your help - her voice broke and Magnus frowned.

\- On my way, ma'am - he hung up and then cursed, fastening his belts. He had a nice evening planned with wine and Chairman Meow. But the cat could wait. Magnus had a really bad feelings.

And he wasn't mistaken. Because when he got to their home, the first what he saw was a crying Maryse. She and her children were sitting at the desk, crying and didn't even notice when he entered the room. Well, group session was a challenge but he was always up to it.

\- Excuse me? I rang the dorbell but no one answered so I decided to check what happened. So?

They looked up at him finally and Magnus was now more than sure that he would hear nothing nice. He even thought that they knew what he did and wanted to tell him to fuck off. He wouldn't be surprised, though. Magnus still wanted to take the consequences since he didn't forgive himself. But it turned out that they had no idea about the tablets incident. It was much worse. Maryse told him about the phone calls and the website. He just looked at in once and wanted to throw up. His heart hurt so bad. Why someone would like to do something like this to Alec? This boy was too good for this world. He couldn't even hold a grudge at them for doing something so stupid and the whole school thought that it was so funny to make his life a living hell? He felt a strong urge to punch every single kid who dared to insult him. But he got carried away with the emotions once and he wasn't going to make that mistake again. Even if this was so hard.

\- What should I do? - Maryse sobbed and now Magnus really wanted to hurt someone.

\- Please, calm down. Mrs.Lightwood, I've talked with Alec today. He told me that he wants to tell the whole truth but after Christmas. And I think we don't have much choice just to wait for it. He is the one who knows what really happened.

\- So what am I going to do? Just sit here and do nothing?!

\- I didn't say that - he shook his head and then went to work his magic on the laptop. A few minutes later he had a dozen of paper sheets in his hands. - Here. Now you have a clear evidences. Go with this to the principal and punish the kids. And the principal himself because he also didn't do anything. And I'm more than sure that he knows perfectly what was going on at his school for so long. It's not my thing but you are a lawyer so you would know what to do, right?

Maryse nodded and looked at the papers again. Magnus printed everything for her. She really could sue the school with this. And she was so going to do this. They didn't know who they made mad.

\- We will know the rest when Alec will tell us. Then we will press the charges on the person who started this. And... there's one more thing - he looked at them and saw the fear in their eyes. They knew what he was going to ask. - Did Alec want this?

Maryse started crying again and this time Jace and Izzy couldn't hold the tears too.

\- We don't know! Alec wanted to tell us but we didn't want to hear him out. And then it was too late - Izzy sobbed, sitting down on the bed. She has never felt so guilty in her life.

\- So we just have to wait - sighed Magnus, trying to stay calm. But only thinking that Alec could get raped... it would explain everything. But he hoped to be wrong this time. It couldn't be the truth. It was just too cruel. And yet, they had to wait. That was the just the worst. - Sexual abuse is a really serious case. We can't sue anyone without being serious. But it's less than one week.

\- And what are we going to do for that week? - asked Maryse, wiping her eyes.

\- You are going to show Alec that you love him. You have only three days to show him that you care. That you accept him and want him to be home. That you're going to support him no matter what. But at the same time I don't think you should tell him about what you already know. He would be just nervous. So act like all of this is not so important. Take care of him. Because now he needs that the most. And after he will be back to the hospital and I will get all the information, we are going to kick the motherfucker's ass who did all of this to him - he clenched his fists. Of course he was mad. And he didn't care that they could suspect something. It didn't matter. Magnus could feel like he was in love with Alexander but he knew it was just impossible to work. But still, if he could do something for him, he was willing to do this. He promised himself he will fight for Alec. And he wasn't going to let him down again.

\- Why are you so involved? - asked Jace, sniffing.

\- Because I know how amazing person Alexander is. And I hate abusive bastards. They are going to pay for all they've done to him.

\- Hell yeah they are. But first let's show him that what we wrote in these letters wasn't a bullshit.

\- Sure thing. But you're not cooking, Isabelle.

\- Why not?!

\- Because we want Alec to actually stay at home with us, not to go to another hospital because of a food poisoning.

\- Ugh, you little!

  
  


Magnus left them after that. He gave them some more advice like hide all sharp objects at home and hide any meds. Simple precautions but they were crucial. He believed in Alec but everything could happen. They needed to be careful. And he needed to prepare him for the visit. And himself as well. Because Magnus really wanted to kill someone for hurting Alec so badly. He understood why he tried to kill himself. Who wouldn't? What they've done... Magnus couldn't even find words to describe how disappointed in this world he was. This was so unfair, so wrong. They were all kids. They should support one another, not making them want to take their life. Why didn't they get this? And why did they choose Alexander? From all of those sick brats, he was the purest soul and deserved only nice things. But Magnus knew that it still could be fixed. He wanted to help him with going through this. With all of this. But they couldn't act without a plan. It was too serious. And they needed to consult it with Alec. Only he knew the whole truth. But they needed to wait for him a little longer. And well, Magnus wanted to show Alec in this couple days that life wasn't so bad. He had to gain some strength because the fight was lost but war was just starting.

\- Yes, Chairman, I know. I don't work tomorrow but I can't stay with you at home. I'll make it up to you, I promise, okay?

The cat hissed at him and Magnus gulped. This fluffy ball was a real monster sometimes.

\- I'm so sorry, Chairman. But the Christmas is coming. I won't see Alexander for three days and that's definitely too long. So I want to give him his present earlier - he picked the cat and hugged him. - I know I shouldn't... but it's stronger than me, Chairman. You really think I don't stand any chance? -he sighed. - Yea, I know I don't. I'm too old... how it comes my magnificent self is too old? Why is it happening, Chairman?! - the cat meowed irritated, when Magnus squeezed him too tightly. - Fine! Leave me!

The cat really didn't care about Magnus' well being and fled to his bed for a next nap.

\- I should really get a dog - he grunted when he went to his bedroom and saw that shameless ball of fur on his pillow.

But he was used to Chairman's nasty behaviour so he decided to just shrug at this and pick an outfit for the next day. He wanted to charm Alec. Even when he knew that they could never become an item, he wanted to look flawless. If you can look flawless when it was a raging blizzard outside. But Magnus knew he could be a very handsome human popsicle, after all, he was the Magnus Bane and Elsa didn't stand a chance against him. He decided to wear a tight, marron pants and forest green shirt with a reddish-brown bow-tie. Excellent. But quite not necessary. He was going to wear a coat and then take off all of this clothes so... but at least he killed some time. Magnus packed his bag and then took his time taking a shower. He sang some Lady Gaga's songs during his home spa and then called it a night. He liked to make night movies maratons when he had a day off the next day but this time he had to have his batteries fully charged. It was all for Alexander.

And Alec didn't suspect anything. He knew that it was only one day till his homecoming but he was sure he would spend the day as the rest of days at this place. Or that he will just sleep. Because it was the best solution. He wouldn't have to think about everything. Alec wanted to go home and meet his family. He really did. But at the same time, he was freaking out. They counted on him and he was afraid that he would dissapoint them. However, staying in the hospital for Christmas was not an option. Yes, Magnus and the rest would be working that day but for a day shift. And night... night looked too terrifying. No. Christmas was a family time, no matter what family you had. But still... it was really hard. Alec sighed and stretched in his bed, deciding to stay in there for the rest of the day. It wasn't a crime, was it? Besides, Magnus had a day off so Alec wasn't looking forward to anything that day. He didn't know these kids and didn't want to know. So being just for himself looked just fine. Alec glanced at his wrists that were no longer bandaged and felt sick. Ragnor did a great job in fixing the mess he did but the scars were still visible even after taking the stitches out. Well, that was a prize for being stupid. Alec really wanted to buy some gloves or armbands but he doubt they had shops with such supplies in a hospital.

\- Oh god, it sucks so bad... - he mumbled under his breath.

\- And what if I tell you that it all can change?

Alec almost jumped, startled. He sat up on his bed and couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face when he saw who visited him. And well... Magnus looked... Alec couldn't find the words to describe him. Alec was almost sure he was blushing but decided to ignore it and pray that Magnus ingored this too. Well, hope is the last thing to die.

\- Magnus! What are you doing here? - he asked simply.

\- I came to pay a visit to my favourite patient, of course - he shook his head like Alec's question was just so obious and ridiculous. - How are you feeling today?

\- Don't go all doctor on me. It doesn't work when you look so unofficial, you know? - he repeated his movement and Magnus smiled.

\- Oh, someone's in a good mood today? Good, it will be helpful. But no, really. How are you feeling?

\- Umm... okay? - he shrugged. - Why are you asking?

\- Did you have breakfast? - Magnus continued questioning him and Alec got slightly irritated.

\- I did. Why are you asking? - he sighed.

\- What did you eat?

\- Magnus! - he exclaimed.

\- What did you eat? - Magnus repeated, not bothered by his irritated state.

\- Cereal. No I didn't like it. No, I didn't throw up after that even if that was really tempting. Yes, I went to sleep after the meal. No, you didn't wake me up. More questions? - he crossed his arms over his chest.

\- Actually, yes - he nodded, smiling. He really was glad that Alec ate something and decided to keep it in his stomach. That was a big, big progress. - Do you have any warm clothes in here?

\- Yes. Why? - he raised his eyebrow. Alec really got worried. Magnus acted so weird that he really wanted to swap places with him right now.

\- Great! - he clapped his hands. - So dress up nicely and get going.

\- What? Where...? - Alec was so confused that he pinched himself to check if he wasn't still asleep.

\- Well... remember when I told you I got you three days? I may have lied a bit. It's actually four days. And the first one starts now - his smile disappeared when he saw the terrified expression on Alec's face. And the realization hit him like a train. - Oh, no, no, no! Nope, you're not going home today. I told Luke that it's a part of your therapy. And well... you can treat it like this, if you want.

Alec was silent for a longer moment, not knowing what he should answer. He really didn't understand much of Magnus' talking. Because... why would he arrange four days when he was supposed to spend three days at home? What was this one day for? This man really needed help.

\- I can treat it like this, but what it really is? - he asked finally and Magnus... did he blush?! Alec blinked but still couldn't believe his eyes.

\- I... I know! It's unprofessional, childish and stupid! I shouldn't do this and you have all rights to say no! I totally understand this, Alec. You don't need to push yourself! - he sighed, defeated. He really lost all his motivation and realized how stupid he was for planning something behind Alec's back when it involved Alec! He already knew why Alec would never want him.

\- Oh... - was all Alec managed to say. He really was confused and didn't understand a single word. - And... do you mind to tell me what exactly is so unprofessional and childish that I can say no?

\- I... I wanted to take you somewhere. As a... as a Christmas present - he confessed after a minute and put hands into his pants pockets. It was so awkward. It definitely looked much better and much easier in his fluffy dreams. But here comes the reality.

\- A Christmas present? For me? - Alec couldn't believe what Magnus was saying. A present... for him? He hardly ever got any present and definitely not from someone who didn't have to give him anything. He wasn't related, they weren't a couple. He was his doctor and yet, he lied to his boss only to give Alec a present. He didn't know what to think of it. But it was... nice.

\- I-I know... I should have talked to you about this first. It's okay, really. Don't mind it. I'm really sorry, Alec. Just... take your rest - he smiled, though it hurt. He had a really nice day planned but when he saw Alec's face he knew that it won't work. This boy was still scared, he still was hestitant and Magnus understood it perfectly. It was his mistake. Again. He really started questioning his professionalizm and thinking about changing a profession. Growing strawberries definitely wasn't so well-paid as a doctor job but he wouldn't make this big fool out of himself. - Take care.

Alec was shocked. Magnus told him that it was a part of his treatment but was just too disappointed to be a normal part of this, right? Besides, they could have a session or any other examination here in hospital. But Magnus wanted to take him somewhere. And Alec thought that it was really nice. He visited him on his day off, he dressed like a fucking fashion desiner and did his makeup, even though Alec really thought that he didn't need it. However, it was nice. He liked to collect all the colours Magnus was putting on his eyelids. And this day it was dark red, almost black. He liked it.

\- Magnus - he called when the doctor was leaving his room.

\- Yes, Alexander?

\- Wait for me in the common room. I'll just get dressed.

\- Really...? - Magnus looked like a child on a Christmas day. And this sight was beautiful.

Alec nodded and Magnus grinned so wide, he almost looked like a Cheshire Cat, his eyes matching perfectly. Then he left and Alec wasn't sure if Magnus was jumping but he probably was. The boy rolled his eyes, amused. He really didn't know what he was doing. Going outside was something he wanted to do since the first day it started snowing. But now... now it looked just scary. But well, Magnus was waiting for him. And he was there for him. So he knew that nothing bad would happen. Or at least he told himself that and then started getting dressed. He didn't have such fancy clothes like Magnus. He just put normal, black jeans and oversized, dark green sweater. He looked rather casual but he didn't care. Alec grabbed his jacket and joined Magnus in the common room where he was doing some origami for Aline.

\- Here you go, my dear. You like it? - he smiled to the girl and she nodded.

\- Thank you, Magnus. Have a nice day! - she smiled back and then ran to the table where she had more paper animals done.

\- You too, Aline. Take care - he said his goodbye and then turned all his attention to Alec. Yes, he would change his clothes but the rest was perfect. His bed hair was just so adorable and looked great with the deep ocean blue of his eyes. - You're ready, Alexander?

\- Yes... but, will you tell me where we're going? - he asked, following Magnus to the exit.

\- Nah, I could. But what's the fun with it? - he smirked.

Alec didn't answer. He just walked side by side with Magnus through the hospital. Magnus greeted the guard standing by the door and then used his personal card to open it. Alec felt like he was free. He could just run and finish what he wanted to do for so long. But... but he realized that he didn't want to anymore. Spending time with Magnus seemed more enjoyable than sliding blade on his skin. So he just took a deep breath and followed him outside. It was snowing but not heavily. Sun was shining but it wasn't very warm. Quite the opposite. It was freezing and Alec didn't have to wait too long for his teeth to start clatter. Magnus really wanted to hug him and warm him but he kept his hands in pockets. It was safer. He was just watching as the snowflakes were falling on the raven hair of Alec and couldn't stop smiling.

\- Magnus? - Alec voice brought him back to the exact world.

\- Yes? - he asked not really getting what was going on yet.

\- Are we going to stay here in the cold? Because... I know you wanted to go out but I don't think it's very nice here, you know? - he rubbed his arms. He had a jacket but it was definitely too thin for a weather like this.

\- Oh, no! Of course, not. I'm taking you somewhere. We will drive there. Come on - he led him to the parking lot and then opened his car.

And boy, what a car it was! Alec stood there, his mouth hung open. A black, sparkly Jaguar was standing in front of him and he knew now that the world was so unfair.

\- I'm driving. I mean, I can drive - he said immediately.

\- You may can but you may not - answered Magnus and Alec blinked, confused.

\- I don't get it...?

\- Over my dead body, Alexander.

Alec pouted but when he got into the car, he felt really weird and really good. He even considered becoming a doctor. But only for a moment. Even a car like this wasn't worth all the stress and effort. No. Not for people, definitely not.

\- Where are we going?

\- Fasten your belts - Magnus did the same and waited for this stubborn kid to repeat his action.

\- Done. So? Where are we going?

\- I told you it is a surprise.

\- And what if I don't like surprises?

\- You would like this surpise - he just shrugged and started the engine. It was such a beautiful sound and they both enjoyed it for a moment.

Then Magnus turned the radio on and started driving. Alec was looking through the car window, watching the buildings they were passing. He didn't really know where they were going but well, he trusted Magnus enough to know that he won't abandon him in the middle of some creepy forest. Magnus definitely wasn't dressed to go into a forest. But he liked the outfit the doctor picked. He would never wear anything like that but well. It looked just good on him.

\- Like what you see? - Magnus teased and Alec turned his gaze away from Magnus, blushing.

\- Shut up - he muttered and wanted to change music in the radio when Magnus swatted his hand. - Hey!

\- Don't - he said simply, still looking at the road.

\- But it's terrible!

\- How dare you?! Oh, you poor child. How can you not love our queen and saviour, Lady Gaga?

\- My ears are bleeding. Change the station, please.

He asked pretty but it was Lady Gaga for god's sake! Of course Magnus wouldn't change it for the world. Instead of that, he started singing with her and Alec had to cover his ears. But he was amused by Magnus' lack of vocal talent. He was so bad!

\- Oh come on, Alec! Sing with me!

\- No way! - he shook his head. - You are terrible!

\- I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause God makes no mistakes! - he ignored Alec and continued.

\- No, please!

\- I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way!

\- Magnus!

\- Don't hide yourself in regret, just love yourself and you're set!

\- I'm on the right track, baby to become a murdered - Alec finished for him and they both laughed at that.

\- You're the worst, man. I have angelic voice, you ignorant!

\- Yes, you sound like nails on a chalkboard - he rolled his eyes when Magnus made a hurt expression.

\- Touche - he laughed some more. - Close your eyes, Alec. We're getting close.

\- Why? - he asked simply.

\- Because our destination is close?

\- Not that - he sighed. - Why should I close my eyes?

\- Because it's a surprise! Now, hush and do this. You won't regret it.

Alec believed him and closed his eyes. Magnus parked his car and then went to open Alec's door.

\- I got you, Alec. Come on - he took his hand and helped him to get off of the car. Alec's cheeks were slightly pink and Magnus really liked this colour. But he didn't stare too long. He took the bag from the car and then started going, leading now blind Alec to the entrance.

\- It's stupid, Magnus. I don't feel comfortable with my eyes closed. Can I open them? - he asked when they went to the elevator. Stairs didn't seem like a good idea now.

\- Not yet. Wait a minute longer, okay?

\- Okay.

Magnus smiled when the elevator made made a sound and they stepped outside. Magnus didn't know if Alec would like this but it definitely was better than sitting in a hospital, doing nothing. And well... maybe it wasn't a very nice present but he really didn't know what he should buy him. So it looked like a best option. But still, he was nervous. And it only got worse when they were already there.

\- Okay, you can open your eyes now - said Magnus and Alec did it.

He was left speechless when he saw where Magnus took him. No, he didn't peeped so he didn't know where they were going. And clearly, Alec would never guess what a surprise Magnus had for him. He hated surprises. But this was the best thing ever. Magnus took him to the archery ground. It was placed on a huge hall but there was everything. They could even borrow the whole equipment, which was good because Alec couldn't imagine shooting arrows without gloves. But it wasn't the best in all of this. The best thing was that Magnus remembered. He really listened to Alec and remembered that he loved archery. That it was his hobby, his whole life before his parents forbad him from doing this. He really wanted to cry at this moment. Alec hasn't been on an archery ground for so long that it felt so nostalgic. He didn't have guts to go to practice when he wasn't allowed to. But today, it was doctor's orders. And he had to listen to him, right?

\- Magnus - he looked at the man, who was standing in the same place, smiling widely. He looked really happy, watching Alec's reaction. And Alec was also smiling. But then he remembered something. - But I... I can't. I-I don't have clothes and... but thank you. It's really thoughtful of you.

\- Oh, you silly - Magnus laughed, his heart beating faster. This boy was too cute. He felt like he could die anytime now. - I took care of this. Why do you think I have this bag? - he lifted the bag a bit higher so Alec could see it.

\- Wait - he raised his hand. - You bought me clothes?

\- Nope. These are mine - he shrugged.

\- But you're taller than me, you know?

\- But I ordered them online. And they dared to sent me a smaller size - he explained and well, he wasn't lying.

\- So... couldn't you send them back? - Alec raised his eyebrow.

\- Nah, I'm too lazy. Come on, let's get changed.

Magnus went to the locker room and Alec followed. He really was excited. And couldn't stop blushin. He didn't know if it was because he finally was happy or because of Magnus, who was just too good for him. However, he still didn't know why Magnus was doing this. And well, he could just ask. But Magnus didn't know it either. He knew that Alec was too young, that he was his patient. He shouldn't do this. But he cared about him and really wanted to show him that it could be fun to live. He did something like that for his patients in the past, maybe like twice. Neverthless, it was completely different. Because he didn't feel anything to those people. And to Alec... yes, he did. He wanted to make Alec happy. And even if he knew how thin ice it was, he didn't care. They didn't have to be together. He just wanted to see Alec smiling. It wasn't a crime.

They changed to different clothes. Alec decided to do this in bathroom since he didn't feel comfortable and Magnus didn't say anything, knowing why he felt like that. He decided to let it slip by for now. So he folded his clothes nicely and put the tight sweats and even tighter t-shirt with a "magnificent" written in sparkly letters on. Alec, thank god, got normal, black clothes, not that tight so it wasn't very visible that he was so thin. He actually felt quite comfortable in it.

\- You think I'm going to ruin my makeup? - Magnus asked when Alec joined him.

\- Why would you? - he tilted his head to the side.

\- It's a man sport! Full of blood and sweat! I'm just afraid that my makeup can not survive this - he said dramatically.

\- Magnus... - Alec started, smirking a little. - Have you ever done this? I mean, the archery thing? - he added, not wanting Magnus to start with his innuendos.

\- Outside of bed? No - he did it anyway. - But I'm sure I will slay.

\- Yes, I'm sure I wanna see that - he rolled his eyes. He wanted to laugh but controlled himself. Well, it would be rude and Magnus was the one who put so many effort, right? And money...

Alec helped Magnus with the bow since he had no idea which he should borrow. And then gloves and the rest needed things. When they geared up completely, they went to the field. Alec felt like a fish in the water. The bow was perfect in his hands and the arrows were great balanced.

\- You sure you don't need any help? - asked Alec when he saw what Magnus was doing.

Oh god, what he was doing! Alec grimaced when he saw how Magnus stood, his feet completely not in the place they should be. His elbow was too high, the bow was held wrong and the bowstring...

\- Did you forget that I am magnificent? Hence my t-shirt - he grinned, being more than sure that it couldn't be that hard.

\- As you wish - he shrugged.

Alec knew from the start how it will end and only Magnus didn't forsee that. He was so proud of his non existing skills that he didn't even think of asking for help. He was still smiling when he pulled the bowstring and then he released the arrow. But the arrow didn't do what Magnus planned for it. It only wiggled in the air and fell to the floor a few inches from Magnus shoes.

\- It's broken - he summed up because there couldn't be any other explanation!

But the boy didn't answer. Instead of that, he took one arrow from the quiver on his back and put it on a bow. He pulled the string and when he released that, the arrow hit the bullseye easily. On a first shot. Alec lowered his hand and looked at Magnus, smirking.

\- Show off - he muttered, pouting.

\- Let me help you? - he offered and Magnus considered this for a bit before nodding in agreement.

Alec put down his bow and then walked to Magnus. He was close, he could feel Magnus' body heat but it was all in the name of science! Alec put his hand on Magnus arm and the other on his elbow.

\- Put the right foot a bit to the front. Yes, and the left a bit on the outside, good - he nodded and Magnus felt butterflies in his belly. He felt a bit weird when a seventeen years old was teaching him but he saw how Alec was focused and wondered if he enjoyed this. - Your left hand holds the bow, so it needs to be a higher and more stable. That's okay. And your elbow is too high - he patted it gently until Magnus lovered his arm. - And you hold the string firmly. Don't let it move. You can close one eye. And focus. Done?

\- Yes, sir - he actually really liked this position with Alec being so close, his hands on him.

\- So let it go.

\- Can't hold it back anymoooooore! - he sang this really loudly and some of the people there laughed at him. Alec's lips twitched.

\- Or I'll turn away and slam the door - Alec took a step back to give Magnus some space.

Magnus wanted Alec to be proud of him, so he focused on his target and then pulled the string as Alec told him and when he was ready, he released the arrow. It didn't hit the bullseye but it flew nicely and hit the target few inches from the center. But it was enough for Magnus to cheer up.

\- Did you see this!? - he looked at Alec, pure happiness in his eyes.

\- You were great - he praised him and Magnus felt his chest getting warmer. He was going to have a heart attack at this rate.

\- Only because I had a good teacher - he winked and Alec blushed.

\- I... - he cleared his throat. - I'll go to practice a bit, okay?

\- Sure thing.

Alec took his bow again and went to shoot some more arrows. Magnus stopped and decided to watch Alec since it was more interesting . His body was perfect. A bit too thin but they could work on it. Alec had a perfect pose, strong and confident. He almost didn't look like him. And it hurt Magnus. Archery was giving him so much happiness and his own parents deprived him from that. It was unforgivable. But at least now he could enjoy himself. And he was doing great. Alec's arrows were all hitting bullseyes. He shot the arrow and went to another shield, not even looking if he got the target. He knew he did. Magnus couldn't take his eyes off of Alec. And not only him. Other people on the field were also watching him, some of them were even recording him on their phones. Magnus didn't really like it but he had no power to stop them. So he kept watching Alec who hit the center of the last shield and then lowered his bow, sighing. It was exhausting but he felt so good he couldn't even remember the last time he was so satisfied. But it wasn't over. He heard clapping and then applause. Alec turned around and saw a group of people cheering for him. He even looked around to see who did something amazing. But it turned out to be him. The blush became even more visible when some men walked to him. Alec felt uncomfortable and wanted to run away but then they smiled. And he was totally taken aback.

\- Dude, you were amazing! I just wanted to tell you that!

\- Yes, totally! You rule, man! Keep it up!

\- T-thank you...? - he muttered shyly, not knowing how he should answer.

\- We're over there. If you want a duel, we're so up to it!

\- Man, he will kick our asses!

\- Shut up, let me have dreams!

They smiled to him one more time and left. He was speechless for the third time that day. What just happened? Why were they nice to him? They didn't even know Alec! But... but it was a really nice feeling to be appreciated. He didn't even think it would be so good.

\- Excuse me, sir! - he heard a voice and looked down at a little boy. He was cute, without one tooth on the front. Alec couldn't help it. He smiled and kneeled so he could look the boy in the eyes.

\- Hi there - he greeted this little fellow.

\- You were incredible, sir - the boy lisped and the walls around Alec's heart started to break.

\- Thank you. But I am Alec. And what's your name? - he offered his hand to the boy and he shook it happily.

\- Elliot!

\- And how old are you, Elliot?

\- Six! - the boy showed six fingers, proudly.

\- Woah, you're a big boy, I see. You're here with your parents?

\- Yes. Daddy is over there - he pointed at his father who waved to them. It hurt a bit. Robert has never spent time with Alec.

\- He must be very proud of you - said Alec and the boy looked at him again.

\- I love my daddy - he nodded. - We go here every week. But I'm not very good at this - he looked down and Alec lifted his chin again.

\- Hey, don't give up, Elliot. Try. If you fail, try even harder. And then you will be the best.

\- Better than you?

\- Much better - he nodded, amused when the boy almost squeled. - But you can't give up, okay? I can show you something cool, if you want.

\- Sure! - Alec didn't even know when the boy hugged him but it was so heartwarming. He hestitantly hugged him back but it didn't last long.

\- Where's your bow?

\- I'll be right back!

Elliot ran to his father and Alec stood up. He didn't even know that Magnus was watching him. And well... he was. And he didn't even care about his makeup anymore. It was ruined because the scene was just too much for his poor heart. It was beautiful. Alec really loved children and was so good with them that Magnus couldn't stop some tears. It was so sad when Alec was scared of the strangers. And even sadder when he was so shocked that they praised him instead of insulting. He now really saw how damaged Alec was. And he wanted even more to make him happy. He deserved this. And well, Alec had a good time doing what he loved.He forgot about his problems, about his sickess, about Sebastian and the rest. It didn't matter right now. Because now he was a hero for a small boy. And Magnus was there, even though he didn't have to.

\- You really are amazing, Alexander - he smiled to him and Alec blushed again.

\- Y-you were eavesdropping? - he asked bashfully.

\- No. I was just standing nearby.

\- You're such a dork.

Magnus laughed. Yes, he was. But it was all so worth it just to see Alec's smile. He left him when Elliot came back with his bow and sat on a bench, deciding to just watch. It turned out that Magnus wasn't really good in archery but he really loved this sport now. Well, it was connected with certain someone who looked incredible with the bow, so it wasn't a big surprise. He watched as Alec was teaching Elliot and how they both enjoyed it. It lasted for half an hour before the boy's father had to interrupt them. Well, it was already a dinner time so it was quite normal to take a break. Elliot hugged Alec for the last time and the boy's father thanked him. Alec just nodded, too embarassed to tell something.

\- Magnus, you're not practicing? - he asked when he walked to Magnus. Well, he had water and he needed this.

\- I have great views from here, you know - he handed Alec the water and the boy sat next to him.

\- I'm sorry. You took me here and I don't pay you any attention - he said after drinking the water. And Magnus looked at his wet lips, having hard times with pushing away the dirty thoughts.

\- Don't say that. I'm having a great time, Alexander, really.

\- Me too - he agreed. - Would you like to shoot some more?

\- Sure. But I'll need your help. I forgot almost everything - he laughed and got up.

Yes, Bane. Because your doctor memory is so bad. But Alec didn't complain. He showed Magnus what to do again, patiently. And Magnus listened to his advice. However it didn't go well all the time. But it was fun. Alec was laughing at him and he was joining him after a moment of being deadly offended. He didn't get to hit a bullseye even once but he was the happies man alive. Shooting arrows was a bit monotonous but with Alec the time flew unnoticed. Magnus looked at the clock when his stomach growled. And he was really surprised that they spent almost five hours there. Alec couldn't believe that either.

\- Well, my dear. It was amazing, but I think we both need a shower and a proper dinner.

\- Why not.

They gave back the equipment and went to the locker room when they also had showers. Magnus thought about everything so they cleaned up quickly and changed to their normal clothes. Alec was drying his hair when Magnus decided to do his makeup again.

\- Isn't this troublesome? - he asked, putting the hair dryer on the bench.

\- It is, a bit. But well, beauty has a price - he answered and then went silent because he started putting the eyeliner. It was perfect, as always. - You want to wear a makeup today?

\- No thanks - he shoo his head. - But you know, you don't really need that - he said, blushing again.

\- You don't like my makeup?

\- I do! - he raised his hands in defence. - But you look good without it too.

\- Aww, aren't you the cutest?

\- Shut up.

When Magnus was finally done with his fancy makeup and they were all dressed, they left the building. It was even colder than in the morning and it was completely dark. But Magnus' car was shining like a disco ball so they found the car pretty quickly and Magnus turned on the heat immediately.

\- It's so comfortable - Alec muttered, fastening the belts. - I could sleep here forever.

\- Hah, I know. You can take a nap if you want. I'll wake you when we get to the restaurant.

\- Restaurant? - he blinked. - No, please, noo...

\- What's the matter? - he was the one to be confused now.

\- I just... no. I'm not dressed properly for a restaurant. And I don't really like that. It's too formal. Can't we... I mean, if you really must eat, can't we go somewhere where... normal people go? - he had troubles with choosing words but Magnus understood.

\- Pizza, then? - he smiled when Alec nodded. - Pizza it is.

Alec took the short nap on their way to the pizzeria. And Magnus sat in the car for another fifteen minutes to let Alec sleep a bit more. He was too adorable to be waken up. But well, he had to give him food. Fun was important but his health was a priority.

\- Hey, sweet pea, wake up - he shook his shoulder lightly. Magnus let himself use a pet name, knowing that sleepy Alec wouldn't understand. And he wasn't mistaken.

\- Mhmm? - mumbled Alec, opening slowly his beautiful eyes.

\- We're here. Come on. You'll eat something and then you can sleep as much as you want - he promised and Alec agreed to that.

The pizzeria was really nice and not very crowded which was a big plus. Aled didn't like crowds. They sat at the table near a window and started reading their menu.

\- What pizza you like, Alexander?

\- Any pizza is good.But I don't like fruit in pizza and I'm allergic to a seafood. But if that's a problem then...

\- Then you'll die, so I can have a shrimp pizza?- he raised his brow, amused. - Chicken, corn, pepper, mushroom, broccoli. Is that good?

\- Perfect.

Alec wasn't sure if he was hungry but when the pizza arrived, he decided to give it a try. It looked great. And tasted even better. Magnus was really glad that Alec started eating without being lectured. He waited for so long for that. And now he knew that pizza was the best for everything.

\- I hope we won't see Camille today - he said after eating the second slice.

\- I hope to never see her again. But why? - he spreaded the sauce on his pizza.

\- Because I really don't want to throw up this. It's good - he took the slice Magnus was spreading the sauce on and took a bite.

Magnus laughed heartfully at this. He didn't mind. And he wouldn't mind if this could happen more often. Like during a dinner. At home. Their home. But he knew he was going too far with this.

\- I'm really sorry for that, Alec. I was so stupid. I really don't know why and how... It's... - he made a motion with his hand, too ashamed to remember suitable words.

\- It's okay - he said for him. - I wanted to do this for a really long time.

\- What? You knew her? - he was quite surprised.

\- She teaches math at my school. She hated me from the first day. I don't know why. But well, she hates everyone - he shrugged and continued eating.

\- I have no idea how it happened that she is a teacher. It's lacking the logic so much!

\- It is, isn't it? But screw her.

\- Better not...

\- Magnus!

\- I'm sorry! I know you're eating, sorry!

\- You're the worst.

\- Sorry...

\- But you know... I'm really grateful - he looked up at him and smiled.

\- For what? - Magnus knew already but wanted to hear it anyway.

\- For listening to me. For caring for me. You know... you didn't have to spend your whole day off with me, doing things you don't like and paying for that. Especially because I don't have any present for you...

\- Alexander - Magnus would love to kiss him now but he was too scared.It was going so good, he couldn't mess this up. So he just took his hand. - This day was really amazing. I'm so happy I spent it with you. It's the best present ever. Trust me - he grinned.

\- I do - he smiled back. - I do trust you. And really, thank you so much, Magnus. It was amazing. The best present I've ever had - he was telling the truth. He got some nice things for his birthday but material goods were nothing compared for all the hard work Magnus put for this day to happen. Alec felt really happy for the first time in his life. Someone cared for him and made him feel special. Alec knew it all didn't have a future. But at this moment, it was perfect. The day was perfect. Magnus was perfect. Everything was perfect.

\- Alexander - he said softly and Alec looked in his beautiful eyes. Magnus leaned forward a bit and then brushed his thumb on the corner of Alec's mouth, wiping a drop of sauce. The boy blushed a crimson red.

\- Yes?

\- Merry Christmas, Alexander.

\- Merry Christmas, Magnus.

Wasn't Christmas a magical time?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the longest chapter I've ever written. And I had so much fun!  
> But I have and announcement. Since this week is full of exams, I won't be able to update daily. It will take me like two days, maybe three. I will do my best, sorry!  
> So please, comment and tell me what you think of this. :)  
> Thank you for sticking with me!  
> ♥


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello angels c:  
> Here's the next chapter. Sorry for all the mistakes!  
> The rest of my rambling below

He didn't remember when he had so much fun last time. It probably was never. Yes, he got his siblings and they had their moments when they were great. They could have fun, if they wanted to. But it was much better when they were still kids. They used to stick together, play together and do almost everything together. It all changed when they started a higschool. They became the cool kids and Alec stayed in their shadows. It was sad, since they were his only friends. He didn't really need other people but at this time, he wouldn't say no to someone, who would like to talk to him or hang out after school. But it never happened and soon, Alec got used to be lonely. He told himself that it was fine, that other people had worse lives. But now, when he was sitting in the pizzeria with Magnus, laughing, talking and just being comfortable, he understood how much he missed those times.

\- He broke the plate on my head! - whined Magnus. - How was I supposed to know that this word meant guinea pigs?

\- You have a phone in your hand almost all the time. Couldn't you check it?

\- And spoil the fun? No way!

Alec shook his head and continued to listen to Magnus' stories. He didn't have much to say himself but he enjoyed listening to him. It was amazing how excited Magnus was to share his embarassing stories. This man had no shame. But Alec liked this in him. Magnus was different than all the people he knew. He didn't pretend anything. He just was himself and was proud of it. Alec really envied him.

\- And then I decided to become a cactus. It would spare me the hellish hangover. So yes, I regretted to stay as a human.

Alec laughed at this, putting the glass with soda on the table. He didn't want to spill this. The sensation was so weird, almost wrong. He had never laughed much. It was just not his thing and Alec always thought that it was just stupid to laugh at most things that weren't even funny. But with him, he just acted on an autopilot. He didn't care about what was right and what not. He knew he could be comfortable with Magnus. Well, this man saw him crying so many times and didn't say anything, just hugging him and letting him calm down. So laugh was definitely a better option. Alec didn't even know how much better option it was. Magnus was over the moon, hearing this beautiful sound of Alec's laugh. He waited so long for this. And finally got to hear it. Alec laughed because of him and Magnus has never been happier in his whole life. Because he felt like this kid got to know something. Or at least he hoped so. Alec was such a pure soul that he just couldn't leave this world so early. It would be unacceptable. Yes, this whole trip was supposed to show Alec that life could be great. But at the same time Magnus enjoyed himself. He didn't even think that spending time with Alec could be so briliant.

\- You're the worst - he said after he calmed down and took the glass again. Alec's stomach hurt from all the food and laughing but it was a nice pain.

\- Staph, or I'm going to blush - he moved the strand of hair from his forehead with his index finger and watched with a big smile as Alec was following his moves. He wanted to say something more but then his phone rang. He excused Alec and picked up. - Yes, Cat?

\- Magnus, where are you! It's late! Come back immediately!

\- I lost the track of time... - he admitted and nodded even though Catarina couldn't see this. - Okay, I get it. Thanks.

He hung up and gave Alec an apologetic look. He really didn't want to come back. It shouldn't be supposed to be like this! They could still do so many nice things. But life was so unfair.

\- I'm so sorry, Alec - he started but Alec interrupted him, raising his hand.

\- No, don't. I totally get that. I'm still a patient and well... I know that what you did is not really legal, am I right? - he smiled gently and Magnus looked down, feeling guilty. The kid was too smart!

\- You are - he sighed. - I'm really sorry.

\- For what? For giving me the best day of my life? You're right, Magnus. I should totally press charges on you - he rolled his eyes, amused.

Magnus was really funny and well, Alec didn't quite understand him. He knew that Magnus was smart and intelligent. He was a doctor so he had to be. But he first was doing and then thinking. It didn't bother him but he would prefer Magnus not to worry when not necessary. However, that was just Magnus. He was totally aware of the consequences but when something seemed great in his mind, he was just doing this. He knew he could be fired for doing all those things today. Alec was a minor, it wasn't right even if he didn't hurt him. No one would ask. But it wasn't that bad if certain people who shouldn't know about this, didn't know, right? Magnus didn't care, though. Alec called this day the best day of his life. And Magnus knew that he would do this again just to hear it now. It was so worth it. Alec's smile rewarded him everything.

\- Thank you, Alexander - was all he was able to say, grinning like stupid.

\- No. I am the one to thank you, Magnus. Really. It was amazing. Thank you - he smiled, blushing and Magnus really wanted to lean on the table and kiss him passionately. But he couldn't, so just smiled wider.

\- Yes, it was perfect. We should do this more often, hmm? - he knew he was crossing the line but he just had to try.

Alec looked uncomfortable for a moment. That was a big step because Alec wasn't stupid and knew what Magnus meant. Doing this more often meant the one thing - getting discharged from the hospital and keep living. He wasn't sure he could do that. It was all so scary. He was with Magnus now, so he did feel safe. But without him... no, he didn't want to be all alone again.

\- I can't give you an answer just now - he muttered, turning his gaze away.

\- I know. But I want you to give me the answer when you're ready, okay? - he didn't judge him and wasn't putting him under pressure. It would only ruin their evening.

\- Okay - he simply nodded and finished his soda.

\- We should go. I don't want this but it seems like we don't have much of a choice.

\- It's fine. I feel like falling asleep any minute right now, anyway - to prove his words, he yawned, covering his mouth with a palm. - Sorry.

\- It's totally fine - he laughed shortly. - Put on your jacket. I'll be right back.

Magnus paid for their meal and then they left. Alec didn't feel really well, knowing that he had to spend the night at hospital. The place wasn't so bad. It didn't mean he started to like hospitals because no, that could never happened. But it wasn't like in a horror movie. However, after being outside, free, he felt like the hospital was the same thing as a prison. He couldn't say no, because he was underage and his opinion didn't have any meaning. But still, he was now sure that he wanted to finish the treatment as soon as possible. Being outside was scary but better than being trapped. And he was really tired of the meds and all the procedures. Yes, he wanted to go home.

\- Are you sleeping, Alexander? You are too quiet for my liking - Magnus whispered, not wanting to wake him up. But Alec wasn't sleeping.

\- No, sorry. I was just really deep in my thoughts - he answered and put a hand on the belt.

\- A penny for your thoughts?

\- Why not - he closed his eyes for a moment. - Magnus, is it really so bad? - he asked after a moment.

\- What do you mean, Alexander? - he didn't look at him because he was driving but he raised his eyebrow anyway.

\- I mean me - he sighed. - I mean, is it really so bad with my case? You can cure me, right?

\- Alexander - Magnus stopped the car on a parking lot. He was really afraid that Alec believed in the bullshit his father was telling. - Listen to me - he unfastened his belts and turned to Alec's direction. - There is nothing wrong with you. Yes, anemia, vitamine deficiency and all the shit is curable and we will keep giving you meds for that. But you know you are not here because of that, right? So it all depends on whether you tell me or not. That's the main problem, Alexander. And we need to take care of it. But to do that, I must know the truth.

\- But I told you... - he fiddled with his jacket. - That I will tell you.

\- I know. And I believe you'll do this. But I know where you're going, Alec. And I'm really sorry but I can't discharge you without being certain that you won't try this again.

\- You can't know that, Magnus. Even I can not know that... - he muttered, looking down at his lap. - I... I really didn't want to cut again...

\- I know. But you see, my dear. You didn't want it but you did this. And that's what we have to change.

\- Then give me drugs - he said after a moment of silence and looked up at Magnus, his face serious.

\- What? - Magnus blinked. - Alec... but you know that they will cloud your mind and make you sleepy and...

\- I know - he interrupted. - I know. But I want it to stop, Magnus! I want it stop! - he ran his hands down his face. He really had enough but his behaviour was odd even to himself. He had no idea why he started this. This day was amazing and he really didn't suspect a breakdown because... why now?! - I don't want to be here anymore! I want to be normal! I don't want to be like this! What a normal person throws up after every meal? What a normal person cuts his own body? What a normal person is scared of his own shadow? I don't want it! - he exclaimed, raising his voice. His breathing was shallow and fast.

Magnus really didn't know what happened. He didn't know that today's events would have such a big impact on Alec. But he didn't panick. One of them panicking was enough.

\- Hey, look at me, Alexander. And deep breath, okay? - he smiled and Alec followed his order after a minute when he calmed down a bit. - You don't want this to continue, am I right?

\- Did I stutter? - he frowned a bit. Well, he was sure he made it clear with his little outburst.

Magnus wanted to laugh at this but bit his tongue. Sassy brat. But he liked it. What made him happy though was that Alec finally came to realize that what he was doing to himself was bad. And that was crucial. He wanted to get better and that really made things much easier. Not forcing Alec to everything seemed briliant. He really hated to do that and watch him suffer. It hurt not only the boy. But now it all seemed to be going in the right direction. And Magnus was more than eager to help him get there.

\- You are going to be fine, Alexander. I promise you that. But... are you sure about the meds? - he asked to make it clear. He didn't give him any strong drugs because he knew that it could be too drastic. Magnus was just afraid that the boy wouldn't take it too well and after what he saw, he was more than sure about this. Of course, Alec got antidepressants but they didn't work as good as other drugs could. But Magnus had his system of treatment with patients like Alec. And he knew they had to treat him like a human not a severely ill person. Because Alec wasn't sick. He was just lost and terribly damaged. But not sick.

\- Yes. I want them. I know the consequences but I want to be free, Magnus. I don't know what I will do then... it scares me. But what I know is that I no longer wanna be here. And... they might help - he sighed. He was so lost and confused that he didn't even know what he was asking for. He knew how the drugs worked but if that was the faster way to be discharged then he was willing to take them.

\- They might. But I'm not sure about this, Alec. You must know that the drugs are very dangerous. It will be at least two weeks before they start working as they should be. And before that, the depression will be worse. It all will double before it fades. Alexander, you really don't need any more drugs. You're doing fine. Yes, you did a really stupid things but now you want to stop this. And that's the most important thing. So I would just stick with the session. At least to the day you would tell me what really led you to doing this. Okay?

Magnus looked at him, smiling softly. He really cared about Alec and didn't want him to suffer. Alec didn't understand it for a moment but then it was all clear. The drugs would either make him dumb or make everything worse. And well, he didn't trust himself anymore and was scared of what he could do after being drugged. However... being aware of everything was not good either. He wanted to go home and that could take a while if they didn't decide that his state was good enough. But letting him go when his state was still bad would also be wrong. Alec was so confused that his head started to hurt.

\- Listen. I will not give you any drugs, if I don't see a reason. But I know what I can give you for now - he said a bit quieter not to upset him more. He could see what a battle Alec was fighting in his own head.

\- What? - he asked, disappointed. He knew that would end like this. After all, his opinion really didn't have any meaning. - Another magical pill? - he snorted.

\- Hey - Magnus sighed. - I know it was very stupid. And I said sorry like thousand times. You don't have to forgive me, I don't even want this. But don't attack me, please. I get that you are annoyed but Alexander. Even if I wanted to give you drugs, I wouldn't do this right now. You are going home tomorrow. And if I gave you something, then you would have to stay in the hospital. So? Are you still mad?

\- Yes - he said after considering the answer for a moment. - You still didn't answer my question. Is it very bad?

\- No, Alexander. You're not perfectly fine but I know you will be. Give yourself some more time.

\- Two weeks, Magnus - he muttered under his breath. Yes, he knew how unfair it was but after this day he knew he couldn't wait any longer. He wanted to enjoy his life like this. This or nothing. There was not other choice.

\- Two weeks? - Magnus said right after him and his blood ran cold. - Alexander...

\- No - he raised his hand to hush him. - Two weeks, Magnus. I'm tired. It was amazing today. But I don't see a point in all of this, if my life is going to suck. The treatment is too exhausting. So it's too week. That's all I can take.

\- How are you going to fight for your life when you consider taking it after two weeks? - he asked simply, eyeing him carefully. No, this day was not supposed to end like this.

\- I know I'm messed up. But... I'm just... - he pursed his lips.

\- You are just confused. But you must understand that everything we do here, we do for you. It may take two days, two weeks, two months or even years. It mostly depends on you. But if you really want to get better, then you will. Just trust me, okay? I know you're tired. Alexander... you are too precious to think so less of yourself. You've gone so far. Don't give up right now.

He took his hand, expecting that Alec will take his hand away. But he didn't. He let Magnus squeeze his hand and he did the same. Alec was so unsure what to do next. Yes, he had amazing day with Magnus but at the same time he knew that after being discharged, the doctor will forget about him. That was too scary to even think about it. And too impossible to actually work. But at the same time he didn't want to be there anymore. He missed his siblings, even if he was still mad and hurt. It was so complicated. His heart didn't cooperate with his brain and he really had enough.

\- So what can you give me? - he asked, deciding to end the topic. He needed to think more. But alone, knowing that Magnus would never agree to his arguments.

\- I still have my day off and it's not very late - he started, quite happy that Alec didn't argue anymore. It didn't stop his worries, though. - And I have my laptop here. We can watch something together. And if you can't fall asleep, I will give you a magical pill indeed. What you think about it?

\- Sure.

Alec decided no to think about this things this day anymore. He had fun and it was great but at the same time, he started thinking even harder and this wasn't so pleasant anymore. However, Magnus really tried and he was grateful. Even if he didn't respect his request and didn't understand him. But... could he really blame Magnus? He didn't know. And that was Alec's fault he didn't know. It was about to change in just four days. It scared him. He trusted Magnus but would he look at him the same way when he finds out? Yes, it would definitely be better to be drugged.

They went back to the hospital and all Alec's good mood disappeared in a thin air. He changed to his pajamas and laid in bed. He wanted to cry. It was so nice outside. And now, the feeling of holding a bow in his hand was like an old dream. He was here again. Only one night. But he knew that after three days he will have to come back there. Magnus was really disappointed. Everything was going so fine and suddenly, Alec was sad again. He understood. Alec could think that he didn't but he did. The boy was still insecure and he didn't blame him. Alec definitely was overthinking everything but if this was his way to deal with problems than he couldn't forbid him that. He only hoped that what he said back in the car wasn't a lie.

\- What do you want to watch, Alexander? - Magnus sat on the chair beside Alec's bed, a laptop on his lap.

\- Zootopia.

So they started watching. Magnus didn't see this yet and he really enjoyed this. Alec has seen this movie so many times but it still was one of his favourites. So he waited till the end until he decided to go to sleep.

\- Magnus, I'm sorry - he muttered, his eyelids already heavy.

\- Why? - Magnus closed the laptop and looked at him.

\- Because it was so nice and you put so much effort to make it perfect. And it was. And then I screwed it up. I'm sorry.

\- You really are the cutest - he stated and put the laptop on the bedside table. - I'm not mad. This day was amazing. I just hope you're not angry I don't want to change your treatment?

\- I don't know... - he yawned. - I really want it to stop. And it takes so long...

\- But it will stop - he grabbed the blanket and covered Alec with it. The boy sighed and Magnus wanted to kiss him. What was wrong with him?!

\- Thank you.

\- No need. Just sleep. You have your big day tomorrow.

\- Mhm. Goodnight, doctor.

\- Goodnight, sweet pea.

When Magnus got home, he couldn't stop freaking out. Chairman was the one to suffer because of that. But he could not help it! Alec was amazing. This day was amazing. Even if it wasn't so nice after they got back to the hospital but he didn't blame him. It was normal to act like this. Still, he was so happy he couldn't stop bouncing with the cat in his arms.

\- Chairman! He is the cutest creature alive! So handsome, so sweet, smart, intelligent and so sassy! I just want him to be couple years older, you know? - he threw himself on the bed, Chairman hissing at him. - Yes, I know. He isn't. Yes, I remember the rule. Eighteen at least. But seventeen is near eighteen, right? - he sighed when the cat ran away from him. - Let me live my dream, pal.

  
  


Alec woke up late because the last day drained him from all energy. When he woke up, he saw Catarina sitting next to him with a plate of sandwiches. She expected Alec to protest but nothing like this happened. He ate his breakfast, ignoring her shocked look. Well, he remembered what he said last night. He really wanted to get better. It wasn't easy. His body resisted the food but he managed to keep it in his stomach. It was a one step further to the recovery. And to leaving the hospital. So it was worth it.

\- So you're going home today? - asked Jem when they finished their check-up.

\- Yes but just for Christmas - he shrugged.

\- I don't think it's "just". It's great - he smiled and well, Alec believed him.

\- What about you? You're working at Christmas? - he asked because well, he didn't have anything better to do. He had to wait till he could go home.

\- Yes but I will be home in the evening. We are all spending the Christmas Eve at Catarina and Ragnor's. And the first day of Christmas we're partying at Magnus'. And the rest, we probably will sleep.

\- Seems nice - he smiled gently. - You always spend Christmas with all your friends?

\- Yes. We are one big family.

Alec felt a sting of jelousy and decided to retreat to his room. He needed his time alone. It was only three hours till his homecoming and it was so stressful! His sibling, parents... were they waiting for him? Were they happy he was going home? He didn't know and it was killing him. He didn't want to do anything wrong and upset them. Because he knew he had nowhere to go. He could always call Magnus but Magnus had already his plans and Alec didn't want to bother him anymore. He still felt guilty for ruining their perfect day. Even if Magnus told him he wasn't mad, Alec still blamed himself. He could wait with this. But of course he had to screw up everything. And that didn't help him calm down. He tried to sleep but to no avail so he got up and packed his things. But it was a matter of minutes since he didn't have to take many things with him. Two hours left. Alec couldn't take it any longer. He felt a big pressure and wanted to release it but he stopped before he started. No. Not anymore. He looked at his wrists and shook his head. No. Alec went to Catarina just after that.

\- Cat, can you do me a favour? - he asked, not bothering with her coffee break.

\- Sure thing. How can I help you?

\- This... - he showed her his hands. - I will buy armbands later but for now... can you?

\- Sit down.

She couldn't say no. Alec was embarassed to go home with his wrists looking like... he didn't even have words for this. But it was too late. The scars were there already. And the only thing he could do was to cover them. So Catarina bandaged his wrists again and then he decided to go to Magnus. He needed to calm down because he knew he would regret it. And no one could calm him down better than Magnus.

\- Alexander! Did you... - he looked terrified when he saw Alec's wrists bandaged again. He felt like someone slapped him. They talked about it yesterday and Alec really seemed to make progress. How could he be so wrong?

\- What? No! - he sighed. - Of course not! Cat just covered them for me so I don't have to show them to my family... - he looked down and Magnus sighed in relief.

\- You scared the shit out of me, Alexander! But don't apologise! Tell me, what are you doing here? - he smiled softly and Alec felt uncomfortable. Yes, he didn't think about Magnus and his work...

\- I was just upset and... I will go.

\- No! Stay. I want you to stay. Do you want to talk?

\- No. But... can I just sit here?

\- Sure thing, Alexander.

\- Thank you.

\- Your welcome. Do you want some chocolate?

\- Sure, why not.

They sat in a total silence. Magnus was making his papers and Alec was just laying on the couch, doing nothing. But he felt good. It was good. Just being near Magnus was magical and the waiting wasn't so bad anymore.

Alec had no idea that back at his home there wasn't any more peaceful. Only Robert didn't give a damn but the rest of them was running from one room to another room, cleaning up again, cooking and doing god knew what more. But they wanted it to be perfect. They were so nervous that they couldn't sit in one place anyway. It was like a Judgement Day. Will Alec forgive them? Could they still fix this? They had no idea and it was so stressful. Izzy didn't put any makeup that day because she was crying almost every couple minutes. Jace wasn't any better. He didn't even talk to Clary that day, focusing only on doing things for Alec. And Maryse didn't say a word that day.

\- Do we have peanut butter? - she asked when it was only fifteen minutes till Alec's arrival.

\- I don't know. Why? - Jace raised his brow.

\- What if he wants peanut butter and we don't have one?! - Maryse slammed her open palm on the table and Jace jumped.

\- Mom, calm down! Alec is allergic to peanuts so it wouldn't be a problem. Mom, please - he hugged her when she started trembling. - Let's have faith in him. At least once...

  
  


Magnus decided to drive Alec home. He needed to give him some more instructions and make sure the boy was alright. But Alec was anything but alright. He was nervous,scared and hestitant. Magnus understood him but well, now was too late to go back.

\- It will be fine, Alexander - he said after parking the car in front of Alec's house. - You want me to come with you?

\- No, thanks. I have to do it myself - he sighed and Magnus nodded, giving him a small bag.

\- These are your meds. I gave you the prescription. And don't you even try ignore taking them. I will call Maryse to make sure you had your daily dose of them, understood?

\- Yes.

\- And here you have all our numbers - he handed him the paper. - No matter what day or hour, call when you feel like you need it. I mean it.

\- Okay.

\- And eat. Alec, I swear to god, eat. You must keep your weight.

\- Okay.

\- You promise to call me if something bad happens?

\- Yes.

\- Okay, then... go. Have fun, Alexander. And merry Christmas.

\- Magnus I... I just want you to know that I really appreciate everything you do for me. Really.

\- Don't be sappy now! It's not a farewell. Just have fun and try to relax during these three days, okay?

\- You too, Magnus. Merry Christmas.

When Alec got out from the car, Magnus felt empty. He already missed this sassy brat. It was only three days but it already seemed like eternity. He sighed and stayed in the car, deciding to wait for Alec till he gets to his home. Everything could happen, right?

Alec sighed and started climbing the stairs. His heart was beating hard and fast. It was all too much. He could still hear his siblings' voices when he tried to talk to them and they told him to get lost. It still hurt. But then he focused on the letters. He remembered every word. They were telling him that they loved him, missed him. And he decided to believe them. It helped. Alec looked one last time at Magnus' car and then pushed the door, stepping inside.

They were waiting impatiently. Every inch of their house was shining, the smell of the food was amazing and the only thing that was out of place was them. All nervous, stressed. When they heard the door opening, they stopped breathing. It was happening for real. Alec stepped inside and put his bag down on the floor. Then he looked at them. They looked horrible. Their outfits were all wrinkly and dirty with sauce, chocolate and other things. And their facial expressions weren't any better. They looked like they saw a ghost and Alec would laugh at that if he was in a different situation. But he was here now and he had to face the reality. They all had to. Alec was there and they finally could tell him all those things they wanted. But they were left speechless. So many memories, so many images, so many regrets. They didn't know where to start. They were so ashamed. They waited so long and now Alec was there and they couldn't say a word, even when they wanted nothing more. Alec looked at them. He saw tears in their eyes and fear. They were also scared. But he saw something as well. Happiness? Hope? He wasn't sure but he knew that his eyes looked the same.

\- Alec... - Isabelle whispered so quietly that they almost didn't hear her. She said his name so carefully like he could disappear in any moment.

Alec realized then how much he missed her voice. How much he missed all of them. Yes, they've done so many bad things for him and he wasn't sure if he fully forgave them. But they were his family. They waited for him, they finally cared. And Alec now saw this. He was so scared they would abandon him. But they were there. Izzy, crying, was looking at him like he wasn't real. Maryse was trembling, holding back her tears. And Jace... he was so pale, so terrified. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish. He didn't get to say anything but Alec knew what he wanted to say. And that was enough. At least for now.

\- I'm home - he said simply.

And that was enough. They ran to him and trapped him in a tight embrace. There was so much tears, so much sobbing and so many apologies. He didn't know when he joined them.

Magnus smiled to himself when Alec wasn't coming back for ten minutes and decided to leave him there. He was in good hands, he was sure about that. He only hoped that the next year it will be his arms embracing him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ PLEASE 
> 
> I heard many times that this story is unrealistic and that it's wrong and so, and so. And you know what? I know this perfectly. It lacks on reality, I'm aware of that. But I can't do anything about it. I started writing this to improve my language and to have fun. I didn't even want to post it first but here we are! I know it could be better. But my English still sucks. I spend on every chapter like 4-5 hours a day at least to make sure everything is understandable. I use 3 dictionaries. And it's still hard to make sure that the grammar and words go together. So I can't write anything better not because I'm lazy but because I just can't! And I don't know the law, sorry.   
> Lot of things here are wrong and impossible. I know that someone like Magnus could never exist and would get fired like 20 times already. But hey, isn't this universum about half angels slaying demons for a living, sexy warlocks, vampires and so? That's probably even less realistic than what I write. And well... I don't really enjoy real life, the imagined one is better. Yes, I wrote about the antidepressant pills because I know from experience how much they suck.   
> I love writing this story and seeing you guys enjoy this, really. I don't wait for praising because as I said - that's my first fanfic and I'm aware it's not too good. And it's impossible to please everyone. But I'm really doing my best.   
> I know I got carred away here, you can ignore this. I just wanted to make some things clear since I really respect my readers and appreciate all your comments and support. But it just hurts me when I see the same problem again and again. It's so frustrating you can't even imagine.   
> Sorry, just bear with me and ignore this.  
> Thank you for sticking with the story!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello angels c:  
> I am sooo sorry for the long delay! But here's something you may like... :3

It was all like a dream. He didn't see anything, his eyes closed. But he felt the warmth of their bodies, smashing his own and felt just happy. Couple weeks ago it all looked to him like something impossible. He was completely alone, forgotten, like some kind of a trash. But now he knew it wasn't truth. They were crying because they finally saw him. Even Jace didn't hold his tears. He was squeezing them tight and now Alec actually believed completely in their words written in the letters. They loved him. But it made him even more scared. The reason was simple. They finally saw what they did wrong and wanted to change. Alec really appreciated this but it didn't change anything with him. He also loved them, there was no doubt. But love couldn't erase all the memories and pain they caused him. He needed more time but now, when he was there already, he knew that he could do this. He wanted to be back, to have them back like in the past. And they wanted this too. They knew how much they screwed up but Alec came back home and that was the beginning of their new start. It needed a lot of effort but they were all for effort.

They stayed like this for a couple of minutes before the emotions cooled down a bit and they let Alec go. He felt cold all of a sudden and realized that being smashed by them was easier than actually look them in the eyes. But it was obvious that this moment had to come. He looked at his siblings and they looked back at him. Izzy had still tears in her eyes but she was smiling. And Jace... Jace looked terrified and Alec would laugh at him if the situation wasn't like this. He turned his gaze to Maryse. The woman was still crying her eyes out and he was sure she wouldn't be able to say anything in the next couple of minutes. He wasn't any better.

\- Alec - Izzy started, when the silence became uncomfortable. - I'm so happy you came back. We missed you so much.

She wasn't lying. The past month was terrible for all of them. They didn't care about the bullying part affecting them anymore. When Alec was admitted to the hospital, they realized a lot of things. And one of these things was that family was the most important thing in the world. So they weren't ashamed anymore. At least not ashamed of Alec. Because they failed completely and they knew it very well. Izzy and Jace were aware of how much they let Alec down. But now he was here and they had to try.

\- Alec, please. Talk to us... I-I know I don't deserve it - Jace wiped his eyes. - But please... say something. Tell me to fuck off, anything! Just say something...

Jace was desperate. He had been thinking a lot about all the things he said that day when Alec wanted to take his life. He hated himself for every word that left his mouth. How could he be so stupid? How some worthless brats could be more important than Alec? He had no idea what he had in his head but now he knew how much of an idiot he was. It was a bit too late, though. He knew that Alec had all the rights not to forgive him and he already accepted that. But Jace needed to hear Alec's voice. Even for the last time. And Alec looked at them. They told him to start talking but it wasn't so easy. He was at this home last time over a month ago. And he didn't see them just as long. He wanted to tell them so many things but his mouth and brain didn't cooperate. They stood in silence couple more minutes. Alec really thought it would be much easier. But at the same time that it will be much more scary. So it wasn't so bad. However, he still needed to calm his mind. He was already at home, his family was standing there, waiting for him. And Alec took a deep breath.

\- I... - he cleared his throat that became dry all of a sudden. - I don't want you to fuck off - he said finally and when he looked up at Jace he saw that the boy was sobbing violently in the crook of his elbow. He felt bad for him even though he knew he shouldn't. Jace worked for that. But still. It was his younger brother and seeing him cry just hurt Alec.

\- I'm so sorry - Jace sobbed and Izzy put a hand on his shoulder. She wasn't shaking like him but her tears were there as well. - I'm the worst brother ever! I don't even deserve being called your brother. I let them hurt you. I hurt you. I'm so useless. Please, Alec... please. You don't need to forgive me, you shouldn't do this. But please, Alec, come back - it was quite hard to understand him.

But Alec knew what he wanted to say. And he felt the familiar sting in his eyes. Jace really cared. Maybe he did always but just got lost? No, it wasn't time for making excuses for his siblings! They deserved it, and even if this was really cruel, Alec couldn't just say that it was okay. Because it wasn't. He wanted to trust them but knew that he couldn't as long as he wasn't sure that they were telling the truth. It just hurt too bad to let them do something like this again. Jace, however, learned his lesson. He already did a lot of to become better. He decided to quit the time, started learning and helping at home. If Maryse could change, so could he. Alec deserved it. He deserved to have the sibling he always wanted to have. Supportive, funny, nice and always there for one another, not some strangers he had to be responsible for. Those times were over. But they still needed to show him that.

\- Stop - Alec said simply after a moment.

It was really beautiful what Jace was saying but it wasn't the time. He felt like he should comfort him and he really felt uncomfortable himself with this right now. So he decided that dropping the topic for now, would be just the best. Jace shut up and looked at him with pleading eyes, Izzy following him. She knew that she wasn't any better than kids at school, her mother or brother. She was just as guilty. Izzy always loved Alec but being a teenager wasn't easy. She found new priorities, forgetting about these that were really important. But now she had eyes wide opened. And was determined to fix what she destroyed. She still hoped that her bond with Alec was something that could be fixed.

\- Alec - she said. - Why don't we go to the living room? It's cold here - she smiled gently.

Alec didn't smile back but nodded and headed to the living room, the three of them following him. He wondered where Robert could be but then decided that he didn't really care. His father wasn't a person Alec was willing to see. And vice versa. Robert didn't even come to greet him and Alec didn't love or respect his dad enough to beg him for forgiveness and acceptance. He was so done. Alec tried doing this his whole life and Robert already showed him how much he cared. So Alec gave up. It was just easier. He sat on the couch and grabbed the blanket, covering himself with that. He felt safer when something was shielding him from the world. Which was extremely stupid since he was at his own home. Or at least he thought of this like that.

They didn't know what to do. Alec was quiet and they were scared to say something that could upset him. But waiting for him was also impossible. It was a Christmas Eve. They needed to start talking.

\- Honey - Maryse sat next to him and smiled. - We're so happy you're here. How are you feeling?

Maryse didn't apologise him and Alec actually liked it better. He didn't want to hear "I'm sorry" over and over. Now he needed actions. He looked at his mother and pursed his lips, considering what to answer. Should he say the truth or lie? He could lie and they would be okay with this. Yes, he could tell them anything right now and they would believe. They would do anything for him if he just asked to. It could be fun. But not for now. He needed to lose a bit of the tension first. And telling the truth wasn't definitely going to do this but he prefered this to going even deeper into the lies. He promised Magnus to tell him the truth. The painful truth. And to do that, he had to get used to the actual truth. No more lying.

\- Like shit - he answered finally and knew right away that he should have used different words. - But it's not that bad - he added quickly.

\- Alec, please. You don't have to hide anything. I know, we didn't really let you say anything but we know we fucked up. Alec, please - Izzy kneeled in front of him and when he looked into her eyes, something broke in him.

He always had a soft spot for Izzy. She was his dearest baby sister. A sister he protected and loved with all his heart. And now, seeing her so hurt was just unbearable. He wanted to be mad but couldn't. Izzy then took his hand and he flinched a bit but after a considering all for and against, he squeezed her hand back. Isabelle smiled and it was so beautiful, reassuring sight.

\- I just want you to know that I can't just... it's too much for now. I would love to be normal but...

\- You are normal - Jace interrupted him and kneeled beside Izzy. - You are just as normal as you should be.

\- Jace's right - said Maryse and put her hand on his shoulder. - You're not ready to know if you forgive us or not. We are okay with that - she said and Alec blinked. She was what?

\- Mom's right - continued Izzy. - You have all rights to take as much time as you need. We will wait, Alec. No matter what you'll decide, we will be here. Just... bear with us for a moment, okay? We really wanna try to fix this and apologise. The question is... will you let us try?

Izzy looked at him and their gaze met. Her dark chocolate eyes were so sincere and showed so much determination that he was sure Izzy told him the truth. But the question was still there. Let them try or not. He didn't have anything to lose, right? And no matter how scared he was, he still loved them and really wanted to have them back. The answer wasn't so tough. But he still needed to know some things.

\- And you are okay that... that I am gay? Aren't you... disgusted? - he looked down, closing his eyes after a moment.

Jace felt like he was slapped and Izzy bit her bottom lip. Maryse just sat straight. They accepted Alec long time ago. Well, being a gay wasn't anything bad, he didn't hurt anyone with that. They all knew it but realized this too late.

\- I said so many hurtful words back there - said Jace. - I didn't do that because I despise homosexual people. I just wanted to be in the team. I thought that I had to be like them to be respected. But you know what? That was the biggest bullshit in my life. They weren't worth it. I lost my best friend because ot these jerks. I'm not saying this to justify myself. Because no matter what, that's still my words and nothing can change that. I just want you to know that I don't care if you are gay or not. I love you, Alec. And I will do anything to prove this.

He smiled gently at this. Jace knew that Alec didn't fully trust him but wasn't pushing Alec to change that. He wanted to change that with just his own hard work. And Alec really appreciated this.

\- The same thing here. I will try, Alec. I promise, I will try to be the sister you could be proud of. Maybe... maybe someday you will forgive me. But it doesn't really matter because I will be waiting and I will never give up on you again, big bro.

She smiled and he felt like something heavy got off of his chest.

\- And I won't work so much anymore - added Maryse. - I know it's really late to be a mother. But it's better than never. You'll have my support, sweetheart, I promise. I will do anything for you, Alec. I love you so much, don't forget that - she took his second hand and caressed it.

Alec looked at them and he really was impressed. He would never thought that they were capable of saying things like that. But words were only words. They were nice but still, only words. Sebastian also was telling him nice things, promising so much. He had enough. He couldn't risk even if they were his family.

\- Just... just give me time, okay? - he took his hands and pulled the sleeves of his sweater down.

\- Of course.

They smiled but it didn't last long when they saw the bandages on his wrists. They knew that he tried to do this for a second time. But still, seeing this was much worse. Alec saw them staring and felt so embarassed. He was ashamed of the scars.

\- It's okay... only bandages I... mom, will it be possible for you to buy me armbands? I-I... I need to cover them. I don't want to look at this - he said and they started crying again before he could say anything else. - What?

Alec was confused and they were so guilty and in so much pain. It was all their fault. He had to suffer so much because ot them.

\- Nothing, honey - Maryse wiped her eyes. - I'll buy it tomorow, okay? - she asked and Alec nodded.

It was really uncomfortable. He would love them so caring and sweet but not right now. It felt just weird. They were close but this actually irritated him. They cried because of him and treated him like a broken child. Apologising over and over. And Alec got sick of that. He came home to explain some things, to make a progress in his treatment. And this definitely couldn't help him. It was really nice to hear all those things, to know that they wanted to fix this. But it was just too much, almost uncomfortable. He told them he needed time to figure this out but it didn't mean he was expecting tears and constant apologise. Izzy and Jace could always make him smile and this was what he needed the most right now. See them smile, see them try making him smile. Not sheding tears, for Christ's sake!

\- Could you please stop throwing the pity party for me? - he said finally and sighed. - I know I'm staying in a psychiatric hospital now but... you may not believe this, I'm not stupid. I didn't lose my mind. I have some issues... but I don't want you to baby me.

That took them aback and Alec would smirk if he wasn't so irritated by their behaviour. But he was, so there was no option for a sense of humor. They looked at him and blinked couple of times. It was so weird. One minute Alec didn't want to look at them and now he was getting bolder. He didn't understand it himself. But he probably didn't need as much time as he thought he would be. That was probably because he really wanted this to work. They were everything for him. And if he had something to fight for, then it definitely was his family.

\- Alec, we're sorry. We didn't mean to upset you...

\- Stop this, Iz - he sighed. - I know you want to explain this. But I don't really care about words anymore. Can you just... act like you always do? Act normal. I think it would be the best if you don't show me all the time that something is wrong with me - he started fiddling with his sleeves, not looking at them.

They exchanged their looks and nodded. It was a really hard task, pretending that nothing happened. That Alec didn't have to go back to the hospital. But if that was the thing he needed to feel better, then they were determined to do their best.

\- There is nothing wrong with you - said Maryse after their silent agreement.

\- Then don't act like that! - he snapped at her and felt gulty right away when he saw his mother's face. Maryse looked hurt. And well... maybe she should but she was still his mother. - Sorry... - he mumbled.

\- It's okay - she smiled and put her hand on his shoulder. - Don't pile up your feelings, honey. No more, never again. That's the only thing I'm asking for. And since it's Christmas, you can't say no.

She was smiling all the time and Alec really couldn't refuse her request. So he just nodded and she squeezed his shoulder before taking her hand away.

\- We will try, big bro - said Izzy and then sat on the floor. - So now tell us the truth. How do you feel? - she looked concerned but she wasn't crying anymore. Her eyes were still red and puffy but the smile was back on her face. And it worked wonders.

\- It's better. I don't know how I feel, to be honest. All I know is that it's really better - he shrugged. That was the simplest and the hardest question at the same time.

\- You have any drugs with you for these three days? - asked Maryse, carefully. She didn't want Alec to get angry again but she had to know.

\- Yes - Alec took the bag from his pocket and handed it to Maryse. - Magnus will probably call you everyday to make sure I take the pills. The prescription is inside.

\- Thank you, Alec - she stood up and left them for a moment. She decided to take the responsibility for her son's drugs. Lucky for her, Magnus' handwriting wasn't so bad.

The three of them stayed in the living room but now Izzy took her mother's place on the couch and Jace sat on the floor in front of his brother.

\- How are you doing there? Does it look like in all the horror movies we watched? - asked Jace, trying to act like himself. It was hard right now because of the guilt he still felt. But if Alec wanted him to act like always, then he wanted to try.

And this stupid, inappropriate question helped him relax. Only his real brother, his Jace could ask that kind of question a person who was a psychiatric hospital patient. Alec smiled lightly and shook his head.

\- Yes. This is an old building where they keep us in cells. They strap me to bed everyday and do experiments on my body, a creepy music in the background - he answered with such a serious tone that Izzy and Jace froze for a moment before they realized that Alec's smirk meant that he just fooled them.

\- Ooooh no, you didn't! - Jace laughed and punched his knee, gently. - How dare you?!

\- I can't believe you got us with such a lame joke - Izzy giggled, hiding her face in her hands.

\- I wasn't joking. Not entirely - he shrugged, feeling much more better when the atmosphere became less awkward. - The windows really have bars. And some of the patients must be strapped to the bed. And the doors don't have door handles. But it's not as bad. It looks like a normal hospital.

They stared at each other for a moment, speechlees, when this time Alec wasn't joking. It didn't look normal to them. They definitely exaggerated a bit but it was so sudden, still so unrealistic that their brother was in a place like this... it looked like a lame joke. But the truth was brutally different and they felt even more guilty that because of them Alec was trapped in a place that didn't even have door handles! But they managed to get a grip on time.

\- That's insane, man - Jace summed up.

\- Sane people don't belong there, Jace - Alec admonished him kindly and Jace blushed, ashamed of his stupidity. But Izzy got a bit angry.

\- Cut this crap, Alexander - she crossed her arms on her chest and frowned. Alec looked at her, eyes wide. She never called him by his full name. Only when she was really irritated. But this time Alec didn't understand what made her so mad. - I don't care if you are currently staying in a hospital, circus or any other shit. You are my brother and that's the only thing that matters to me. Don't want a pity party? Then don't make me throw it!

He blinked, astonished by her behaviour. He always knew that Izzy didn't need much to lose her temper but she has never snapped at him before. It was something new. Something different but oddly refreshing. Because it worked better than a wake-up-slap. She was right. Alec really wanted to get better but the problem was still there, in his head. He felt like a total hypocrite. He blamed the meds, the doctors and treatment but he didn't blame his own attitude to all this case. Alec knew he had to be strong. But it wasn't so easy. However, Izzy was right he needed to put his shit together if he wanted to be free again. Waiting for a miracle was a wasting of time. He had to face the problems. And that was the time when he decided not to lie Magnus and tell him all the truth the next time he sees him. Because if he really wanted to be free and start living again, he had to battle demons from his past. He had to forget about Sebastian, not only pretend he didn't know this person. No more pity. Or at least he wanted this to be over. So he decided to try. If they tried to act normal, then he as well.

\- Sorry - he said and put the blanket away. No more hiding. It was scary but he had to endure it and get used to it. - Just don't talk about me anymore. About... this. How you guys are doing? - changing the topic seemed like a good plan to all of them.

\- We're fine - Izzy smiled again. - I signed up to a sience club. Your sister is finally going to do something with her life - she said proudly. - Can you imagine that, Alec? I will be the most attractive scientict in the world!

Alec smiled at that. He didn't tell her that signing up to a club didn't mean getting a profession but he was really proud of her. She finally decided to do something more than dating and partying.

\- Good for you, Izzy. I just hope you won't get bored easily.

\- Are you kidding me, big bro? Simon's my boyfriend. If nerdy things bored me, then I wouldn't be with him - she laughed and he realized that he missed this sound so bad.

\- Good point - Actually, Alec really liked Simon, he was a good guy. But he wasn't going to defend him.

\- He's a definition of boring and nerdy - Jace butted in and rolled his eyes. He would never admit he liked Simon, no way. - Really, Izzy. How can someone so amazing like you date someone like him?

\- Look who's talking. I ask Clary the same question everytime I see her - she smirked and Alec stifled the laugh, seeing the offended face of his brother.

\- Excuse me?! I'm the best thing that she'll ever gonna get in her life! - he exclaimed and huffed like a real drama queen.

\- I'm starting to feel sorry for her... - muttered Alec and they looked at him, shocked. Alec felt a little bit uncomfortable under their gaze.

\- Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Did you just tell a joke? - Jace was dumbstruck. Alec had his moments sometimes since he was rather a type of a quiet listener but Jace didn't suspect him to joke now when all of this happened. And he felt really happy even if Alec just insulted him. His brother wasn't dead. He still was there. And they could fight him back. He knew now that they could. Izzy thought that too.

\- I get why you thought I was joking back then but now? Really?

Izzy burst out laughing and Jace followed. Alec was right. They didn't have to treat him like a porcelain. They had to be there for him but not to pity him but to support him. And well, it was much easier.

\- You son of a gun! - laughed Jace and then nudged his side, sitting next to him on a couch. - I'm starting to think that they cured you from being unfunny - he smirked.

\- Yeah, maybe you should go there as well, Jace. There still might be a shadow of a chance to make you a funny person.

Alec took Izzy's words to his heart and decided to forget about all of this for a one day. It helped. He felt much more better when he wasn't thinking about hospital, school and all these people that started this nightmare. He wanted to enjoy these three days and try to fix some of his problems. He missed his family. Missed his sibling and moments with them like these ones. Alec wanted them to be back. Because he still wasn't sure what he will do after being discharged. He didn't forget how Izzy and Jace treated him, that was impossible. But he saw how hard they tried and how much they regretted their actions. And he wanted to give them a second chance. They were his siblings. He loved them. And love meant giving a second chances.

Maryse heard her children's laughter and she smiled. It was such a big relief that Alec didn't remove them from his life. And now she saw what a precious treasure she had all this time with her. Alec was always there when she needed someone to tell her that everything will be okay. And now was her turn. Not to tell him that but show that everything will be okay. That probably was the hardest and most important task in her whole life. But she was ready. The first thing she wanted to do for Alec, was a normal, family dinner. Everything was almost ready. But there was a problem with the "family" part. Because someone was missing. Maryse went to Robert's office. She was really tired of his childish, arogant behaviour.

\- Robert - she said, closing the door behind her. - Alec's here. Why didn't you come to greet him?

Robert looked up at her. He was in his suit, smoking an expensive cigar. Maryse coughed, the smoke irritating her lungs. She hated when he did that but of course... he was the master in this house. Robert looked bored and irritated at the same time. He took the cigar out of his mouth and put it on a crystal ashtray.

\- Why would I do that? - he raised his brow. - Alec is ungrateful. I hired him a tutor and he insulted her. And no, I didn't hear a single 'thank you'. Moreover, he's still carrying this faggot disease.

Maryse stood there, dumbfounded of what she just heard. She felt so betrayed. Yes, Robert wasn't any kind of a support for her through all of this but he at least kept quiet.

\- What a tutor...? - she asked when the shock became lighter.

\- A tutor is a tutor. Alec's teacher agreed to teach him while he was staying in that madhouse. But he wasn't pleased, as always - he shrugged.

\- Why didn't you discuss it with me? - she really wanted to strangle him with her bare hands right now.

\- That's also my son, Maryse. I don't need to discuss everything with you - he deadpanned and her anger grew even bigger.

\- We are going to talk about this later. You will now go to Alec, greet him properly. We will have a dinner together and you won't say a word about him being gay. You got it?

\- Who gave you the right to boss me around, woman?! - he frowned and she took a step back. - I won't act like nothing happened. He's a disgrace and I will keep telling him this until he starts to be normal again. Until then, I'm not going to sit at the same table with him. I tried to help him and he refused. So I'm done.

Maryse Lightwood was a fierce woman. A strong woman, who knew her place and demanded respect and obedience. But she knew when to stop. Because she was also a parent of three, beautiful children. Three, beautiful, trublesome children. But her children. And no matter what they were doing, she always forgave them because her love was stronger than anything in the world. She lost one son and she still could lose Alec. That was enough for her to stop thinking about anything else beside helping her baby boy. And she couldn't understand what was wrong with Alec being gay. It was his choice. Of course, she would love to have grandchildren one day. But what was the point if Alec would be unhappy? So she respected his choice. Especially because it didn't change anything in her son. Alec was Alec. Her lovely, little Alec, who she was holding in her arms not so long ago. Almost seventeen years ago but it seemed like only one day. And now his father and her husband dared to call him a disgrace. Her beautiful, blue eyed baby wasn't a disgrace. She didn't even know when she crossed the distance between them. And she didn't realize when she slapped him. Robert didn't expect this and looked at her, astonished.

\- I am done with you, Robert. You're a heartless bastard and you know what? It's great you don't want to see Alec. Because you won't see him anymore. And me. And Jace. And Izzy too - she said it calmly but her voice was like a venom.

\- What do you mean, Maryse? Stop acting like you lost your mind - he said sternly.

\- What I mean is... if you're done with my son, then I am done with you - she explained. - Pack your things and get the fuck out of my house.

She looked him in the eyes and saw a pure madness. Robert didn't suspect that Maryse could talk to him like that. She always was strict but to their children, not him. And now the roles changed. He stood up from his chair but this time, she didn't step back. She wasn't scared anymore. If her child was hurting, then she was getting rid of the reason.

\- How dare you speak to me like that? - he frowned. - Know your place, Maryse.

\- Don't forget I'm a lawyer, Robert - she frowned too. - We signed marriage articles. The house is mine. So if I tell you to get out, you get out.

\- You don't have rights.

\- I do, in fact. The law is on my side. Shall I remind you that you are the one who is abusive, bossy, and who cheated on me? Yes, don't make that face. I knew for a long time.

Robert was the one to be speechless now. He was hiding quite well with his affairs. But not good enough as it seemed. And then he realized what Maryse could do. Yes, he had his company and had a lot of money but the house was the main assets. And even though it was a present for Maryse from her parents, he always claimed it to be his. The possibility of losing the house really scared him. He knew that he couldn't hit her or do anything stupid because she would sue him right away. So the last option was just to apologise.

\- Look, calm down. Don't make hasty decisions you would regret later, Maryse. We don't have to do this, my dear wife. It's Christmas. People are happy at Christmas. You can't end our marriage at Christmas. It's just inappropriate. What people would say? - he faked a smile and relaxed a bit when Maryse smiled back.

\- They would congratulate me for making the best decision in my life. I wasted twenty years of my life with you and I'm saying enough! Get the hell out of here before I call the police.

She wasn't going to forgive him. Not after he showed his true self. They survived a tragedy and the next could happen any moment. But Robert didn't support her, he didn't care about his own child. The only thing he was doing was hooking up with his lovers. He was sickening and she didn't want to know him anymore. Robert looked at her with a pure hatred. He didn't love Maryse anymore. Their marriage didn't exist since two years at least but living with her was just comfortable. He didn't have to care about anything. But now it was over. However, he wasn't going to make it any easier for her.

\- I won't leave it like this - he grunted.

\- But you will leave and that's all what matters. Get out.

He left. When the door closed, Maryse leaned on a desk and let the tears flow. She knew that Robert and she, the happy marriage was a past tense. But still, it hurt. He didn't deny anything, didn't apologise. She meant nothing to him. But it didn't matter anymore. He was gone. Maryse wiped her eyes and stood straight. She had to be strong for her children. They needed her. And that what was really important, not some fake bastard who was only making her angry and bitter. She put a smile on her face and left the office, deciding to join the kids in the living room. She knew that Robert would leave her house soon. And she wanted to make sure not to let him meet with Alec that day.

\- I swear to god, Iz. Make me watch 'Home Alone' again and I'll jump out of the window.

\- There's a lot of snow outside, Jace. You would only freeze your butt - said Maryse and joined them on the couch.

\- You against me too, mom?! I thought you will be on my side! - he said dramatically.

\- I'm not picking sides. Maryse Lightwood is a Switzerland - she stated but then hugged her youngest child and Jace didn't really believe her. Izzy sticked her tounge at him.

\- If that's how convincing you are while defending your clients then really, you fail so bad, woman.

\- One word again, Jonathan Lightwood and you won't get any food today.

\- Forgive me, mom - he stood up from the couch just to kneel in front of her a moment later. - I will behave. Just feed me - he put his chin on her knee and looked at her like a pleading puppy.

\- I've just lost my appetite - muttered Alec and Jace pouted.

\- You became so mean! You were so sweet earlier, what happened to you?! - he whined and Alec rolled his eyes.

\- You happened - he shrugged and Jace whined again but louder.

\- Okay, kids. Stop this. Go clean your hands and let's start the dinner, shall we?

\- We shall as hell! - Jace jumped to his feet in no time, Izzy following him.

\- Come on, big bro! - she reached her hand to Alec. - We never had so much food as this year.

\- O-okay... - Alec hestitated a bit but then took her hand and stood up.

They went to the bathroom just in time when Robert showed up with a little suitcase. She walked to him.

\- We will meet at the court.

\- Text me your address later. I will send the rest of your stuff.

She hoped that Robert will at least tell her a simple goodbye. But nothing like this happened. He turned on his heel and left the house. It hurt. It hurt so bad. She got a grip before she broke down, though. Nothing and no one could spoil their evening. She brought back a smile on her face and went to the kitchen where her children joined her. They helped her put the food on a table in the dining room. And they all sat at the table together. It was perfect. She had three people she loved the most with her. Alec was back. She wouldn't imagine better Christmas.

\- Oh, mommy, it's so delicious - Jace praised her cooking, stuffing his mouth with baked potatoes. He never called her by pet names. Only when he wanted something or when she cooked something really good.

\- Don't choke - she answered simply and looked at Alec. - You like it, dear?

Alec looked up at her. She was really worried that Alec could not like what she made. But she forgot that Alec wasn't like this. He would tell her that it was amazing even if he wanted to throw up. But this time it wasn't a lie.

\- It's great - he smiled gently. - But I'm still not able to eat a lot - he warned her before she started freaking out. Well, Alec wasn't stupid. He knew that Maryse was watching him eat.

\- I understand. Eat as much as you can, okay?

\- Yes. Thank you, mom.

Maryse felt tears in her eyes. Alec still called her mom even when she didn't deserve it. But she respected his request and didn't cry. She just smiled wider. Alec was also watching them. He saw how hard they tried to please him and well, at first it was just irritating, their struggles fruitless. But with the passing time, they started acting normal and he felt just good. He felt loved. The only thing that was missing was Magnus. Alec slapped himself mentally. Why was he thinking about Magnus at this moment? He was having a dinner with his family, with people he loved. He shouldn't be thinking about Magnus who definitely wasn't thinking about him. He didn't know why it made him sad. If he only knew...

They finished the dinner. No one asked about Robert. Jace and Izzy already hated him after what she said about Alec and there was no chance they could forgive him. And Alec didn't want to see him so he didn't ask as well. They enjoyed their company, joking and telling Maryse how delicious food she cooked. And when they couldn't eat anything more, they decided to watch a movie. It was 'Home Alone'. They watched this movie like thousand times but it was always nice to irritate Jace so they chose it.

\- I hate you all so much - he covered his head with a pillow.

\- Shut up, Jace. I want to know what will happen when they enter his home - said Izzy, smirking to make him even more annoyed.

\- And you, you are the worst person in the whole universe! - he exclaimed.

Izzy laughed along with Maryse and Alec didn't know when he joined them. He was so peaceful. He almost forgot about everything. Because now nothing really mattered. He was with his family and he knew that he already forgave them. Not entirely. But he wanted to be with them. He never stopped loving them and now he loved them even more. Yes, they hurt him. However, it led to good changes in their lives so Alec was quite content, no matter how bad it sounded. Alec had no idea how he should be feeling about all of this. Sebastian made a living hell out of his life. He led him to almost commiting suicide and then to the hospital. He was trapped there because of him. But at the same time he met Magnus, the most wonderful person in his whole life. And he reunited with his family. He was glad for that. And that was so confusing.

\- Alec? - Izzy waved a hand in front of his eyes and it brought him back to earth.

\- Sorry, wasn't listening. What's up? - he looked at her and she rolled her eyes.

\- What do you want to watch now? - she asked and he then realized that the movie was over. He drifted off for quite a while.

\- Rudolph.

\- That's my man! - Jace leaned on the couch and reached his hand to Alec who high-fived him when he finally realized what Jace wanted from him.

\- Kids - Izzy shook her head but Alec's wish was her command.

Izzy called him kids but when the Rudolph song started, she didn't hestitate to sing along. She wasn't bad but then Jace joined her and that was a disaster. Alec almost felt sorry for the poor reindeer.

\- Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to saaaaaay - Jace shrieked, causing Maryse to laugh even harder.

\- Jace you sing like dying rat, shut your mouth before I barf! - Izzy sang the rest and they lost it.

Jace pretended to be angry for the rest of the evening but they didn't really care. They finished the movie and then called it a night. And that was what Alec was afraid of. They said goodnight to their mother and decided to go to their rooms for a night. But it wasn't so easy for Alec. He didn't want to go there. Too much memories, too much shedded tears and there was his laptop, his phone, the bathroom where he was cutting himself. He didn't wan't to go in. Alec tugged at his sleeves and rubbed his wrists nervously. He felt like he could fail. But lucky for him, Izzy and Jace noticed that. Right... of course they were watching him.

\- Alec? What's wrong? - she asked, worried.

\- I-I just... I-I'm sorry Izzy but... I ca-can't go there. I just can't... - his voice broke even though he was fighting it.

They were shocked, seeing him like this when the evening was more than amazing. But it wasn't a time to consider this and they both knew it. Jace wrapped his arms around Alec and hugged him tightly.

\- Shh, buddy. You don't have to go there. Screw your room - and to prove that, he showed the door a middle finger. Alec laughed at this but the tears stained his cheeks anyway.

\- Damn right! - Izzy smiled and took his hand. - Look, you can sleep in my room.

\- But where you will sleep, Izzy? - he asked in lieu of an answer.

\- Also there.

\- B-but...

\- No butts! Alec, remember when we used to sleep in the same bed when we were kids? That's the same thing. We're just a bit bigger now.

\- Are you sure? I don't want to be a burden.

\- You're not a burden. You're my big brother. And yes, I am more than sure. You are a big, warm, cute plushie, of course I want you to stay with me - she grinned and Alec nodded, smiling slightly.

\- Wait a minute! - Jace butted in. - I want a sleepover too! You can't forget about me.

\- Sure thing, but I sleep on the right side of the bed.

\- Deal. I'll take the left side.

\- Wait. No one's going to ask me if I want to sleep in the middle?

\- It's not like you have a choice, bud - Jace laughed and patted his shoulder. - Okay, go now. I will grab you some clothes and I'll join you in a minute, okay?

\- Sure, hurry up.

Izzy led Alec to his room. It didn't change much, which was a good thing. He sat on her bed, waiting while she picked herself a pajama. Jace came to her room couple of minutes later, carrying Alec's clothes. They changed and laid in bed. Alec was actually pretty surprised that he didn't feel trapped or uncomfortable. It was warm. And just nice. He could hear his siblings' breathing and beating of their hearts. They were living people who loved him. He knew that now. They didn't pretend anything. Even the best actor wouldn't be able to pretend emotions so well.

\- Alec, you're sleeping? - whispered Jace.

\- No. You? - he whispered back.

\- No.

\- Me neither - added Izzy.

\- You know, buddy... we know you don't want to talk about this. It's cool. But... we just want you to know that we are really sorry.

\- And we are really happy you are here.

\- We love you.

\- Mom loves you too.

\- We all do.

Alec didn't fight the tears anymore. He let them flow. But he wasn't hurting. For the first time he wasn't crying because he was hurting. Alec finally was happy. He smiled and when they realized he was crying, they just hugged him, not saying anything anymore.

\- I love you too.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, tell me if you liked it! It was really hard for me to write, I don't know why.
> 
> And I want to thank you all for all the support and kind words. I'm not going to abandon this story. I just wanted to make some things clear. But it's really nice that you guys care so much. It's amazing. You are just the best and thank you so so so much for that. <3 
> 
> Sorry for the long delay again! I had so much things I had to take care of. But I passed the pathomorphology classes with my report about lung cancer and leukemia. So now I will be able write more c: 
> 
> *inner voice*: lung cancer and leukemia? sounds like a plan...  
> *conscience*: shut the fuck up!  
> *inner voice*: but it's...  
> *conscience*: no, it's not! 
> 
> It may be.. c: But we'll see! Till the next time, lovelies <3


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the mistakes!
> 
> Does anyone know the name of David Castro's dog?

Christmas Eve. A day he actually really enjoyed because hey, was there anything you could not enjoy? Nope. Snow, silence, great food, amazing atmosphere and all of his friends. They were really lucky that they all got day shifts or a day off this year on a Christmas Eve. It was never a problem, though. They would just spend this day at hospital. But it was always better to be at home, when you could be loud, not thinking about a good behaviour and hiding alcohol like kids. It was so troublesome. But they always managed. This year, however, was different. They all dressed fancy but not as fancy as Magnus, duh. And met at Ragnor and Catarina's house. It was spacious and had the weird family atmosphere that you loved because it was impossible not to. Magnus always waited for this day. Yes, he was meeting with these dorks quite often but it was totally different. It was just special. He couldn't explain this but this was really special. They all were doing their best to make this day like this, like no other in the whole year. Even though some things never changed. They always met at Catarina and Ragnor's where the two arranged everything for their guests. Tessa always made her apple pie, Jem always prepared a turkey with cranberries, Raphael always brought a lof ot different foods and Will... he was just himself and brought his annoying self. And Magnus always was late, always with his cat and always with a lot of alcohol. He was a terrible cook so it was the only option. And this year it wasn't any different. He showed up late but dressed like a top fashion designer, a cage with Chairman in one hand and a large bag with alcohol bottles in the second one.

\- You're late - Raphael greeted him cheerfuly as always.

\- It's so nice to see you too, my lovely friend - he grinned, putting the cage and bag on the floor. Then he opened his arms for him. - Aww, come on. Hug me, Raphie. It's Christmas! - he knew that there was more possibilities for the world to end than for Raphael to do this.

But Raphael came closer to Magnus. He didn't hug him, though. He crouched down and opened the cage, taking the cat out.

\- Are you kidding me, mister?! We haven't seen each other for a couple of days and you're greeting Chairman instead of me? - he scoffed, offended.

\- Can you blame me? He's fluffy and pretty. And you are just annoying - he shrugged and scratched the cat behind his ears.

Magnus didn't have time to respond to this awful opinion about him when the rest of his friends showed up. He stuck out his tongue at Raphael like a mature adult he was.

\- Just look at it. They love me truly and you should be ashamed! - he stated but when he turned to his friends he realized that they didn't come to greet him. They all came to pat or hug Chairman. And he really started to consider finding new friends.

The cat didn't mind all the attention, purring and meowing from time to time. Magnus just rolled his eyes and went to grab something to eat. He had to go to work that day and it was exhausting. And so... so boring without Alec. The boy used to visit him almost everyday just to have a chat that wasn't a session but a normal, human conversation. He enjoyed it with all his heart. But he wasn't selfish. Magnus knew that Alec probably was having good times with his family and it relly made him happy. The boy deserved it. And Magnus also deserved a little break. He missed this blue eyed guy, what was totally odd because they saw each other just yesterday but... he didn't know. He sighed and decided to think only about himself this night. He worked hard, so now, a one day when he could just do something nice for himself was just necesarry. Magnus headed to the kitchen. He finished the work a little bit earlier but still, he had to make himself look fabulous and it took him all the time he had for a meal.So when his friends just ignored him, he decided to start without them. They deserved it. But first, he opened the wine.

\- Put that down, child.

Magnus heard oh so familiar voice and smiled. He was annoyed as hell but he just couldn't be mad at his best friend, could he?

\- No way, old man. But I have a quite nice solution. Wanna join me?

\- Oh, how much I love you.

Ragnor hugged him, as always when Magnus offered him alcohol. It was so stupid but well, Magnus also loved this idiot.

\- That's why you went to pet Chairman first?

\- Can you blame me? He's so fluffy!

\- I'm disgusted with all of you - he muttered and then took the glasses, pouring a wine into them.

\- So, how are you doing, Magnus? - he asked simply, taking the glass from him.

\- Since the day Alec threw up on Camille? I'm more than great - he laughed and then took a sip of the wine.

\- You're hopeless - he sighed. - But it's good to see you happy. Does a certain blue eyed creature have something to do with your good mood? - he didn't hide the smirk that appeared on his lips when Magnus almost choke on his drink.

\- W-what?! Ragnor, for fuck's sake! He is a kid! My patient - Magnus exclaimed. Well, the answer really hurt him. He knew he shouldn't be acting like this but he just couldn't help that. The truth was too painful and too real at the same time.

\- He won't be soon - he shrugged. - You know the rule. Don't go to bed with anyone below the age of eighteen. But since he is seventeen, it won't take too long. And he won't be your patient forever.

\- To bed? My dear cabbage, what are you talking about? - he blinked. Yes, Magnus had a lot of lovers and he met a lot of people just to have sex with them. But with Alec... with Alec it was something different. He cared about him, not his body.

\- He's handsome. And kinda sweet. Black hair and blue eyes. Your favourite combination.

\- He is - he admitted because it was impossible not to. It was all true. - But I don't want to just fuck him and leave him. It's just disgusting. I would love to... just... just spend more time with him. Get to know him better. He's so interesting, so different. And yes, his appearance is also a nice addition - he smiled and brought the glass to his lips.

\- Woah - Ragnor put the glass down and moved closer to Magnus. He put a hand on his forehead. - You're quite warm. It's definitely something serious. Since when you decided to date people? You said that you will never date anyone after what Camille did to you.

\- Yes - he nodded. - But Alec is not anyone. He is Alec. He's... he's better than anyone - he sighed and rubbed his face with hands. - Ugh, slap me! What the hell am I talking about?!

Ragnor stood there in a total silence, looking at his friend with eyes wide opened. He seemed to look less green than always. Because the realization hit him like a train. There was no doubt he could be wrong. Ragnor knew Magnus from forever, he knew what Magnus wanted or needed just by looking at him. But he didn't expect something like this. He wasn't angry, though. Ragnor was just terrified. He cared so much about his friend, especially after what Camille has done to him. And now, the situation was just as bad. He knew that Magnus showed more fondness to the boy thank to any other patient, but he didn't suspect it was so serious. He thought that Alec was another cute person he would just sleep with and forget about him. But not this time. It scared him. Magnus came through too much in his life and Ragnor wanted to protect him. Yes, he wanted everything best for him. And maybe this damaged boy was everything best for Magnus. But did he knew that? He was so young and emotions were not a thing you could learn without pratice. And he didn't want his best friend to be this 'practice'.

\- Holy shit, Magnus! - he exclaimed after a moment of utterly shock. - You're in love!

Magnus mouth almost dropped to the floor. No... Ragnor was telling bullshit as always. There was no need to listen to him. There was no possibility for him to be in love. No! He was over it. Love was a distraction. Something totally unnecessary, redundant, useless! It could only bring you down. He knew that feeling too well and wasn't going to repeat that. Not now, not ever. Even with someone so amazing like Alec. But... was it really the truth? He bit his bottom lip and looked down at the wine glass. What if Ragnor was right indeed? Magnus didn't think that what he felt to Alec was love. However... he realized that he indeed was thinking constantly about this boy. He cared too much. He wanted him to be happy. And he really enjoyed spending time with him. He was hoping for a next meeting. And he was seeing those damn blue eyes everywhere! But it wasn't love, right? It couldn't be. It was inappropriate. Alec was so young, so innocent, so damaged. He needed someone to pick up his broken pieces and put them back together. Someone good enough. Not Magnus. He wasn't worth him.

\- Ragnor, I...

\- Who's in love?! - Will rushed to the kitchen when he heard the magical word and interrupted their conversation.

\- Will, get the fuck out - snarled Ragnor and the other man took a step back. - I'm talking with Magnus, respect this.

\- No one respects anyone's privacy here - Raphael reminded them kindly, walking into the kitchen, the rest of them following him.

\- Besides, we don't have any secrets. Unless you have STD and want to talk about how you got that. Then yes, we should have secrets! - stated Catarina and they all nodded in agreement.

\- Demon pox... - muttered Will and Jem facepalmed his face.

\- William, get out. You lower the IQ of the whole room - Raphael sighed heavily and sat on the table top.

\- Vampire - Will mumbled, crossing arms on his chest.

\- What did you...

\- Can you two just stop?! - Jem butted in. - Just be quiet. Ragnor, what were you saying?

\- Thank you, James - he smiled a bit. - We have a problem. Magnus is in love.

\- And why is it a problem? - asked Tessa, not understanding anything.

\- Oh my god! - Catarina beamed suddenly. - And you told me nothing happened on your date with Alec!

\- What a date?! - they asked in unison.

That was the moment Magnus knew he definitely needed new friends. It was obvious that they were concerned about him but really, he was confused enough and didn't need them to make it even more awkward. But now he couldn't escape this drama and he really wanted to face them than go home and spend the Christmas alone. No, that was not an option. His whole childhood he was alone. And once when he was with Camille. No more Christmas sitting home alone. So he sighed and raised his hands to hush them. They got the sign and went silent. They realized that it wasn't a time for laughing. It may have seemed funny but not for Magnus and they would have to be blind not to notice it.

\- Look, it wasn't a date in the first place. It was a part of the psychoterapy - he sighed, not believing himself in this bullshit. - And I'm not in love. I just care about him, that's all.

\- Magnus... - started Tessa, coming closer to him. - We know how much Camille hurt you. But we are not her. We are your friends, your family. We're not here to judge you but to help you.

Magnus looked in her gray-blue eyes and knew she wasn't lying. Then he turned his gaze to the rest of his friends and smiled, not controlling it. Their eyes were sincere and he felt a pleasant warmth in his chest. Maybe he didn't need new friends after all.

\- I know - he said finally, when they all remained silent. - But it's not so easy - he took the glass and finished his wine.

\- What's not easy? - asked Raphael, pouring him another glass.

\- This - he gestured with his hands and then sat on the chair, putting his elbows on the table top. - All of this. Yes, I care about him. Even more than I should. But it's hopeless. So please, stop talking about this.

\- But why is it hopeless? - asked Catarina and Ragnor bit his bottom lip.

\- Why? Cat! For fuck's sake! You should know best, why! - he put his palms on the table a little bit too hard. But he didn't care. He finally could talk about his feelings. And what was the biggest paradox in all of this? Magnus was a doctor whose job was based on talking about emotions. But he couldn't express his own. Not anymore.

\- So tell me. What's the problem, Magnus? What is so wrong that you are attracted to Alec?

She said it like she was asking about the weather. And Magnus didn't know if she was making fun of him or she was just serious. Because it was impossible to be serious. Didn't they really see this problem? Well, Ragnor definitely did, judging by his body language. However, Magnus had no idea that Ragnor was worried because of totally different reasons.

\- Everything! He's a minor! I'm too old for him! And he's my patient, so it's just illegal! And he's... - he calmed down a bit. - He's so vulnerable. I'm scared I could damage him more.

They didn't say anything right away. They let Magnus cool down a bit and then the girls came to hug him tightly. He realized then, how much he needed that. He sighed closing his eyes and Jem decided to start speaking. Someone had to say something.

\- Magnus, please. It's not like you could be his father. Yes, there is an age gap between the two of you, but does it really matter? He's mature and smart. Smarter than most people you know. Moreover, you know the rule. Eighteen is the cutoff age when it comes to lovers. And he will be eighteen soon.

\- I know this, but...

\- His treatment's going well - Catarina continued. - He would be discharged within couple of weeks and you no longer will be his doctor.

\- Yes, I know, but...

\- And you are a doctor, psychiatrist - added Will. - Who would be better to take care of someone with issues like Alec have?

\- Right, however...

\- Don't even start - Raphael snorted. - You are better than any other teenage brat who would like to make Alec his. You know this, idiot. You know what you want, you know how much the world sucks. And that's what he needs to get back on his feet.

\- But how can I know that he likes me? - he sighed, thrilled by his friends' words.

\- You are THE Magnus Bane - said Tessa. - You were born to be loved and admired.

\- It's not enough for Alec. He's not that shallow - he put his head on Catarina's breasts and closed his eyes.

\- He's not. But you're not that shallow either - said Cat.

\- I have anything to offer to him. He will get back to health and back to his life. Then he won't even remember me.

\- Don't forget he tried to kill himself. So his life's clearly not that great - said Jem.

\- He sees only a doctor in me. Nothing else, I feel that.

\- You're so stupid - said Ragnor, finally, wasn't being able to listen to this anymore. - This kid was looking at you like you were some kind of god. Jesus, he was listening to your stupid stories! And he didn't sue you for these stupid pills! Let me tell you this, pal. He could do this and now the two of us would be fired. But he didn't. Open your eyes, dumbass! He likes you. You don't see this because of what this bitch did to you. And I'm also fucking scared - he confessed and moved closer to him. - I'm scared you'll get hurt again. But you're already hurting. You have to give it a try, Magnus. If this is going to be a total fail, then let it be. However, Alec is a good kid. He may be or may not be the love of your life but you will never know if you just give up. So put your shit together before I help you!

Ragnor almost yelled, not taking his eyes off of Magnus. They all looked at him, their gazes determined and Magnus just could feel the supportive aura that was radiating from them. He felt like he could cry at this moment. Magnus had no idea what he did in his life to deserve such wonderful friends. They were there for him. He knew that they had their doubts. They probably thought about all of this like him. But it was for his good, for him to be happy and nothing else mattered. He really appreciated that. They opened his eyes but still, it didn't become much easier. He wasn't sure if Alec was interested. And that wasn't the most important thing at this moment.

\- Thank you - Magnus said after a moment of silence. And then he took a deep breath. - But no. I won'd do anything with Alec - he shrugged.

\- What? - Tessa blinked, now completely lost.

\- As you noticed, Alec tried to kill himself. Twice. He needs help. Professional help. I won't let my emotions get the hold of me. For now on, I am his doctor and it's my responsibility to help him get back on his feet. And then... then we will see. But yes, I will try - he nodded and smiled.

They smiled back at him, even Raphael. Christmas was really a time for miracles. They made a group hug what was their tradition anyway.

\- I really love you, guys - said Magnus, snuggling to Ragnor. - Like really, really. But don't get so sappy anymore. Let's celebrate!

\- Now you speak my language! - beamed Will.

\- Wait. You're sure you are okay, Magnus? - asked Cat.

\- More than okay, actually. And with a bit more of this lovely wine, it will be even better!

The Alec topic was over, however Magnus still was thinking about him. Yes, he made his decision. He was going to ask Alec out. But only when he was completely sure that the boy's life wasn't in danger anymore. It gave him even more motivation to help Alec. Well, they all were right. He was too young but was what the age when it comes to love? He was damaged. So was Magnus. He was his patient. But he wouldn't be forever. And he was THE Magnus Bane. He had to open his heart again because there was a lot of different people, not only bitches like Camille, who only waited to make a strike. Loving, caring, interesting, amazing people. And Alec was one of them.

They decided to forget about this conversation and focused on celebrating the Christmas Eve. It was a real fun. They laughed, sang, mocked Raphael and ate so much delicious food that Magnus was even scared a bit for a moment, that they could go into a food coma. Will was in the greatest danger. But they managed, had some more alcohol and even more laughing. Just like he loved to see them. Happy, carefree and all together. Only one person was missing. But Magnus had to wait a bit longer for that.

  
  


The next day they all had a hangover but no one wanted to stop. It was only a beginning since this day it was Magnus' turn to throw a party. And he was a master of parties. So when he left his friends' house that morning, he already had a clear plan on what to do. He didn't bother with cooking, it would be a disaster. All his friends were supposed to bring food and he was sure that the girls will buy some groceries on their way to his house, so he skipped that part. He took a long, refreshing nap at first and then decorated his house, took care of the music and the rest of attracions and necessary things. The most important part was to dress himself fancy. Him and Chairman, of course. It was obvious it would take him couple of hours, so he started right away. But decided to call and ask about Alec while he was choosing pants for that day.

Alec and his siblings slept definitely too long but Maryse didn't have a heart to wake them up. They looked so peaceful and finally together. However, when Magnus called her, she knew that she had to destroy their moment. It was time for breakfast and Alec's meds, so she walked back into Izzy's room.

\- Time to get up, kids.

\- Go away, woman - mumbled Jace and burried his face in Alec's shoulder.

\- Jace, get up, now! - she frowned and losing her patience, she just grabbed the sheets and pulled them away.

The three of them woke up immediately when the cold air hit their bare skin. Alec sighed and just hugged the pillow tighter. Jace cursed. Isabelle whined, trying to find some warmth by hugging her brother's body. But it was a fruitless effort when Maryse got annoyed and just opened the window for a moment to give them more motivation. And the motivation worked even better!

\- Okay, we get it! Just close the damn window!

Maryse smirked and did as they asked. She told them to get ready for the day. But they knew better and decided to spend the morning in their pajamas, what was just more comfortable and more nostalgic. They wanted to feel like kids again. And what's the better time for that than Christmas? Unfortunately, they weren't kids anymore and they didn't avoid making their own breakfast. Izzy and Jace complained for waking them up before the food was ready but Alec smiled. He was happy that their mother played like this. It was a great occasion for them to bond, to spend more time together. And he really needed that. Even listening to his siblings' whining was now delightful, what was even more strange because he was sure he would never say anything like this about these two human creatures.

\- Jace, why you put tomatoes on nutella? - he raised his brow, deciding to stop thinking about everything. It worked much better.

\- Oh, my poor, silly brother - he rolled his eyes. - It's healthy and I have to take care of my perfect body. And a double dosage of potasium is definitely doing its work

\- Umm... Jace...? I'm almost certainly sure you meant magnesium - he corrected him politely.

\- What? - Jace blinked, not knowing what Alec was saying.

\- Nutella contains magnesium since it is chocolate. Or at least that's what they tell us in commercials - he shrugged and put a new slice of tomato on his own sandwich.

\- Don't be so smart! But you know what? Screw this. It's even better then. What magnesium does?

\- It's too late for you... - murmured Izzy, smirking.

\- Alec! - Jace looked at his brother, frowning a little.

\- It's... it's responsible for your memory, concentration...

\- And intelligence. But you're lacking too much - added Izzy.

Jace was offended and wanted his revange. Alec, however, wasn't willing to tell him that Izzy fooled him. Where was a fun in that? So he just kept watching as his siblings were throwing food at each other. Even Maryse had enough and didn't say a word so he went back to his breakfast. Alec realized that it was so much easier to eat something now. Back at the hospital, he always had problems with forcing food into his body. But now it was so normal. He ate three sandwiches without getting stomachache, without nausea or feeling guilty. He did it because he wanted to. Alec really felt better after the two days he spent with people he cared for. But he took the pills anyway.

\- Who are you texting? - he asked his mother, putting the water glass down.

\- Your doctor. He called when you were sleeping, asking for you. So I'm texting to tell him you took your meds.

Alec felt warmer when she mentioned Magnus. That was just ridiculous. He wanted to smile and cry at the same time. Alec had great time with his family but he missed Magnus and the conversations with him. He wanted to tell him what happened yesterday, he wanted to know how he spent his Christmas Eve. But he knew he couldn't. Magnus wasn't at work right now and Alec was only his work. The older man told Alec to call him but only in emergency. And well... breakfast wasn't an emergeny. He didn't want to annoy Magnus. Alec didn't even know how sad he looked right now. However, the rest of his family noticed.

\- Alec? What's wrong, bud? - Jace placed his hand on Alec's shoulder and he almost jumped, startled.

\- W-what? Nothing's wrong... why you think that?

\- You werent't responding to our questions for a good two minutes, Alec... - said Izzy, concerned. She hoped that everything would be fine after the last day but clearly, she was mistaken.

\- Oh... - he blinked. - That's... I was just thinking, it's okay. You don't need to worry - he raised his hands in defence.

\- Are you sure, big bro?

\- Totally - he nodded and brought a fake smile to his face. He wasn't in a mood to be happy because well, he was just confused and had no one he could talk to about it. - What were you asking? - so he changed the topic.

\- Well, we were asking if it's okay with you, if Simon and Clary to visit us today? - asked Izzy and they all looked at him.

Alec didn't feel very comfortable with the fact that some strangers will be staying at his house while he was there. But at the same time, those strangers were his siblings' other halves. He knew perfectly how important Clary and Simon were to Jace and Izzy. He could understand that because he also wanted Magnus to be there. Alec slapped himself mentally. No. Simon and Izzy, Clary and Jace... they were together in a romantic relationships. They cared about each other and did all the things couples do. Magnus and Alec... they just talked. And went to shoot some arrows together. But it wasn't even a date. Or so Alec thought. However, he still wasn't sure about the visit. He definitely prefered staying with just his family to staying with people he didn't really like. Simon wasn't so bad but he could never stand Clary. That girl was just wrong... short, freckled redhead. Her appearance wasn't really important, however there was something in her that alerted him. Well, she was Sebastian's biological sister, so it was quite obvious. Alec knew that Simons' visit won't be too hard since that boy was just annoying. He was scared of seeing Clary. She wasn't very similar to her brother but still. They were related and that was enough for him. Alec wanted to tell them that he didn't like the idea and wanted to spend the time only with the three of them but when he saw Jace and Izzy's expression, he forgot about everything. They were so worried and afraid they could upset him but at the same time he saw how much they wanted to spend this day with their partners. That also was a tradition. They always spent this day together when they decided to be an item. Alec didn't give a damn about traditions. But he cared for his siblings. And if they really wanted to see Simon and Clary, he just couldn't say no.

\- Sure - he answered and faked a smile. - Yea, I'm good. Just... don't make out in front of my eyes.

\- Aww, Alec, thank you! - Izzy leaned on the table and hugged him.

\- I can't promise you that, though - muttered Jace, smirking.

Alec hugged Izzy back, however it didn't help him relax. He felt really anxious. Clary was so close to Sebastian. They lived in the same house, they probably talked and trusted each other. He didn't want Sebastian to know anything about him. Alec really hated this person and well... he wasn't someone, who liked holding grudges but in this case it was impossible not to. Izzy pulled back and Alec grabbed his tea mug. He needed to do something, anything to calm himself a bit. He drank the green tea, hoping it will soothe his nerves but it didn't help. Not in the slightest.

\- When are they coming?

\- Around five p.m. And we have eleven a.m... what do you want to do today, Alec? - asked Jace, putting a spoon into a nutella jar.

\- I have to take a nap now - he answered, tightening his grip on the mug.

\- Sleep? - asked Izzy, confused. - But we just woke up!

\- Yes, but I always sleep after taking my meds - he explained and she bit her bottom lip, looking at him like she wanted to apologise. But he just shook his head. Of course they didn't know.

\- And when will you wake up? - asked Jace, who wanted to help Izzy with the awkward moment.

\- Two hours most. So we will still have plenty of time. But I don't really know what I will want to do - he shrugged. Jace put a spoonful of nutella into his mouth and grinned.

\- Jace... - Maryse hissed but her son ignored her.

\- We can go shopping, go for a walk, for a coffe. Anything. The weather isn't very nice but I'm sure we can manage.

\- Yes, Iz but... - he needed to take a deep breath to calm himself down. No. Going out without Magnus, in places they could meet someone from school was just too much for him right now. - I don't want to go out. We can do something at home, if that's not a problem...

-Not at all! - said Jace, liking the spoon. Alec made a face, seeing that. - We can play the Witcher. Or Assasin's Creed.

\- Okay - he nodded, even thought he didn't really like video games. He definitely prefered board games but that probably didn't exist for young people anymore. And everything was better than going outside. - So... I will go now, okay? Izzy, I'm taking your bed.

\- Sure thing, Alec. But... can you stay with us for a moment? - she smiled and he frowned a bit. What were they planning?

\- Why? - he asked warily.

\- Because it's Christmas, dummy. And we have something for you.

It was the moment when Alec felt so embarrased. He realized that yes, it was Christmas indeed. And Christmas meant presents, gifts and all the material shit. But Alec had nothing to give them. And that really made him feel bad. They all stood up from the table, leaving Alec alone and went to grab the things they bought him. He started fiddling with his bandages. What would they think of him? He was just a burden, who cried, who they pitied. A burden that couldn't even thank them properly by buying them presents. He sighed heavily. The thought of a nap was so tempting but now he was so anxious he knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep. They came back after a moment. Maryse put a large box in front of him. Izzy put her box on a table and Jace did the same.

\- Come on, Alec - Izzy smiled, wanting to encourage him.

Alec looked at all the boxes and sighed. He felt really bad but at the same time, he could not say no. They were waiting for him to open the presents and Alec was afraid that if he refuses, their worries will be back. And he worried too much already, not needing them to join him. So Alec grabbed the first ribbon and opened the box from her mother. He was actually pretty surprised when he saw a beautiful, ebony bow, a quiver the same colour, pair of gloves and arrows with indigo feathers at the ends. It was briliant. He took the bow to hand and it balanced nicely. Alec looked at his mother, unsure.

\- But... why would I need a bow, mom? I'm not allowed...

\- Nonsense - she shook her head. - You love it. And you will do this right after you will get back from the hospital. It was bad to take it away from you. So I thought... that... if you want, of course.

\- Yes... I would love to - he smiled gently. He was happy that his mother saw how much he loved archery and that she bought him this beautiful present. But at the same time... he didn't even have a dead flower to give her.

\- Next's mine - said Izzy after Alec put the bow back into the box.

Alec opened the next present and this time he wasn't very surprised that Izzy bought him a shirt. But it wasn't a shirt he would ever buy. Alec knew just by looking at it that it would be tight as hell, not because it was too small but because it was just made to be like this. And it was a light blue colour. Not his colour. He thanked her anyway. She tried and Alec was happy she did this. However, he knew he would never wear this in his life.

\- Thanks, Izzy. It's great - he lied and looked at Jace who was already shoving the next box in his hands.

Jace bought him a sweater. Black sweater but it was rather fashionable. And very soft. Alec liked this. It was very accurate gift. He knew he would take this with him. But then it all came back. Right... take it with him. Alec was going back to the hospital in two days. And even if he was home only temporary, he still managed to destroy their Christmas with his ignorance and selfishness. He put the sweater on the table and looked up at them. They were concerned since Alec didn't show much happines.

\- O-okay! I get that, man! It's a lame present. I'll buy you a new one just... just don't be mad, okay?

\- Jace, I'm not mad. Quite the opposite - he smiled sadly and they were all taken aback right now.

\- Then... why are you so sad? - asked Maryse, not understanding anything. She was worried sick that they did something wrong again.

\- Because... you got me all these great stuff and I... I don't have anything for you - he looked down at his hands.

The rest of them exchanged the looks and smiled. That was so Alec. They couldn't be mad at him, he always was like that. Alec never missed anyone's birthday or any other occasion that required presents. He even remembered Robert's birthday and Father's Day. He always had something for his dad even if Robert never looked at this or thanked him. But Alec just was like this.

\- Oh god, don't scare me like this! - laughed Izzy and then she hugged him again.

\- Sweetheart, we don't need any presents. The best present for us is that you are here with us - Maryse joined them in the hug and Jace followed.

\- Buddy, it's great you are here. That's all we need. But if you really want to buy me something then you know, I saw some awesome...

\- Jace! - Isabelle hit his shoulder. - Shut up.

\- But it all must have been expensive - muttered Alec.

\- We have too much money anyway - said Maryse and then she kissed his forehead. - You are the best gift, honey. I love you so much. But now, go to sleep. Mom's orders.

\- Goodnight.

Alec was happy that they weren't mad. He decided to buy them presents anyway but after all the crazy stuff. For now, he just wanted to sleep. Alec hoped that a good nap will help him with the anxiousness he was still feeling. But it only got worse before he even got to bed. He looked at the door that led to his room and all the images were back. Alec rushed to Izzy's room, leaned on the wall and counted from ten to zero. No, there was not chance he was going back there. However... if they were supposed to have guests, then... no. No. Hell no! He couldn't go there. Not now, not ever. Alec really wanted to forget about all of this and start his life again or finish it. He wasn't sure but after these two days, he definitely prefered the first option. And to achieve that, he had to avoid places like his old room. Alec sighed and flopped on Izzy's bed.

The nap took him more than two hours because no one came to wake him up. They wanted him to rest and he did so. But when he woke up, he noticed that it was only an hour before their guests arrival. It wasn't enough for him. He needed more time to prepare himself for their visit. But the clock was ticking. Alec sat on the bed and started breathing deeply to calm himself down. It was only Clary and Simon. Annoying, nerdy Simon, who was harmless. And Clary... Sebastian's sister... but his brother's girlfriend. He couldn't change his mind right now so he just started repeating himself that everything will be just fine. It was only Clary, she was coming here for Jace, not to spy on him. And she was coming alone, without her brother. Everything was going to be fine. A normal visit, he didn't have to talk with them. Normal visit, yes. But then he heard the dorbell rang and forgot everything. Great. He could hear Simon's voice downstair. He knew he had to go there and say 'hi' even if he wasn't willing to do this. Then Alec realized he was still in his pajamas. But since he didn't have any clothes at Izzy's, his bag was in the hall, he had to go to Jace's room. Alec didn't like the idea of borrowing his brother's clothes but he didn't have much choice. Alec and Jace were almost the same height, so finding fitting clothes wasn't so hard. However, Jace didn't wear sweaters. So he took black pants and dark blue buttoned shirt. He felt stupid, it wasn't his style. He put the note with doctors' numbers into the pocket since it helped him with his nerves. Alec stood there for couple of minutes more and then decided to go downstairs.

\- Woah, big bro! You look so hot! - called Izzy, almost jumping when she saw his brother.

\- Izzy... - Alec blushed, embarassed. - Jace, sorry... I didn't...

\- Man, it looks great on you! Not as great as on me, that's for sure.

\- Ugh... thanks? I think...

\- Alec, hi!

Alec turned on his heel and saw Simon. The boy was standing not so far from him, a big smile on his face. He really looked harmless. But Alec didn't take his hand to shake. He wasn't comfortable with touching other people. Yes, he was holding hands with Magnus. But Magnus was... he was okay, his hands soft and big, so warm... he needed to mental slap himself again.

\- Sorry I...

\- That's alright - Simon's smile grew wider. - Man, I'm glad you're here! How are you feeling?

\- Fine - he muttered. It was definitely easier to talk to his siblings. Simon was so intimidating with his happiness and good mood.

\- That's great! - he beamed. - It'll be awesome today! I brought all the Star Wars saga!

\- God no...

\- Where's Clary? - Alec flinched on that question.

\- She's on her way.

Clary was getting ready for the evening. It was already a tradition that she was spending Christmas with her boyfriend. The first day was always for family but the second day was always just for them. She knew that this year was different due to Alec and his 'sickness'. But she wasn't going to abandon her plans because of Alec. She didn't really like him and since he accused her brother for doing all these horrible things to him, she stopped caring at all.

\- You're going to Jace? - asked Sebastian, leaning on the door frame.

\- Yeah. I'm leaving in a minute - she answered, brushing her hair.

\- But why so late? You two argued again? - he arched his brow. Sebastian pretended to be concerned but he didn't really give a damn about his sister and her relationship with Jace.

\- No. I'm coming late this year because Jace wanted to spend some more time with Alec.

\- Alec? - he hid his smirk. - So he went back home?

\- Only for Christmas. Sorry, brother, I need to go. We will see tomorrow, okay?

\- Sure thing.

She hugged him and they said their goodbyes. Clary left, Luke already waiting for her in the car. Sebastian started thinking about how to get to his little pet and wish him merry Christmas when he spotted a phone on Clary's dressing table. She definitely was going to need that. And he was more than willing to deliver it to her.

When Clary arrived at their home, Alec really wanted to be somewhere else. She didn't bring Sebastian along but still, he felt so uneasy. But Jace looked content and that was what really mattered. He decided to ignore her as much as he could. And so he was, sitting in the armchair with a glass of soda in his hand, watching some stupid movie he didn't understand at all, surrounded by snuggling people. Jace and Izzy were really nice to him, asking him if he wanted anything, etc. But he didn't want anything. The only thing he wanted was to go to sleep. But then he would miss couple of hours with his siblings. And he didn't want that. So he kept watching, sipping his cola.

\- God damnit - exclaimed Clary suddenly.

\- What happened? - asked Jace, concerned.

\- I forgot my phone. Jace, will you borrow me yours? I'll call Luke to bring it to me.

\- Yes, go ahead.

She took Jace's phone and went to make a call. Alec didn't even look at here when she walked out of the room nor when she came back.

\- Luke will be here soon. Thank's babe.

\- Everything for you.

They leaned so close that they were almost kissing. And no one seemed to care, what irritated Alec. He didn't want to snap at anyone, he really wanted to spend a nice evening without arguing but it was just impossible! He asked him for something earlier that day!

\- Get a room - he grunted and put the straw back into his mouth.

\- You spoil all the fun - sighed Jace.

\- We're not doing anything bad, Alec - pouted Clary.

\- It's not your home - and so he snapped. - You want to exchange your body fluids with my brother, you go somewhere else I can't see nor hear it. That's the first rule.

They all looked at him. Jace would high-five him if it wasn't for his girlfriend he was rude to. But Izzy was proud of him. She liked Clary, they were friends. But she missed her sassy brother so much and now he was back!

\- Dude, that was just rude! - noticed Jace.

\- Was it? Oh, that was the plan - he muttered.

They were silent for a moment before Simon started laughing. He didn't even know why he was laughing but the situation was just ridiculous. Alec never liked Clary and he always was rude for her but not as much. Clary wanted to answer but Jace stopped her, shaking his head. He didn't approve of Alec's behaviour but he had the right to be like this. He still was recovering and Jace didn't want to upset him more.

\- Sorry, bud - he said instead. - I won't put my tongue in Clary's mouth when you're around.

\- Thank you.

They kept watching this weird show and Alec sighed in relief when it came to an end.

\- It's only the first part. Five more to go!

And he lost all the sympathy for Simon. The second part of the movie was just as great as the first. His eyes started hurting and he drifted off to sleep for a moment. A dorbell woke him up and he knew that he won't be able to fall asleep again. Clary got up from the floor and went to open the door. Alec wasn't alerted since it was Luke, that was supposed to bring the girl her phone. Alec looked at his glass and saw that it was empty. He looked around but didn't notice any bottle.

\- We ran out of soda?

\- There's more in the kitchen, Alec. If you could bring a bottle or two.

\- No problem, Iz. Sit, I'll get it.

\- Thanks.

Alec really only wanted to grab something to drink. But when he stepped on the floor with his bare feet, he felt a shiver running down his spine. He needed socks, now. And he knew there were some pairs in his bag which was in the hall that Clary headed to a second ago. But he didn't care. It was Luke and he wasn't afraid of Luke. So he followed her. However... he didn't foresee that Sebastian could volounteered in bringing the phone to his sister insted of their stepfather. Alec stopped dead in his tracks when the door opened and he saw the person, the nightmare that ruined all his life.

\- Oh, Sebastian! What are you doing here? - asked Clary, smiling.

\- I brought you your phone, sis. Here - he handed her the phone and then looked at Alec, smirking. - Hello there, Alec. How're you doing?

He felt his heartbeat speeding up, all blood rushing from his face. He felt so weak, so scared, so cold...

\- Aren't you going to Lilith? - she asked, ignoring Alec who was just rude not answering a simple, kind question!

\- I am. I just came her to bring the phone and to wish the Lightwoods a merry Christmas. Alec, can I come in and say it properly? It will take only a minute.

Alec could see the sparkle in his eyes and he knew what it meant. No. No, no, no... not again. He wasn't going to let Sebastian use him again. Alec felt tears in his eyes, his whole body shivering. He felt so sick, all the memories back. No. He were back home to get better not to want to kill himself again. But Sebastian was there and it was too late.

\- Alec? - said Clary. - Well... he won't talk. Come in.

\- No!

Alec yelled when Sebastian stepped his foot into their house. It was a safe place and he wasn't supposed to be there! So he switched on defending mode, however he didn't know how much there was defending and how much panic. It all combined and Alec stopped thinking clearly. He pushed the wardrobe for jackets standing in the hall, wanting to shield himself from Sebastian. There was a loud thud followed by Clary's screaming. The wardrobe didn't hit her but it just scared her. The rest of them rushed to the hall, alarmed by all the noise. When they was what Alec happened, they almost couldn't believe it was their brother. Maryse stood in the doorway, covering her mouth with a plam of her hand.

\- Alec! What's wrong? - Izzy wanted to move closer to him but he didn't let her.

Alec had a pannic attack and he wasn't thinking straight. He took a step back and looked at the door. Sebastian's smirk was even wider. But the boy didn't stand there too long. He decided to go since Alec was in a bad mood. And since there was too many people...

\- Alec, talk to us - asked Jace and when he followed Alec's gaze, he was just furious. Sebastian left after he smiled to Jace and Jace wanted to strangle him there right away. But Alec was more important. - Buddy, breath - he reached his hands to Alec but the boy swatted them away.

\- No! Don't touch me! - he yelled and pushed Jace, running to the nearest bathroom.

Maryse and the rest ran after him but he already shut the door. Alec was walking back and forth, not knowing what to do. He was crying, not even realizing that. Everything was so fake. He wasn't safe anywhere. His own family... no, it wasn't their fault, they didn't know. It was all Clary's fault. She worked with Sebastian. That monster was after him again. Alec realized that he never will be free. Sebastian would find him anywhere and finish what he started. Alec was sure of it. And so afraid that he decided to finish things first. But Maryse took Magnus' advice to heart and hid all sharp objects. But she forgot about one thing...

\- Alec! Alec, please! It's mom, please, open the door! Honey, please!

\- Big bro, talk to us! Alec, please!

\- Buddy, we're here for you. Please, open the damn door!

But he didn't answer. A moment later there was a loud noise again. And they knew that noise. Their blood ran cold and the started banging at the door.

\- Alec! Open the door now!

He didn't open the door. Alec looked at his bloody fist. He hit the mirror strong enough to break this but the glass stuck in his skin. He didn't feel pain, though. Everything hurt already. Alec took one bigger shard of glass and sit on the floor, riping the bandages off of his wrists. It was now or never. He could be free, far away from this monster. Far away from the problems. It would finally stop hurting. There won't be Sebastian anymore. And there won't be anyone else. Alec would die and leave everything here. His bullies, the demon that made him suffer so much, his family... siblings, mom, Magnus...

\- No... - he whispered, snapping out of the daze.

Alec threw the glass far away from him and brought his knees to chin, tears running down his face. He was hurting so much it was almost unbearable. Alec find it hard to breath and then he remembered about the paper he still had in his pocket.

\- Alec, please! - Maryse was crying now, her fists hurting from hitting the door.

They were all so scared, felt so useless. It was all their fault. Jace looked at Clary and she took a step back. He wasn't looking at her with love and patience. There was so much hatred like she was responsible for what was happening. Simon tried to calm Izzy down but he was freaking himself. So he decided to find some tools and open the door. Izzy thanked him as he ran to the basement.

\- Mom... - sobbed Alec and they all went silent.

\- I'm here, honey. Talk to me, Alec... - she kneeled, not being able to stand anymore.

\- Mom, give me your phone... please...

Maryse's heart was broken to pieces when she heard her child's voice. She wanted to break the door and hug him but it would only scare Alec. She managed to slip the phone through a gap between the door and floor. Alec grabbed the phone immediately and dialed Magnus' number with shaking hands. But Magnus didn't answer. Alec panicked even more. And called Catarina. No answer. The next number was Raphael. He called again.

The party at Magnus' was at the full swing. The music was playing loud, they all were having fun. Only Raphael was hating everything and everybody, sitting on the sofa with a drink in one hand and phone in the other. Then he got a phone call. Unknown number. He almost wanted to reject the call but changed his mind in the last moment. And it probably was the best decision he has ever made in his life.

Raphael turned the music off immediately. They all looked at him like he killed their mothers. But when they saw Raph's expression, they knew that something bad had happened.

\- Magnus, it's the Alec boy.

\- Oh shit...

Magnus knew that it was going too well. He had a bad feeling. And he was almost certain that Alec wasn't calling him to have a nice chat. Back on your duty, doctor Bane.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment please. It's the best reward for a rookie writer c: 
> 
> Maryse won't leave it like this, neither Jace nor Izzy, you can be sure about that. 
> 
> Did you enjoy Matthew plant-theme live? He's too cute for this world ;-;


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the mistakes!

It was a wonderful evening. His family all together, amazing food, alcohol, great fun. It wasn't supposed to end like this. They even joked that they would be so pissed if anyone called them from hospital and ruined their party. But this was different. It was Alexander they were talking about. And after yesterday, they all knew, who Alec was for Magnus. That was enough for them to turn the music off, put the glasses down and be all ears.

Magnus was terrified. Alec would not call him, if it wasn't something bad. And Raphael's tone didn't reassure him either. Magnus had all the bad scenarios already written in his head. He blamed himself for being so stupid. Of course it was his fault, no matter what happened. He should have taken care of Alec, call him to make sure everything was fine. But instead of that, Magnus enjoyed himself at the party. He sobered up right away. Alec needed him. Magnus took the phone from Raphael with shaky hands. He knew he had to be professional but he couldn't stop his heart from beating fast and loud. Magnus was almost certain everybody could hear it.

\- Alexander? - he asked nervously and took a deep breath, getting a grip. Alec needed him.

Alec was sitting on the cold bathroom floor covered with droplets of his own blood. He hurt his hand pretty badly by breaking that mirror. The glass shards pierced his hand and some stayed in his flesh. Alec didn't pay much attention to this, though. He could hear his family on the other side of the door. They were just crying now, probably as terrified as he was. Alec didn't answer them, so they had no clue what happened. Well, Jace knew. But at this moment Alec was the most important. However, he made a decision. No more sentiments. Sebastian could be his girlfriend's brother but it didn't matter anymore. Jace was going to kick his ass whether Clary was okay with it or not.

\- Alec, please! Open the door, talk to me... Alec...

Maryse was already begging him but Alec stayed silent. He only wanted to speak to Magnus. But he didn't pick up the phone. Alec almost gave up after the third time but at the last moment, Raphael saved the day. He was never good at talking to strangers, even via the phone and at his state now, it was even harder. He was actually a bit impressed that Raphael understood something from his rambling but it didn't last long. He needed to speak to Magnus because he felt like he could lose this fight in any moment. Lucky for him, he heard Magnus' voice a moment before a total breakdown. The man said his name. And he sighed in relief. Why something so simple worked so well? He had no idea but he wanted him to speak more. It was helping him calm down like anything else.

\- Alexander, talk to me. What happened? - asked Magnus and Alec realized he didn't say a word yet.

It wasn't so easy. Magnus told him to call, if something like this happened. But now, he wasn't so sure it was a good idea. He was doing so well and all of a sudden, he screwed up again. Alec was just embarassed. Magnus tried so hard to help him and he couldn't even thank him for that. A simple 'thank you' wasn't enough. He was just ruining his Christmas right now and Alec really felt like a trash at that moment. However, he couldn't hang up. Alec felt guilty for being a burden again but at the same time, he really wanted Magnus to be there with him, to hold his hand and talk to him. Because everything in this house was overwhelming. Alec was freaking out, afraid that Sebastian could come back, if he left the bathroom. He needed to get out of there, no matter if it hurt his family or not.

\- Magnus... - he stammered and gulped loudly. - Magnus... I'm so sorry...

Magnus leaned on the wall, trying to stay calm. It wasn't easy, now when he knew that he was right. Catarina moved closer to him and placed her hand on Magnus' shoulder, wanting to encourage him. It wouldn't be so hard with a normal patient. But Alec wasn't a normal patient.

\- Alexander, please, tell me. What happened? What did you do? - he asked, every muscle in his body tense.

\- I-I broke a mirror a-and... I...

\- Alexander, did you hurt yourself?!

\- No! - he exclaimed and then took a deep breath. - I-I mean... yes... But no... Magnus, I'm sorry!

Magnus didn't know what to say when Alec started crying. It was impossible to talk to him right now because the boy was too panicked to understand anything Magnus was telling him. So he needed a new strategy.

\- Alexander, take a deep breath for me, okay? - he asked after a second. - Great, you're doing good. Alexander, can you please focus on the room you are in? Describe to me what you see, okay?

Alec was silent for a moment before he nodded, even if Magnus couldn't see it. He didn't want to talk about his bathroom. At this moment all he wanted was to scream and shout and beg Magnus to come to him. Alec wasn't this kind of person, though. So even if he didn't really see a point in doing this, he started speaking because, after all, Magnus was a doctor so he knew better, right?

\- I-I'm in a bathroom. It's blue and a bit shiny. There's a bathtub...

He didn't really care about Alec's bathroom decor. Magnus only had to find something for Alec to make him busy. He covered the speaker with his hand and turned his attention to the rest of his friends. They looked really concerned, even though they didn't know Alec too well.

\- What happened? - asked Jem.

\- I have no idea, I didn't understand much. But he probably did it again. Look, I'm going there.

\- Magnus, you can't! You already had a drink, there's not an option I will let you drive! - protested Ragnor.

\- For fuck's sake! There's no time! Everyone of us had a drink! And I won't wait for a fucking cab!

\- I didn't drink! - said Tessa, stepping in front of Magnus. - I'll drive you there.

\- Thank you - he sighed, not even knowing he has been holding his breath. - There's a possibility I will have to bring him here. But I don't think my first aid kit is so well equipped.

\- Leave it to me - said Will. - I work with paramedics. I'll grab everything needed. Just go already!

Magnus nodded and after that he left the house with Tessa, Will following them right after. They took Magnus' car and Will called a cab, since he was as drunk as the rest of his friends. The rest of them stayed at Magnus'. But the mood was ruined completely. They found it inappropriate to celebrate when their friend's boyfriend-to-be, what they didn't doubt at all, was in trouble. They all knew Alec. Some of them more and some of them less. But they knew, who this boy was and how this boy was. Alec was a good kid, who didn't deserve anything that happened to him. It started with Will. When he saw him at school, unconscious and bloody, he wanted to find the bastard that led him to this and kick his ass. Then Raphael, when he saw Alec, all the bruises, all the cuts, he wanted to find the fucker that led Alec to this and punch his filthy face. Then Ragnor, when he saw how desperatedly Alec wanted to take his life, he just felt so sorry for the kid. And so angry with the brat that made him do this. Even Jem was furious, what was rather uncommon. Catarina and Tessa were women and this was their nature that were telling them to protect Alec. And Magnus... Magnus knew that if he saw the bastard right now, who made all of this to Alec, he would murder him with a cold blood. No wonder they decided to wait with all the party thing for Magnus to come back home. Cat went to the kitchen to look for some juice for Alec. She wasn't saint but now when she was older, she had to be the authority for younger ones. Jem, Ragnor and Raphael sat on the couch, not knowing what to do now. Magnus' house has never been so quiet before.

\- Any of you care to share your phone with me? - asked Raphael suddenly.

\- Oh God - sighed Jem.

\- Take mine - said Ragnor, handing him his phone.

\- Thanks.

\- Just... just don't open the gallery. Cat and I...

\- Oh God - Jem stood up and went to join Cat in the kitchen.

\- I'll pass - Raph gave the phone back to Ragnor, not wanting to imagine when and how they took the pictures.

So they waited. Meanwhile, Magnus was in the car, still on the phone with Alec, praying quietly to survive their little trip, since Tessa wasn't the best driver ever, even when she was totally sober. But Magnus didn't say anything, too busy talking to Alec.

\- You can stop counting the bathroom tiles, Alec. Yes, and deep breath. Good, one more. Great. Alec, I really want to know what did you get on Christmas? Something fancy?

Alec was a lot calmer right now. He was following Magnus' orders for the past fifteen minutes and even if they were really stupid, it helped. His family was still waiting for him to come out of the bathroom but they no longer were yelling and hitting the poor door. Alec was sure they were eavesdropping but he didn't care. He was focused o Magnus' voice and nothing else mattered.

\- Mom bought me a bow. Jace got me a sweater and Izzy a shirt. I-I didn't get them anything Magnus. What a terrible person am I?! - he sniffed, new tears showing in the corners of his eyes.

\- You are not a terrible person, Alec. You are the best person in the world. Look, if you really want to, we can go shopping together and buy them the fanciest presents they've ever seen in their lives. I'll help you.

\- Really...?

\- Of course, Alexander. But a deep breath again, okay? Great.

\- Magnus, is it here? - whispered Tessa, parking... or trying to park in front of a Lightwood's villa when he nodded in agreement.

He got out of the car and ran to the door. Izzy opened him almost immediately and led him to meet the rest of her family. They were all sitting on the floor, tears rolling down their faces. There were also two more people. A boy with a scruffy look that Magnus saw for the first time in his life. And a girl... and he knew this girl. That was the same redhead girl that Luke had a picture of on his desk. Magnus had no idea what she was doing there but it wasn't a time for asking. Maryse stood up from the floor when she was the doctor and wiped her eyes.

\- Thank you so much - she said, her voice hoarse from all the crying and yelling. - I don't know what to do. He closed the door, I... I really don't know why. I heard a noise like glass breaking! I can't...

\- Calm down - he grabbed her shoulders. - Calm down, please. And listen. I will talk to Alexander. And you won't interrupt me, okay? It's all about him, remember.

\- I know... - she nodded. - I'm sorry. Please, do your job - she stepped aside.

Magnus knew that the door were closed. Simon was sitting on the floor with a box of tools but he didn't want to use this. He hung up with Alec a moment ago, so he couldn't wait any longer. Magnus knocked on the door gently. Izzy and Jace shut up immediately, giving Magnus a space to work. Alec didn't listen to them anyway.

\- Alexander? It's me. Can I come in? - he asked politely.

Alec's heart started beating faster. He really didn't believe that Magnus will come to his house just to make sure he was fine. And he knew he wasn't. Alec was aware that he hurt himself again, that the bathroom was a total mess, covered in glass shards and his own blood. He was ashamed. Alec didn't want Magnus nor his family to see this. He wanted to stay in this bathroom forever. But with Magnus' on the other side of the door, it wasn't so easy. He really wanted to see him because he knew that Magnus wouldn't judge him, even if Alec disappointed him again. And well... Magnus was already there, waiting for him. The longer Alec would stay in the bathroom, the longer Magnus would be absent at his own party. And that would only make Alec more upset. So he took the last deep breath and gained all the courage left before opening the door. He didn't look at Magnus, though.

\- Alexander...

Magnus sighed in relief. He thought that convincing Alec to come out would take much longer but he was glad that it didn't. He needed to be careful. Magnus glanced at the bathroom and wanted to curse. His gaze followed the bloody trail and landed on Alec's hand. It looked bad. But his wrists didn't have any fresh cut and Magnus wanted to hug him. Yes, he hurt himself but he didn't try to kill himself again. And Magnus was so proud, so happy. However, Alec didn't look so happy himself.

\- I'm sorry... - Alec muttered when the silence became too uncomfortable.

\- Shh, you don't need to apologize. Alec, it's totally okay. I am here - he smiled and placed his hand on Alec's shoulder.

Alec looked at his hand and then dared to look him in the eyes. The sincere, golden, beautiful eyes. He didn't see Magnus just for two days and that was enough. He realized how much he missed his doctor. And how relieved he felt when he was finally with him. Alec couldn't control himself any longer. Magnus was there. For him. Just for him. And he wasn't mad, even if Alec deserved to be punished.

\- Magnus...

He whispered and a second after, he was hugging Magnus. Magnus was taken aback but he hugged him back. That always worked with calming Alec down. And this time it wasn't any different, however, he started crying. Alec couldn't hold his emotions any longer. He didn't care that everybody was staring. They were not important, it was all their fault. They shouldn't invite other people when they knew how Alec felt about this. And Clary shouldn't be there. Sebastian shouldn't be there. Why were they there? What did he do to them? It was so unfair that he just couldn't stop the tears. His family and guests stood there in silence, watching this little scene. Maryse, Jace and Izzy were dumbfounded. They were asking Alec to come out of the bathroom for the past thirty minutes and he didn't even answer them. And Magnus? He asked once and Alec was in the doctor's arms right away. Izzy had her predictions but didn't share with anyone.

\- Alexander, it's all right. Do you want to go to sleep? I can stay with you, if you want - he offered, fully aware that he also had guests back at home and that Tessa was waiting for him in the car. But Alec was more important.

\- No - he sobbed, grabbing Magnus' arms.

He didn't want Magnus to go. And he didn't want to stay at his home either. It was too awkward now and Alec didn't have the strength to face them all and explain why he acted like this. He needed to get some fresh air, calm down, not pretend that everything was okay. Because it wasn't. Sebastian was there. He could heal his mind but this monster was still there.Alec knew that he was too weak to fight alone. But with Magnus it all seemed so much easier. And Magnus noticed that. He could feel Alec's grip and he didn't need words to know what Alec wanted.

\- Miss Lightwood? - he turned his gaze to Maryse. - Look, I need to take care of Alec's hand. It doesn't look good, he need's to see a doctor.

\- Of course. I will drive him to hospital right away - she moved closer to them but Alec didn't want her near him. Magnus tighten his embrace.

\- I won't! - he exclaimed. Of course he didn't want to go to the hospital. He spent the last month at hospital. And he wasn't going back sooner than he had to.

\- But Alec, you have to...

\- No!

\- Calm down - sighed Magnus. - We won't do anything Alec doesn't feel comfortable with. Look, I can take Alec to my place. All of my friends are there and they're all doctors and nurses. We can patch this hand up there. And I also have some sedatives that will help Alec calm down.

\- I will just grab my purse - she nodded.

\- No, that won't be necessary.

\- But... how? You want to sedate my son and that means he will be asleep. I'll need to take him back home.

\- And that's why I need your permission - he sighed, feeling a bit awkward. He has never been in situation like this before.

\- I don't understand? - she arched her brow.

\- What are you planning to do with Alec? - Jace butted in.

\- Help him - he answered simply. - Alec experienced a strong and unpleasant impulse that caused a panick attack. He won't calm down until he leaves this place.

\- What do you mean? - asked Maryse, confused.

\- What I mean is that... the best thing for Alec will be to leave the house for a night.

\- And where will he go? - Isabelle blinked.

\- Alec can stay at my place tonight - he said and closed his eyes for a second when they all gasped in surprise or disbelief.

\- What?! My son just came back home and you want to take him from me again?! - Maryse raised her voice.

\- Please, calm down. I'm not taking Alec away from you. It's your decision since he is a minor and your son. But I can assure you that Alec needs that. He is anemic and right now when we are talking, he's loosing his blood. I can go and leave him here but he will close himself in the bathroom again. And this time, it can end a lot worse. Just consider it.

Maryse seemed to take Magnus' words to heart. She loved her son and wanted only best for him, however... she missed her baby boy and wanted him to stay with her. But Magnus was right. She wasn't important in all of this. It was all about Alec and his health. She still didn't understand why he had to spend the night at Magnus' but since Magnus was the doctor, she decided to trust him.

\- Alec, is that what you want? - she asked after a moment.

\- Mom, stop kidding! - exclaimed Jace. - There's no need for Alec to leave. We can take care of him.

\- Jace's right! You can't let Alec go! - added Izzy.

\- Stop this - said Alec, his voice weak and filled with tears. - Mom... Izzy, Jace... - he looked up at them, his eyes red from crying. - I want to go with Magnus. I-I need to get out of here... please, mom, please...

It hurt to see Alec like this. He was so vulnerable. Maryse had enough of seeing her child like this. She wanted him to be finally happy. But now she was aware that it will take much more time than she thought. Alec still didn't trust them. He wanted to leave with a stranger, with his doctor than stay with his family because he didn't feel comfortable with them. It was so painful. She wanted to spend Christmas with all of them. But if that was what he wished for, then she couldn't stop him.

\- You can take Alec with you. Just make sure that he will be okay. And text me when he fell asleep. And... will he come back here tomorrow? - she had tears in her eyes again.

\- I will call you tomorrow when Alec will wake up. But don't worry, you will see him again before he will be back at hospital.

\- Thank you - she sobbed and Izzy hugged her.

\- Alec... I will take care of this - said Jace before Magnus decided to take a leave.

Alec glanced at his brother but didn't say anything. He let Magnus lead him to the door where he put the shoes and jacket on. He reached his hand to take the bag but Magnus was faster. He didn't want Alec to carry anything when he lost all the blood. And Alec didn't complain. They left the house, leaving the rest of them alone. Alec was aware that he ruined their Christmas as well but he didn't feel too guilty right now. It wasn't his fault that Jace decided to invite his crazy girlfriend, who brought her even crazier brother over. He cared more that he ruined Magnus' party. He really didn't mean to.

\- Hey, what's wrong? - Magnus asked, getting on the car. He sat next to Alec, wanting to keep him company.

\- N-nothing... I-I'm just... just really sorry - he muttered, looking down at his hands.

\- Alec, don't. I mean it. It's actually pretty great you are coming with us. I would prefer inviting you without all of... this - he gestured to his hurt hand. - But you are here and that's what matters.

\- You are weird - stated Magnus and Magnus laughed.

\- I sure am.

\- You really don't have to do that, you know?

\- I know. But I want to.

Alec stopped talking. He placed his cheek on Magnus' shoulder and closed his eyes. Magnus was relieved that Alec was with him. He really prefered to keep an eye on him and was thankful that Maryse let him take care of Alec. It was a difficult but the best decision she could made. Because Magnus was more than sure that he would be able to bring the smile back on Alec's face. If they were meant to come back to Magnus' house in one piece because Tessa was a really bad driver. Alec wasn't bothered by Tessa's lack of driving skill. He practiced a lot with Jace, so he knew what a real fear was. He was thinking about Jace's words. Of course, Jace knew. And Alec really wanted him to do something with Sebastian but at the same time, he was just scared. Sebastian was a demon. Unpredictable demon. He was just dangerous and for someone as reckless as Jace, he was a double danger. Jace didn't care, though. And Alec knew that too well. What he didn't know was that his brother decided to finally take his side. Jace was just furious when Magnus took Alec. He wanted to spend the Christmas together, gain his trust and become the brother Alec always wanted to have. Instead of that, he screwed up completely. Alec was far away from home with strangers and he was left at home with two crying women, one nerd and a traitor.

\- You knew - he said simply, when his mother went to her bedroom. - You knew from the beginning that this fucker will come here.

\- Jace! Watch your mouth! You're talking about my brother - said Clary, frowning.

\- Your dear brother almost killed MY brother again. And you let him, Clary. What is wrong with you? - he clenched his fists.

\- I don't know what you are talking about, Jace. Sebastian is just helpful. He came here to give me back my phone. That's all he has done - she shifted on her feet.

\- I don't think that's all - he crossed his arms over his chest.

\- Okay. Sebastian wanted to wish you all a merry Christmas. He asked Alec if he could come in. That's all he did. You should apologize to him, Jace - she stated.

\- What I should do is to punch his stupid face - he narrowed his eyes. - That's all Sebastian's game. He led Alec to all of this and he's going to pay for it.

\- Are you threatening my brother? - she blinked twice.

\- No. I'm just informing you. His game is over, Clary. I won't let him hurt Alec again.

\- You don't have any evidence that it's Sebastian's fault. So please, Jace, stop. I know you are concerned about Alec but accusing my brother is not a solution! You will regret that later.

\- You really don't see what a manipulative bastard he is?! - he snarled, not believing that his girlfriend was so blind.

\- Stop this! He is my brother! You should look at Alec first! - she almost yelled.

\- What did you say...?

\- You heard me! It's not Sebastian's fault that Alec is a freak! You saw what he did a moment before! Normal people don't do this!

\- Leave - he said simply.

\- What...? - Clary was taken aback. - Jace...

\- You heard me. Leave my house now. We're over.

\- Jace... Jace, please, wait - she grabbed his forearm. - Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...

\- I told you to leave. You're sickening just like your fucking brother - he spat those words like a venom.

Jace loved Clary with all his heart but he couldn't be with a person that was insulting his brother. Alec was a victim and she should be helping him, like every loving couple. But instead of that, she was calling his brother a freak. Jace would forgive something like that before all of this happened. But not now. Clary was dead to him. He left her in the hall and went to his room. He needed to think.

Tessa parked the car in front of Magnus' home. She did it very bad, though. Alec was awake in a moment and Magnus really wanted to thank god they made it.

\- We're here, Alexander - he grinned.

Alec wasn't as happy as Magnus. He knew that he was a party crasher and really not proud of that. Alec didn't like parties and with people he didn't know? Definitely even more. And with people a lot older than him? Hell no. But he didn't have a choice now. Magnus sacrificed his fancy evening for him and Alec was more than sure that Magnus wouldn't be happy if Alec changed his mind right now and decided to go back home. It was too late. And to be honest, he didn't want to come back. Going to the ruined party wasn't his dream either but it was still better than dealing with Clary again.

\- Magnus... I'm so sorry I'm such a burden - he whispered.

\- Alexander - Magnus smiled and shook his head. - I invited you over to my place. I wouldn't do this, if I didn't want to. So please. Come on, shall we?

Alec just nodded. Tessa opened the door and walked in first, since she was cold and shaky from the driving nightmare. The rest of their friends jumped to their feet, when Magnus came back home and brought Alec over with him. They sighed in relief. The boy was alive and that was the best part of the evening. However, he was dripping blood on Magnus' expensive carpet and they needed to take care of that. Alec held his hand close to his chest. He didn't care that his shirt was stained with blood. He had bigger problems. Alec didn't know Will or Raphael and Ragnor was scary. He knew that they would be mad at him for ruining their Christmas party and that made him even more uneasy.

\- I think I should leave - he breathed out the air he didn't know he was holding.

\- I don't think so, Alexander. Come on - he pushed him gently toward the living room, where the rest was waiting for them. - Guys, Alec will join us today - he placed a hand on Alec's shoulder but it didn't give him much courage.

\- I would be mad, if he didn't - said Jem and smiled to the boy when Alec blinked, confused.

\- Me too - said Catarina and went to greet Alec properly. - We were waiting for you, Alec.

\- It's really nice you're joining us - added Ragnor. - But I think I will have to look at your hand first, hmm?

He didn't look so scary this time. Well... they all weren't really scary. They were smiling and saying nice things to Alec. He calmed down a bit. Maybe it really wasn't a bad idea to come there with Magnus? Magnus already knew the answer but let Alec to figure this out by himself.

\- I-I don't want to bother you with this... - he said, ashamed that he was causing troubles again.

\- Woah, kid! - laughed Will. - Trust me. He loves this.

\- He does - nodded Raphael. - Magnus, give me back my phone.

Alec realized that this man was Raphael, the man that picked up the phone and saved him from doing something really stupid again. He didn't look very nice but well, don't judge the book by its cover. Especially when this 'book' saved your life. He wanted to thank him but Ragnor was really impatient. Cat placed a kitchen towel on the table and Will put all the things he stole from the ambulance next to it.

\- Come on, Alec. Sit down - Magnus gave Raph his phone on the way to the chair.

He didn't have any choice so he sat on the chair and put the injured hand on the table. It was just a second when all of them surrounded him and started staring at his hand. Alec felt uncomfortable but didn't say a word when all of them became professional all of a sudden.

\- I will clean this wound - said Cat.

\- I'll bring a bowl for the glass shards and prepare dressing packs - offered Tessa.

\- I'll find the ointment to anesthetize the wound - added Jem.

\- I'll help him - said Will.

\- I will have another drink - shrugged Raphael.

\- So I will be holding your hand, hmm? - Magnus smiled and offered Alec his hand.

Alec didn't hestitate. He took Magnus' hand with his healthy one and waited for them. They were all gentle but it still hurt. Alec didn't even flinch during all the patching up proccess but Magnus could feel his knuckles being crushed. He had no idea Alec was so strong. But it made him happy. And a bit turned on, what was very, so, so bad! Lucky for him, Alec was too focused on Ragnor's work.

\- Done - said Cat, finishing the bandaging. - Great as new. Wonderful job, dear - she smiled and pecked her husband's cheek.

\- Of course, Cat. I'm the best after all - he grinned, discarding his gloves.

They all were pleased with their work. Well, Alec couldn't complain, they really did a neat job. And he felt even worse. They did so much for him and the only thing he did was to ruin their fun. Alec sighed and looked at them, when they stopped talking.

\- Look, I'm... I am very, very sorry I ruined your party! - he said finally, his cheeks flushed from the embarassment. - I really didn't mean to. I'm so sorry...

They all exchanged looks and then smiled. They all knew that it will be just like this. Alec would blame himself and they would tell him to don't mind it. They didn't even make a bet because it was obvious how this will go.

\- And who told you that our party is over? - asked Will, a bit confused. - We're just starting.

\- What? - Alec blinked, not really understanding what Will was saying. He looked at the clock. It wasn't late.

\- Dude, it's only nine p.m. I'm going to have fun a bit longer. And you too, by the way.

\- What? - now he was really confused.

\- What he means - said Jem. - Is that the little break helped us all sober up, so now we can start again and that's all thanks to you.

\- I don't get it?

\- It's simple, Alexander - said Magnus. - Now you are a part of our little celebration. So have fun, hmm?

\- But I...

\- No butts! - said Cat. - We are going to prepare something to eat. You sit down and wait, got it?

\- Got it - he nodded.

They all went to the kitchen. Only Raphael and he left. Alec was hestitant a bit but then decided that it was the best occasion to talk to the grumpy man. So he took a seat next to him. Raphael was playing on his phone, so Alec cleared his throat first.

\- Um... excuse me? - he asked quietly and Raphael put the phone down, turning his gaze at him.

\- What? - he asked, clearly bored.

\- I-I just wanted to thank you. You know, for picking up the phone, for informing Magnus. I know you didn't have to and well...

\- What would be the poing in letting you die now, when I saved your life once?

Raphael interrupted him and then Alec realized the second thing. The doctor that took care of him when he got to the ER. Raphael. So it was him.

\- Then I thank you for that as well. I know I... - he bit his bottom lip. - But I'm really grateful for all your hard work and for all you did to help me. Thank you.

Alec smiled a bit. And Raphael was left speechless. He had a lot of patients everyday. Emergency patients. He was saving lives from the dawn to the nightfall and he couldn't remember when was the last time someone thanked him. Alec was probably the first person ever. The rest of them prefered to insult him, threaten him with the court or was just too scared to speak to him. But Alec was differed. He really impressed Raphael. Alec was brave enough to sit next to him, talk to him. And he thanked Raph for his work. Raphael never cared about those stuff. But it was really nice.

\- No problem, kid - he said simply, since he wasn't too good with words.

Alec wasn't good with words either but sitting in the silence was just too awkward. So he came up with the most lame topic.

\- So... they are all couples? I mean, Catarina, Jem...

\- It's screwed up - said Raphael. - Catarina and Ragnor are married and it's not even that weird. But James and the rest of his smurfs are in a love triangle. And Magnus is single - he finished, looking at his phone again.

\- And you? - he asked before he bit his tongue.

\- Are you hitting on me? - Raphael sat straight, forgetting about the phone and looking at Alec.

\- What? - he blushed. - No! Of course not! I just wanted to... I don't know what I wanted, sorry - he sighed heavily and Raphael joined him in this.

\- I'm... different - he said, not knowing why he did that. But it was too late.

\- Different? - repeated Alec. - You're gay? That's fine, you know.

\- I know it's fine - he sighed. - But I'm not gay. I'm not interested in men. And neither in women. I'm asexual - he confessed. It was weird to talk about those things when he didn't even know Alec that well but something in this kid was telling him that he could say anything to him. And he wasn't wrong.

\- It's okay. At least you have really good friends and sometimes it's better than the second half.

Raphael was speechless again. Alec was the first person that didn't pity him. Even his friends reacted like total idiots but Alec? Alec was more than okay with that. He didn't call Raphael a freak and didn't ask him, if he had any accident in the past. He just understood.

\- Wait. You're not going to tell me that I should get some help? - he blurted out.

\- Why would I? - Alec raised his eyebrow.

\- Nevermind... - he mumbled and took his phone again.

Alec looked at the screen and forgot about all the anxiety in a second.

\- Is it your dog? - he asked a little too happy.

\- Yes. It's a doberman - he answered, realizing he wasn't really annoyed by Alec and his questions.

\- How old is he? - Alec continued.

\- He will be two in three months.

\- Oh, so he's still a puppy. And what's his name?

\- Ezekiel.

\- Not very cute but it suits him.

\- Thanks?

\- Yea... I would love to have a dog. It would be much easier with a furry friend, I think - he smiled gently.

\- Would you like to take him for a walk sometimes? - he asked after a moment of consideration. He knew he wasn't giving his dog as much attention as he wanted. And well, a nice walk was always good, especially when he was all day at work.

\- Really? I mean, yes. I would love to!

\- Then come to me when you'll be discharged.

\- Oh, that's so cute! - said Will, putting plates on the table. - Friends' bonding. Beautiful thing.

\- You know what would be more beautiful? This plate on your head.

\- Touche.

\- Okay, stop this, kids - Ragnor took the phone from Raphael's hands. - It's time to eat.

\- And that's the only reason your arm is still in one piece.

\- You're the cutest, Raphie - laughed Magnus. - Come on, let's eat. We need to have energy for drinking!

Alec didn't want to drink anything but he helped himself with two slices of homemade pizza. It was even better than Maryse's. But it was also too late for Alec to have so much food so he stopped at the second slice. They finished the rest and then were ready to party again.

\- Okay. So let's spin the bottle. I love this game! - said Will.

\- No way, man - sighed Ragnor. - I'm not kissing Magnus again. That was disgusting.

\- How dare you, cabbage?! My lips are sugar! - he pouted.

\- They were like sugar since you put some weird, slimy thing on it!

\- It was a chapstick you green idiot! - he rolled his eyes.

\- Okay, ladies, calm down! - laughed Will. - That's a game. Or... you're too much of a coward?

\- Bring it on - they said in unison.

\- Sure thing. But first, let's have a drink!

They prepered fancy drinks for everyone but Magnus stopped when it was Alec's turn.

\- What are you waiting for? - asked Tessa.

\- Alec, you're drinking?

\- No - he shook his head. - I've never drunk before. And well, I don't think I should.

\- Oh stop kidding. When I was your age - started Will but Jem covered his friend's mouth with his hand.

\- Please, William. You're not the best role model in the world. And no, Alec can't drink with his drugs.

\- I don't even want to, if I can say something - he raised his hands in defence. Magnus just smiled at him.

\- And I'm not doing the same mistake again. So no, no drinks for you, mister.

\- That's a shame - he sighed but smiled after a moment.

\- But you can try - said Cat and they all looked at her. - What? Just a sip, so he can know what he's missing.

\- Really, darling? I thought you were the most responsible person here.

\- He won't die from a one sip - Raphael rolled his eyes. - Here, try this.

Raphael gave Alec his glass. The drink was colourful and very pretty. It smelled not so nice, though. But they were all staring and well, he decided to try. So he took a small sip. And regretted it immediately. Alec coughed, making a face and making the rest of them laugh hard.

\- That's priceless! Why anyone took a picture?

\- Do your research, Bane - said Raph, showing Magnus his phone. Magnus sent him a kiss that the other man avoided.

\- It's not funny! - growled Alec, giving Raphael back his glass. - It's dreadful! Why are you drinking this?

\- Let's talk when you're thirty - Ragnor patted his back and they all nodded so Alec decided to be quiet.

They finished playing the bottle, even if Alec really didn't want to do that. He knew what this game was about and he wasn't looking forward to it. He lost his first kiss. But he didn't want to kiss anyone or being kissed. Well... it depended on who would be kissing him.

\- So let's start - said Cat. - I'm going first, since I am the prettiest of all of you.

\- Can't argue with that - agreed Ragnor.

\- You're not getting laid anyway, so stop this, it's making me sick - shuddered Raphael and Will burst out laughing.

\- Don't be jelous - he just shook his head.

\- Wait a minute - said Alec. - I don't drink alcohol so...

\- Do you like a grapefruit juice?

\- Eww, no!

\- Excellent! - Cat clapped her hand and brought a carton of grapefruit juice.

Catarina spinned the bottle and it landed on Jem.

\- Truth or dare?

\- Truth - he said, a bit tense.

\- Who's the top and who's the bottom in your relationship with William?

They all looked at Jem. Alec thought that it was a question they shouldn't ask anyone and not that directly! But well, he didn't know life too well. Jem became red like a beet and then took a shot, giving up on telling the truth.

\- Shame on you - said Will but Tessa hit his shoulder and he shut up.

Then it was Jem's turn. It stopped at Raphael.

\- Truth or dare?

\- Dare - he answered, even more bored.

\- Drink a bloody merry in one stand.

\- You really could come up with something better.

Raphael drank the drink like it was a normal water. Alec felt a bit sick but didn't say anything. It was all good as long as he wasn't chosen. The next person was Catarina.

\- Truth or dare?

\- Dare - she grinned.

\- Make out with Tessa.

\- And you say that Jem is not very creative?

Catarina had no problems with kissing with Tessa. And Tessa wasn't complaining either. Alec suspected that Magnus made the drinks a bit too strong. When the girls finished, she spinned the bottle again. And this time it was Will.

\- Truth or dare?

\- Dare, of course!

\- Okay. So go to the animal shelter and adopt a duck.

Will looked like he just saw a ghost. Without hestitation, he took a shot of vodka. They all laughed at him. And the game continued. Alec was amazed that they could come up with such ridiculous tasks and he didn't even notice when he was laughing to tears with them. The vodka was flowing and they were getting more and more drunk. But Magnus was watching how much he drank. Well, he had a guest for a night after all.

\- Finally! - exclaimed Will, when the bottle pointed at Alec. He gulped. It happened for the first time. - Truth or dare?

Alec considered this a bit. He didn't want to kiss anyone, strip or do anything even more stupid. So he chose the truth.

\- Truth.

\- Boring. So, dear Alexander, tell us, who is the most handsome person in this room?

Alec knew that this question was a trap. They were all hot and attractive. Just... Magnus was a bit hotter and more attractive than all of them. But he couldn't say that. He was all red on the face when he decided to give up and drank the grapefruit juice. And man, wasn't the alcohol much better than this shit?

Magnus was a bit disappointed that Alec didn't answer but the fun was too good to think of that right now. They continued till Tessa was too drunk to sit straight. Jem and Will helped her lay on the couch and they started the karaoke session. If Alec thought that he was laughing earlier, he was now clearly mistaken. Jem, Cat and Alec were sitting on the floor, laughing their heads off when Magnus and Will were singing High School Musical songs. Alec had no idea, who was worse. But it was Magnus who win. And who decided to sing the next song with Alec.

\- No, no, no! I'm good, I'm good! - he raised his hands in defence but it didn't help.

He was sanding there, a microphone in his hands, people staring at him. He didn't like it. He really didn't like it. But when he looked at Magnus, the rest of the world wasn't important. He was smiling at Alec and when the music started playing, he took the first verse. Alec didn't like Katy Perry. He didn't even know any of her songs. And this was definitely too sweet for him. But if that was what Magnus wanted...

\- You think I'm pretty, without any make up on... - he sang so bad that Alec forgot about all the stress. He was embarassed, of course. His cheeks were flushed and hot. But he couldn't say no to Magnus.

\- You think I'm funny when I tell the punchline wrong...

Alec sang it very quiet but it was enough for the drunk people to start cheering. Alec knew it was stupid and pointless, singing when you couldn't. But he also realized that he didn't really care. Magnus was having fun, making people's ears bleed. So why couldn't he as well? He didn't even know when it became easier.

\- I'mma get your heart racing in my skin-tight jeans

\- Be your teenage dream tonight...

They were standing really close to each other, what they didn't notice before. Alec could feel Magnus' breath on his skin. He looked at the older man's lips. They were pink and seemed so soft. Probably because of the chapstick. He wanted to taste the sugar. And Magnus wanted to share the sweet taste with Alec. He saw his flushed cheeks, glossing eyes and wanted to feel his lips on his own. But he knew they couldn't. And Alec seemed to realize this as well because he took a step back. It killed the mood for all of them since their friends were watching them, even Raphael. They cursed not too quiet and it became even more awkward.

\- You have beautiful voice, Alexander - said Magnus, grinning at him.

He was disappointed that the kiss didn't happen but he smiled back at Magnus. It didn't matter. He was almost sure that Magnus wanted this as much as him and that was enough for Alec. He needed to think it over, since he had no idea why he wanted to kiss someone when he hated doing this. But probably with Magnus it looked different.

\- Thank you. You were terrible but it was fun.

Magnus laughed at that, shaking his head. He also wasn't very pleased that the kiss didn't work but he didn't give up. Alec wanted this. He knew it. So now it would be only better. They had time. Because now, they still had guests. However, it didn't last long when they decided to go home. They called cabs and said their goodbyes. Catarina hugged them tightly and Raphael reminded Alec about the dog again. Then they were left alone in a big, messy house. It would be a great opportunity. Alone at home after a party with great moods and some alcohol running in veins. But it was too early for something like this. So Magnus just stretched and offered Alec his hand.

\- I renovate the guest room so you can't use this. But I have big bed.

Alec took a step back, hearing that. He lost his great mood immediately. So that was Magnus' plan from the beginning? Bring him home, have fun and then have some more fun? He felt so betrayed right after he thought he could trust someone. And Magnus noticed his mistake right away.

\- Alec, god, no! No! I'm not going to jump on you! I swear on my glitter! I just don't want you to sleep on the couch. But I swear, I didn't mean it!

He panicked but it was absolutely normal. Magnus did everything to respect Alec and his innocence. He didn't want to do anything... well, he did. But it was also normal. However, he didn't plan on doing anything to Alec that night. He wanted Alec to enjoy this. And this time was yet to come. Alec looked at him and sighed in relief, a bit ashamed that he judged Magnus too early. The man didn't lie. His eyes didn't lie.

\- Sorry - he cleared his throat. - Yes, sure. I'll just change.

Alec went to grab his bag and change clothes. Magnus went to do the same. He slept completely naked but since he wasn't alone anymore, he put sweatpants on. When Alec finally found Magnus' bedroom and saw him shirtless, the bag slipped from his hand. He could hear his heart beating fast. Magnus was perfect. He was so handsome and his body... oh god, those abs, oh dear lord! He was staring. Staring so shamelessly.

\- Like what you see? - Magnus smirked. He didn't plan this but well... it was nice to know that Alec liked his body.

\- Yes - he said before his brain could register Magnus' words. And when it did... - I mean, no! I-I... yes but no, I don't... I...

\- Let's go to sleep - laughed Magnus.

Alec was the cutest creature ever. They laid in his king-sized bed. It was comfy and warm. Alec really liked it, especially because he was so damn tired. They were laying like this for a longer moment in a total darkness, Chairman Meow on Alec's chest. He came back from a night hunt and chose Alec to be his pillow. And the boy didn't mind it. Alec couldn't believe that he was so anxious and scared a couple hours ago. It seemed like it never happened, only his injured hand remined him that it indeed was real. But the rest? No. Sebastian didn't matter anymore. He was safe here in Magnus' house with people that weren't fake and stupid. And he had Magnus. A man, who truly cared for him. And that was enough for Alec to fall asleep with a smile on his face.

\- Magnus? - he whispered. - You're asleep?

\- Not anymore - he answered, amused. - What's happening?

\- Nothing. I just wanted to thank you. For everything.

\- Alexander, I told you that I did all of this because I wanted to. It's a little selfish, actually. I just like your company very much.

\- Yes, thank you for that as well. I just wanted you to know that I'm really thankful for everything you're doing for me.

\- It's hard to notice when you thank me every five minutes, Alexander.

\- No, I mean it. You are the only person I trust, Magnus. It really means a lot.

\- Alexander... - he moved closer to him. - You are very important for me. It's quite obvious that I want to make sure you're safe.

\- Yes. But you are the only one, who wanted to help me from the beginning. And who is still doing this, even if I'm annoying.

\- Yes. But it's also cute, so I can't complain.

\- Magnus? You know... you are also very important for me - he said, thanking god that it was dark and Magnus couldn't see his blush. - So thank you for not giving up on me.

\- I woudl never give up on you, Alexander.

\- Thank you. Good night, Magnus.

\- Good night, sweet pea.

Alec smiled. This nickname was horrible but he didn't mind, if it was Magnus calling him that. And Magnus didn't go back to his side of the bed. He stayed really close to Alec, smiling like stupid. Alec was his teenage dream. A dream that could come true.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello angels c:  
> It was so hard to write. I'm really sorry for all the mistakes but I didn't have time to check them. I'll do this later. I'm so busy that it's almost a miracle I finished this chapter. Really, I had no idea what I was writing. But I wanted the Easter Bunny to bring you some Malec. :3  
> Tell me what you think in comments.  
> Happy Easter, bunnies ♥


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the mistakes!

Alec couldn't remember the last time he slept so soundly. The night was just perfect. Not too hot, not too cold. And Magnus' bed was even more perfect. The only problem with it was that, indeed, it was Magnus' bed! When Alec opened his eyes, the room was still dark and only the clock was telling him that it was already six a.m. Definitely too early to be awake. He wanted to close his eyes again but then the realization hit him like a train. The sheets were pure silk, the pillows fluffy and the whole bed too comfortable to be his own. He ran his hand through the cold, oh so amazing fabric, when suddenly the tips of his fingers touched something warm and soft. Alec took his hand immediately, wide awake in a second. He remembered everything. And now, when the emotions were settled, he just couldn't believe he did all those things! Breaking a mirror with his bare hands? Playing spin the bottle? Singing? Almost kissing his own doctor? And spending the night with said doctor in THE SAID DOCTOR's bed?! No. No, no, no, it wasn't him. It couldn't be real! Alec covered his face with his hands, hoping that it was a dream. But when he heard Magnus' snore, he knew, that it was more than real. He placed his hands on the sheets and looked at Magnus again. It was dark but he still could see him. And god, wasn't this man beautiful? He was so handsome and so good. Alec still couldn't believe how happy he was to meet someone like him. He wanted to touch Magnus soft skin, to run fingers through his hair. But he didn't want to wake Magnus up. It would be awkward... just as many other awkward things. Alec realized that this was the first time he had a sleepover with someone, who wasn't his family. And he had no idea what to do. He really wanted to text Izzy but it was impossible. Alec didn't have a phone, didn't remember her number and it was just totally pointless because Izzy would never text him back at this hour. So he had to manage on his own. Magnus could wake up any moment and Alec was sure about one thing. He didn't want to talk with Magnus, when he had his morning breath. So Alec got up from the bed carefully and tiptoed to the bathroom, grabbing his bag on the way there. He thanked god that he didn't unpack this bag and still had his toothbrush in it. Alec brushed his teeth, trying to be quiet. Then washed his face and combed his hear. It still looked messy, though.

\- What am I gonna do... - he whispered under his breath.

Alec was totally lost on what to do next. He didn't want to invade Magnus' privacy and he really wasn't in a mood for sightseeing. So there was the only one option left - go back to bed. Easier said than done. But he had no other choice. Alec came back to the bedroom. The Sun was slowly rising but the doctor was still fast asleep. Alec took a deep breath and decided to do this quick. His plan failed completely because he had to be careful with everything not to wake the other man up. He slid slowly under the covers and laid still in this position. It wasn't very comfortable and with his nerves, he knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again. However, it was nothing. Alec almost yelped when he felt Magnus' arms wrapping around his middle. He couldn't move but Magnus didn't have the slightest problem with it. Just great. Magnus lost his human heater and now when he was back, he just had to get closer. Alec has never been so awkward, so embarassed in his whole life! His cheeks were burning, heart was pounding and he felt so hot, the breathing became difficult. But Magnus liked the additional heat and snuggled to Alec even more. Alec gasped but it did nothing, the man was still fast asleep. He gave up after a moment, realizing that Magnus won't let him go, no matter what. It took him almost half an hour to gain the courage and relax in the doctor's arms. It felt nice. Nicer than he thought. His eyelids became heavy but before they closed completely, he put his head on Magnus' shoulder and his nose in the crook of Magnus' neck. He smelled like alcohol mixed with cologne but it wasn't unpleasant. It actually helped him with drifting back to sleep.

Magnus woke up after three hours. He felt so nice, even with a little hangover. It was so warm, comfy and so... wait. He opened his eyes and when he saw that Alec was in his arms, he had a little heart attack. It took a lot from him to stay at peace not to wake up the sleeping boy. Because it would be the biggest sin he ever made in his life! Magnus saw Alec sleeping a lot of times but this time it was different. He was so close. Magnus felt his breath on his own skin and, did he brush his teeth? Hardly possible and Magnus didn't really understand why. But he enjoyed this feeling. It was so pleasurable, so hot and so troublesome for his lower parts... Magnus was blushing, he was sure he was. The sight was too beautiful. Alec was perfect. His skin was perfect, so pale and flawless, his lashes thick and long that he could see their's shadows on Alec's cheeks. He looked so peaceful. A real sleeping beauty. And deserved to be treated as such. So Magnus made his decision. He unwrapped his hands from Alec's body. The boy hugged the pillow immediately when he lost the source of warmth. Magnus sighed in relief and got up from the bed carefully, then covered Alec with the covers like he was a really hot kind of burrito. Well, it was winter after all. Magnus made a quick trip to the bathroom to brush his teeth and get rid of a little problem caused by Alec. He was only a man! And when he was done, he went to the kitchen to make breakfast. Magnus could high-five Izzy on his cooking skills. But well, Alec was his guest and his patient. He had to eat and since the breakfast was the most important meal of the day, Magnus had to do his best. Lucky for him, the girls bought him food for the next two weeks. However, normal sandwiches were too easy and he wanted to impress Alec. So he decided to make pancakes. It couldn't be so difficult, right? Eggs and flour, done. But it turned out that Magnus was the only thing done after an hour of fruitless mixing the ingredients. But of course, he was too proud to search for the recipe in the internet. Meantime, Alec woke up. He almost thought that this all was a dream when he realized that the bed was empty. But yes, this wasn't his bed so it was real. The hug was real. He still could smell Magnus' scent. Alec burried his face in a pillow. It felt so good. Too good actually. And he felt almost sorry that he had to get up from bed. But Magnus was awake, so he should be as well. He stretched a bit and then put on fresh clothes. It wasn't anything even half as fancy as Magnus'. Black pants and dark-green sweater, but it didn't have any holes in it so it was more than good. Alec started looking for Magnus. It wasn't so hard because the noise and swearing were coming from the kitchen. And when Alec stepped his foot there, he had to blink twice to make sure, he wasn't dreaming anymore. The kitchen was a mess. Pots and bowls were everywhere, frying pan was on the floor and everything was covered in flour.

\- Ooooh, for fuck's sake! - exclaimed Magnus, throwing the 'pancake mix' into the sink.

\- Good morning to you too - said Alec, amused.

\- Oh my fucking god, Alec! - Magnus almost jumped, startled. But when he turned to Alec and saw how cute and handsome he looked, the day became better all of a sudden. - Good morning - he greeted him properly, eyeing him shamelessly. - How was your sleep?

\- Pretty good - he answered, blushing a little, when he felt Magnus' gaze on himself. - Yours?

\- The best I've ever had - he grinned. - You're hungry? I'm making pancakes - he said proudly before he realized that his turned out to be a total disaster.

\- Oh, I see - he laughed shortly. - Need some help with it?

\- Don't be ridiculous, Alexander! I can make simple pancakes. It's just... something's not right with the eggs! - he put his hands on his hips.

\- With eggs? - Alec raised his brow. - And what exactly?

\- They're just... just not worthy.

\- Magnus... they're eggs, not some nordic god's hammer - he rolled his eyes and went to grab the bowl Magnus threw to the sink. - And... what is it?

\- Pancakes - he said stubbornly.

\- It's... uhm... - he bit his bottom lip.

\- Oh my dear lord, are you insulting my pancakes?! - he looked at him, pure horror in his eyes.

\- God no! Magnus, I really appreciate that you wanted to make me breakfast. It's sweet, really. But... let me finish? - he smiled gently and Magnus couldn't pout forever.

\- Deal. But I'm staying here.

\- Sure thing, it's your house.

Alec took a new bowl and some more ingredients from the fridge. Pancakes were easy to make but still, Magnus was watching his every move.

\- What are you doing?

\- I'm adding a one and a half cup of flour.

\- And now?

\- One and 1/4 cup of milk.

\- And now?

\- Three teaspoons of baking powder.

\- And now?

\- I'm melting the butter.

\- Why?

\- Because that's the recipe, Magnus.

\- Oh... and now?

\- I'm adding sugar and a pinch of salt.

\- And now?

\- I'm adding one egg. And mixing this all together.

\- Woah.

\- Yes. Can you pick the pan from the floor? I'll be needing this.

\- Sure thing. And what are you going to do now?

\- I'm going to put this on a pan and make it edible. Sounds good?

\- Wonderful.

It was a bit annoying but Alec enjoyed it as well. It was the first time the great doctor Bane had to face something he couldn't do. And Alec could do something to show Magnus that he wasn't useless. It meant a lot to him and that's why he did his best to make the pancakes just flawless. Magnus made them coffe and then waited at the table for Alec. It was couple of minutes but it felt like hours.

\- Here you are. I hope they'll be fine.

Magnus knew that he would eat all the pancakes, even if they were dreadful. But it was quite the opposite. They were fluffy, not to sweet so he could drawn them in nutella and syrup, crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. Just heavenly! Magnus could think only of one activity that could be more enjoyable with Alec than Alec's pancakes. But for now, they were enough. Magnus was speechless, focusing only on stuffing his mouth with the food. Alec watched him, amused. He was really happy that Magnus liked his cooking. The pancakes were really good and he also enjoyed their breakfast. But he wasn't gobbling the food like Magnus. He ate slowly and was sharing with Chairman at the same time. The cat liked it too and since he was so cute, it was impossible not to give him anything.

\- That was amazing! Alexander, you're incredible! Where did you learn to cook like that? - he asked, taking a sip of his coffe.

\- Stop, please... - he blushed, not used to take compliments. - I learned it myself. Since my parents are workaholics, my brother is a total sluggard, and my sister is a disaster when it comes to cooking, I had to learn how to cook. We would starve to death, if I didn't. So... yeah. End of the story - he shrugged a bit.

\- You are truly amazing - he said again, really admiring Alec's hard work and devotion for his family.

\- I'm not. Nevermind - he cleared his throat. - You don't cook?

\- Nope, I suck at this - he laughed.

\- So... what do you eat?

\- I order takeout almost everyday when I'm not at work. And if I am, I buy something from the cafeteria. And well, James and Catarina cook for me. They're really caring.

Alec smiled. He really liked Magnus' friends. They were the people Alec always wished to know and to befriend. Unfortunatelly, heavens sent him Sebastian.

\- They're great - he nodded.

\- You like them, don't you? - Magnus smiled, putting the mug down.

\- Yes. They're all amazing. You're really lucky to have friends like them.

\- I know - he smiled wider. - But you know, they are also your friends now.

\- What? - he blinked, almost dropping the mug.

\- Why are you so shocked? They adore you! All of them! Even Raphael loves you. God, he lets you touch his dog. And Ragnor wants to adopt you. Isn't that enough? - he laughed.

Alec was speechless. He had no idea why those people liked him. He was a burden. He didn't do anything for them than causing them troubles. Maybe... they were incredible but also incredibly weird? That could be that. However... he was happy to hear that.

\- Thank you - he said after a longer pause.

\- Don't - Magnus shook his head. - You know what your problem is, Alexander?

\- What? - he raised his brow. - What this time?

\- You just need to change people you are associating with. Yes, I know. You're still in highschool. But no, really. Those kids are too immature for you. You need to hang out with people at your intellectual level.

\- And by that you mean people who are doctors and nurses? Magnus, these two occupations demand so much. Only very smart and hardworking people can do that. It's like... some kind of elite? I don't belong there. I don't even know if I get to the university...

\- Aww, thank you - he grinned. - Yes, I know we rock. But Alec, you're so damn smart! Why are you thinking so low of yourself? - he sighed when Alec just shrugged. - And why you think you won't get to the university?

\- Because I'm failing my classes. I have no idea what's going on at school and I totally suck at math. And well... since my father knows I'm gay, he probably wouldn't want me to lead his company anymore... - he jabbed the pancake with a fork and looked down.

\- Alexander... - Magnus put his hand on Alec's, stopping him from torturing the poor pancake. - You don't have to lead a company to be succesfull. And you don't have to be great at math to achieve something in life. And you're smart. You'll catch up with everything.

\- I don't know... it's hard - he sighed.

\- I know. But since we are all your friends, we will help you - he said suddenly really enthusiastic.

\- How? - he asked simply.

\- We will help you with your classes. I'll take the biology. Ragnor was great at chemistry. Jem is a history master, Raphael always slayed at math and Spanish, Tessa is great at literature, Cat can help you with English and Will will take the geography. How's that sound?

\- I... I don't want to be a burden more than I am already...

\- How's that sound? - he repeated his question, squeezing Alec's hand tighter.

\- Sweet.

\- Indeed. We will start when you'll be back at home.

\- And when will it happen?

\- It all depends on you. But I think it will be soon. You're doing really great.

\- That's all because of you...

He blushed harder, when he realized what he said. Magnus shared this moment with him. It was so nice to hear words like these from Alec. His heart beat faster. Yes, he was falling so hard for this blue eyed angel. They stayed like this in a total silence for a couple of minutes, still holding their hands. They were looking in each other's eyes, smiling gently. This moment was just perfect. They didn't need words to understand what they wanted to say. The tension was back. Magnus wanted to lean on the table and kiss him. And Alec seemed to think of the same thing. However, it was impossible and they both knew that. So before it was too late, Alec cleared his throat.

\- I'll clean up...

\- Leave it. I'll do this. No, Alec. That'll be just fair. You made breakfast so now I will clean this mess. You go to the living room and watch some tv?

\- Sure...

It took them a minute more before they let go of their hands. Alec sighed and headed to the living room. He hated this. Why couldn't he tell Magnus how he felt? Why couldn't he be just happy and safe with this man? Well... it was understandable Magnus would not want this. But if not, then... why was he doing all those things? Alec was really confused. He sat on the couch and turned on the tv. It was still early in the morning so in the tv were mostly cartoons. But Alec didn't complain. He loved cartoons. And this time, it was Pokemon. And that was actually one of his favourite. The first generation, the theme song everybody knew. Yes, this day was really good, even if they cockblocked each other again.

\- Pokemon, huh? Who would you choose for a starter?

\- Charmander, probably. You?

\- Same.

\- You prefer Pikachu or Raichu?

\- Pikachu is cuter.

\- I like Raichu better.

\- I would totally kick your ass in a battle.

\- Pff, prove it.

\- Be sure I will! I just have to find my Nintendo.

\- And I have to get it from home.

\- Tomorrow?

\- Tomorrow.

Alec had no idea why they chose pokemon battle instead of next nice evening at archery ground or some restaurant. Or even a picnic in a hospital room. But it was probably the charm of their relationship and since Magnus challenged him, Alec had to prove that his skills were real. While his siblings were spending days and nights partying, Alec played games, read books and did all the nerd stuff not every people would admit. But he was totally okay with that. He knew he could. With Sebastian, it wasn't like this. He had to pretend that he was interested in things he didn't even know existed. If not, Sebastian would laugh at him or dump him. If only Alec knew earlier, he would do everything for this to happen. However, that was a part that hurt but now was irrelevant. He met Magnus. And with Magnus, he could be himself, no matter how nerdy he was. Because Magnus was just the same. He knew every Disney movie, understood when Alec made a book reference, watched cartoons and played video games.Alec wasn't ashamed of himself in front of Magnus. With anything, except one thing. But he was preparing himself for that. Because it was important, it had to be done finally. He wanted to be back home, to meet Magnus outside of the hospital, to take Raph's dog for a walk. And he wanted to deal with the nightmare. He wanted to be free.

\- Alexander, do you have your meds with you? - Magnus asked suddenly.

Alec cursed under his breath. Oh shit... he didn't forget clean underwear but of course, the tablets were left at home.

\- No... can I take them later? - he asked, not wanting to know the answer.

\- I'm afraid not, Alexander - he sighed. - I don't have them here either. I'm sorry but I have to take you back home.

\- But you were drinking yesterday, Magnus. And it's still morning... you sure you can drive?

\- Probably not yet - he bit his bottom lip, realizing how irresponsible he was. Again. - I will call us a cab.

\- Okay but... can we stay like this for a moment? I want to finish this episode - he said and Magnus laughed at that.

\- Everything for you.

\- Then... can I drive your car?

\- Everything but this.

His evening, night and morning was amazing. But the rest of the Lightwoods couldn't say the same thing. Jace told Clary to leave, they were all devastated after Alec's panic attack and they blamed themselves that they could do nothing to help him. Alec forgave them but he didn't trust them and showed it perfectly, listening only to Magnus and leaving with him after that. They were useless and failed again. But this time, it hurt even more. They promised Alec to be better, assured him that he could trust them. And failed him not even two days after. It sucked so bad. Maryse had to take pills to calm her nerves, Izzy stayed with Simon all night because he was the one, who could stop her from crying. And Jace... Jace spent all night at his room, trying to figure out what really happened. The video. He knew it was Sebastian, he said that himself. But only to Jace and his sister. Some people suspect that it was him but still, no one dared to say anything. As always. Jace sat on his bed. Alec had a panic attack just by looking at this fucker. He made his life a living hell so it wasn't so weird. But still. Did Alec do all those things because he wanted to? He had no idea and decided not to ask Alec because he was afraid that something bad will happen again. It was still a couple of hours till Alec had to come back to the hospital. And right after that, he planned on going with Maryse to the police station. Jace didn't give a single damn about Jocelyn being a police officer. Her son was a demon, an abusive, manipulative demon. And he wanted to bring the justice. For his brother. That was the only thing he could do for Alec. When the Sun was up, Jace went to Maryse's room. They suspected why Robert wasn't at home, that Maryse was lying to them but they didn't say anything. Robert wasn't important in all of this. Jace was actually pretty content that his father wasn't home because he despised him with all his heart after what he did to his brother. And he knew that he would be useless. Robert never cared about anything but himself.

\- What are you doing here, honey? - asked Maryse, her voice hoarse from crying. She looked really bad.

\- We need to talk, mom - he said, climbing on her bed and sitting next to her. - Yesterday... I know what happened - he confessed and Maryse sat up straight.

\- What do you mean?

\- Sebastian Morgenstern was here, mom - he frowned. - He came here to, as Clary said, give her back her phone but I don't fucking believe it - he balled his fists, not caring about the swearing in front of his own mother.

Maryse tensed. She hated that kid. And now she was more than sure that it was his fault.

\- We promised Alec...

\- Yes, but the promise will be expired with the moment Alec will leave for the hospital. We have to go to the police, mom. You're a lawyer, I know you can do this.

\- I can - she nodded. - And we will do this. But we need more evidence. Can you print all the conversations from Alec's facebook? We need everything.

\- Of course, I will do this. And what are you going to do?

\- I have to go to my office and talk to one of my friends. And what's more, I need to buy Alec some new things. It won't take me too long. And it's still early. I think he won't come back home before noon, what do you think?

\- I think so. Go, mom. I will print those things.

But Jace didn't stop at printing. He collected all the evidence in one folder and hid it in his desk. Then he texted Lilith. He knew this girl. They weren't friends. He wouldn't be a friend with any of Sebastian's minions but they talked couple of times and he didn't have a choice. He had to know everything or at least try to know everything needed. What he didn't predict was that Lilith texted Sebastian. Jace set up their meeting at ten in the morning. And when he arrived at the destination, Lilith was already there.

\- I didn't think you will show up - he said instead of greeting her.

\- I didn't have anything better to do - she shrugged.

\- Me neither - said Sebastian, joining them suddenly. - You're a morning bird, Lightwood.

\- What the hell are you doing here? - he narrowed his eyes.

\- I texted him - said Lilith. - I thought it would be more fun.

\- You can't even take a shit without him, huh? - he snarled but got a grip before he said too much. - Nevermind. What did you do to my brother? - he asked directly.

\- Oh? - Sebastian blinked, smiling innocently. - I gave him the best time of his life. He enjoyed it very much. I don't know why are you so mad at me, really.

\- Cut this crap, you sick fuck! - he growled. - I know that you made this website. That it was you, who forced him to do all of this!

\- I didn't force him to do anything - he shrugged. - Alec wanted to be my boyfriend. It's not my fault he is naive - he rolled his eyes.

\- My brother did nothing to you! Why did you choose him to be your victim?!

\- Oh... you don't get it? - he laughed. - This little whore is the only thing you really care about. Or so I thought. You didn't speak so nice of him.

\- Shut up! - he clenched his fists and turned his attention to the girl. - You know all the truth, right? You know! Please, help me. I will even pay you, just say what you know to the police!

\- And how much can you give me? - she asked simply.

\- Really? - sighed Sebastian. - You're so cute, Lil - he grinned but it wasn't friendly. Quite the opposite. The girl pursed her lips, deciding to be quiet.

\- I told you to shut up! You hurt my brother without any reason and now you are going to pay for that! I'm going to fucking sue you!

\- Oh, that's interesting - he laughed again. - My mother works in police. You really think they will do anything to me? You're so pathetic, Jace. It's really nice watching you like this. You're finally broken - he smirked.

\- So that was your point? - Jace frowned. - You wanted to hurt me and you used Alec! - the realization hit him suddenly and it was more painful than he could imagine.

\- Bingo - he just shrugged. - And I did it. It took you some time to realize it was me, though.

\- But why him?! Why didn't you fight like a man if you had something to me! - he yelled.

\- Becase you're too stupid and too boring. And your sister is just like you. Alec, however... yes, that was fun. But you can't blame me for everything. He agreed to all of that. It's not my fault that he was bullied.

\- Why? - he asked, confused. Jace really couldn't remind any situation to deserve such hatred. - Why me? Why do you hate me so much? What have I ever done to you?

\- You don't know? - he frowned, his black eyes shining dangerously. - You took my property. You put your filthy hands on my property. And I did the same.

\- Your property? - he blinked twice. -Man, I've never touched anything that belongs to you!

Jace wanted to say something more but suddenly, Sebastian pinned him to the brick wall. He lost his breath for a moment because of the impact with the wall. But when he looked into Sebastian's eyes, he saw pure madness.

\- You have. You took my Clary. You touched her, you kissed her, you fucked her! - he yelled, tightening his grip on Jace's neck. - I won't forgive you. I'll destroy you till there's nothing you love left. And I will enjoy every moment of this.

His wicked smile sent shivers down Jace's spine. He was really scared. Sebastian was sick. He was just disgustingly sick! He claimed Clary was his property, when she was his sister. Darling sister, who loved him and would do anything for him. But he didn't see a sister in her. It made him sick. Clary... his poor Clary was in danger. Jace wanted to throw up when he thought that he could do her something inappropriate. He wasn't even scared of the police, the court. Sebastian was fearless, sick and so self-confident. It was really creepy. And in the center of that, was Alec. Innocent Alec that shouldn't even have been involved in this. Jace didn't understand and he didn't want to understand. But he knew one thing. Sebastian couldn't touch the people he loved anymore.

\- Clary is a free human. And my brother did nothing to deserve it! - he exclaimed and then pushed him away.

Sebastian took a step back, the smile still on his face.

\- He may not. But it's funny how easy it was to break him. He believed in everything. It was so worthy making the bet. Quick money. But well... I still didn't finish.

That was enough. Jace launched at Sebastian. He couldn't listen to him anymore. That all happened because of him. Because Jace fell in love with Clary. Alec would be safe, if Jace never got together with Clary... but how sick was that?! It wasn't even brotherly protectiveness! It was just disgusting. They both fell to the snowy ground and started fighting. But no matter how many times Jace punched Sebastian, the boy wasn't affected by this. He was smiling, the blood on his teeth made him look even more creepy. The fight ended when Sebastian punched Jace hard that he had troubles with realizing what was happening around him. The demon boy stood up and swept the snow from his clothes.

\- I'm not done. You still need to suffer a lot more - he said and then turned his attention to Lilith. - Quite a show, huh? Then come with me, material girl. We need to talk.

Lilith was standing there, not doing anything to help any of them. She just watched and waited. She was aware that Sebastian wasn't content with her. And she needed to pay that she was ready to take the money instead of keeping his secrets. They left Jace alone. When he finally was able to stand up, he realized that his whole face was covered in blood. It hurt like hell. But he didn't think of that. He had to tell everything to Maryse. They had to act quick.

However, when Jace arrived home, he didn't meet his mother. Maryse was still at work, Izzy was at Simon's. But Alec was there. And Magnus. Well, Alec thought that it would be nice to thank Magnus and invite him for a tee. And the man was more than okay with it. They were sitting in the living room, sipping their drinks, when Jace stepped in. Alec thought about the last night and wanted to apologize to them. But when he looked at Jace, he dropped his mug and rushed to him.

\- By the angel, Jace! What happened?! - he reached his hands to him but he was afraid to hurt him.

\- It's okay! I slipped on the ice - he smiled gently because the pain was too intense to do anything more.

Magnus joined them right after. And he knew that Jace was lying. It was obvious for doctor's eyes but yes, he could fool Alec. And he was actually pretty grateful that he did.

\- Alec, don't worry, breath - he said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

\- But Magnus! You see how he looks!

\- Hey! I always look hot! - he protested.

\- Oh my god, Jace, just shut up! And sit there I will... what can I do?

\- Alexander, dear, calm down please. Don't forget that I finished general medicine before I became a psychiatrist. I will take care of your brother. But you can bring me the first aid kit, okay?

\- Right. I'll be right back - he nodded and rushed to the bathroom.

Jace sat on the couch and Magnus stood in front of him, gently placing his hands on the boy's face. It didn't look very pretty.

\- You didn't slip on ice, did you? - he asked quietly.

\- I didn't -he admitted, wincing a bit.

\- It's not broken, lucky for you. I'll fix it right away. Who did this to you? - he sighed.

\- The same fucker, who did all of this to Alec. I'm going to fucking sue him when you'll take Alec to the hospital.

\- Please do. Is it possible you will text me right after that?

\- It's more than obvious - he smiled a bit. Jace started suspecting something about his brother and this glittery doctor. Because... was it normal to spend so much time together?

\- Thank you.

\- No. I should thank you. For everything you do for Alec.

\- It's alright. I really enjoy spending time with your brother.

Magnus smiled and Jace was now more than sure than he was right. Something between Magnus and Alec definitely existed. He didn't mind. He accepted that his brother was gay and he was totally okay with that. Jace made his decision to be supportive in everything his family was doing. And actually, he was quite happy for them. Magnus was a great man. Not only handsome but also smart and caring, he had a very well-paid job and a cute cat. He was perfect. A lot older than Alec but did it really matter? Alec had a 'boyfriend' his age. And it didn't turn out so well. But Magnus was there for him, he really cared for Alec. And Jace was so grateful. However, Magnus didn't know one, the most important thing.

\- You don't get it - he shook his head and closed his eyes when the pain became unbearable. - He's still in danger, Magnus. This fucker won't let him be, you need to protect Alec. I know I'm asking for too much but please... I can't do this alone. I can't let him suffer more...

Magnus was taken aback by Jace's words. He remembered what Alec told him about his brother. Jace never asked for any help, he was too proud. And now here he was, Jace Lightwood, asking him, completely stranger for help, admitting his weakness. And it didn't mean anything good. But he was happy that Jace cared about Alec so much. He looked in the golden eyes and nodded.

\- I will do anything to protect Alexander, that's the only thing I can promise you.

\- That's all I need - he relaxed only then, when he was sure that Magnus will help.

They waited a minute longer for Alec. He brought the aid kit and made a place for Magnus. It was weird. Alec suffered along with Jace. Well, his brother pain was even worse. He hated seeing Jace like this.

\- Shouldn't we take him to the hospital? - he asked, hearing Jace whimpering.

\- No - whined Jace.

\- It's nothing to worry about. Alexander, can you bring your brother some ice?

\- Sure.

When Alec entered the kitchen, he heard a loud scream and he rushed back to the living room. Jace was laying on the couch, covering his face with hands, his eyes watering. Alec looked at Magnus and he just shrugged.The boy sighed in defeat and went to grab the ice. Jace couldn't breath through his nose but the pain was gone and that was all he cared about. Soon, hid mother came back home. Maryse had a different opinion but didn't say anything, seeing the look Jace was giving her. It wasn't the time. And she agreed. When Izzy came back home, she was too occupied with Alec to notice anything.

\- Alec, I bought you some things. I hope you will like them.

\- Thank you mom - he smiled gently and hugged Izzy, who didn't want to let him go.

\- I will leave you for now. I'm starting work in hour and I still have to feed my cat. Alec, we will see soon. Please, he must be back at the hospital at six p.m.

\- He will be. Thank you for everything, dr.Bane.

\- Thank you - added Izzy.

Alec only smiled and that was the best thing Magnus could get. He smiled back at them and left their house. Magnus really had to go to work but he also had to clear his mind. Jace told him some interesting news. And that was great they finally decided to do something about all of this. But there was one problem... without Alec's testimony, they couldn't do anything. The Lightwoods shared a group hug. Alec already apologized but they didn't want to talk about this. It happened. But they were there for him, no matter what. And they wanted to spend the last hours together. The three of them help Maryse cook the dinner. They had a meal together, talked about not important things and before they noticed, Alec had to come back. They all drove him there and even went into the hospital with him. Catarina was already waiting for him.

\- Please, Alec, come back soon - Izzy hugged him tight.

\- I will try, Izzy. I promise.

\- Buddy, I'll miss you. Get well soon.

\- I will, Jace.

\- I love you so much, my baby boy - Maryse kissed his cheeks.

\- Love you too, mom. Take care.

They couldn't stop the tears when Alec stepped his foot in the psychiatric ward and the doors closed right behind him. It hurt so bad. They lost him again. But one thing was clear. Not for too long. Not this time. Not anymore.

Alec felt empty when he was back in his hospital room. It all looked the same. He sighed and laid on the bed, looking at his drawings. All of them had a meaning. But the Little Prince was the most important one. It was his favourite book, the Fox was his favourite character of all time.

„No one is ever satisfied where he is.”

He wasn't, definitely. But he didn't have to be there. It all depended on him and his will to end the treatment. To learn how to love the world again.

„And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me.”

Yes, he had a friend now. Someone more than friend. And couple more friends, who were also amazing people. They wanted to help him get through this, to start a new life. The problem was still in him.

„I am who I am and I have the need to be.”

He found people, who accepted him the way he was. They cared for him and liked him, respected him. And that all because he didn't pretend anything. He was himself. And that was enough for adult people, educated adult people to like him. Sebastian wasn't right when he told Alec he was worthless. He wasn't. Sebastian was the only one, who should be ashamed. Not Alec. Alec had a loving family, he had Chairman, Magnus' friends... and Magnus himself. He still wasn't sure, if he should be honest with the man. But did he have anything to lose? No. He already knew the answer but felt like just had to tell him about his feelings. But this had to wait a bit longer. Because he had one thing he needed to deal with first. And he couldn't deny it any longer. Alec heard only tiny bits of Magnus and Jace's conversation but it was enough to understand that something was going to happen. And Alec wasn't going to let Sebastian hurt anyone anymore. He was scared, of course he was. The truth was painful and embarassing. He knew that Magnus would not want to have anything to do with him anymore. But Alec had to take it off of his chest. For his family's safety. For himself.

\- Alexander? What are you doing here? It's late, I thought you were sleeping - Magnus opened the door to his office and let Alec in.

\- I can't wait to another session, Magnus - he confessed, looking into his eyes.

\- Why is that?

\- I'm ready to tell you. No... I want to tell you all the truth. It's already the time you should know, why I am here. Could you hear me out?

\- Always, Alexander.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and let me know what you think c:  
> Some Malec fluff is always good
> 
> I won't be able to post the next chapter this week, sorry guys. My laptop is broken and I don't know when they will give it back to me. I will probably post my Malec oneshot at weekend, though.
> 
> Love you all ♥


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> progress is good
> 
> sorry for all the mistakes!

Magnus knew that this day will come soon. He wanted it to come, so he could hear Alec's story and deal with the problem properly. He wanted to give Alec the time and even if it took the boy quite a lot to finally open up, he was happy that it turned out this way. Alec was ready. Of course, it still wasn't easy. But Magnus didn't force him to anything. Alec knew that it was the time for the truth to see the day light. He wanted to face the demons of his past. And Magnus was there to help him. However, Magnus was scared. Scared of the truth. He had his predictions... but it still couldn't prepare him for what he was going to hear. Alec was scared as well. He wanted to tell Magnus everything. He was aware that finally telling someone about what happened, what really happened, will help him feel much better but still... he didn't think that it would be so hard. Alec decided to be brave and talk about this with Magnus this night. However, when he was standing there in front of the man, he wasn't so brave anymore. Because... what if Magnus wouldn't want to see him anymore after he knows everything? The truth was brutal and Alec knew that it could destroy everything that was between them. Because... there was something, right? Nonetheless, he couldn't run away anymore. He was there, he came there followed by his own will. And Alec knew that if he chickens out now, he would never be able to start the conversation again. So he took a deep breath. It was Magnus, for god's sake. He definitely had dealt with people with worse problems than Alec's. Definitely. But still, the fear didn't want to vanish. And Alec had to be sure that this won't ruin everything. Because he wanted to finally feel better, not to come back to thinking about death.

\- Magnus... - he started. - I had to ask you something before we start.

\- What is it, Alexander? - he asked, not even realizing that he was so tense, he almost couldn't breathe.

\- I... what you will hear... it won't be funny. It won't make you laugh, I think... - he pursed his lips for a second. - But... I need you to listen and... Magnus, you have to promise me something.

\- And what exactly? - he looked at him, worried. It didn't start the way he was willing it to.

\- Please... promise me, you won't judge me. Just... just promise. Don't judge me. Or at least don't do this in my presence. I don't want to hear it.

Magnus' heart broke. How Alec could even think so low of him? He judging the poor boy? Of course not! He wouldn't be able to judge him no matter what. But he understood how hard it was for Alec, so he didn't try to explain him anything, he just nodded.

\- I won't. I promise you, Alec. Everything you say will stay between us two.

\- It won't - Alec shook his head.

\- How so? - Magnus blinked.

\- I'm not stupid, Magnus. I know that I'm a minor and your duty is to tell my mom everything. And when she knows the truth, she would take the case to the court. But it's probably for my own good, I know... it's just... everybody will know. I want them to know but only the truth not the bullshit they believe in... - he sighed. - And I know that your friends would ask and you would tell them eventually. I don't really mind. They saw me in worse position...

\- Alexander, please - he rubbed his face and then looked at him again. - You are right, I will have to tell your mom about this. But it's really for your own good. Your mother is a great lawyer and she will bring the justice. And for our friends - he corrected him. - They will know, not because I will tell them. They will know because they care about you. And they want everything best for you.

\- They won't - he shrugged. - Not after they know the truth. But I don't want to talk about this now. It's my time to tell you a story, Magnus. But this story won't be about eating guinea pigs or cactuses.

\- I'm aware of that, Alexander. And I'm ready to hear the story. Will you sit down?

They took their places on the couch. Alec brought his knees to his chin and took a deep breath. He needed to calm down. It really was hard. He could feel his stomach twist, his palms started to sweat and he felt so cold. Magnus saw what state Alec was in and he placed a hand on his knee, smiling. He wanted to encourage him and well... it helped a bit. Alec was still scared that he will lose Magnus but at the same time he knew he could trust his doctor. Magnus was sitting next to him, looking at him and waiting patiently. Alec got a grip of himself and decided to start. It was already pretty late, after all.

\- It started about... six months ago. The last day of the summer holidays. I remember it quite well... it was a typical, boring day. I wasn't doing anything creative, just watching movies on my laptop and that was pretty much everything. But my siblings decided to celebrate the end of the holidays and they went to a party by the lake. It's a place where people often throw parties because... the lake and there's a place for a bonfire, I don't really know, I'm not a party person. So I stayed at home. But because I'm the one with a driving license and my parents couldn't know that my sibling weren't at home, I was responsible to drive them back home. It was so late... I slept behind the wheel but I managed to go there in one piece. But I had to wait for them a bit longer so I decided to get out of the car and breath some frash air. And then... he appeared.

Alec needed to take a short brake. Magnus understood and let him, waiting for him patiently. The start of the story wasn't so scary but his worst suspicions were right. Alec met someone. A guy. Magnus wanted to ask him directly, if the bastard did something to him. But he knew he couldn't. He had to wait and let Alec tell the story from the beginning. Every detail could be important for Magnus to help Alec later. Because he predicted that at the end of the story, the boy would be a total mess.

\- Our first meeting was a disaster and I should have known from the beginning that I shouldn't even talk to him. But I pitied him, you know? He was throwing up and I just wanted to make sure if everything was alright with him. If he died, I could have had problems, so... and that's how it started. I don't know... you probably will call me dumb but... when he started with all the compliments and nice things I just... I just fell for it. Nobody ever told me anything like that and I think I just heard what I wanted to hear. I fell into his trap. He was aware that I'm a closeted gay with no friends and social skills. And he took the advantage of it. And I was weak and stupid...

He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. Alec has never told anyone about it. He wanted to but they didn't. So he kept the story for himself and now when he finally had a chance to share it, he realized how immature, naive and stupid he really was. He shouldn't have played in Sebastian's games. He should have noticed what the boy was planning from the very start. But he didn't. And now he was paying the price. Alec couldn't come to terms with it. If he only was a bit more aware of people's meanness... but no, he only saw good things in them. But not anymore. Magnus was quiet, even though he wanted to protest and tell Alec that no, he wasn't dumb. But it wasn't the time for this.

\- It started well, though. He was really nice. We spent time together but I should be alarmed when after our next meeting, he still didn't want to come out. We were meeting in places that nobody visited. And nobody knew about our relationship. I trusted him. I wanted to have someone I could trust, even though I knew deep inside that I shouldn't be doing this. But I did. He is a very good manipulator. He made me believe him in every word he said. And... and I really was dumb. I told him about everything. I told him about my family, about Max, about all the things that bothered me. About everything, Magnus! I betrayed Jace and Izzy by telling him their secrets. And mine too...

He remembered it well. They were laying on a blanket, the grass still fresh and green. They were laughing, Sebastian was holding him.

„It's nice to have siblings like them, huh? You seem to have quite fun with them.”

„I do. But it wasn't always like this. When Jace appeared for the first time in our house, the things were kinda tough.”

„What do you mean about Jace appearing in your house? He is your brother, isn't he?”

„Adoptive brother, you know it. We're not related by blood. Our fathers were friends and my dad thought that it would be better for Jace to stay with us than give him to some strangers in foster family.”

„How his parents died?”

„I shouldn't... sorry, Sebastian, but I just can't tell you. I promised Jace not to tell anyone.”

„But I'm not just anyone, Alec. I am your boyfriend and that means you can tell me anything. If your siblings are such a big part of your life, then I want to know everything about them. So?”

„I'm sorry... I...”

„Alec. I tell you about everything. You want me to stop? Because... we must be serious about this, you know? It can't be one sided.”

„It's not! I really care about you... about us. It's just... I promised.”

„And you promised to trust me and respect me. You think I will tell anyone about it?”

„No, of course not. You're not like that.”

„Yes, I'm not. So tell me. I promise not to tell anyone. Even Jace won't know so you don't have to be afraid.”

„Okay... so... it's just... Jace's father cheated on his mother. And his mother couldn't take this. She started doing drugs and one day, she was so high... but his father didn't know because he didn't care about her. And it happened so suddenly. They promised Jace to pick him up from his volleyball practice. But they didn't appear. They died in a car crash on their way to his school. His mother was driving and they had an argument. She didn't make it on time and they hit a truck. They didn't have any chance to survive.”

„I'm sorry... it must have been awful.”

„It was. It still is. But I think Jace is happier this way, you know? He has me and Izzy. And my parents. We care about him, not like his own parents. I know it's cruel what I'm saying but...”

„I don't think so. It's actually amazing that you care so much.”

„Thank you. But... you really won't tell anyone?”

„Of course not! I would never lie to you.”

Alec wanted to laugh at that when he remembered. Yes, he wouldn't lie to him. Everything was a lie, a cruel game that Sebastian was playing. And why? Alec had no idea what he has ever done to deserve it. But it happened. Jace hated him for that. But now they forgave each other and Alec knew that he could start living his life again. They needed some more time. And strength. And he met someone, who was giving him this strength. Magnus was so patient. He wasn't saying anything but Alec knew that he was listening to him. So he continued after a moment.

\- He knew everything about me. And I knew only lies he came up with. He's a great liar and I'm really impressed because I'm really hard to fool. But he got me with his sappy stories about abusive father and mother that didn't love him because she had a new husband. Jace warned me but I didn't listen. And I kept on meeting with him - he brought his knees closer and put his forehead on them. - Then... then it wasn't so great anymore.

\- What happened? - he asked finally. Magnus wanted to stay silent but he realized that he just couldn't. He started fiddling with the hem of his shirt nervously, wanting only to hug Alec and tell him that it never happened. The tension was unbearable, he was so afraid to hear the rest. But he had to. He forced himself to calm down and looked at Alec. The boy looked so miserable. It definitely was taking a lot from him to talk about this. But they were half way through. There was no coming back now.

\- He... he started to... - Alec gulped loudly.

He always had troubles with only thinking about this and now he had to tell someone about this. He could remember all of this. Alec never enjoyed anything Sebastian was doing to him but now it seemed even more gross and bad. His skin tingled, he felt Sebastian's hands on himself again and he really wanted to throw up. But he couldn't. Not now. He had to finish this, no matter how painful it was.

\- He wanted to have sex with me - he whispered, hugging his legs even tighter.

Magnus felt a shiver running down his spine. Cold sweat covered his body and he took a deep breath through his nose. He was petrified. Yes, he knew that someone did something bad to Alec. And he was aware that it could be a sexuall assault... Probably even the worst kind. And when he got to know Alec better, he told himself that it was impossible, that something so atrocious couldn't happen to a pure soul like him. Magnus was so stupid. He let his emotions take over his brain. And now he was... guilty. He was guilty that he wasn't more gentle with Alec. But now was too late. He only hoped that the worst didn't happen. Alec was silent. He had to take his time to calm down and Magnus didn't rush him. Alec was shaking slightly, the memories were too much for him. But he spoke again after a longer pause.

\- But I didn't. I don't think that it's so important to keep your virginity till the wedding but... I wasn't ready, I didn't want this. It was supposed to be my first time and I wanted it to be meaningful, beautiful with a person I loved. And I knew that I didn't love him. I was telling myself I did but the feeling wasn't love. It was fear. I finally met someone, who cared, who saw a valuable person in me. And who was the same as me. I could be myself with him and that was amazing. I wanted it to last. But I didn't want to have sex yet. He didn't understand... he... he was touching me wherever he could. It wasn't anything bad at first but then he was more and more courageous. I had to push him away from me almost every few minutes because he didn't understand a word 'no'. The first time, he said he was okay with that. But then... he started to be mean, aggressive. Now I know that it was a mental harrasment but then I was just afraid to lose him. I know, it's stupid. But with him I didn't feel like a trash.

Magnus heart was in pieces now. How someone so beautiful, so wonderful like Alec could think so low of himself that he let other person hurt him just to feel better for a short moment? It hurt. It hurt like fucking hell. Magnus wanted to turn back in time and punch the bastard that dared to hurt his precious angel. And he knew he would do this. Well, time travelling could be impossible but Magnus knew that the moment he will know the name, he will find that fucker and beat the crap out of him.

\- Alexander, would you like to take a break? - he asked quietly. He needed this as well but the decision was up to Alec. And the boy shook his head.

\- No... I want to continue.

\- I'm here, remember this, okay? - he was so concerned and scared that he had real problems with staying calm. But Alec relied on him and that was the only important thing right now.

\- Okay - he sighed and when he was ready, he started again. - I asked him to stop, to wait a bit longer. But he didn't want to hear anything about this. He kept repeating that I don't trust him, that he means nothing to me. I tried to ignore it and keep the relation as it was but it was impossible. He wanted this. And when I said 'no' again, he said that he breaks up with me. And... and I just couldn't take it. I was scared, Magnus. He was the only person that accepted me, that knew everything about me, and who always had time for me. So I... I told him that I love him. I didn't know, if this was true or not at this moment, I was so scared and confused. If I only knew that he will do this... I would never...

Alec's voice broke and the first tears showed. He couldn't keep them any longer, it was just too hard and too painful when he was coming closer to the main part. Magnus wanted to hug him like never before. But instead of that, he just took Alec's hand in his own. He couldn't do anything more because Alec had to finish and distracting him wasn't a good idea. Magnus had to know now. He was more than sure he wouldn't be able to do anything, if he didn't know the truth that day. Alec looked at him and nodded lightly before speaking again.

\- He told me to... to go to the math classroom. And I went there, unaware that something bad can happen. I really trusted him. But then he said that he had enough of me being an unfuckable virtue and... - Alec bit his bottom lip and squeezed Magnus hand really hard. But the doctor didn't flinch. He only took a sharp breath but not because of the pain. Not this pain.

\- Alexander... - he whispered.

\- No - Alec shook his head, trying to swallow the bitter tears. - Magnus I really didn't want to! You have to believe me! - the sudden outburst scared the shit out of Magnus but he didn't run away. He just squeezed his hand tighter and moved a bit closer to him.

\- Shhh, Alec, deep breath. You can do this...

Alec didn't feel like he could do anything. Because... he couldn't, could he? Everything he touched just turned into nothing. Sebastian told him that he couldn't even do something as simple as sucking. So Magnus didn't really encourage him to anything but he was right. He had to finish. It wasn't easy though. He felt like suffocating. All the memories were back. He felt the tug at his hair, his knees hitting the ground, his cheek being slapped, his mouth, his throat, everything hurting so bad. Alec wanted to throw up. He covered his mouth with a hand but then Magnus started rubbing his back and he calmed down a bit.

\- It's okay, darling. Shhh, it's okay - he kept doing this and with his free hand, he wiped the tears from Alec's angelic face. - You are safe now. And you will be safe completely soon. Just tell me... Alexander, what did he do to you? - this question was painful and left unpleasant aftertaste on his tongue. Truth really was bitter.

The boy looked at Magnus with his big blue eyes and took a deep breath. What did he do to have someone like him in his life? Alec had no idea. But he knew one thing. He was deadly scared that he would lose Magnus. Only couple of words more and then he could never see him again... but he had no choice. Magnus was right. Now or never.

\- H-he... - Alec shut his eyes shut but then opened them again. It didn't help a bit. - I really didn't want to do this. He forced me to... - he couldn't look Magnus in the eyes anymore. So he just looked down at their hands.

\- Alexander, you are doing so great - Magnus smiled, even though it cost him so much effort. - So great, darling. You don't have to be ashamed, just tell me.

It took him couple more minutes while he was just crying. But Magnus waited till the boy calmed down a bit. He didn't say anything anymore. The patience was everything Alec needed now. And well, Alec was grateful for that. He couldn't take much talking right now. He had to fight with his own mind that brought the horrible images back.

\- He... he told me that... - he felt his body shaking. - He... he told me to... g-get d-d-down on my knees and... - he gritted his teeth. The words he was about to say just disgusted him. Alec was never good at talking about sex and describing the activities with such words were beyond his mind. But he had to quote it. - Suck and swallow or he won't believe me!

He said it quick. The time stopped for Magnus. No, it couldn't be true... Alec... his poor, little, innocent angel was forced to do something like this! No, it wasn't happening... it was just disgusting! They were still kids! How... and why? Did this stupid idiot even know what he's done? Alec was a virgin, a pure soul! He was supposed to discover his sexuality step by step, starting from innocent kisses, through bolder touches and then sex, not backwards! He really wanted to punch this bastard! But he also had to be there for Alec. And Alec was his priority. His now crying priority.

\- Alexander... - he reached a hand to touch his cheek.

\- I didn't want that! He forced me, he really forced me! - he was almost shouting now, not being able to calm down. - I had no choice! I was so scared! And it was so disgusting, Magnus!

And Magnus couldn't take it any longer. He closed Alec into his tight embrace and let the poor boy cry on his shoulder. Alec snuggled his face into Magnus' shoulder. He smelled antiseptic and burnt sugar.

\- What did he do, Alec? I know it's hard but I need to know - even though he really didn't want to know.

\- He... - he choked and coughed before he was able to speak again. - He pushed it down my throat - Alec almost whispered that, ashamed. He shouldn't be, it wasn't his fault. But it was easier said than done. - And kept doing that. I couldn't breath. And I wanted to throw up, it was so disgusting... I tried to fight but I was too weak! - he shuddered but Magnus kept him in place. - And then someone came in and saw us... but he said that it was turning him on...

Magnus wanted to scream. What a sick fuck would do something like this? Yes, he knew he shouldn't be using this word because he was a psychiatrist and he worked with mentally sick people. But nothing could explain this. He had some really bad cases but any of these people would ever done something like this. And Magnus wasn't interested in a totally new case. He was scared himself. This kid must have been possessed because he was almost sure that medicine didn't have a name for being a monster.

\- And he recorded it - Alec continued after a short pause. It was still hard but with Magnus so close, it seemed a bit easier. - And sent it to everybody at school. The girls... the girls, who saw us told everything that it was me...

\- Alexander - he swallowed hard. - Were you bullied by the kids at school?

\- Yes - he sobbed. - Everyday. They did awful things to me, Magnus - he wanted to hide but at the same time he was scared of leaving the warm embrace. - They... they called me names and beat me... humiliated me... Jace and Izzy were ashamed of me and didn't want to talk to me anymore...

Magnus let him cry more, not even realizing that his own cheeks were stained with fresh tears. He never cried with any of his patients. But with Alec it was totally something different.

\- And the teachers? They didn't say anything? You didn't say anything?

\- They saw that video too. And they joined the rest with making my life insufferable... and my parents... I couldn't say anything to my parents. They would kick me out from home...

\- But your mother didn't do this - he noticed.

\- Because I wanted to kill myself! It's not a hotel, Magnus. It's a fucking madhouse! - he exclaimed, almost choking on his own tears.

\- Shhh, Alec, please, don't scream - he started rubbing his back again. - Everything is fine now. We will take care of this bastard, I promise you this.

\- Aren't you disgusted with me? - he asked, slowly pulling away from him.

\- What? - Magnus blinked. This question hurt him. He looked in those blue eyes and wanted to kiss every tear this boy shedded. - Alexander, why would I?

\- Because... - he gulped, feeling like he could start sobbing again. - Because I did it...

\- Alexander, darling - he cupped his face with his hands. - It wasn't your fault. It's not you, who should be ashamed but this boy. He and only he. You are a good man, Alexander. What happened to you was indeed disgusting. But it was not your fault. And you shouldn't pay for this. You are the same fantastic, beautiful creature you've been before you told me about this.

He smiled and this time the smile wasn't faked. Alec looked into his eyes. The golden cat like orbs were so beautiful. And so sincere. Alec could not believe how easy Magnus was to read because of them. And he knew that Magnus wasn't lying. It melted Alec's hurting heart. Magnus didn't despise him. He really thought of him like something so special, even when he knew the truth. And Alec didn't understand but... he was happy. And scared at the same time. So scared, so confused and lost like he didn't have anything to lose anymore. A lot of bad things happened but Magnus didn't judge him. And... Maybe it was the adrenaline that kicked so hard that he blurted out those words.

\- I would like to meet you outside of this place, Magnus. I... I know I'm not worth you but...

He bit his bottom lip. It took Magnus' breath away. Was Alec really asking him out or was he already hallucinating? Maybe the alcohol wasn't all out of his system? But when he looked at Alec, he had no more doubts. And Magnus felt so good and so bad at the same time. Good, because the boy felt the exact thing Magnus felt for him. but bad, because it was impossible. "He won't be a minor and your patient forever" he heard in his mind and had to agree to that.

\- Alexander, I would love that too - he whispered.

Alec sniffed, feeling the tears at the corners of his eyes. But he smiled. Magnus didn't lie, he wanted to see him again in normal place and Alec couldn't be more happy, especially after something so traumatizing like this. He smiled. However, he wasn't stupid.

\- But? - he asked simply.

\- But we can't - Magnus sighed and Alec knew that he was right. It would be too beautiful.

\- I know I'm useless but...

\- No, you're not! - it was Magnus' turn to raise his voice. - You are amazing. And I would love to go with you on a proper date, trust me. But not yet, Alec. It's illegal now. You're still my patient. But when you'll be discharged from here and a bit older... like eighteen, then I promise you to take you on the best date ever. We just have to wait. And do our best.

Alec understood. It hurt but he really understood. Magnus couldn't risk his whole life, his career for him. And he really didn't want that. This man has already done so much. And he still didn't give up on Alec. That was everything he needed to know.

\- You're not saying it because you pity me? - he asked, needing to be sure.

\- Oh my lord, Alexander. How you come up with something like this? Of course not. I care about you, if you didn't notice already - he was slightly offended but not angry. Not with this angel.

\- I did. And thank you so much for that. You are the only one, who didn't give up on me because I'm a slut - the hot tears were there again and Magnus followed him, hearing this word.

\- Alexander, why are you calling yourself that? Slut? You know what slut means? - he put his hands on Alec's shoulders.

\- They all... - he sobbed.

\- They all are going to pay for this. And you won't call yourself that ever again. You are Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Did you heard any 'slut' there? Because I don't. I know I'm old but I don't think I'm deaf.

Alec looked at him and chuckled softly, wiping his eyes. How was this man doing this? Alec wanted to hurt himself again because of the fear and frustration. If Magnus wasn't there, he would do this. But Magnus was with him. He protected him from doing something so stupid again and brought a smile on his face. How? He had no idea. But he was so grateful. Alec moved closer to the man and placed his chin on Magnus' shoulder.

\- I don't like milk and sour things. Keep that in mind before you invite me somewhere - he muttered.

\- I will - Magnus nodded and patted his head. - How are you feeling?

\- Like shit. I want to forget about this... about all of this... - he closed his eyes.

\- I know. Alexander, I will change your medication a bit. Don't worry, it won't cause any problems. And for today, I will give you something to help you sleep peacefully, what do you think?

\- I will take two.

\- As I thought.

Magnus led Alec to his bedroom and have him sleeping tablets. Alec took them and laid in his bed, looking at his doctor, who refused to leave his side until the boy was asleep. Alec mumbled the last 'thank you' before drifting to sleep. But then Magnus remembered something.

\- Alexander, stay with me for a moment longer? - he shook his shoulder gently.

\- Mhm? - he mumbled, opening his eyes.

\- What was the bastard's name?

\- Sebastian - he closed his eyes again. - Sebastian Morgenstern.

The name seemed oddly familiar but he couldn't remind where he heard that. So he decided to wait to the next day and leave it to Maryse. Magnus caressed his cheek and then left him alone. Alec needed to rest. And Magnus went to the nurse office. When he stepped his foot there, Catarina knew that something bad happened. They didn't say anything. She just hugged him tight and let him cry as much as he needed.

The next morning, Maryse and Alec's siblings knew everything. They were furious but also devastated. Alec was almost raped and they didn't know anything about this. But it was over. No one messed with a Lightwood and survived without broken limbs. Maryse took the printed cards and went to her children's school. Jace and Izzy stayed at home that day. She went to the principal's office and threw the papers at his face.

\- Aren't they your students, mr. Scott?

\- Mrs. Lightwood, what are you doing here? Did something happen to Alec? - he was confused with her visit but he took the papers and started reading them, his face getting paler with every second.

\- Yes, as you probably know, my son tried to take his life. And that's the reason. I expect you to take care of this. They need to take their consequences - she said, looking at him with pure hatred.

\- Of course... - he said. - We weren't aware of this. Of course, they will be suspended. I will call them to my office right away. If you...

\- No - she shook her head. - I take this case to the court. I just came here to tell you that. Hire a lawyer. You'll need it.

She left, the clicking of her high-heels echoed through the corridor. Wollsey looked at the papers again and cursed. He was in bigger troubles than he thought.

Maryse got to her car and picked up her phone. The adrenaline was still rushing through her veins, so she needed to calm down a bit before driving.

\- Jace, what is it?

\- You're done mom?

\- Yes. I'm going to this fucker's house now. I'm so curious what they will say.

\- He'll deny everything.

\- Oh, I want to see him try.

She hung up and drove off. The papers were done and she was just waiting for her friend to send them to the Garroway family. Yes, she knew she shouldn't go there. But she just had to look this boy in the eyes. And make some things clear. Because if Jocelyn thought that she will protect her evil son, then she was so damn wrong.

 

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello back, my lovely angels! <3
> 
> This chapter is special because it's the first chappie that was beta read!  
> All thanks go to my cute beta - Mia♥ ( [click](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaVivisol/pseuds/MiaVivisol) ) She also has some nice stuff so you can read it, if you want c: 
> 
> Guys I think I need to warn you. Prepare a pillow you can rip apart because I have a feeling you would like to do this...  
> Enjoy! <3

She had never been so pissed off in her whole life. She hadn’t even been that mad when she found out that Robert was cheating on her. But now it was good. At least she knew that her children were more important than a heartless bastard like her husband. Yes, Maryse Lightwood was going to fight for her son. Especially now, when she didn't have any doubts. Sebastian Morgenstern hurt her baby. And now he was going to pay for that!

She parked the car outside of his house. Justice was so close- and at the same time so far away. She was really worried that this visit wouldn't bring anything to the case. It was more than obvious that Jocelyn would protect her son. But she had to try. For Alec.

\- Maryse? What are you doing here? - asked Jocelyn after she opened the door.

Maryse then realized that she rang the doorbell- she had been so deep in her thoughts. She looked at Jocelyn. How could she have given birth to a monster like Sebastian? She was such a nice-looking lady...

\- Oh, so you don't know? - she wasn't very surprised. - I think we need to talk. Can I come in?

\- Sure...

Jocelyn had no idea why Maryse was paying her a visit. But she invited her to the living room and they both sat on the couch. She looked at Maryse.

The tension was almost suffocating. After a couple of minutes, Maryse decided to start talking, since Jocelyn wasn't really eager to start first.

\- We really need to talk, Jocelyn. It's about Alec. And your son. Did you know that Sebastian was bullying my child?

The question was direct and left no trace of doubt. Jocelyn looked taken aback but she was a cop and her self-control was almost flawless. She simply sighed and leaned on her armchair.

\- Maryse... I know it's not easy. What happened to Alec had us all worried, but you need to understand that they are only kids. I don't believe my son bullied your son. But as far as I know, almost every child at school did. I will talk to Sebastian about it and he will apologize to Alec- if what you are saying is true.

Maryse wanted to laugh at that. _Really?_ She couldn't believe it. Yes, Maryse could understand it. Sebastian was her son and it was completely normal to trust your own child, not just any stranger. Yet.

Her son had done too much to be forgiven. Maryse looked at Jocelyn. She knew that it wasn't easy and she didn't want to hurt her- and also herself while explaining it... But Alec deserved it. Her beautiful, little angel boy... How could this monster do this to him?

He had to pay. And if Jocelyn didn't want to play it on neutral grounds, then so be it.

\- You don't understand - she said after a short pause. - Sebastian did much more than just bullying. He sexually harassed my son! He forced him to have sex! He raped my child! - she exclaimed, ignoring the tears that were running down her face.

She tried to stay firm but it was just impossible. Every word burnt her mouth like fire. Every time she had to say the word 'rape', she felt unbearable pain. Why did it have to be Alec?

Jocelyn blinked and looked at Maryse. She saw the pain painted on the woman's face, and she felt sorry for her. But Maryse was insulting her child. And that was something she couldn't just let slip by, no matter how much she pitied her.

\- Maryse, I know that it's hard, that you are going through a lot right now. But that's not a reason to accuse my child - she said, trying to stay calm.

\- What did you say? - Maryse forgot about the tears and looked at her, dumbfounded. No... This woman couldn't be for real... She didn't say it, right?

Jocelyn understood what she said but it was already too late to bite her tongue.

\- I said... - she sighed heavily. - Look. I'm really sorry about what I'm about to say but... It's not my child's fault your son is unhappy.

Maryse felt like she had just been slapped. She came there to talk, to find a solution to this situation, maybe to come up with something before they go to court. But Maryse was now sure that it wasn't going to work. Jocelyn was blind. She had no idea who she had raised. And she definitely wasn't going to believe it with her words. So Maryse decided to prove it. It was nothing personal. She didn't find any pleasure in proving Jocelyn wrong. But Jocelyn was Sebastian's greatest power, his main defense. And Maryse was fighting for Alec. Failure was not acceptable.

\- Are you trying to tell me that my son tried to kill himself because of what? He got a bad grade or something and decided to take his life? Do you even hear yourself? I almost lost a child!

She hit the table with her palm. Jocelyn had no idea how things were, but she was the one to try to explain Alec's actions. She took a deep breath.

\- I know and I'm sorry. It must be awful. But you can’t put all the blame on my son. Sebastian is a good child - she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Yes. Sebastian was an amazing kid. Or rather, he was playing the amazing kid. And he did it well. Maryse shook her head, trying to stay calm.

\- I would never do this if I wasn't hundred percent sure! Alec said it himself. He confessed that it was Sebastian, who forced him to have sex. That it was your son who started this and caused all this mess. That because of him, Alec is where he is now! - she raised her voice. It was too much to handle.

But maybe Maryse was expecting too much. She should have been aware that Jocelyn wouldn't listen. And then she wouldn't be wrong.

Jocelyn frowned. She didn't raise her voice, though. She lowered it. Ice cold.

\- Your son resides in a mental institution. You don't really think I will take his words seriously? -she glared at Maryse, clearly mad that she was telling her such horrible things about Sebastian.

Maryse’s blood had run cold. She really wished she hadn't heard that. Unfortunately, the painful truth was not on her side. She opened and then closed her mouth before she was able to speak again.

\- Did you just call my son a freak? - she whispered, not believing it was happening.

Jocelyn cursed under her breath. Yes, she definitely needed to bite her tongue once in a while.

\- No, of course not. All I’m saying is that Alec's words are not trustworthy anymore. He could come up with it. I work in the police, I know people's tricks. He is trying to free himself and to do that, he has to put the blame on someone. What I don't understand is why he chose my son.

She said it like she was talking about the weather. Like Alec wasn't Maryse's son but some criminal case. She felt fresh tears in the corners of her eyes. Why was Jocelyn talking like that about her baby? Alec wasn't sick. He was lost, hurt, yes. But everything was okay with him. And he wasn't someone who would make other people suffer just to achieve something. No, Alec was a man of honor, not a coward!

\- How dare you talk like that about Alec? He is there because of Sebastian! - she snarled.

\- I do not believe my son has anything to do with this. But you can ask him. He will be back in a moment.

Maryse didn't answer. She stood up and went to look through the window. The day was cloudy and a bit foggy. Just the perfect kind of day to have a conversation with the devil.

Speaking of whom, Sebastian returned a couple of minutes later. He didn't suspect anything. Yes, he was still alert, knowing that anything could happen, since Alec's case wasn't closed. But he definitely didn't expect Maryse Lightwood at his own house. He wanted to curse but he stopped himself. He had to play the game. And maybe... maybe it could be fun?

\- Good morning, Mrs. Lightwood - he greeted her and then went to hug his mother.

He always did it. Yes, playing a well-behaved son, who loved his family, just always worked. They all thought that he was innocent, while the truth was completely different. But Sebastian wasn't bothered by that. He wanted to have fun and things looked like he would be getting the chance to have it. He knew when Jocelyn was angry. Right now, she was. But when she hugged him back, he was sure that he wouldn't have to worry about anything. His stupid mother would take care of the dirty work for him.

\- Not for you - Maryse hissed through gritted teeth and took a step forward. - You won't be smiling when I'm done with you!

Maryse was a lawyer and very intelligent woman. She knew that things like threats or causing a fight would disrepute her in the judges' eyes but still... when she saw Sebastian, the boy that hurt her little baby so much, she couldn't stay calm. She wanted to go to him, slap him, yell at him, suffocate him, then stab him a couple of times and watch him bleed to death. However, the beautiful images had to wait while she regained her composure.

Sebastian looked like he didn't know what was going on. But he was laughing inside.

-I'm sorry, Mrs. Lightwood but... I don't really understand. Why are you mad at me? -he asked politely.

\- Cut the crap! - she growled.

Sebastian was a cheeky little bastard. And she definitely wasn't going to let him go without any consequences. She took her bag and found all the printed papers Jace got for her the day before. She threw them on the coffee table.

\- What is it, Maryse? - asked Jocelyn, taking the first paper to her hand.

\- That's what your son and other children were writing to Alec. But it's not everything. Sebastian made a website. And I want you to look at it.

Jocelyn was reluctant at first but then decided to check it. She took her laptop. Maryse logged onto Alec's account and opened the website, clicking on the link Sebastian sent him.

Jocelyn was mortified when she saw what the website had to offer. It was disgusting, and at this moment she really felt like shit for saying such things about Alec. The sympathy hit her with double force. No wonder Maryse was so furious. Jocelyn would probably have put her gun to work a long time ago if something like that had happened to Sebastian. But Maryse didn't have a gun. She only had some evidence, her knowledge, her words and motherly love.

But still, she wanted to put the blame on Sebastian and that would cause him a lot of trouble. She had to protect her son just as Maryse was protecting her son. However... the message and link were really from Sebastian and that got her thinking. She looked at the boy. And Sebastian was calm. He wasn't freaking out. He made a very quick plan. He wasn't going to admit to doing anything yet. But he already made up his own version of events. And someone was going to pay for the disobedience...

\- Sebastian, would you explain it to me? - asked Jocelyn, not taking her eyes off of him.

\- Oh, mom - Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck and sighed, doing his best to look guilty, not amused. - I wanted to warn him. I saw that website and wanted to show him before someone else could. Alec and I were close... I cared about him.

Jocelyn believed the lie right away. She stood up and placed her hand on his shoulder. She was proud of her son and was worried that all the bad things that happened to Alec had also affected her child. And Maryse had to focus really hard on this picture happening in front of her eyes. She couldn't believe it. It was a joke, right? A very lousy, bad joke.

\- You were lying to him from the very beginning! - she frowned, balling her fists. - I'll ask one last time. Do you admit to having forced Alec to have sex with you and then recorded it and sent it to the whole school? Remember that the truth is always better in front of the judges.

\- Sebastian - Jocelyn grabbed his hand. - You don't have to say anything. No one is putting you under any pressure. Just tell the truth, honey.

\- I didn't do anything - he shrugged his shoulders, his face like a lost puppy’s. - I felt sorry for Alec. And the only thing I feel guilty for is that I didn't help him. We were friends and I turned my back on him when he needed me. Maybe that's why he's telling all these lies?

He wanted to congratulate himself for the great play. Jocelyn smiled to him proudly and squeezed his hand tighter. And Maryse wanted to throw up. What the actual fuck? How could this kid be so cruel? He almost killed Alec and now was trying to justify himself with even more lies. No. Maryse was so done.

\- That's it - she said, not being able to take it anymore. - I wanted to make this as easy as possible. But if you don't want to do the same, I won't ask. I've already taken this case to the court. And you, Sebastian Morgenstern, are the criminal. The police will visit you today.

She was professional, even when she wanted to scream and cry. But the good Maryse Lightwood was dead now. She had tried. But if they wanted to be so stupid and didn't want to cooperate, then it signaled beginning of a war.

\- I am a police officer - said Jocelyn, slowly losing her control.

\- And I am a lawyer. A bit higher in the food chain than you. We will meet again at court.

She left, shutting the door a bit too hard. But she didn't care anymore. She got to her car, feeling the hot tears on her cheeks, and drove off. Sebastian and Jocelyn were alone then. She sat on the armchair and he grabbed the papers Maryse brought. It was getting really interesting.

\- You can talk to me, you know that, right? - she asked suddenly and Sebastian had to blink.

\- I know, mom. But really... I don't know why she is saying such things about me. I... I would never... I know that I'm a coward but I'm not a sadist. What happened to Alec was really awful but I have nothing to do with it - he sighed. Jocelyn hugged him tight.

\- I know, baby. I know. I will protect you. Everything will be just fine - she whispered.

Sebastian wanted to laugh. Really... why were girls this stupid? Maybe playing with boys wasn't as dumb as he thought. But at the same time it was disgusting. He did all of this to have his revenge on Jace: and making a bet was always a nice addition to the game.

Did he really have anything to do with Alec? No. At least not at first: other than the fact that he was Jace's brother. However, when he got to know him better... Alec was too good. He was too nice, too polite and definitely had a bigger heart than most of people he had ever known. And it pissed him off. He wanted to break him just to hurt Jace. But then he realized that he really enjoyed doing it. And he was going to continue. The real fun was just about to start.

\- Thank you, mom.

Maryse came back home and told her children about what happened. Jace and Izzy wanted to go over and kick Sebastian's ass. However, their mother stopped them. They couldn't contact the monster anymore. The case was already at court and now it was the police’s duty to take care of Sebastian, not theirs. Even though she wanted to hurt him as well. But it wasn't so easy. She was right, though. The police visited Sebastian's home. But they were not the 'bad cop' types, since they were Jocelyn's friends. They all sat in the living room, Jocelyn not leaving her son and sitting right next to him.

\- What do you know about all of this? Were you involved in bullying Alexander Lightwood? - asked the first policeman.

\- Yes... - answered Sebastian. - I was involved because I didn't help him. I should have helped him or told someone, but I didn't. And yes, I also laughed at him. It wasn't funny and now I know it was a big mistake. But I didn't want to stand out when everyone else was making fun of him.

\- What methods did you use? How did you bully him? - asked the second policeman.

\- I laughed when they insulted him. And well, I may have pushed him towards the lockers a couple of times. But that was all I did.

\- Okay. Alexander also says that you and he were close? Is this true?

\- Yes. We were friends... Alec wanted to be more than friends but I'm straight so I refused. He is probably just mad at me and that's why all this mess is happening.

\- So you're saying that you were not in a relationship with Alexander?

\- No. Just friends.

\- He says that you forced him into sexual activity. Do you admit to it?

\- Elijah! - exclaimed Jocelyn.

\- Sorry, Jocelyn. But this is routine procedure. I have to ask these questions. So, Sebastian. Do you admit to it?

\- No, of course not! -he shook his head. - I would never do it. I'm not gay.

\- Do you think it's bad to be gay?

\- No. I don't care who people want to sleep with.

\- There's also the website... Alexander's family claims it's your job. Is that true?

\- No. I admit to laughing at him but the rest? No! I'm not like... - he bit his tongue and looked away.

\- Sebastian, honey - Jocelyn took his hand. - Do you know anything about this?

\- No, mom... I...

\- Look - she looked him in the eyes. - If you know who is really responsible for all of that, just tell them.

\- I can't do that, mom - he said it again. – They did it but I can't... I'm not like that.

\- Boy - said the Elijah guy. - If you know who was behind it, then just tell us. It'll be very useful at court. The number of accusations will lower and you'll have a better chance to get out of this untouched. So?

Sebastian pretended to consider this for a moment before he sighed dramatically and looked at them again.

\- Okay, I'll tell - he nodded. - The people responsible for bullying him are Jon Cartwright, Marisol Garza, Mike Smith, Eric Brown, Victor Aldertree, Raj... - and the list continued. He didn't care if he was 'friends' with these people or not.

\- And who was the one that Alexander had sex with and the one who recorded it?

\- I don't know that. But... I think Alec wanted to record it. I'm not sure, though.

\- And the website? You know who made it?

\- Yes. It was Lilith. It was my ex-friend Lilith.

When the policemen left, Sebastian went to his room and laughed. He really couldn't believe how stupid people were. Of course, they didn't have to believe him but it wasn't really important. His mother believed in everything he said, and that was enough for him to feel free. He borrowed Jocelyn's phone and called Lilith. He told her to shut up if she was content with her life. Sebastian's laptop and phone were confiscated but he didn't care. All the 'bad' things he did were through Lilith's computer. So putting the blame on her was child’s play. Just a game where he now had to wait and enjoy.

Two weeks passed in the blink of an eye. Lilith was now accused of creating a porn website with Alec's image but she didn't say a word in her own defense. She knew that going against Sebastian was worse than any kind of prison. And well, Sebastian was happy with everything, practicing his acting skills. He was calm. No one could do anything to him, even if the case was in full swing.

Two weeks. They all had to wait two weeks. And their lives had to come back to normal. Jace and Izzy went back to school but it was completely different now. After what Maryse did and what Sebastian said, the whole school had big, big problems. The students were frightened because they knew that they couldn't avoid the consequences. And that the punishment would be very severe. Jace and Izzy almost had to hide from kids who were apologizing to them and begging them to cancel the accusations. But they didn't listen. Everybody had to get what they deserved. They were also suffering. Alec wasn't with them, he didn't trust them. And that was the worst punishment.

And Alec... Alec was doing just great. He started eating, the new medications worked wonders, or so they told him. But Alec knew the truth behind the magic tablets. No meds could do what a certain glittery man did. Magnus was there for him any time of the day. If Magnus was at home but Alec needed him, he just went to Cat and then she called him.

But Alec didn't do it very often, since he respected Magnus and his free time. And Chairman. He didn't want Chairman to be jealous. The cat deserved everything nice. So Alec was doing well. The doctors were also pretty content with his health and progress.

\- Alec, keep going like this and you'll be home sooner than you think - said Jem, letting the boy dress himself.

\- Sooner? So... when? - he asked, putting a shirt on.

\- I talked to Magnus. Only... two weeks, three at most. And then you'll be free. But still on medication. Got it?

\- Sure! - he smiled and then left the office.

He wanted nothing more than to be discharged from the facility. And two weeks... it seemed so close! Alec was ready to wait, even though it wasn't easy. So many things awaited him outside! He already knew that his parents were getting a divorce, but it didn't affect him in the slightest. He still had a family. A better, smaller family. His mother, siblings, Raphael's dog, Chairman... and Chairman's owner. He looked forward to see Magnus outside.

It was so magical, almost impossible. But he wasn't scared anymore. They weren't doing anything bad. They were only talking. No physical contact, no pet names (at least not from Alec), no big promises. Like normal friends. Magnus was doing his job right. And well, Alec was turning eighteen soon, so it was even better.

Alec didn't want to admit it at first. But now? He was sure. Magnus was amazing. And he really wanted to get to know him better, to spend more time with him. And Magnus wanted the same. But they waited for each other, respecting their space. And no one seemed offended by it. Of course, his family didn't know and he wasn't going to tell them. At least not now. He wanted to be sure of the kind of relationship he had with Magnus. But he couldn't do it here. The only thing he knew was that Magnus really appreciated him. And that was enough to make Alec smile. Only two weeks...

However, the two weeks were going to be hard, not only because he had to be good. The trial has begun. And he had to testify in front of the judges. But he knew he didn't have any choice. Magnus encouraged him. If he could tell him the truth, then he could do it again! But... was it really worth it?

Luke was the head of the hospital, but also Sebastian's stepfather, and he was on Sebastian’s side. If Alec put Sebastian in prison then... who could guarantee that Luke wouldn’t keep him in the hospital just to have his revenge? It was all too much and Alec could feel his anxiety growing by the second. This whole case was a nightmare. Alec even thought of canceling it.

But then the voices of responsibility (also called Raphael and Ragnor) exclaimed 'fuck no!' and he knew they were right. No matter how hard it would be. Alec had to face them. He had to face Sebastian and show him that he wasn't scared anymore. But... was he?

\- Hello there, my favorite patient! - smiled Magnus, walking into Alec's room.

The boy was sitting on the bed, a Sudoku book in his hand. Magnus sat on the chair next to the bed and grinned.

\- Magnus! Hi - Alec smiled back. - What are you doing here?

\- I had a little break and decided to bring you your meds. Cat's taking a nap anyway. Here - he handed Alec the medicine pot.

\- Lucky her - he took the small cup and looked at the tablets inside of it. Only two weeks...

\- Yup. And what are you doing, my dear Alexander? I thought you hated numbers and math? - he raised his brow.

\- Oh, yes, I do. With all my heart - he chuckled. - But Raphael told me to practice my mathematical and logical thinking, so here I am.

\- He bought you this book?

\- Yes. It was really nice of him. But I'll be nursing his dog when I go back home, so I think it's the right payment - he joked and then swallowed the pills.

\- It sure is - Magnus handed him a glass of water. And then waited for him to finish. - No, Alec. Drink it all.

Alec rolled his eyes but finished the water. And then they stayed in total silence for a while.

\- It's tomorrow, right? - whispered Alec.

\- Yes. How do you feel? - he looked at Alec, concerned.

\- I don't know, Magnus... I'm scared... What if... what if they don't believe me? Will I be here forever? - he sighed and brought his knees to his chin.

\- Alexander... please, don't say that. Remember that it's not an easy case. All details will be considered. The doctor’s opinion as well. And...well, I'll be there too.

\- You will? - he looked up at him.

\- Of course, Alexander. I'm a witness - he answered and then took Alec's hand. - But even if I weren't, I would be there. For you.

Alec smiled gently and then squeezed Magnus' hand tighter. What had he done to deserve this man? Oh, Magnus still wasn't his, but Alec decided that he would have to work on that.

\- Thank you, Magnus. I'll do my best - he promised.

\- That's what I wanted to hear.

\- I think I have a pretty good reason to fight, y’know?

\- Is that so, Alexander? And what is it?

\- You - he said simply.

And Magnus’ eyes went wide. Wait a moment! Did Alec just say he would fight for Magnus? For _them_? It was too beautiful to be real! And did he just call him pretty? It was definitely the pills' fault.

But he just took the pills, and they didn't work that fast... so... there wasn't any other explanation. Alec really said it. He really meant it!

Magnus felt a pleasant warmth in his chest and his eyes shone with tears. He couldn't remember the last time someone made him so happy, with something as simple as their words. And here he was... Alexander Lightwood would never cease to amaze Magnus Bane.

They both smiled and were silent for another couple of minutes. It was a good silence, full of warmth, comfort and affection. Magnus got time to process everything Alec said, and Alec had time to blush. He took the pen and looked at the Sudoku. Magnus followed.

\- You have a double five in one square. And this is only the one star lever, Alexander.

\- Oh, shut up.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear your opinion about Sebastian and this whole chapter! I love your comments, remember <3 
> 
> Oh, and I also started new story. It's called "I'll nurse your broken heart". And it's definitely lighter story than this, a form of relax, I would say. And it's totally something new for me. I'm just giving it a try. I'll probably delete it later but if you want, then read it, please. c:
> 
> Thank you!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely angels ♥ 
> 
> This chapter was beta read by my beautiful beta [Mia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaVivisol/pseuds/MiaVivisol) ♥

The day of trial had finally come. Alec was really nervous. What if all of this was going to be a disaster? What if he wouldn't be able to prove them all wrong? What if the truth was never going to see the light of day? He was so scared...

While waiting for his family, he sat on the hospital bed. This day was crucial for his whole 'to be or not to be' because Alec knew that there was no other option. He would win this and move on with the help of his close ones, or he would fail and finish this once and for all. Yes, he had a lot of reasons to live and he wanted to fight. But he was still weak and exhausted and he knew that he wouldn't be able to continue his life if Sebastian and the rest would stay free and happy. No one knew about his feelings. And Alec wanted it to stay like this because he still had a small hope that everything would turn out fine.

\- Knock, knock - he heard, and when he turned around he saw Magnus standing in the doorway.

\- Who's there? - he couldn't stop the smile that appeared on his face. Well, the bad thoughts could wait, right?

\- Chocolate fairy! - Magnus said and walked inside.

\- Chocolate fairy? - Alec blinked. - The glitter fairy may fit but chocolate?

Alec raised his brow. Magnus took a chocolate bar from his coat pocket.

\- Yeah - he sat next to Alec on the bed. - I studied really difficult pills with even more difficult names. And let me tell you this, Alexander. Nothing is as effective for fighting depression, anxiety and bad moods as chocolate!

He grinned and Alec returned the smile. Was this man for real? He was a grown up adult and yet, he acted like a child. But Alec realized that he actually didn't mind it. Quite the opposite: Magnus was funny and it was impossible not to love his company. Alec was so stressed before Magnus appeared and now he was smiling, not thinking about the trial at all. Magnus Bane was just quite magical.

\- You're impossible - Alec said instead and shook his head, amused. But he took the chocolate bar anyway. - Thank you.

\- You are very welcome, my dear.

When Alec looked at the bar, he wanted to laugh. It was milk chocolate with m&m's. Did he really have to have everything be colourful? But well, it was Magnus' charm, and since he liked everything about this glittery doctor, he couldn't complain. Alec opened the chocolate wrapper and broke the first three pieces, handing Magnus the rest.

\- Help yourself - he said simply.

Magnus couldn't say 'no' to chocolate, so he took the next three pieces. They sat in silence, eating the candy. Alec had to admit that it helped. He couldn't remember the last time he had something sweet in his mouth but it wasn't unpleasant, even if he wasn't a big fan of sweet foods.

\- You know, Alexander... no matter what happens today, I'm not going to turn my back on you - Magnus said suddenly and Alec looked at him.

He knew that Magnus wasn't lying. And it melted his heart. He needed these words more than chocolate, air or any other thing in the world. And Magnus was the only one who knew exactly what Alec needed in the right moment. How did he do that?

\- Magnus... - Alec didn't even remember when he had leaned on Magnus and put his head on his shoulder. - I'm so scared...

\- I know, Alexander. I know. But hey, I'm here. And I'll be there. Your mother, your brother and sister too. We won't let anyone hurt you again, I promise.

\- But... Magnus, he will be there... - a shiver ran down his spine.

\- He will. But he won't touch you. I won't let him. Do you trust me?

\- Of course I do. You're the only person I truly trust.

Alec finally confessed it and Magnus eyes shone with unshed tears. He wanted nothing more than the trial to end, so he could take Alec home with him. But they still had to wait and fight bravely. Alec could have his doubts, but Magnus was sure what they would do, no matter how this day was supposed to end.

\- We'll get through this, Alexander. And then I will take you on the best date you've ever had.

\- The first I've ever had.

\- Well... you'll have other people for comparison in the future.

\- I don't want other people, Magnus.

\- Alexander... - he whispered.

Magnus couldn't control himself anymore. He took Alec into his arms and hugged him tight. He knew once more what Alec needed. But what he didn't know was that someone was watching them.

Alec's family arrived at the hospital and Izzy was the one responsible to go and call Alec. But when she saw that her brother wasn't alone, she waited. They didn't notice her. And when she saw where things were going, she hid behind a wall and watched. Her cheeks became hotter and she had to cover her mouth to stay quiet. And she managed to do this until her second brother startled her. Izzy grabbed Jace's hand before he could say anything and dragged him to the next corridor.

\- What are you doing, Izzy?! - he asked, when she finally let him go.

\- Alec has a crush! - she squealed and jumped. - A crush on Magnus!

\- Yeah, I know. What about it? - he asked simply.

Izzy stood there, dumbfounded. She looked at Jace as if he had grown a second head. And then she hit his arm. Jace yelped and took a step back.

\- What the hell, Iz?! - he exclaimed.

\- What the hell?! What the hell is wrong with you, Jonathan? You knew and didn't tell me?! And you call yourself my brother?

\- Jesus, Izzy, shut your mouth! - Jace put his hand on Izzy's mouth. - I wasn't sure. I suspected things but that's all. And... how do you know?

Izzy frowned and looked at him like he was an idiot. Jace realized that his hand was still on Izzy's face, so he took it away.

\- Because they were saying sweet things to each other and then they talked about dating and then they hugged! Oh my god! I ship them so hard already! Jace, we need a name for them! - she grabbed his shirt, definitely too excited.

Jace thought about it. His sister was insane... and in the right place for that. But he also smiled. Alec trusted someone again and that was important. He was happy, Jace clearly saw that. And if Alec was happy, then he was happy as well. However...

\- Yeah, yeah, we will think about something later. But Izzy, we can't say a word about this to anyone. You know... it's quite illegal what they're doing right now. It would only cause harm to Alec on court.

\- Oh... - she stopped shaking with joy. - I get it, Jace. My lips are sealed. But... you don't mind it? I mean, Alec and Magnus?

She looked worried. Yes, Izzy wasn't very supportive back then but she came to terms with a lot of things. It didn't matter who you love as long as this person made you happy. And Isabelle wasn't a homophobic bitch. She just cared too much about what other people said. But not anymore. Jace looked back at her and blinked. But he wasn't mad.

\- Of course I don't, Izzy. Magnus is a lot older than Alec, yes. But he makes Alec happy and that's the only things that still matters to me. I want my brother to live his happily ever after, when all this shit ends. And Magnus is great.

\- He is, isn't he? - she smiled again.

\- Yup. But we need to interrupt the love birds. The trial starts in two hours and we still need to dress for that.

Izzy nodded and they went to Alec room. When they were almost there, Isabelle turned to Jace and grinned, showing her white teeth.

\- What do you think about 'Malec'?

\- Perfect.

 

They took Alec home and then they all dressed in formal clothes. Alec didn't feel comfortable in suit. In fact, he hated this kind of clothing. He was a casual guy and so was his wardrobe. But he didn't have a choice. They all had too much to think about already, so the dressing part was not important.

Maryse was really nervous. She couldn't defend Alec because she was his mother. She hired her friend to be Alec's lawyer and Maryse knew that this guy was brilliant. But she was still worried.

\- Alec, baby, how do you feel? - she asked, taking his hand.

\- How do you think, mom? - he sighed. - I... I don't feel very well. I think I'll throw up...

\- If you must... - she caressed his cheek. - I love you, sweetie. And I'll be there with you the whole time.

\- Thank you, mom - he smiled gently and Maryse pulled him into a hug.

\- We will also be there, buddy - said Jace.

\- Yup! If any of these fuckers try to touch you, I'll break all their bones.

\- Thank you.

Alec's smile grew wider. He believed them and was actually happy that finally they were like a family. He only wondered how Magnus was going.

Magnus was preparing for the trial. He put a suit on, deciding not to put too much makeup or glitter on himself, since the judges would not appreciate it. Magnus didn't quite understand that but well. He had more worries that day. Magnus knew that no promises would work when Alec's hopes would be destroyed. They had to win this. He felt something fluffy brushing his ankle and he looked down at Chairman. He picked the cat up.

\- You always know how to reassure me, Chairman. Don't worry, sweety. I'll bring our angel home.

Magnus kissed the cat's head and placed him on the couch. Chairman stretched and curled up on a cushion, deciding to take a nap. His owner really envied him. But duty first. He had just finished preparing when he heard his doorbell. Magnus blinked, not having expected any guests. He even wanted to ignore it but since he had to use this door right now, he didn't have any other choice. He sighed and went to open the door. And it turned out that his guests were his friends. Catarina, Raphael, Will and Ragnor were standing in front of him.

\- What you guys are doing here?

\- Are you dumb? Wait, don't answer, we all know that - Raphael rolled his eyes.

\- Raphie, shut up. - Will sighed.

\- Isn't it rather obvious that we are here for you? And for Alec? - said Cat.

\- And they are witnesses - remarked Ragnor.

\- And you? - asked Magnus.

\- My wife and my friends are witnesses. Isn't it obvious I'm here for a support?

\- Awww!

\- Shut up - he snorted

Magnus let them in. They still had a couple of minutes to spare before they had to go.

\- You think we have a chance? - sighed Magnus, sitting on a kitchen chair.

\- Hey, today is not the worst case. We fight to punish them for the bullying. The worst will happen in two weeks - Raphael crossed his arms over his chest.

They were silent, all knowing he was right. Bullying first and then the rape... still such a long road to go down.

Alec didn't deserve it. But he had to be strong and that's why it was so important to win this case and punish those people.

\- We will do this - said Ragnor.

\- And what if we can’t? - asked Cat.

\- Then we will just beat the crap out of those fuckers once and for all - Raphael shrugged his shoulders.

They all looked at him and realized that no, he wasn't joking. Magnus laughed.

\- I love you.

\- Who doesn't? - he rolled his eyes again and then headed toward the door. - Come on, losers. We have a case to win.

\- Why are you so involved? - asked Catarina, not really getting it. Raph never gave a damn about anything.

\- I want Alec to be out of the hospital. Someone has to take care of my dog and he is the only person I trust.

\- You trust him? You barely even know him! - exclaimed Will.

\- I know him enough to know that he wouldn't hurt Ezekiel.

\- Are you out of your mind? That dog is a fucking doberman! Who would even dare touch it?

\- Are you insulting my dog? - he frowned.

\- Will you two just stop?! - Cat stood between them. - It's not about you. It's about Alec. And we all trust him, don't we?

\- We do. I just love teasing our little Raphie - grinned Will.

\- He will kill you one day, you do realize that? - muttered Ragnor.

Magnus looked at them and only smiled. With guards like them Alec was already the winner.

 

They finally made it to court. The place caused shivers to run down Alec's spine but he stood firm. He didn't have to be scared. He was the one accusing. They all hurt him. And now they were going to pay for it. Alec was determined to win justice. However, he still was nervous. Jace and Izzy were walking side by side with him, shielding him from every danger possible. Maryse was leading the group. However, Alec still could see the people, who destroyed his life. Yes, Sebastian started it. But they all played along to his sick game and they were as guilty as he. Alec was aware of that. It didn't change anything, though. Alec kept his gaze glued to the floor when they were passing by his ex-schoolmates. It was easier that way, even though he could feel their eyes on him.

Alec felt his anxiety coming back. He really wanted to run away but it was impossible. He was trapped between his brother and sister and behind him were people he tried to avoid at all cost. There wasn't any escape. But it soon didn’t matter, when Alec saw Magnus and the rest of his friends. Their presence was very important to him and worked wonders. He exhaled and smiled a bit. He was there. Of course he was. Alec didn't even notice that Maryse came over to them to say hello.

\- Good morning - she said, smiling a bit. - Thank you for coming. It really means a lot.

\- No need to thank us. We would have been here anyway. Alec needs as much support as possible - said Magnus, looking at Alec, who blushed a bit.

\- Yes... thank you, Magnus. All of you - Alec added, looking at them. And... did they smile at him? Was Raphael even capable of smiling?

\- It's okay, Alec - said Cat, placing a hand on his shoulder. - How are you feeling?

\- Fine... - he answered but didn't look at any of them.

Of course he wasn't fine. He was terrified and wanted to be back home, where he could lay in bed and do nothing for the rest of his life. However, life didn't work like that. They were all observing him, concerned and angry. Not with Alec but with the people, who made him so vulnerable.

\- Because I'm not a witness - said Ragnor, coming towards Alec. - I'll do the "how are you feeling part". So, how are you really feeling, Alec? Anything hurts? Feeling dizzy or nauseous?

Alec looked up at him. Ragnor was always a mystery to Alec. He looked unfriendly and acted unfriendly but now Alec saw something in his eyes. A pure madness that he wasn't scared of, though. It was this kind of madness you see people with, when someone hurt their close ones. Alec had never considered himself as a 'close one' to Ragnor. But maybe he was mistaken and Magnus was right as always? Maybe he really was their friend. He felt the warmth in his chest and shook his head a bit.

\- I'll throw up in a second, it's fucking cold and I think I'll pass out as soon as I walk into that courtroom. But it's fine.

He said the truth but he didn't foresee that they will look at him like that. Izzy touched his hand and Jace hold his breath, not knowing what to do. Maryse was at the verge of tears. And only the medical staff knew what to do.

\- It's pretty messed up, huh? - chuckled Will. - It's totally alright, kiddo. If you want to know my opinion, I think that it would look awesome if you had thrown up in the courtroom! I mean, how cool is that?!

Alec blinked, not being sure if this was happening for real. Because... this man was a doctor, right? And he knew Will, he knew that he was... specific but maybe not as that specific. Jace didn't have the problem with sharing Will's enthusiasm.

\- Damn you're right! - he called and grinned. - Alec, you're totally throwing up in there! Just give me a warning, buddy. I don't think I want to see it happening.

\- Yeah, it would be hella gross! But so awesome. When will you do this? In the beginning?

\- It would be too cliche! Let's do this in the middle of the case.

They high-fived and Alec just stood there, mouth slightly opened. Really? It was a serious case and they were acting like children! He searched for someone, who would knock some sense in those two but he saw them all chuckling and giggling. Even his mother was amused. Traitors. He looked at Magnus but he was smiling as well.

\- I'm feeling better now - he said, wanting to stop their banter.

\- Alec, let's talk a bit, shall we? - asked Magnus and Alec was so grateful...

\- We shall.- he grinned

They sat on chairs in the hall. It was really cold and Alec wanted to be over with all of this. However, they still had to wait a bit and people were starting to gather which made him even more uncomfortable.

\- Alexander, you will testify, right?

\- I don't know, Magnus... they all will be there... - he looked at his hands, nervously.

\- Alexander - he didn't touch him, knowing that it would be too risky. - You're so strong. I believe in you. When you'll be standing there, just remember what they've done to you. I know it's painful. But do it. And say everything you wanted to say from the start.

Alec knew that Magnus was right. This was his last chance to tell the truth. But still, he was scared. However, when he looked Magnus in the eyes, he already knew he had lost. How could he say 'no' to this man, who cared about him so much?

\- I'll try.

Magnus face lit up with a grin. But he didn't get to say anything more when Maryse approached them with a tall man walking beside her. Alec knew him. Of course he did.

\- Alec, you remember Hodge? He'll be defending you today.

\- Thank you.

That was all he could say. Maryse and Hodge were the best at what they were doing. And it helped him calm down. With all these people, it definitely was going to be easier.

 

The trial started not too long later. Alec was nervous. They all were. The judge didn't look scary but still. It was her word that was going to change his life... or not. So yeah, he had all the rights to feel like he felt. But then testimonies started and Alec listened. He was curious what they had to tell. And with every word, he was more devastated. Because... how could people have lied so bad? Alec testified but Hodge made sure no one was present in the courtroom during that. That was very helpful. And Alec said everything from the start. But now... was it even important? They all were lying.

It was the principal first.

\- Mr.Scott, you say you have never noticed anything alarming happening at your school? How is that possible?

\- I'm a busy man. I have a lot of paperwork and other stuff to do everyday. I can't ask every child if he or she is alright.

\- That's understandable. But as a principal, isn't your greatest responsibility children?

\- They are. But something like bullying happens all the time. They are kids, it's very common to see them argue.

\- So you say that it's very common for children nowadays to kill themselves?

\- I didn't say that! It's a tragedy what happened to Alec, however... I'm not responsible for this. I did nothing.

\- And that's exactly your fault. I don't have more questions, thank you.

Then the kids.

\- Mr.Aldertree, do you admit to bullying Alexander Lightwood?

\- No. I don't even know him, why would I want to bully him?

\- He says otherwise.

\- That's why he's at the madhouse. He clearly has hallucinations.

\- You say you don't know him and that's why you don't see a point in bullying him but you're insulting him right now. Clever, Mr.Aldertree. Very clever.

It continued. Alec wanted to cry, listening to all these people. They did so many bad things to him and they still could lie that they didn't know him. It hurt. It hurt like hell. But the worst happened when it was Sebastian's turn. Alec didn't see him while waiting for the trial and that was the only one good thing. But now he was there and Alec felt like suffocating. It was cold, so cold. And all he wanted was to run away. But when he looked at Magnus and saw his reassuring smile, he took a deep breath and nodded lightly. He could do this.

Sebastian looked so innocent like he had nothing to do with this case. He already had all things planned but had to start with baby steps. And playing a lost kid was the the first step.

\- Do you admit to bully Alexander Lightwood?

\- Yes - he nodded and looked at the lawyer. - I do admit it. I laughed at Alec and bullied him like the others. They all lie saying they did nothing. But they did. We all did. And I will accept any punishment.

Sebastian could feel the stares but he didn't care. He knew that they all were too scared to say a word. They preferred to take the consequences of bullying Alec than face him.

Hodge glanced at Alec, who looked paler than a chalk. The kid was lying and he had no more doubt about it.

\- Mr.Morgenstern, the next case takes place in the next two weeks. You are also accused of sexual harassment. How can you explain it?

\- I will explain but during the case. We're not here today for that, right?

\- Stop it - the judge hit the hammer and silenced the crowd. - It's not the current case, Mr.Starkweather.

\- I apologise, your honour.

Sebastian sat on the bench when he finished testifying. Alec had no idea why Sebastian helped him. But he wasn't grateful. No. He was planning something and Alec had no doubt about it. But he didn't have time to say anything else because the case continued. His mother, siblings and some more people testified as well. Then Magnus and the rest.

\- Dr.Herondale, you were the one, who was called to Alexander Lightwood's case?

\- Yes, it was me. We got the call.

\- What was the state you found Alec in?

\- Terrible. The kid slit his wrists. He was losing blood very quickly. If we had arrived a minute later, he wouldn't have made it.

 

\- Dr.Santiago, you were the one, who took care of Alexander at the ER?

\- Yes. I examined him. His body was all covered in bruises and I also found out that he had two broken ribs that no one had taken care of. He was beaten up and he couldn't do it to himself. Someone else did it.

\- Were the wounds and bruises fresh?

\- No. It must have been happening for at least one and a half month.

 

\- Mrs. Fell, you are the one responsible for taking care of Alec daily. How is he doing?

\- Alec is doing great. It's an angel. He is very well-behaved and polite. Very smart kid, I may add. We don't have any trouble with him.

\- And how was it in the beginning?

\- It wasn't easy. Alec was scared and hurting. He was really damaged. But even then, he wasn't aggressive.

 

\- Dr.Bane, you are Alexander's psychiatrist. How is the treatment going? And what led Alec to do this?

\- It's a kind of post traumatic stress disorder, where a person doesn't know how to manage with things that happened. Alexander didn't get any help and he didn't know how to manage with all the pain and humiliation. He found a way to ease the pain in self-harm and starvation. That also led him to the suicide attempt.

\- So you are saying that Alexander's problems happened because of the trauma he went through at school?

\- I'm sure of it. Alexander told me about everything that happened to him and I have no doubt that it was the reason he tried to kill himself.

\- And how is he doing now?

\- The treatment works, Alexander is all good now.

\- Thank you, Dr.Bane.

 

It lasted more than two hours and the they all had a short break. Fifteen minutes and then everything would be clear. Alec sat on the bench, breathing heavily. What was going on? What was Sebastian planning? Why were people so nasty? Was he going to win this? He didn't even notice when he started panicking. Lucky for him, there were people, who did this for him.

\- Big brother, breath, please! - Izzy kneeled in front of him and took his hands.

\- Alec, baby, please - Maryse sat next to him and embraced him.

\- Buddy, everything is going to be all right - said Jace and then looked at Magnus, who also sat next to Alec.

\- Alexander, it's only a couple of minutes more. And then you can sleep as long as you want. Just don't give up now, okay?

Alec looked up at them and calmed down a bit. They were right. He got so far... but still, he was worried. And he wasn't the only one. Maryse, Jace, Izzy, the doctors and Cat. They all were there to fight for Alec. But they couldn't do anything more.

Jace wanted to scream and punch every person, who lied. And he probably would do that but then he saw Clary. She was with her parents and brother. Sebastian pretended to be scared and worried, when Jace knew perfectly well that it was all fake. He clenched his fists, when Sebastian put hands on Clary's shoulders and hugged her. Oh, how much he wanted to kill him! And then their eyes met. Sebastian smirked and Jace... well, he did the only thing he could. He showed him a middle finger and turned to his own brother.

\- Buddy, come here - he hugged him suddenly.

Alec didn't expect that but he also didn't complain. It was nice... he hugged Jace back and closed his eyes. Only couple of minutes more.

Lucky for them, the judge had some brain in the head of hers. And the verdict was rather obvious. The school had to pay Alec compensation and it wasn't a small amount of money. Quite the opposite. And the kids all got guardians. It was already known that most of them won't get to the University with this. But Alec wasn't sorry. And neither was he happy. Nothing could change that it all already happened and still hurt. They didn't learn anything from this. Moreover, he still wasn't sure what Sebastian will do...

His family and friends were happy, though. He smiled at them and that was the only thing he did. Alec was tired and wanted nothing more than sleep. They didn't expect such reaction but they respected it anyway. However, Alec had to say goodbye to Maryse and his siblings. He still had to be in the hospital. They hugged him tight. Alec didn't see this case as a victory but they did.

Alec didn't say a word to any of the doctors, even when they tried to talk to him. And it continued for three days straight. Magnus was really worried. Alec kept him on distance and it didn't help Magnus calm down. Did something happen during the trial? Or was he just worried about the next one? He had no idea but he was worried sick. Alec didn't even talk to him during their session. So Magnus gave him the time, even if it hurt. But the truth was Alec lost all hope in people. He was thankful for them that they helped him. And at the same time he started hating the rest of the world. What was wrong with them? They were his age and already so cruel... and Sebastian. What was he playing at? Alec couldn't sleep, thinking about it. But when the first week passed and nothing happened, Alec thought that maybe... just maybe Sebastian understood something and decided to change? Hardly possible but still. He wanted to believe that, though.

A week. Peaceful week. Too peaceful. And too sad. Alec woke up one day and realized that he was being so unfair. Magnus cared and waited, probably worried and scared. Alec owned him apologies. So he went to Magnus' office, even though he was ashamed of his behaviour. Magnus did so much for him and he was so rude... yes, he needed to apologize. Alec knocked on the door and then came in. Magnus looked up from the papers and blinked, the relief visible on his face.

\- Alexander? Are you all right? - he asked and was on his feet in no time.

Alec was silent. He just came closer to Magnus and then looked at him.

\- I'm so sorry... - he leaned his forehead on Magnus' chest and the man laughed.

\- Accepted - he nodded and then caressed the younger boy's back. - You feel better now?

\- Mhm. I just needed some time to understand why people are such dicks.

\- And?

\- I still have no idea.

Magnus didn't say anything. He just wrapped his arms around Alec and hugged him, enjoying the boy's warmth. Everything was going to be good. One last trial and Alec would be free. Free with Magnus. And Magnus couldn't wait.

The days were passing rather fast. It was one week till the next trial. Sebastian waited to the last moment. It was all too perfect. Clary... his precious, little Clary. He had her in his grip. Jocelyn and Luke... they were so stupid and naive. But this time, he actually appreciated their stupidity. Because Sebastian was clever and knew that he didn't have a single chance to win the second trial. He had to make a strategy. And now was the time to put it to life.

He went downstairs. His 'family' was sitting in the living room. Perfect opportunity. Everything was going accordingly to his plan. Sebastian stood in the doorway and put on a mask. A mask of lost, scared child that worked wonders with this bunch of idiots.

\- Mom... Luke... - he said, walking in.

Sebastian looked so miserable. He was shaking slightly and his eyes glistened with tears. Jocelyn turned off the tv immediately and Clary was right beside her brother in no time. Luke stood up from the couch.

\- What happened, honey? - she asked, worried.

\- It will be better if you sit down.

They did as he asked. And then Sebastian shifted on his feet and finally looked up at them.

\- Mom, Luke, Clary... there is something I need to tell you.

There was a silence. They looked at him, feeling that something bad was about to happen. And they were not wrong.

\- What is it, Sebastian? You can tell us everything - said Luke and the girls nodded.

\- Of course you can, honey. We will always support you.

Sebastian wanted to laugh at that. Were they really that stupid or was it old people's charm? He had no idea but it didn't matter. He already decided what he would do. It was a time for his 'to be or not to be'.

\- You will hate me... - he said, his voice breaking.

\- Sebastian, we would never do such thing! We love you. Please, tell us what's bothering you - said Clary, tears in her eyes.

\- I want to tell you the truth. But I'm scared... you'll judge me...

\- We won't. Please, tell us - answered Jocelyn.

He waited a bit, deciding that it would look more dramatic.

\- I... I was the one, who did this to Alec. I was the one, who he had sex with - he blurted out.

Sebastian heard a gasp and wanted to smirk. But he didn't. Not yet. He looked up at them and saw that his mother and sister were covering their mouths with hands, tears running down their cheeks. And Luke just looked at him, dumbfounded.

\- How...? Why didn't you tell anything?! - he roared and stood up.

Sebastian took a step back and then burst out into crying. He shook his head, his cheeks already red.

\- I didn't want to! I had no idea what I was doing! I'm not controlling it! - he yelled and then collapsed on his knees and sobbed.

Clary was beside him in no time, wrapping her arms around him. Jocelyn joined them after a moment.

\- What are you saying, Sebastian? - she asked. - How could you not know what you were doing?

\- I don't know! It was like... like I was another, different person, like it wasn't me! I couldn't control my body. I always thought I can live with that but now I see I can't! Mom, I was so scared! - he hugged Jocelyn.

The woman was reluctant at first but then hugged him back. Sebastian was her child and no matter what he had done, she still loved him. And it was a mother's duty to forgive. Especially when her child was saying something so horrible. How could it be possible? But... Sebastian had never lied to her before, so he wasn't doing it now, right? She believed him. And so did Clary, who started caressing his back. Sebastian was sick, he needed their help. Clary had a lot of things to think about but it definitely could wait. Her brother was the most important right now.

\- Brother, don't cry... - she sobbed and leaned her forehead on his shoulder.

\- I really didn't know what I was doing. I tried to stop him but I couldn't!

\- Who you tried to stop? - asked Luke, not believing in what was happening.

\- Me. The other me. The bad one. You may not believe me but it's true, Luke! I'm so scared... - he sobbed harded and Luke kneeled before him.

\- What are you trying to say, Sebastian? - he asked, taking Jocelyn's hand in his own.

\- That I need help, Luke. What if I hurt someone else? I did it to Alec, even though I didn't want to. I swear I didn't want to! - he wiped his eyes and looked at him pleadingly.

Luke was silent for a moment. Jocelyn and Clary were terrified but they seemed to trust Sebastian. And he couldn't let them down, even if this situation was too much for him. He took a deep breath and then placed a hand on Sebastian's shoulder. He was his stepfather and it was probably the time to prove it.

\- We will help you, Sebastian. But you know that you will have to take the consequences for what you've done, right?

\- I know. And I want to take them, Luke. I'm a monster - he hid his face in his hands and continued crying.

\- He needs to see a doctor, Luke - said Jocelyn. - Will you help us?

\- Of course, Jocey. I will make and appointment with a psychiatrist.

\- Which psychiatrist? - whispered Sebastian.

\- I still don't know.

\- I don't want a shitty doctor, Luke! It's too important. I need the best one - he looked up at them, his face stained with tears.

\- Sebastian, you can't judge yourself so much. If you really are sick... - started Clary but he stopped her.

\- Then I need the best doctor to make it stop. I can't look at myself anymore, Clary. I need help... - the girl hugged him, crying violently. Stupid, naive redhead...

\- We can take you to the best doctor in the country, sweety.

\- No... it would be too expensive, mom. Don't we have any good doctors here? - he looked at her and then at Luke. Didn't they understand already? Ugh...

\- I can make an appointment with doctor Smith... - started Luke but Sebastian interrupted him.

\- And what's with the doctor that helped Alec? He said that Alec was totally okay now and back then he wanted to kill himself. I think I want to see this one.

\- Well, he is the best in New York but... it's Alec's doctor.

\- But I need help! - he exclaimed, realizing that he needed to be more dramatic. - I don't think I can take it much loner! I hate my life, I'm sickening! I don't want to end like Alec but I think I will... I think more and more about this... - he started sobbing again.

Jocelyn's heart clutched. No. No, no no! She was petrified from fear. She couldn't lose her precious son. She just couldn't. She looked at Luke, begging him to help.

\- Luke, please... - sobbed Clary.

And that was enough for him to fall for Sebastian's trap.

\- I'll make and appointment. You will see him tomorrow.

\- Thank you, Luke - he faked a smile. - What's the doctor's name again?

-Magnus Bane.

Sebastian only nodded and then hugged his mother. He continued his fake crying, seeing that it worked with these naive idiots. It went too smoothly. By the end of the next day, he will have killed two birds with one stone.

 

_Sweet. See you tomorrow, Magnus Bane._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think of this chapter c:  
> I wrote it twice since I didn't like it and I'm still not content with that. But here it is!  
> The next one is going to be angsty so brace yourself!  
> But I'm planning fluff then. c: 
> 
> I love you guys! Thank you for sticking with me and this story for so long. ♥


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!  
> It's bloody and had a mature content (harassment). So if you're not comfortable with things like that, skip this chapter.   
> It's chaos. But I did my best! Sorry for any mistakes!
> 
> It's the longest chapter I've ever written. All the thanks for correcting this work goes to my lovely beta [Mia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaVivisol/pseuds/MiaVivisol) ♥ 
> 
> You probably are going to hate me even more with this chappie...

A week had passed since the trial took place. Alec still couldn't come to terms with how people could be so cruel. Alec was always nice, whether or not he knew the people. And if he didn't want to be nice, he would just avoid the crowds. But he had never in his whole life insulted anyone. So he couldn't understand why all the people did it to him.

They not only made his life a living hell but also lied in front of so many people. Important people for him. It was painful and Alec needed time to process it. But it was easier with every passing day. He had people, who also cared for him and were with him when he needed them. So, by the time the first week passed, Alec felt quite good. He talked with Magnus the other day and he was sure that this day will be even better. Because it was one day before his freedom.

Alec woke up quite early and took a shower. The hot water helped him ease the tension in his shoulder and gave him more energy to live. And he needed that. He had a session with Magnus later and then Magnus had some free time, which he wanted to spend with Alec. And Alec couldn't wait. He realized that he was craving Magnus' attention and company more than ever but he wasn't scared of that. Quite the opposite. He was proud of himself that finally something was going the right way. Only one week more and he would be able to go out with Magnus, not caring about other people and stuff like that.

Only one week.

But it also meant the second trial. Alec was freaking out just thinking about it. Sebastian was evil and Alec knew that he was up to no good. However, he had to face him. It was too late to run away now. And he didn't want to run away. He was terrified, yes. But he also was aware that his family, friends and Magnus would be there with him. And that was enough for him to stop stressing out. He still had some time to prepare for it.

When Alec went back to his room, he put on black sweatpants and also a black long-sleeved t-shirt. It wasn't cold but he always liked to cover his body completely. And with the scars on his wrists... well, it was better to wear sleeves. Alec stood in the middle of his room and took a look at the wall he used as a board. So many characters and all of them had some kind of issues. Any of them was fully happy and Alec was okay with that. Till that day. He realized that he won the case, no matter how people were nasty. And he had Magnus. And the rest. He could win against Sebastian and start a new life. Yes, he could do it, right? Sebastian could have had something up in his sleeve but it didn't matter. He had an army of dreadful doctors, four furious women and a brother who would do anything for him. He didn't have a reason to be scared of Sebastian anymore. Or so he thought.

He started to paint a new character and this time it was Moana. Alec wasn't a big fan of this movie but he wanted to draw someone, who was strong and didn't give up, no matter how hard it was. Because Alec knew that he would be needing that strength.

Alec just finished a sketch, when he heard a knock on his door. He turned around and saw Magnus, leaning on a door frame. He was smiling and it made Alec happy. However, he had no idea why Magnus was there. It was only nine in the morning and it meant that it was still two hours left before Magnus had to start the job. Yes, he knew Magnus' schedule probably better than Magnus himself. Alec put the marker down and decided to pay attention to his guest.

\- Well, I need some help with math, but you definitely have to learn how to use a clock, Magnus - he teased, coming closer to him.

\- Oh, my dear Alexander - chuckled Magnus. - I woke up earlier so I could see you before my shift starts. And you're so mean - he rolled his eyes but smiled a second later. - How are you feeling?

\- I'm fine - he smiled and sat on the bed, patting a place next to him.

Magnus closed the door and joined him. They looked each other in the eyes for a moment before Magnus decided to slump on the bed, spreading his arms like a starfish. Alec shifted on the mattress so he could see the man better.

\- Someone's happy today. - he noticed, smirking a bit. - Penny for your thoughts?

\- Nah, I'm just happy. You know, Alexander... it's so soon. Only few days and all of this will be over. I can't wait, really. I already know what we will be doing.

\- You got me intrigued - Alec brought his knees to his chin.

\- You want me to spoil the surprises? - Magnus blinked.

\- I don't like surprises, so... yeah. Tell me what we're going to do when I'll finally leave this place.

Alec really didn't like surprises. They could be fun someday. But now he prefered to know what was happening. He trusted Magnus but he couldn't fight with the overwhelming anxiety and that definitely wasn't a good way to start a date. So he wanted to know. And knowing right now was very tempting, even though he didn't understand this feeling.

\- Are you sure?

\- Magnus - Alec rolled his eyes.

\- So impatient - Magnus rolled his own eyes. - But okay. If you are going to be such a buzz kill, then let's get to it!

\- You're walking on thin ice, Magnus Bane - warned Alec but he was smiling so it didn't sound so sinister.

\- So - he ignored Alec completely. - First, we will go shopping and buy you something nice and colourful! Believe me, Alexander. With eyes like yours, you can't wear black all the time, even if it looks very sexy - he winked at Alec.

And Alec blushed. Hard. Yes, Sebastian told Alec couple of times that he was sexy but then he felt just awkward. Now he felt even more awkward, hot and embarassed. But also... happy? He couldn't pinpoint the feeling but it was pleasant. He wished Magnus would tell him more things like that but he knew that he would rather die than ask for it.

Magnus smirked. Oh, how much he loved the cute blush on this angelic face. It should be illegal to look like him!

\- I-I like my clothes black... - he muttered under his breath, not looking at Magnus.

\- Shh! No black. I'll find you something nice.

\- Nothing pink and nothing sparkly - he narrowed his eyes. - I still have some leftover diginity.

\- You're no fun... - Magnus pouted and then raised himself on his elbows. - And we will put some make-up on you!

Alec had to blink again. He really respected Magnus' style. The glitter and make-up didn't bother him as long as Magnus felt good wearing it. However...

\- No way in hell - he exclaimed. - Just no. I don't want to and... do I need it?

The realization hit him like a train. Alec started fiddling with the hem of his blouse, feeling the anxiety coming back to him. So... he wasn't enough. Magnus didn't like him. He wasn't pretty enough for someone as fancy as Dr.Bane. But he didn't think that Magnus will say it so directly.

Magnus didn't mean it that way. He didn't put make-up on himself because he thought that he was lacking something. He just liked it. It was fun and something that helped him feel different than other people. Better. He also wanted to boost Alec's confidence by it. However, it seemed like he broke it even more. Magnus was on his knees in no time. Alec hugged his knees and closed his eyes.

\- Alexander, no, no, no! You got me all wrong - he cupped Alec's face into his hands and forced Alec to look at him. - You're gorgeous. I just like make-up... it's fun. That's all. I thought about it like a part of the fun... I'm so sorry... - he sighed.

Alec liked the feeling of Magnus' hands on his face. He looked him in the eyes and knew immediately that Magnus didn't lie. Well, maybe Alec was too sensitive. Definitely. He felt just stupid for acting like this. And then he started feeling anxious again. What if Magnus would get tired of him, if he continued acting like that? No, it would be too much.

\- No... I'm sorry - he shook his head. - I shouldn't... I mean... I'm not a girl, I don't need to be pretty. And... I respect that you like it but it's really not my thing, Magnus. Sorry.

\- You're not a girl but you're prettier than any girl I know. But... - he leaned closer to Alec's ear. - Don't tell Tessa nor Cat. They would kick my ass.

Alec laughed. Really, why was he worrying so much? Magnus was impossible and Alec had to learn not to take every word to heart. However, it was still a long road. But that was the moment when he decided to try.

\- Maybe they should... - he shrugged his shoulders and Magnus went back to his place, shaking his head.

\- You're the worst, Alexander! - he stated, crossing his arms over his chest.

\- Thank you. And now, will you please continue? What after the shopping?

\- Yup! - he grinned. - Then we will go to a restaurant. I'll book us a table in the back of the restaurant so no one interrupts us. And then we will have the best meal of our lives.

\- Sounds good. But if you're planning on ordering earlier then I should give you a list of my allergies.

\- I already have that. Please, Alexander. I'm your doctor, I need to know things like this.

\- What else you know? - Alec sat straight immediately. Well... too much information was not good, no matter whose hands it was in.

\- Some details like your blood type and things like that. Doesn't matter - he waved his hand dismissively and continued. - And then we will order the best wine...

\- I'm underage - he interrupted, raising a hand a bit.

\- What a buzz kill... - Magnus rolled his eyes again. - So we will order the best coke they have - he corrected himself. - And then, my dear Alexander, we will have a nice walk, I don't know where exactly but we will. And then we can go to my place and do stuff like watching movies or something. How's that sound?

It sounded like a typical date night but Alec loved it. He smiled and nodded. It was going to be perfect. Nice meal, nice walk and some stupid movies. Just perfect! The only thing that bothered him was this 'do stuff' part. Alec wasn't experienced and Magnus... well, he was an adult so probably things like sex were nothing for him. But they were for Alec. He was scared and not sure if he was ready. However, he didn't want to think about it now.

\- I love it, Magnus.

\- Aww - he grinned. - I know it's a date plan that happens in every movie but I wanted to start with something cliche and peaceful. But if you don't like it, then just tell me, okay?- he was nervous. He really wanted Alec to be happy.

\- Did I stutter? - chuckled Alec. - I said I loved it. And I meant it.

Magnus just took Alec's hand and smiled widely. He wanted to say that he also loved him... it! It, definitely it.

They spent the next hour together, talking mostly about food. Alec still didn't want to eat anything high in calories but he stopped avoiding eating. Not too much but regularly. Magnus promised to buy Alec the best pasta he would ever have. Alec thought that it was too many promises for one day but he was happy. Because he knew that Magnus would keep every one of them. He was sure about that. Magnus was the kind of person who would never hurt him and Alec appreciated this with all his heart. That's why he felt a light sting in his chest when Magnus told Alec he had to leave for work.

\- I have a session with Aline but I'll be done within an hour. Then you'll come to my office, okay?

\- I'll be there.

\- See you later, sweet pea.

\- You'll never stop calling me that?

\- Nope.

Alec smiled. It was perfect. He won a case, he won the heart of the best person in the whole universe and he was just about to win his freedom. Too perfect. But the perfection wasn't going to last long.

**

Sebastian had had all the things ready and planned before he even started doing anything. He knew from the start what the consequences will be, however, he didn't give a single damn about that. He achieved what he wanted. Clary and Jace weren't together anymore. His little sister loved him to death and believed all the bullshit he said. His mother and Luke trusted him as well and did everything he told them. And Jace... Jace was hurting and that was the most rewarding. He destroyed his life, taking away his girlfriend, almost killing his brother. And he really enjoyed it. Clary belonged to him, finally. And Alec... Alec was great fun. So innocent, so pure. Just like expensive porcelain. And like in every comedy, breaking the porcelain was a reason to laugh. So Sebastian laughed, seeing the boy's confidence and life slowly breaking into pieces. But he wasn't done yet. Alec had the guts to face Sebastian and testify in the court. Little bastard. But he was suspecting that it could happen. That's why he put the second version of his plan into life. And now he was laying in his bed, waiting for the trip to the hospital. And enjoying the rest of the freedom that was left for him.

Well, Sebastian wasn't stupid. He knew that he wouldn't be able to avoid the consequences. He had done too much. But he didn't care. Why would he? He didn't value life, not even his own. And he didn't care if he would spend the rest of his existence in prison or a mental institution. The fun was too good to bother with such small details. Because... Was it really a problem? If you want something, then nothing is impossible. Even a breakout from prison. You just had to use your brain. And Sebastian's brain worked differently than other people's. That's why he came up with this messed up plan.

He had to destroy Alec completely as a punishment for standing against Sebastian. If he could have kept his mouth shut, he would not have had to do this. But it was too late. Alec wanted to fight. So Sebastian was there to accept the challenge. Or rather to bring Alec down to earth and show him where his place was. Oh, he was looking forward to it!

Sebastian could hear the whispers and shuffling downstairs. His stupid family was so worried about his health. They wanted the best for him but he despised them truly. Jocelyn and Luke were useless and even more worthless. Clary... Clary was his everything. But since she didn't understand that, he could not look at her the way he wanted. Fucking little sister. Didn't she see how amazing he was? How much he already had done? He rescued her from the neanderthal's hands. She should have been proud. And grateful. But instead of that, she was worried and rambling that everything will be okay, that some random people will help him. Ugh, utter idiot. Couldn't she notice that she was the help? She was going to pay for the blindness. But first his dear Alec. And Alec's doctor.

Sebastian reached his hand to the bedside table and took something from the drawer that was rectangular and looked like an mp3 player. It was almost identical with all the details painted on it. However, it wasn't made to bring pleasure with sweet tunes... It was made to bring pleasure by spilling red. Sebastian clicked a small button placed on the right side of the hilt and a black blade sprang out, cutting the air with a characteristic sound. Music to his ears.

He ran his fingers down the blade. He had not used it in such a long time. When was the last time? He could not remember. But he still remembered the children crying over their death cat, which suddenly lost all of his limbs. Yeah, that was a nice day. But today he was going to hunt a bigger kitty.

Did Sebastian have anything to Magnus? No. Not in the slightest. He didn't even know Magnus. But it didn't matter! Magnus was Alec's doctor. And that meant one thing: where there is Magnus there is Alec. And he really was looking forward to face someone smart. Or so he thought of Magnus as a smart one. He acted like that during the trial. And he wanted to check this out. This could be very enjoyable. Especially when he knew that this man meant something to his little Allie... Oh, he wasn't blind. Quite the opposite. Sebastian was super observant and he hardly ever was wrong.

The way Magnus spoke of Alec, the way Alec looked at Magnus and how relaxed he looked while doing it... There was no doubt. There was something between them. And it annoyed Sebastian. He didn't know why, though. Alec and he were not together and there never was anything more than a play. But still. Sebastian lost the bet. He didn't get to claim Alec as his property by taking his virginity. And he really didn't like the vision of someone else doing it.

No. He could use Alec only as a toy and a weapon against his arch enemy, however, he still wanted to control this boy and his life. After all, he lost two months of his own life for this loser. He clearly deserved to get what belonged to him. So it all depended on Alec now. Will he cooperate or let this poor sparkly man die? Let's see...

A knock on the door woke him up from dreamland. He hid the blade and put the fake player under a pillow. A moment later Clary came in, a pained smile on her face.

-Brother? I just... I just wanted to say that I'm not mad. I... I understand that you are sick. I just want you to know that I love you no matter what. And that I'll be waiting for you.

He wanted to laugh. What a nice soul. If he only wanted her pity and empty promises... But he smiled. She didn't know anything yet but she soon was going to know her place and duties.

\- Thank you, Clary. It means a lot. I will do my best to tame the beast that lives in me... - he sighed, wiping fake tear that ran down his cheek.

Clary just hugged him and Sebastian wanted to stay like this longer. But he knew he would have to wait. No matter how this day will end. With him locked up, which he didn't doubt, or back at home, which was hardly possible. Yes, Sebastian knew that by the end of the day he would have been captured for what he had done. But he didn't care. The adrenaline and excitement were boiling inside his veins. It was worth it.

They stayed like this for a moment before Luke came to pick him up. Sebastian was left alone for a moment. And that's when he put the fake mp3 player in his pocket. Soon Sebastian was sitting in the car, listening to Luke's rambling.

\- It will be okay. I will talk to Magnus and we will see if he agrees to talk to you. If not, then don't panic. He's not the only psychiatrist in this city.

-Yeah I know... But he is the best one. And I don't want to risk the next attack... I don't have time for this. It's too dangerous.

\- I know. That is why I am breaking the law for you right now.

\- You hate me...? - he asked after a moment of silence.

\- Why would I hate you? You're sick. It's not your fault.

\- Yeah... but I did all of this. Aren't you scared of me?

\- No. You're a great kid, Sebastian. Your mother and I will protect you. We'll help you. Just don't push us away.

\- Thank you.

He wanted to grab the knife at this. Fucking Luke. Who he was to be talking to him like that?! He wasn't his father. His real father would never throw him a pity-party. But his real father also didn't give a damn about him. He was a busy man... a free man. And probably the only man that Sebastian respected. But he wasn't here. However, it could change soon. Valentine wouldn't let his son rot in prison, right? Or so he hoped.

They arrived at the hospital. Sebastian liked this place. A place that heard more praying than a church. A place filled with sickness, suffering and tears. It also smelled like death and blood. Sebastian didn't mind staying there for a bit longer. However, when they stepped through the psychiatric ward, he realized that this was different. It still was a hospital but it was less... sad? The walls were painted in neutral, light colours but it still was more friendly than the raw white covering the rest of the hospital. But what would you expect from a children's psychiatric ward? It had to be like this. Sebastian shifted from one foot to another, while Luke was talking to the guard.

\- Mr.Garroway, to what do we owe this pleasure?

\- My kid has an appointment for today. We can go, right?

Sebastian gritted his teeth. _'I'm not your fucking kid, you asshole!'_

\- Sure thing. But I need to see your pockets. Routine procedure - he explained, shrugging his shoulders.

\- Can't be helped. Sebastian, stand still.

He wanted to punch them both but he remained calm and smiled a bit, letting the guard run his hands up and down his body. He would never allow something like this, however, the fun was about to start and he couldn't wait for it. So it was worth all the sacrifices.

\- What do you have in your pocket? - asked the man.

Sebastian took out the fake mp3 player and showed it to the guard. He didn't let him take it, though. It was very hard to see the difference just by looking. But cold metal left no doubt that it wasn't a music player but a weapon.

\- A music player. It's not forbidden, right? I mean... I-I can't give you this... the music helps me calm my anxiety - he looked really scared, clutching his little baby to his chest.

The guard looked at him and then at Luke. Luke just nodded.

\- Of course, kiddo. Keep it. Good luck.

He had the weapon in his hand. He could slit this fucker's throat. And yet, he couldn't. That almost made him sad for a moment. But only for a moment because they started heading to Magnus' office. Everything was going just right according to his plan...

The door was open but there wasn't anybody in the room. Magnus had finished his session with Aline and gone for a little break to grab some coffee. He needed it.

Magnus hadn't got much sleep because Chairman had a crush on a nice kitty lady and was meowing all night, wanting to go there. But Magnus was too young to be a grandfather so he didn't let Chairman go. And Chairman had his revenge, keeping him up all night. And Magnus didn't take a nap in the morning, preferring to be with Alec. So here he was. He knew that he should have let Alec know. But Alec wasn't a child and he didn't want to be treated as such. So Magnus decided that, if he was a big boy, then he could take care of himself for a couple of minutes, waiting for him alone in Magnus' office. He had no idea that he would have guests, though...

\- You didn't call him last night? - asked Sebastian after Luke made sure the doctor wasn't in his office right now.

\- I called him a couple of times but he didn't pick up.

That was right. Magnus knew that Luke was calling but he didn't respect this man anymore and well... it was too late for him to deal with Luke's shit. So he just ignored the calls. Never again.

\- So? What are we supposed to do now? - he sighed, fiddling with his shirt. - This place gives me creeps, Luke... where is he?

Luke placed a hand on Sebastian's shoulder and smiled at him sympathetically like it would give him the courage to go through this. Oh, how much he didn't know! Yeah, Sebastian was fidgeting but only because he was too excited.

\- Don't worry, Seb. You know... you can't go around here so just go to the office, sit down and wait, okay? I will talk to Magnus. He probably will say 'yes'. He has a good heart, you know? And he loves kids. He wouldn't leave anyone in need.

He was right about it. Magnus did a lot of things he wasn't comfortable with, just to help other people. This was a bit different. However, he still didn't know. Luke made sure that Sebastian walked into Magnus' office and then left to look for the said doctor.

Sebastian closed the door and looked around the office. It was like the movies but Magnus didn't have this weird chair thing. Instead of that, there was a big couch. Excellent. He looked at the clock and did his math. He had only... seven or so minutes to find Alec and say 'hello' before Luke and the doctor would arrive. There was no time to waste. However, fate favored him this day.

Alec waited for Aline's session to finish. And when the time finally came, he waited two more minutes and then left his room and almost ran to Magnus' office. They had seen each other this morning but Alec had started to miss him. Alec decided that he didn't want to go to any expensive restaurants and try any pasta with seafood that looked like it was still alive.

And of course, he had to share this information with Magnus as soon as possible. Because it was less than a week for him to be discharged. They had to plan the day all over again. And Alec knew he was a pain in the ass, not being sure about anything. But hey! It was something new and he wanted it to be perfect. Magnus told him once that he respected Alec's sincerity. So he wasn't going to lie and then be uncomfortable, sitting with a plate of still moving creatures and pretending to be having fun! Yeah, he was exaggerating a lot. But he really cared.

He had no idea that Magnus hadn't slept that night. The make-up did its job, covering the bags under his eyes perfectly. So Alec didn't notice. And now he was at the door to Magnus' office. They didn't have a doorknob or a lock. So he just slid it to the side and stepped inside.

\- Magnus, we have to chan...

Alec's words died in his throat when he saw Sebastian. Sebastian looked shocked at first but he recovered quickly. Quicker than Alec. Because Alec was petrified with fear. He really started to think that maybe he was sick after all and was now hallucinating. Because... why would Sebastian have been there? It didn't make any sense! However, reality crashed at him, when the blonde boy suddenly grabbed his wrist and pushed him inside with all his force. He closed the door and blocked a way out. Alec stumbled over a carpet and fell down, still not being able to move swiftly. What was going on? Why wasn't Magnus there? And then he felt his blood run cold. What if he had done something to Magnus?!

\- Oh, my, my, my - started Sebastian, the evil smirk back on his lips. - My sweet Allie-whore came back to me. So cute! And I was going to look for you. Ahh, always so helpful - he chuckled.

Alec wanted to throw up. He still couldn't force his body to stand up, even though he felt the adrenaline rushing through his veins. But he needed answers!

\- W-what are you doing here...?! Where's Magnus?! - he grabbed the armrest of the couch and lifted to his feet.

Sebastian got the idea immediately. Oh, so he was worried about his sparkly doctor? What a fool. Sebastian didn't know how it felt to care about someone. He just saw how stupid Alec was to show his cards so easily.

\- I got rid of him. He won't interrupt us - he shrugged his shoulders and took a step towards Alec. And Alec took a step back but the couch blocked his way. - Na a, a, a - he clicked his tongue. - I'm not done with you yet.

\- What did you do to him? - was all he could ask. He didn't even react to Sebastian's threats at this moment, too scared that something had really happened to Magnus.

\- Don't bother the pretty head of yours with such ugly things - he shook his head and then lifted Alec's chin so their gazes met. - Think about what I can do to you...

\- Leave me alone... - Alec felt a single tear running down his cheek. - You've done enough!

Sebastian smiled, seeing him so vulnerable again. Just like he loved it. He grabbed Alec by the neck and tighten his grip a bit, causing Alec to yelp in pain. Alec put his hands on Sebastian's forearm, trying to free himself. But Sebastian was too strong and Alec was still weak.

\- I don't think so. I still have so many things to do to you. You know... it's very rude to reject me like that - he said, leaning forward till they foreheads touched.

Alec was breathing heavily, shivering. He thought that this nightmare was finally over, that he could feel safe. But it was all a lie. Sebastian will never let him live. He will always hunt him and destroy his happiness. Alec couldn't control the tears anymore. But he had no idea, if they were caused by the fear or lack of oxygen.

\- L-leave... ll-eeave me a-alone! - he sobbed, trying to struggle from Sebastian's grip.

All his efforts were fruitless, though. And Sebastian enjoyed it very much. He chuckled again and then attacked Alec's lips with his own. Alec's body reacted immediately. He turned his head to the other side but Sebastian forced him to stay still. He couldn't stop his body from fighting, though. Sebastian's lips were ice cold on his own and he really wanted this to stop. He didn't even know when he kicked Sebastian's knee but the heard the growl and felt the relief when the boy's hand let go of his neck. Alec leaned on the couch, coughing and trying to regain his breath. But to no avail because Sebastian hit him suddenly in his stomach and Alec's knees buckled under his weight. He wrapped his arms protectively around his abdomen, coughing once more.

\- You little bitch... on your knees again? You like it, don't you? Wanna have another round? But this time, put some heart in it - he grabbed Alec by the hair and tugged the angel's face to his tights.

Alec groaned, feeling new hot tears on his ice cold skin. Why was this happening? What had he ever done to deserve this? He couldn't remember any situation that would cause such suffering. But he knew one thing. He didn't have to agree to this. Sebastian was breaking the law again, he was hurting him again! And Alec had all the rights to fight back! But... he didn't have the strength and the fear was paralizing. Where was Magnus? Why he was away for so long? What if something bad had really happened to him? He just wanted to know. Only this mattered...

\- P-please, no... - he whispered.

Sebastian made a soft 'aww' sound before he kneeled beside Alec, still tugging at his hair. He grinned even wider and kissed a corner of Alec's lips.

\- I love when you're begging me, sweety. And you know what... I'm having a nice day today. So... I will respect your decision. If you don't want to blow me, then you don't have to.

Alec flinched at the contact of Sebastian's lips. He didn't calm down a bit with his statement. Quite the opposite. He knew that something even worse was awaiting him.

\- P-please, Sebastian... just leave me alone. I won't tell anyone that you were here... but please...

\- Shh - he placed his thumb on Alec's bottom lip. - I don't care if they know, Allie. Actually... I want them to know. I'm dying to see the faces of all these stupid fuckers. So you see now, that I don't have to restrain. I don't care about any punishment. I can do what I want to you. And I'm going to enjoy it. You probably won't like it as much as you want. Well... they all say it's very painful at first. But who knows? Maybe you will like it.

He said it like nothing bad was happening, like it was the most normal thing in the world to tell someone that he was about to rape that person. But it wasn't normal for Alec. The panic that was slowly building inside of him was now leaking. He started shaking, his breathing became shallow and fast. He felt like suffocating. His stomach hurt and he wanted nothing more that run away from there. Sebastian smirked wickedly and then put one hand under Alec's t- shirt. And Alec jolted to his feet, ignoring the pain of the hair that Sebastian ripped. He had one destination. Door. And then everything would be okay.

Alec rushed to the door but before he even had the chance to touch them, he felt the hard floor, hitting it with all force when Sebastian threw himself at Alec. He yelped in pain and then yelped again, feeling Sebastian's hands on his back and a bit lower.

\- No!

Alec's scream was immediately hushed when Sebastian clamped the hand over Alec's mouth. He felt the boy's tears on his hand and it turned him on even more. He dragged Alec to the couch, ignoring his thrashing and muffled screams. He always won. And he was going to get his prize this time, no matter what. He pushed Alec on the couch and was on top of him in no time. Alec was crying his eyes out when Sebastian pushed down his pants and was fiddling with the waistband of his boxers, his other hand holding Alec's wrist in one place.

\- Don't struggle, sweety. I will make you feel good. Well... you'll be screaming anyway - he rolled his eyes and laughed again. - We don't have much time but I'm okay with a quickie. How about you? - he bit his earlobe and Alec cried harder.

\- No! No, no, no, no! Please, no!- he begged and Sebastian listened. He enjoyed it very much, smiling from ear to ear.

\- Beautiful. Say this one more time, it's getting me hard - he gasped, running his hand down Alec's butt. - You know, I don't like men. Not in this way. But you have a better shape than any other girl. Only Clary has a better body than you.

His stomach made a flip when Alec heard it. It was sick. It was sick even for Sebastian! How could he say something like this about his sister?! That was just disgusting! Alec had a sister as well and he loved her with all his heart. But he would never touch her in any other than siblings way. Was it even possible to feel attraction to your own, blood-related sibling? He couldn't understand that. And he didn't want to. But he felt anger on top of all the fear and pain.

\- You won't get away with this! They will make you pay! - he snarled and trashed again but Sebastian only smashed Alec's body with his own harder.

\- Oh? And by 'they' you mean who? Your dear mother, who didn't give a damn about you? Or your lovely siblings, who watched you cry and did nothing? Or maybe this sparkly doctor? You're so stupid - he laughed.

It hurt more than the hit. It hurt and humilated him more than his actual position. Sebastian knew what to say to make him suffer. That sly bastard... why? Why him? Couldn't he find any other victim? Someone, who really did something bad to him?

Sebastian thought about it. Raping Alec was something he came here to do but at the same time... words were more dangerous than actions. So he decided to connect these two things. He gripped Alec's thigh hard. Alec knew that this will leave nasty bruises but he didn't care about this now. He gritted his teeth.

\- They love me. And I love them! You'll never know this feeling. I almost feel sorry for you - he regretted these words when Sebastian's grip tightened on his wrists.

\- You should feel sorry for yourself, sweety. You know... I was going to make you scream in pleasure but you're being a very rude boy today. So I'll just fuck you till you bleed. How's that sound?

It sounded dreadful. Alec wasn't prepared for that kind of pain and he really didn't want to experience that. He tried to free himself again. And failed.

\- Don't touch me! - he yelled. - Leave me alone!

Alec decided to scream in hope this will actually help. But then Sebastian shut him up again.

\- Shh, save your voice for later. You may need it - he pulled down Alec's underwear and that was enough for Alec to start crying again. - Shh... be a good boy, Alec. It will hurt but you're hurting non stop, aren't you? It must be really painful...

Alec heard the sound of zipper and his eyes went wide. No. No, no, no! It wasn't happening! It couldn't be happening!

\- No one cares about you. Yes, you heard me right. They don't love you. It's just the guilt that leads them to be sorry for you. But they want you to stay here as long as possible. They don't want you. Your own father despises you. And you're sickening to your own brother. My poor thing - he sighed and laughed, hearing his answer muffled by his hand. - No, they don't, sweety. And this doctor? Are you this stupid, really? He's an old man. And everything he sees in you is a nice, young ass he can fuck. That's all. He will take you and then leave. Just like me. We're not any different.

He whispered these words to Alec's ear and something broke in him. No... Magnus wasn't like Sebastian. He was good... he was loving, polite... compassionate! And sincere. Magnus would never do this to him. Magnus would have never used him like Sebastian! He was different. Alec would have never fallen in love with someone like Sebastian but Magnus... no, it couldn't be true.

\- You're lying... I don't believe you anymore - he exclaimed when Sebastian took his hand only to place it on the lower of Alec's back.

\- You don't have to. But it's true - he scratched Alec's skin, his nails leaving red traces. - They don't love you. And they will never protect you.

Sebastian grabbed Alec's arm and flipped him over so he was now laying on his back, looking Sebastian straight in the eyes. And that was what Sebastian wanted. He didn't really care much about claiming Alec anymore. Yes, it would destroy him. But this way of destroying him was much more interesting. He leaned closer, still holding his wrists and smirked.

\- But I'll always be right beside you. You will never run, Alec. I will find you everywhere. You're mine.

\- No... - he shook his head, his eyes wide open. Alec felt the panic rising even more. And at this moment he really wished Sebastian was done with him already. It probably would have hurt less than this.

\- Yes, Allie. You're mine. And I will always be here to remind you of this. You'll never be happy. And no one will ever love you. You're broken... like a broken toy. Useless. Worthless. And marked by me. You really think someone would ever want you? Open your eyes - he laughed loudly.

Alec felt his heart broke. Why was Sebastian doing all of this to him? Why was he telling him all these things? He didn't want to hear it anymore. But words weren't the only thing that Sebastian was doing to him. Alec noticed that he was taking off his own pants and the fear was back. No matter how useless he was and how much he was crying right now, weak and humiliated, he didn't want to be raped. No. Anything but this. Alec knew that at this moment he would not fight for his life. But rape was worse than death.

He was scared, trapped and hurt. However, he managed to find enough strength in himself to use the moment Sebastian wasn't paying him much attention. It was only mere seconds but it was enough. He jerked his hands and when he felt they were free, Alec didn't think much. He punched Sebastian, knocking him off of him and then zipped his pants as fast as he could.

Alec didn't wait for Sebastian to stand up. He jumped from the couch and rushed to the door. But again, Sebastian grabbed his ankle and Alec met Mother Earth again that day. But the adrenaline had kicked him pretty hard and he already had a panic attack at full swing. He didn't even feel it coming, thinking that it was normal to be scared in a situation like this. But well, he was mistaken.

\- You son of a bitch - growled Sebastian. - You're rejecting me again and you really think this will be accepted?

He wanted to strangle Alec again. But he didn't notice how deep in the panic attack Alec was. And Alec didn't control anything that was happening anymore. So when Sebastian reached his hand toward the angel, he just bit him. And he did it hard. Sebastian yelped in pain and Alec felt a metallic taste on his tongue. He would definitely throw up, if he hadn't been in a situation like that. But at this moment he didn't have much time. He just stood up and sprinted toward the door. He had to get out of there. Get out of the hospital. It wasn't safe anymore and Alec didn't want to wait for Sebastian to come back and finish his actions. So he ran. Sebastian didn't stop him this time. He didn't feel the need to do it. He left the job to the people Alec trusted.

\- Run, Allie. I bet your doctor is more fun than you - he licked the blood dripping from the nasty wound on his hand.

It seemed like an eternity but in fact it all happened in about ten minutes. Ten minutes was enough to destroy someone. And Magnus was unaware of this. Luke came to the nurse's office, where Magnus and Cat were having a coffee. He put the mug down when his boss called his name. Cat didn't move. Well, she was a nurse and this was a nurse's office, so she didn't feel like she had to.

\- How can I help you, Luke? - asked Magnus, coming closer to him.

\- I need you to do me a big favour. You know my stepson, right?

Damn right he knew. And he frowned immediately only at the mention of this fucking monster.

\- I can't say it was a pleasure to meet him - he stated, folding his arms. - Why?

\- Sebastian confessed that he did this... everything. That he was the one responsible for all of this.

Magnus was taken aback by this information. Luke noticed that and continued.

\- He says that he didn't know what he was doing. And I want you to examine him, talk to him. You're a psychiatrist, Magnus. And you're the only one, who can diagnose him.

He furrowed his brows and clenched his fists. What he was playing at?!

\- I'm not the only psychiatrist in this city, you know. I bet someone else would love to diagnose your stepson but I'm not one of these people.

\- You can't refuse to help a patient! - stated Luke.

\- Yeah. But he's not my patient. Alexander is my patient. And shall I remind you that he is here because of your stepson?! What the hell do you want, Luke?! - he was angry and had all the rights to be.

\- I know, I know! But you're the best, Magnus and...

\- Flattery will get you nowhere, Luke - he interrupted.

\- I know! - he grunted. - But I need your help. Please, Magnus. This also can help Alec. You will know the truth. Please...

Magnus looked at Luke and sighed heavily. He was right. He could diagnose this kid and know exactly why he did that. That would let Alec win his case without even going to court. But something about this was odd, he felt it. And he really didn't like it.

\- Okay, where is he? - he gave up.

\- Waiting in your office.

Magnus felt like he had been slapped and suddenly he felt very dizzy. Oh no... oh, fuck, no! Alec was going to visit him. And if Sebastian was there... shit. Magnus sprinted from the office, Cat following him. But it was already too late...

There was a loud noise and a crowd started to gather. The children went to see what was happening and now the nurses had to take them back to their rooms. And the rest of the nurses went to calm down the patient, who turned out to be Alec. But they didn't have any chances. Alec was totally lost. He didn't see what was right and what was wrong anymore. He pushed one nurse, he broke a nose of the male nurse and the result was that no other nurse wanted to come near him. The guard was on his break. And Magnus wanted to kill him for that.

Alec didn't recognize anyone anymore. And Magnus was terrified, seeing his beautiful angel in a pure rage mode. Alec was hitting the door with his fists that were injured now, he was bumping the door with his shoulder but to no avail. It was closed and could only be opened with a special card. Alec didn't have one. So he kept hitting the door, hoping they will open. He looked scary. And... was there a blood leaking from his mouth and down the chin? Oh, Alec... that didn't look good. Magnus stood there, shocked. And then Luke brought him back to earth.

\- Do something! He's dangerous! - he exclaimed.

And Magnus hated to admit that yes, Alec was dangerous right now. And he was the greater danger to himself. They needed to stop him.

\- Shut up!

He growled and then noticed that Cat went to call Jem and now the three of them were slowly approaching Alec. They were all concerned, not knowing what happened. Alec looked so cheerful that day and now his face was stained with still flowing tears, the blood was dripping from his mouth, some blood was smeared on his chin and cheek. And he was hurting himself. They had to stop him before he did something worse.

\- Alexander - started Magnus, wanting to sound as calm as it was possible. - Alexander, please, stop doing this. The door did nothing to you. But if you want, we can insult them together - he smiled, trying to calm him down this way. But Alec didn't even look up at him.

\- Alec, please. Let's do some sudoku, okay? It'll be all fine - added Jem. And failed as well.

But Jem was really worried. He took a step closer and before Magnus manage to tell him not to, Alec hit his jaw, sending him to the ground. He didn't mean to do it. It just happen. And Jem knew that. Cat helped him stand up and then they all looked at one another. There wasn't any other choice. And Luke was aware of that as well. He joined their little group.

\- I don't like this. We can still try talking to him - said Magnus but his boss raised a hand, silencing him.

\- No, we won't risk. And we don't have the time. We will hold him.

The decision was made. Alec jumped, backing away from Cat but then Luke caught his arms and held him in place. Jem helped him since Alec was struggling pretty hard.

\- Let go of me! - he screamed and managed to elbow Luke.

Magnus wanted to congratulate him. Alec was doing great job hurting people he didn't like. But it wasn't the time for this. They forced Alec to lay on the ground, all three of them holding him in place, even though he tried to free himself. Magnus felt sick. What happened that led Alec to this?

\- Magnus! - Luke called again.

He didn't want to do this. He so didn't want to... but he didn't have a choice. Alec could hurt himself more and Magnus didn't want to see him suffer. So he did what he had to. Alec heard something made of plastic hit the floor and he looked over his shoulder at Magnus. When he saw the syringe in the doctor's hand, he instantly felt weaker. Magnus kneeled beside him.

\- I'm sorry, Alec... - he whispered.

\- No! Magnus, no! Please, don't do this!

Alec begged, scared of what was about to happen. He knew what this drug will do to him. Alec kept looking at Magnus with pleading eyes, repeating the word 'please' over and over. And Magnus heart broke. Because he really didn't have a choice. Alec cried out it pain when the needle pricked his skin. Seconds later his struggling became sloppy and the screams turned into whisper. He almost didn't register when Cat, Jem and Luke took their hands away from him. He laid there, not moving at all. And he had enough. His mind was clouded and dizzy but he still felt anxious. And then Magnus lifted him up bridal style.

\- Magnus... - he wasn't sure if the words were real or he just imagined that.

\- I'm so sorry, Alexander. But you will feel better - he answered.

Magnus carried Alec to his room. The boy seemed to be unaware of what was happening. But then Magnus felt Alec's hand on his own and looked down at him.

\- Magnus... - he whispered. - He's here... he is here... - he muttered and Magnus felt a wave of rage going through his body. Of course he was...

\- Shhh, Alexander, no one is here. No one is here to hurt you, okay? I got you - he had to lie.

Alec blinked. He actually believed Magnus because his mind was already foggy and everything was spinning so why would he have lied? Magnus definitely was right. It was a dream, yes. So what was the voice in the back of his head telling him that the danger was still there?

\- I thought... you're hurt... - he slurred.

\- I'm fine. And so are you, Alexander - he put Alec down on the bed and brought the covers to his chin. - Just sleep, okay? I will visit you later. And I'll bring you some more chocolate, okay?

\- Magnus...

He didn't want chocolate. He wanted the world to stop spinning and the torpor to be gone. He was sleepy but something was telling him that he had to fight it. So he did, even though staying awake was just painful.

\- Magnus, we need to strap him to the bed - said Luke when he walked in the room.

\- Are you fucking insane?! - he whisper-screamed. - He's already delirious!

\- Yes but you know the drug will wear off and we can't risk him doing something like this again.

\- He would never do this in the first place if it wasn't for that brat of yours! - he clenched his fists, furious. - We had a session with Alec. And Sebastian was there!

Luke was silent for a moment and then he just sighed.

\- Unfortunate coincidence, I admit it. But still...

\- No! Now you fucking listen! - he gritted his teeth. - I will see your stepson but only on one condition. Get the fuck off Alec.

He didn't leave any place for argument. Luke didn't like it but he really wanted Magnus to diagnose Sebastian. He really needed this. So he agreed.

\- Fine. But you're responsible for him.

\- I'm his doctor, Sherlock. Now get out and wait outside.

Luke pursed his lips, stopping himself from saying something. But he needed Magnus. So he swallowed his pride and left the room. Magnus made sure he wasn't there and then leaned closer to Alec, brushing the single strands of black hair from his forehead.

\- You're so brave, sweet pea. Sleep tight. This will be over when you'll wake up.

\- Promise...? - his voice sounded so odd for him.

\- Pinkie promise - Magnus took Alec's hand and made the childish promise gesture.

Alec smiled before his eyelids became to heavy and he was asleep before he even realized it. Magnus had waited a minute before he took his hand away and headed to the door.

 _"Let's end it"_ he said to himself.

**

Sebastian was still sitting on the couch, looking at his hand. He didn't see what happened after Alec left the office but he heard everything and that was enough to make him smile. The wound was still bleeding but he actually liked the feeling. So his little pet showed what he could do.

He liked it even better, even though he was aware that he lost the chance to finish his business with Alec. Well, not now then later. It turned out to be pretty good anyway. The man he trusted, betrayed him. Yeah, he was quite content with the outturn. And now was the time for the final part. He waited patiently.

Magnus wanted to be done already with Sebastian. He pretended to be calm and professional even if everything was boiling inside of him. But Luke didn't notice that and let him go to his stepson. Sebastian put his hands in pockets when he heard the door being open. He didn't move an inch. And didn't see that Magnus was doing something with his phone. He then sat at his desk and smiled politely. Let's play a game.

\- Good morning, Sebastian. My name is Magnus and I'll have a little chat with you today, okay?

Sebastian liked him right away. Okay, let's play.

\- Sure - he answered simply.

\- So, Sebastian. Luke told me that you have some issues. Would you like to tell me about them?

\- There's not much to say, actually. I just... I just don't know what I'm doing sometimes. It's like a sleep-walking... and then I'm awake and something bad happened. And it always turns out it was me... - he sighed dramatically. If only Magnus didn't know him already.

\- Do you feel guilty when you're finding out about it?

\- Yes.

\- And how was it with Alec? - he asked, eyeing him cautiously. He had to know.

\- I wanted to try and love him but I ended up hurting him instead. I... I really didn't want to... - he looked down.

\- I see. And what happened today? You met with Alec in this office. And what happened then?

\- He saw me and started screaming. I wanted to apologize to him but then he ran away. I don't know what happened...

\- Sebastian, why did you want to see me of all the doctors here in New York?

\- Because... Alec wanted to kill himself. But you helped him and cured him. I know that you can help me too.

\- Do you want my help?

\- Can't you see what I've done?! - he exclaimed and then burst into tears. - I need your help! I can't control it! I won't survive next time. I don't want to hurt anyone else... I don't...

He kept crying and Magnus watched him. He didn't have any doubts anymore. Magnus was a psychiatrist and he respected people who suffered from mental illnesses. But Sebastian was different. He was evil, not sick.

\- Okay, cut this crap already - said Magnus, sitting straight in his chair.

\- W-what...? - Sebastian looked up at him, confused.

\- You heard me. Stop it already. I'm sick of it - he crossed his arms over his chest.

Sebastian looked at him for a moment and when he realized that indeed, Magnus knew, he just wiped his eyes and then the evil smirk was back.

\- How did you know? Am I this bad? - he arched his brow.

\- No. You're actually a pretty good actor. But you need to work on it. The blood doesn't make you very trusthworthy - he shrugged his shoulders.

Sebastian saw that the couch was stained with blood and he laughed at this.

\- You're right, I need more practice.

\- Cut it - he sighed. - Tell the truth, Sebastian. Why are you here?

\- I really wanted to see you.

\- You make everything more difficult. You know that I won't write anything that will help you get away with it, right? Wouldn't it be easier if you went to someone else?

\- But where's the fun in that? - he chuckled, shaking his head. - Anyway, I had to try. And it was fun.

\- Fun? - he narrowed his eyes. - What did you do to Alec? - his voice was ice cold.

\- Oh, nothing. I barely even touched him. He's so virtuous it almost hurts - he rolled his eyes. - You should think it over, doctor. He won't spread his legs so easily even for you.

Magnus frowned. His fists itched to punch this bastard and wipe off this smirk from his face. But he stayed calm. It still wasn't over.

\- You wanted to rape him? - he asked, the words hurting him from the inside. And Sebastian laughed seeing this.

\- Yeah, that would be fun. I mean, it's gross as fuck. But I love to see him crying. It's so beautiful, don't you think?

He looked at Magnus, his eyes shining with something sinister. And Magnus smiled back.

\- I think you have more problems than you think - he took out his phone. - I bet everyone will be thrilled to hear it.

Sebastian was taken aback for a moment and then he laughed again, even harder this time.

\- Hah! You're really something, Magnus Bane!

\- No. I'm not something. You are nothing - he answered calmly. - You can fool anyone you want. But it's still twenty years too late to fool me, you malicious, sneaky, lousy bastard - he spat these words like a venom and then put the phone back to his pocket.

\- I may have blushed right now. But flattery will get you nowhere, doctor.

He really looked amused and that started to creep Magnus out. Magnus worked with mentally ill people. But it wasn't their fault they had to go through this. And Sebastian... he seemed to enjoy it. No, he wasn't sick. He was a devil.

\- But I know where they will take you - Magnus pressed the button under his desk. Well, it was something that was just necessary but it was the first time Magnus had ever used it.

\- Oh, I know that too. It's quite a nice place, actually. I don't mind it. But you may not like the place you're heading to - he shrugged and then took out the fake player from his pocket. It was already covered in blood. He stood up from the couch and made his way to Magnus.

Magnus stood up from his chair. It was never safe to let someone like Sebastian go near you. But then he looked at the player and raised his brow. Maybe this kid was sick after all?

\- You mean the laryngologist? You're going to torture me with Justin Bieber's songs? - he frowned and stopped.

\- You're funny!

Sebastian's laughter filled the room and startled Magnus. Suddenly, Sebastian crossed the distance between them in two leaps and faced him, smirking. Magnus noticed a metalic glimmer and cursed under his breath. But it happened too fast. He only managed to take a step back. But it was too late.

\- I meant the undertaker.

Magnus gritted his teeth tight, feeling the blade pircing through his flesh. And then slumped to his knees when Sebastian retrieved the the knife and the sharp metal cut through his inside. It hurt like a bitch. Magnus had never experienced this kind of pain in his whole life. It was breathtaking. He already felt the sweat forming on his forehead and clutched his side, pressing on the wound. It hurt even more but Magnus was a doctor and he knew that it was the only way to help with the bleeding.

\- Why...? - he gasped, having trouble with a stable breathing.

\- Because it's fun - he shrugged his shoulders and then brought the blade to his mouth. - So much fun.

Sebastian licked the blade, tasting Magnus' blood on his tongue. And Magnus watched him in horror.

\- Y-you're insane... - he rasped.

\- Oh, so you should be familiar with people like me - he stated and then circled Magnus like a vulture. - Nah, you're such a bad boy, doctor. Why were you moving? Now you'll be bleeding. But it's your fault. I wanted to finish this in one stab. Now I need to do more - he pouted.

Magnus was now terrified. It wasn't the pain, though. He just didn't want to die. Alec, Chairman, his friends...they needed him. And he was too young and too magnificent to die! But then Sebastian kicked him hard on his ribs and Magnus yelped, hitting the floor, trying to stay calm. It wasn't easy. He couldn't defend himself. The pain was too much, he was losing too much blood and his vision was starting to get blurry. He was so fucked up.

\- Y-you will... rot in... in prison... - he groaned, trying to get away from Sebastian when the boy crouched beside him.

\- Probably - he shrugged. - But I don't really give a single fuck about that. I will be back in the blink of an eye. And neither you nor my little whore will hide away from me - he put his hand into the doctor's coat pocket and took out his phone. - You won't need it anymore.

Sebastian hit the mobile with a knife. And Magnus knew that the warranty won't work this time. Everything was lost. The evidence. Chairman's cute pictures... everything. Sebastian threw the broken device into the trash bin.

\- Why Alec...? And why me?

\- I don't know. Alec... because of his brother. And you? Because of Alec, I guess? Does it really matter? We don't have much time and I want to finish.

\- G-get away...

\- Farewell, doctor Bane.

Magnus heard the swish of the blade but he managed to roll on his other side on time and avoided the knife. It felt like hell but the adrenaline had done its job and he lifted to his feet, barely dodging the next hit. Sebastian seemed to be really pissed off right now. And Magnus knew that it was only seconds before his life would end. But then the door burst open and the guards rushed inside, seeing what was happening. Jem and Cat followed them inside.

And Sebastian was aware that the game was over. But he still didn't want it to end so he grabbed Magnus and put the knife to his throat, pressing the now hot metal to his skin.

\- Let him go! - called one of the guards.

\- Sebastian! - exclaimed a shocked Luke who joined the group in Magnus' office right after he heard the noises. - Put that down.

\- I'll put HIM down if you don't shut up! - he frowned, focusing on his stepfather. - How do you like it, Luke? You still want to protect me?

He chuckled, seeing Luke's face. He was so guilty, so disappointed. It was worth it. It was all so worth it. He only hoped that the stab wound would be lethal. It would be a shame if he messed up twice this day. Maybe it wasn't his day after all? He looked at the guards, who were slowly approaching him. Fools. Did they really think that it would be so easy? He then turned his attention to Magnus and smiled wider, seeing how much in pain this man was. His knees buckled under his weight and Sebastian held him still. But it was the one, short moment when he took the blade away from Magnus' throat. And that was all Magnus' friends needed.

The guards could have had their procedures. But Jem and Cat didn't give a damn about that. They jumped on Sebastian but the boy was strong. He let go of Magnus, who fell down the floor, groaning. And then pushed Jem on the desk. Cat wanted to knock the knife off of his hand but Sebastian was faster. And furious that someone like them dared to confront him. He stabbed Cat's shoulder. The girl cried in pain but she was also so furious and determined that she held the hilt in place, not letting Sebastian take it. He tried. But then the guards cought his arms and brought him down the floor.

\- This is not a game over. I'll be back - was the last thing he said.

He was still smiling when the guards took him away. Luke was watching this all in horror. What the hell just happened? How... it wasn't even an hour since they arrived at the hospital to get the help for Sebastian and now it turned out that it was all Sebastian's plan? He sat down on the floor. No... it wasn't real. But then he remembered that well, his staff was hurt. And he rushed to them.

Magnus, Cat and Jem were laying on the floor, all in pain. Jem hit his head pretty hard, Cat still had a knife in her shoulder and Magnus was bleeding out.

\- I'll get you help! Don't fall asleep!

\- Call Ragnor... - muttered Magnus.

And that was everything that happened that day before the darkness came.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? I really want to hear your opinion!   
> Feel free to scream at me in the comments!


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes! 
> 
> Something bittersweet for you, guys :)

When Ragnor Fell got a call from Luke that there's been an accident, his friends and wife were injured, he thought that the April Fools came earlier that year. But it turned out that the truth was much more painful. He didn't lose any more time. Ragnor called Will and Raphael, knowing that the two were at work that day. They both had their duties. But they abandoned everything, not bothering if they would have been fired later that day. It would be much better to lose a job than a friend. Or wife. Or fiance.

The three of them rushed to the psychiatric ward and straight to Magnus' office. And what they saw just left them speechlees. There was so much blood. Magnus was laying on the floor, unconscious. His caramel skin was sickly pale and his breathing was shallow. Luke was kneeling beside him and pressing the wound with all his force but the blood kept flowing. Next to them was Cat, wincing quietly. She was laying flat on the floor, not daring to move because the blade in her flesh was causing unbearable pain with every small movement. The situation with Jem was also not good. He was pale and confused. The doctors didn't have to even look at one another to know, what to do. They all loved Magnus with all their hearts. But it was obvious who would take care of each person.

Will ran to Jem, Ragnor to Cat and Raphael pushed Luke away and took a look at Magnus. The diagnoses were there on instant. They always have been good but now with all the fear and preassure, their brains worked even better. And they were grateful because the injuries were not something you would look forward to. However, Jem and Cat, even if in pain, were more worried about Magnus.

\- James, don't move. You probably have a hell of concussion and I don't want you to throw up at me. I'll just pick you up - Will brushed the silver strands from Jem's forehead and the other man smiled.

\- Mhm... I'll throw up anyway - he mumbled, not really realizing what was happening. - What's with Magnus?

\- Shhh, Jem, don't talk. I'm right here - he started caressing his hand, reasurringly and checking his pulse at the same time.

Will sighed in relief. It didn't look like something dangerous but he checked Jem's eyes movements and to do this he used his pocket flashlight. That was enough for Jem and his stomach to say 'pass'. Will helped Jem to lay on his side and waited, still holding his hand. He tried to be a help but he was furious. He wanted to strangle the fucker, who dared to hurt his friends and his precious little Jem. But now Jem was the most important. He and the rest.

It wasn't only Will, who was pissed off. Ragnor was even more pissed, seeing his beautiful wife in pain and covered in blood. She was tough, though. He really was impressed how strong this woman was. She wasn't complaining, she wasn't even crying. Catarina just gritted her teeth and was watching Magnus, too worried about him to even thing about herself and her own health. Ragnor was terrified. He knew exactly what Cat needed but he was too scared to touch her, not wanting to cause her even more pain.

\- Cat, on scale 1-10, how much does it hurt? - he asked carefully.

\- Like a fucking bitch - she answered and closed her eyes. - I'm sorry I hit you with the plate. I didn't want to... - she muttered, looking at him from half-closed eyelids.

\- It's okay, my blue witch. I kinda deserved it... - he gently took her hand.

\- You did - she smiled and he smiled back, being at the verge of tears. - How's Magnus?

\- Raphael is with him. Don't worry. And don't fall asleep, Cat. They'll be here with the strechers in a minute.

\- You're not gonna carry me bridal style like Will is planning to do with Jem? - she teased.

\- Throwing up is so not sexy, dear. Just stay with me a moment longer.

He has never in his life felt so useless like right now. Cat needed a specialistic help. They all did. And they had to wait. Raphael was also very angry with it. Luke rushed to get more people to help and prepare the operating theater and he stayed alone with Magnus. He couldn't ask for help the other two because they had too much to do already. Jem would choke if Will wasn't by his side. And Cat would fall asleep, which was not good. So he had to take the responsibility for Magnus. And he hated to admit that he was fucking scared. Raphael was a cardiologist but he worked at ER. And he saw a lot of wounds like Magnus'. His wound wasn't very deep but was bleeding like crazy and Raphael was afraid that it could end up very bad if his spleen had been damaged. He pressed the wound and Magnus, still unconscious, let out a quiet whimper. Raphael felt the the pain as well.

\- Don't you fucking dare, Magnus. You'll be fine - he whispered, not wanting anyone to hear it.

A minute later nurses and paramedics rushed into Magnus' office with three pairs of stretchers. They took Jem to get him a CT. Catarina and Magnus were taken to the operating theater immediately. Ragnor wanted to be with his wife but they didn't want to let him operate his own wife, claiming that it never ended well. So he decided to stay with Magnus. And Magnus had a great timing with waking up. He was confused and his vision to blurry to register anything but he recognized Ragnor's voice.

\- I'll take care of your sorry ass, Magnus. You just sleep and think about... glitter, cats and certain blue-eyed boy.

\- A-A-Ale... - slurred Magnus, too drained to even say anything.

\- He's fine. He's sleeping soundly and so are you. We'll see in hour or two.

Magnus wanted to say something more. He understood that Alec was fine but he wanted to know, how fine. Was he hurt? Maybe he needed something? He had a lot of questions. But then someone poked his arm and he felt a cold fluid spreading through his veins. He didn't feel any pain anymore. Just sleepy. So sleepy...

***

It was another day when finally everything seemed to be fine. Not quite. The hospital had to inform the patient's parents about the incident. And saying that Maryse Lightwood was furious after hearing that her son could not make it because the hospital staff was too incompetent, was a misunderstanding of the year. She was so done with all of this. And so were her children. They didn't have any doubts anymore. Alec had to come back home. He wasn't safe in the hospital. So there was not sense to keep him there.

Alec had no idea that his family made a choice for himself. The drug worked well on his still weak body and kept him asleep the whole day and whole night. So when Alec finally woke up, he felt like shit. His body was aching, his head was heavy and he felt so confused. Alec didn't open his eyes immediately. He was laying in bed, trying to remember what happened and why he felt like that. And when he remembered, he felt even worse. Sebastian. Blood. Magnus... Magnus! The realization hit him hard. He jolted sat abruptly on the bed, breathing heavily. He still could feel Sebastian's hands on himself and he wanted to do only one thing. Shower. A steaming hot shower with a scratchy sponge where he could scratch his skin till it was red and hot. But it was impossible. Especially when a doctor entered his room. Alec had no idea, who this doctor was. It was a woman with long, blond hair and brown eyes. She was beautiful but Alec didn't care. His heart was already beating fast, the fear building in his chest. And the doctor saw it. She approached him quickly and forced him to lay on the bed. Alec tried to free himself and panick even more, when he saw a syringe with the familiar liquid inside. He shook his head.

\- No, no, no! No, please! No, I'm okay! I'm perfectly okay! I swear! - he exclaimed, hoping it will help.

And it did. The doctor let him go and took a step back.

\- I'll trust you this time. No funny tricks - she warned him and he nodded. - I'm Lydia Branwell and I'll be your doctor from now.

It was like a slap. What...? A new doctor? Why? Did Magnus was disgusted with hima fter what happened? He didn't want to be his doctor anymore? Or...

\- Why? Did something happen to Magnus? - he asked a bit too fast but he didn't care. He just had to know.

Lydia bit her bottom lip but then smiled to him.

\- It shouldn't be your concern, Alex. I'll be taking care of you right now, so...

\- Alec - he interrupted.

\- Excuse me...?

\- It's 'Alec', not 'Alex'. And it it my fucking concern! I won't talk to you until you tell me what's with Magnus! - he shouted, not giving a damn that he promised to be calm not even a minute ago.

Lydia looked at him, a bit confused and then decided that Alec was still in shock and needed more rest. But it was obvious that he wouldn't want to sleep more. So she tried with the shot again but before she could do anything, the door burst open and Maryse with Izzy and Jace came in. Maryse frowned, seeing the blond doctor and she stood right in front of her.

\- Get your hands off my child - she snarled.

\- I'm sorry but it's necessary. And I'm Alec's new doctor - she tried to explain but Maryse shushed her.

\- Alec is not a patient of this hospital anymore. I'm taking him home right now so get out - she narrowed her eyes.

Alec didn't know what was happening. So did Lydia. She looked at Maryse, then at the rest and decided to leave. She needed to talk with Luke because the situation was clearly too risky to do anything without the knowledge of someone above her. They were left alone in a minute. Izzy and Jace went to hug Alec tightly. The boy almost suffocated but he let them hug him as much as they wanted.

\- My god, Alec! We were so worried, big bro! - cried Izzy and Alec felt really bad, seeing her tears.

\- I'm gonna fucking kill him - growled Jace. - You're going home, buddy. It's too dangerous here.

\- But... - he cleared his throat. - What happened?

He asked and they looked at him like he had grown a second head. Maryse sat on the bed next to him and caressed his back, smiling politely at him.

\- You don't remember, sweetheart?

\- I... - he swallowed hard, all the events from tomorrow coming to him with double force. He remembered. Of course. How could he not? - I... I know what happened. Sebastian was here. He tried to... - he bit his bottom lip and they gave him time, even though it hurt. - But I ran away. Then Magnus had to sedate me and... what happened later?

He looked at them, begging them to tell the truth. And they looked at one another, not knowing if this was a good idea. But Alec hated lies. And he heard too much lies lately. So they decided to tell him the truth, no matter what the consequences could be.

\- Sebastian attacked Magnus. And two other people. But we don't know anything else - said Maryse, trying to sound as gently as possible.

However, it was impossible to be calm in a situation like this. It all hit him too hard. Magnus had been injured after he left his office. It was all his fault. Sebastian was there and Alec didn't warn him. He let this psycho hurt the only person he loved, not including his family. Alec felt his stomach clutch and he really wanted this to be a very bad joke.

\- Ho-how is he...? - he tightened his grip on the sheets.

\- We don't know. We only know that he had a surgery. He's alive! - she added quickly, seeing Alec's terrified expression.

Alec sighed in relief. But it didn't calm him down totally. Magnus was alive and that was a miracle. He wanted to cry with happiness. And with sorrow eighter. Because... it still was his fault that Magnus had the surgery. It was his fault that he needed a miracle! If it wasn't for him, Magnus would be safe and sound right now. But now he was probably recovering after a surgery. And if he had a surgery then it must have been a serious injury. Alec blamed himself. It hurt like nothing else. Magnus was so good for him. He helped Alec with everything, he wanted to live again only because of this sparkly man! And he was just a burden. Magnus only had troubles because of Alec and now he almost lost his life. And two other people? It was all his fault. He didn't deserve to be alive. He couldn't stop thinking, that if he had killed himself that day, then now no one would suffer. And his family seemed to notice that because they hugged Alec again and let him cry. He couldn't control it anymore.

\- Buddy, it's not your fault...

Jace had tears in his eyes as well. Alec thought that it all happened because of him. But he didn't know the truth and Jace was too scared to tell him. It all started because of him, because of Jace and his choice to date Clary. He loved her with all his heart and had never regretted being with her... until now. He gritted his teeth and hugged Alec tighter. He couldn't tell him. Alec wouldn't have forgiven him that, he was sure about that. And he lost his girlfriend. He couldn't lose his brother as well. And at the same time, he couldn't look at Alec being in so much pain.

\- He was here to finish the business with me. And Magnus got hurt right after I ran away. Of course it's my fault, Jace! - he sobbed and Izzy hold him close to her chest.

Pain, fear. He felt it. But he also had something like heart. And this heart belonged to his family. So he made his decision, even though he was frightened that Alec would never want to speak to him again.

\- But he did all of this to you because of me - he blurted out.

The three pairs of eyes turned to his direction.

\- What do you mean? - Alec looked at him, wiping the tears off his face. He was so confused now.

\- He hates me. He hates me because I'm in love with Clary. He's a psycho, Alec. I had no idea that he will look for a revenge because I started dating Clary - he let the tears flow.

Alec heart broke. And he remembered the words Sebastian said to him the day before. He felt sick right away.

\- He tried to rape me and kill me because you date Clary...? - he whispered, not being able to use his voice anymore.

\- Yes - he nodded. - I really didn't know it. I'm so sorry, Alec... if I only knew...

But Alec placed a hand on Jace's mouth before he managed to say something more. He loved Jace and he his happiness was much more important that his own safety. And... how could he know? Alec had no idea that something like this was even possible. And he had to admit that he was much more happy not knowing about it. It was just disgusting. And Jace shouldn't be the one to feel sorry about it.

Jace blinked. Izzy and Maryse were still speechless.

\- You couldn't know. I'm not mad at you. I know you would never hurt me on purpose, Jace. So please... don't mention this ever again. I don't want to throw up - he flinched a bit.

Jace smiled when Alec took his hand away and nodded. One thing done. But the mess was too big to be over with it in one day. Magnus, the other two people and Clary... he had to talk with Clary. She probably had no idea that Sebastian was a psycho. But at the same time he still felt offended with what she told about Alec. So he decided to wait for her. They needed more time. It hurt. But well...

\- Alec, let's get you dressed. We're leaving - said Izzy finally.

She got up from the bed and then gave her brother clothes she brought with her. And she decided that she will help him pack his things. Alec looked at them. Maybe they were right? There was no point in sitting in the hospital anymore. So he put the clothes on, not bothering that his sister and mother were watching him. It didn't matter. He still felt like shit. The drug almost wore off but his head still hurt and he still was sleepy and a bit confused. But more than that, he felt guilty and worried. He had to know who got hurt by Sebastian. He needed to find someone, who wouldn't lie to him. And he knew the right person.

\- Come on, baby. I'll cook your favourite food, then we will watch some Disney and... whatever you want - smiled Maryse, taking his son's hand. He was definitely too old for this but she didn't care.

\- It would be great, mom. But I just have to know what's with Magnus and the rest. Please...

He looked at her with pleading eyes and she couldn't say no. Jace and Izzy didn't interfere because they already knew that their brother probably was in a relationship with the sparkly doctor. So they understood him.

\- Okay - she sighed. - I need to talk to Luke anyway. Jace, Izzy, will you go with Alec?

\- Yeah, leave it to us. Come on, kiddo - Jace grinned and almost got hit but Alec decided to leave it for later.

They split up. Alec borrowed his sister's phone and texted Raphael. He texted him back almost immediately and they headed to Raphael's office. He had to talk to him.

Raphael wasn't very content with Jace and Izzy but he said nothing and turned his all attention to Alec, who now was fidgeting. He sighed, rolling his eyes.

\- Stop this. It's annoying - he stated.

\- Sorry - Alec put his hands into pockets. - Raphael... what happened yesterday? Who got hurt? Why? And what's with them?

He was nervous and worried. And Raphael groaned, irritated by the amount of questions. But he knew he had to answer.

\- Magnus, Catarina and James. They were all injured. We took care of them, though. Catarina was stabbed with a knife in her arm. She will have a big scar but nothing than pain will bother her. Jem has a nasty concussion but after he will be done with the throwing up part, he should be fine. Will is jumping around him, so is Tessa. You don't have to worry. And Magnus... - he bit his lip. - He was stabbed as well... but this wound is more serious. We had to remove his spleen and there was internal bleeding. He lost a shitload of blood and has two broken ribs. But he's stable and will be back on his feet in couple of days.

Alec didn't know when the tears started to run down his face. They all suffered so much. It was all because of him... Magnus almost died, he was in so much pain! And he could do nothing.

\- Hey, kid - Raphael rolled his eyes again. - Stop this whining. Nothing a morphine can't fix. He just needs to rest now. A lot - he shrugged his shoulders.

\- B-but... - he gulped.

And that was enough for Raphael to be pissed. He hit the desk with his palm and glared at Alec, who took a step back. Jace and Izzy stood up immediately.

\- Shut the fuck up! I'm so fed up with your whining! If you really care about them, then go wash your face and go to them! Crying will get you nowhere. It's time to be and adult and man up! I don't care how they treated you like a gentle flower because you tried to kill yourself. That sucks like a bitch, however! Don't let this fucker destroy you and everything you love. That's exatly what he wants. And I won't let this happen. You don't deserve it. Neither do I - he almost whispered that. Yes, he was harsh on Alec but could anyone blame him? He almost lost his friend... the only person he knew from forever. He wasn't mad at Alec, though. But he knew that Alec was the only person that could help Magnus. So he needed to shout and knock some common sense to the boy's head. - Be smarter, Lightwood.

Alec was left speechless. He couldn't remember when was the last time someone talked to him like that. Jace and Izzy wanted to punch Raphael but Alec held his hand and they stopped. They looked at him, not understanding. But he understood. Raphael was right. He had to put his shit together and start being useful. It was hard because he still was scared and insecure. And so guilty. But Raphael's words opened his eyes a bit. He cared about Magnus. And Magnus had no one. He had his friends but they also had their own lives. And with all this shit going on right now, they had a lot of explaining and other things to do. And Alec? Magnus saved his life. So he owned it now. Alec wanted him to do that.

\- Thank you - he smiled and then sprinted from the office.

Jace and Izzy ran after him until a nurse scolded them and they bowed their heads in shame. That was few seconds and it was enough for Alec to disappear somewhere. Jace cursed under his breath. Yeah, good luck explaining this to Maryse...

However, Alec knew where he was going. Well, not really. But he was determined to find out! He was looking for Magnus' room and to do that, he had to open every door possible. He didn't want to bother the other people's sleep but he just had to find Magnus and that was worth all the pangs of conscience. It took him couple of minutes but he finally found the room. And he realized that Magnus wasn't alone.

It probably were the privileges of being a doctor and working at this hospital that they managed to stay at the same, one room. It probably was Will's doing...  
They all turned their eyes on Alec when he stepped in the room. And he looked at them. And his heart broke when he saw that they were smiling at him. No one blamed him... he felt his eyes sting but he smiled back. Raphael was right. He had to be strong. Or at least try. Because these people needed more comfort than him.

Jem was pale, Catarina looked like she was in some kind of haze. Probably because of the painkillers. And Magnus... Magnus was so sickly pale and unconscious. He was laying in the bed, white sheets contrasting with his skin. Alec could see the bandages wrapped around his torso. Two IV's with fluids were on his one hand and a blood unit on the second one. But he was breathing without help of any machine and that actually let him sigh in relief. Because that was a good sign, wasn't it?

They caught him staring and let him for some time but finally Ragnor broke the silence, coming closer to his friend and checking his vitals. Of course he was the one to do this. He trusted only himself when it was about his friends.

\- He will be fine - he said and looked at Alec.

Alec blinked, not even realizing that some tears ran down his face. But he remained his composure. He wiped them off and nodded.

\- I know he will. And... how are you guys? - he turned his attention to Jem and Cat. And the things they had on their bedside tables. - Shit... I should have brought something for you guys. I'm so sorry... you've got hurt because of me and I didn't even buy you a fucking orange... - he looked down.

Will laughed at that.

\- That's actually pretty amazing because Jem hates oranges. Like, literally. He almost gets mad when he sees orange. No matter if this is a fruit, juice or jelly.

\- How people can eat jelly? - Jem murmured, his eyes still closed. But he was smiling.

\- I would love a jelly - whispered Cat. - Rag, will you buy me a jelly? Strawberry... or lemon.

Ragnor leaned toward his wife and kissed her forehead. Alec felt a bit jelous. It was so domestic, so innocent. And at the same it was so much love in this small kiss. He would love to do that to Magnus... but Magnus was sleeping. And he probably didn't want to do anything with Alec anymore. But he understood. Alec looked at Cat and Ragnor, who actually really wanted to go and buy his wife everything but at the same time he didn't want to leave her side.

\- I'll go and buy the jelly - offered Alec. - Well... I'm not a big help here and... it's my fault so...

\- Stop repeating that - she sighed. - It was our fault. We jumped at this boy and it was our fault that we've got injured. But I don't regret it.

\- Neither do I - mumbled Jem.

\- He also hurt you, Alec. You are a victim just as we are. So please. Shut up. And buy me my jelly.

Ragnor shook his head fondly and sat on the chair beside her bed, taking Cat's hand in his hand. Alec really had no idea what he did to deserve to know such amazing people. But he didn't complain.

\- I'll be right back with your jelly, Cat.

\- So you're really going to store? - asked Tessa, caressing gently Jem's arm.

\- Umm... yes?

\- Great - called Will. - Then I will write you down what you should buy.

He didn't even register when he got the piece of paper and was now standing outside of the room. He looked at the list. Jelly, water, juice, joghurt, bananas, coconut ice cream...? Well, if they needed this. Will was a doctor, he knew better. The only problem was, Alec had no money. Not a single penny and he was supposed to do the groceries. But luckily, his siblings finally found him. Alec approached them and reached his hand to Jace.

Jace had no idea what Alec wanted by doing this so he just high-fived him and shrugged his shoulders when Alec rolled his eyes.

\- No. Give me money, Jace. I mean, lend me money - he corrected himself.

\- Oh! I'm also thrilled we're finally together, safe and sound. I love you too, brother! I missed you and was so worried about you. It's great you did the same for me - he blurted out, sarcastically.

Alec rolled his eyes again.

\- Why do you need money, Alec? - asked Izzy, slightly amused by the situation.

\- Well, it was Jem and Cat, who got hurt as well. And they need some things so I offered I will go and buy them but I forgot I don't have money, so... - he bit his lip. He hated this. His family was rich, he always had at least fifty dollars in his pocket. And now he felt like a snob.

\- You're so sweet, big bro - she hugged him and Alec hugged her back.

\- So, will you lend me the money?

\- I would love to, buddy - Jace rubbed the back of his neck. - But I don't have any with me. We came here with mom so...

\- Oh... - he sighed. Well, great.

\- You're all so pathetic - summed up Izzy and then she started to search for her wallet in her bag. - I have some money. How much do you need?

\- I don't know - he admitted shyly. He always was the one do the groceries but it was so long time ago that he really didn't remember the prices.

Izzy didn't know either. But she had one hundred dollar bill and Alec knew that would be enough.

\- Thank you, Iz.

\- Hey, Alec - Jace patted his shoulder. - We will be waiting here.

\- Thank you.

Alec felt so weird, being outside. The fresh air seemed so odd. And it seemed to be so cold. Well, it was freezing actually and Alec didn't bring a jacket with him. He was only in his sweater but he didn't really care, heading to the store as fast as he could. And he felt insecure. There were people. Lot of people and he hated it with all his heart. His heart that was now beating like crazy. He could sense danger like everywhere. And that was the moment he realized how much he wasn't ready to start a normal life. Alec was outside the store, breathing heavily, before he even had a chance to think. He took few deep breaths and the ice cold air helped him clear his mind. Alec was frightened. But then he remembered Magnus, so pale and fragile. And Cat, Jem... no. He wasn't that pathetic. His only mission was to buy water and jelly and he wasn't going to fail and disappoint them even more. So he came back to the store.

It was hard. Very hard. But he took the basket and glued his eyes to the list in his hands. That way was easier, avoiding other people's gazes. And he somehow managed to do the shopping in a very short amount of time. Yes, he was almost running but he didn't really notice that. It didn't matter. Because he finally got all the things they needed. And went back.

Coming back to the hospital was also weird and painful. However, Alec wasn't a patient anymore. And he had to remind himself about that all the time.  
Jace and Izzy were waiting on the corridor. They just nodded, giving him the permission to spend as much time with his friends as he wanted. And he really was grateful.

\- Go, Alec. We will tell mom we'll stay with you. So don't worry. You knew they have a wi-fi here?

Alec smiled. And entered the room again. He placed the cups with jelly (and he got more than one flavour) on Cat's table and gave the rest things to Will. Ragnor fed Cat and it was so nice to watch. Alec really was happy that an amazing girl like Catarina had such caring husband. She deserved the best. And Alec stopped seeing only a grumpy, scary old man in Ragnor. He really was like a teddy bear. But only for his wife and well, that was totally okay.

He sat on a chair. Will tried to feed Jem with the ice cream but he refused to eat. So it turned out that Will had quite a nice lunch because he forgot to ask Tessa, if she also wanted some. She didn't even comment on that, being probably used to this.

\- I need to go to the bathroom - mumbled Jem.

Tessa took care of his cannula and Will took care of Jem, lifting him bridal style from his bed.

\- I can walk, you know? - Jem looked at his fiance but he wasn't annoyed.

Quite the opposite. There was so much affection in his eyes. And in Will's either.

\- I know. But I want to do this - he kissed Jem's cheek and the silver-haired man said nothing more.

Alec watched each one of them and he started wondering, if something like this was also possible for him. He looked at Magnus. He really wanted to be with him, to take care of him, to make sure that he was happy. But will Magnus let him after all of this? He doubted that. Maybe the happiness was not meant for him. Maybe. But he wasn't going to give up on Magnus. No. It was not an option. If the man didn't want him in his life anymore, then Alec wanted to hear it.

Within the next two hours, Jem and Catarina fell asleep. Alec offered that he will stay with them since the Ragnor, Will and Tessa were tired and hungry. They needed a dinner. So did Alec but he didn't want to move from his spot. Tessa promised to buy him so food and then they left.

Alec was left alone in the room. He tried to be as quiet as possible because well, Catarina and James needed their sleep. But he almost squeleed, hearing a low groan coming from Magnus. Shit! Shit, shit, shit! What was he suppose to do?! Where the hell was Ragnor when he was needed? What if something was happening to Magnus and he will die because Alec had no idea what to do?! He had all the worst scenarios in his head. And that's because he didn't notice that Magnus had already opened his eyes. Only his question brought him back to earth.

\- Am I dead...? - he rasped, his voice hoarse.

\- What? - Alec looked at him, mortified by the question and he was right beside him in a second.

\- Because... - he coughed. - I see an angel. And angels are heavenly creatures.

It was quite hard to understand Magnus. His voice was so hoarse and so quiet. But Alec understood. And he felt the hot tears on his cheeks. But he smiled. He grinned, happy.

\- More like fallen angel - he chuckled and before he could stop himself, he leaned towards Magnus and hugged him gently. - How are you feeling?

Magnus was taken aback but he managed to lift his hand and place it on Alec's back, letting the boy cry, even though they were the tears of happiness. He wanted to cry as well. Alec was here. He was alright. And Magnus was alive. He really thought he wouldn't make it. But here he was. Aching all over, weak. But alive.

\- I'm so... - he couged again, not being able to form words.

And Alec got the hint. He let go of Magnus and went to his bedside table to pour him a glass of water. Fortunatelly, his friends were amazing. And Tessa, as a nurse, knew how important straws were.

\- Shh. Don't speak. Just drink some.

Alec brought the straw to Magnus' lips. He really had no idea what he was doing. His cheeks were on fire and he felt so stupid. He really was afraid to let Magnus down. However, Magnus was surprised. In a good way, of course. He smiled to Alec and then took the straw to his mouth and started sipping the water slowly. It cooled down his dry throat and he closed his eyes for a moment.

\- Thank you, Alexander. I'm really fine now - he murmured when he had enough.

The boy placed the glass on the table and stood there, stiffly, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. What was he supposed to do? It was so awkward. And it never was awkward with Magnus... he didn't like it.

\- No, don't - he shook his head. - Do you need anything? Should I call a doctor or a nurse? - he asked.

\- No, I'm fine. But if you could... it's too warm. Can you take the quilt off?

\- I don't know if it's a good idea, Magnus... but yeah.

He wasn't afraid of any germs or any other things like this. He grabbed the quilt with his bare hands and took it off Magnus' chest. He left it on his waist level, though, not being sure if Magnus was totally naked or not. And he knew it would be too much for him to handle if it turned out that yes, he was.  
However, he saw the bandages and dressings. And he really felt bad. Alec's shoulders slumped and he sighed heavily.

\- I'm so sorry, Magnus. I should have warned you... but I didn't and now you're hurt. I don't even know why you still didn't kick me out from here...

\- Alexander - Magnus blinked. His head hurt and he wanted to sleep but he forced himself to stay awake. - Why would I want that...?

\- Because you're hurt because of me and... - his voice broke. - I'm so sorry, Magnus. I even couldn't protect you.

Magnus' heart broke. This boy was so pure...

\- Alexander. But you warned me. I didn't listen but you warned me. You wanted to protect me. I should be the one apologizing...

Alec's brain needed a minute to process the information.

\- What...? - he asked simply, still not understanding.

\- I sedated you - he explained, his voice even weaker than a moment ago. - I did it, knowing you hate needles and...

\- Yes, you did. And I'm mad - he interrupted and was actually surprised with himself. Well, the change of topic always worked great with Alec. - But we can discuss your punishment later. For now, I just want you to recover. You're sure you don't need a nurse?

Magnus smiled gently, his eyelids slowly dropping. He actually was looking forward to the punishment. And the only thing that hurt was that he wouldn't be able to take it in couple of weeks.

\- No, Alexander. You're doing your job just great - he praised him and Alec blushed even more. - Can you just... stay with me for a bit more? I shouldn't be asking, you probably have other...

\- I will stay - he shook his head. - I will stay as long as you would let me, Magnus. But now do me a favour and sleep, okay?

\- Gladly.

It was matter of second before Magnus was asleep again. Alec waited a moment and then brought the quilt back to his chest, not wanting him to get cold. Magnus already suffered enough.  
Alec felt like something really heavy had been lifted from his chest. Magnus didn't hate him. He still liked him. Everything was going to be fine. He smiled, reaching his hand to Magnu's head. He started stroking his hair fondly, being extremaly happy just because he could do this.

Alec strong. However, he had enough. He wanted to give up. But now, seeing Magnus, knowing that even death couldn't scare Magnus away from him... he was going to fight. For himself. For Magnus. For them.

He had no idea that couple pairs of eyes were watching him. He didn't care. Alec finally was happy.

***

When Alec got back home, he really wanted to be back at the hospital with Magnus. But Maryse didn't let him, claiming that he should have had his rest. And she was right. Alec was tired and hungry. Very hungry and that was probably the first time since four months or so, when he really wanted to eat something because the hunger was bothering him. And Maryse was more than happy to make his favourite food, which was of course spaghetti.

The three siblings were sitting in the living room, watching Spider-Man for like, thousand time. But they weren't really interested in the movie. Izzy was leaning on Alec, her legs on Jace's lap. She looked worried. And she was.

\- Will he be fine? - she asked quietly.

\- Of course, Izzy. He just needs some time to recover.

\- But man, that's quite cool - Jace butted in. - You know... he could be dead now but a stab wound? Sounds badass.

\- And you're a dumbass - chided him Izzy.

Alec just chuckled. He really missed it. And he still couldn't believe that he was back home. That he wasn't going back there.  
They had a supper together and then they decided to go to sleep. Or rather a sleepover, since they enjoyed the last time a bit too much. Of course, Jace wasn't happy he had to sleep in the middle but they didn't really care.

\- Hey, Alec - Jace called. - You know, I switched our rooms. All your things are already in my old room so you don't have to bother with it.

\- Thank you, bud - he hugged him, really being grateful for that.

\- Think nothing of it! But you know... I really like sleeping near the wall...

They ended up with Alec in the middle but he didn't mind it at all. Izzy put her head on his shoulder and they laid like that in total silence, almost falling asleep when she decided to speak.

\- Alec, you know we love you?

\- Izzy, that's actually pretty creepy...

\- Answer me - she frowned and Alec gulped.

\- I know you do. And why are you asking me that?

\- So you know you can tell us everything and be honest with us - Jace answered for her.

\- If you want - she added.

\- Okay, guys... what's going on? - he knew their games and he really didn't like this one. But he had to know.

\- It's about Magnus - said Izzy. - You love him?

That question knocked the air out of his lungs. It was a simple 'yes or no' question but he had big problems with it. Did he love Magnus? That was possible. But he really didn't know. He cared a lot. But did he love Magnus? Could he say that without hurting the doctor? And how did they know?! Alec was afraid they would have judged him or tell him not to date Magnus. But nothing like this happened.

\- Hey, Alec, breath! - Jace shook his shoulder a bit. Alec didn't notice he started to hyperventilate. - It's totally okay. Magnus is cool. So are you. We just want to know if we should give him the 'speech' already or not.

Alec blinked, confused. The speech? Oh... right. _The speech._ He had no idea how to feel about it. And it still confused him. But he was happy that they approved and supported him and Magnus. If there even was something like him and Magnus.

\- Not yet, Jace. Not yet.

\- Not yet? So? When? - beamed Izzy. And Alec blushed. Hard.

\- Stop this... I-I-I don't know, okay?!

\- Someone has a cruuuuush! - Jace sing sang and poked Alec's ribs. Alec almost jumped.

\- What's wrong with you guys?! You're five or what?!

\- Awwwww! I already can see your children! - squeaked Izzy.

\- Use protection, Alec! I heard that pregnancy is a shitty case - said Jace.

\- Yeah, my child would be like you. I won't take the risk - he rolled his eyes.

\- Hey! - he sat up.

\- Besides - chuckled Izzy. - Maybe Magnus will be the one pregnant, not Alec?

\- What?! - Alec could feel his all blood flowing to his face.

\- Oh! Alec, who's the top and the bottom in your relationship? Did you talk about it already?

And Alec just hid his face in a pillow, groaning. He loved his siblings and he didn't feel frustrated, knowing they were joking. But still. He wanted to bloody murder them.

\- We're so happy for you, Alec.

\- Very, very happy.

\- Yeah... me too, my lovely nuisances.

***

It had been five days. Five days when Alec visited his friends and Magnus at hospital everyday and was spending at least three hours with them. He was the one responsible for buying things and stuff like that. And he really felt proud about it, being useful for once. He also talked with them, cut the apples in pieces for them, fuffed their pillows. Magnus was the most demanding. But Alec was coping pretty well with this big child.  
Magnus enjoyed his company. And he was looking better with every next day. Alec was happy to see that and hear from Raphael that Magnus was doing fine and the wound was healing. However, when Magnus told him he wanted to go back home after these five days, Alec almost strangled him.

\- How do you imagine that, Magnus? You've got stabbed! And at home you don't have the meds and...

\- Alec - he raised his hands. - I feel fine already. Besides, Raphael will be there to help me, so you don't have to worry. And wel... I really hate hospitals... I want to go back home. To Chairman...

That was the funny thing. Magnus was a doctor and he loved this job. But he hated being a patient. That's why he discharged himself from the hospital after the five days and came back home.  
Alec wasn't very happy that Magnus was alone. It was obvious that Cat nor Tessa would be able to take care of him. And Raphael... he definitely was skilled and all. But was he really a good choice for someone acting like a sick, pouty child? Ekhm...

Raphael wasn't, definitely wasn't a good choice for someone acting like a sick, pouty child. He was everything but good. However, he was the one, who could take care of Magnus because the rest of their friends had to take care of their loved ones.

That's why they ended up like this. Raphael sitting in the armchair, a book in his hands, his dog laying by his feet. Chairman was hiding somewhere. And Magnus was laying on the king-sized couch with hundred of pillows and blankets. He was too hot and wanted to move but he still couldn't do it without someone's help. In other way, it just hurt too bad.

Raphael Santiago was a great doctor. And a poor excuse of a nurse.

\- Raphie... I'm thirsty. Can you get me a glass of water? Or tea? Yeah, tea would be fine.

\- In a moment...

A thirty minutes later, Magnus was already asleep and the only water he saw was in his dreams.

\- Raph... I'm hungry. I would love a grilled cheese.

\- Mhm...

\- Raph...

\- What?!

\- I sad I would have loved a grilled cheese.

\- So get your ass up and do it.

Magnus was quite content with the strawberry joghurt.

\- Raphael... will you fluff my pillow? It's already too warm and too flat.

\- Can't you do it yourself?

\- I've been stabbed!

\- And I'm forced to live in this world but do I complain?!

So he fell asleep on the pillow he had.

Magnus loved Raphael and he knew that it wasn't his fault he was a shitty nurse. He just didn't know and didn't understand the point of taking care of someone. His dog wasn't so demanding and everything he needed was to have a ball. But Magnus wasn't in a mood to chase after a ball. He needed someone, who could take care of him. Because, he loved Raph and he appreciated that the man was staying with him, not letting him starve to death, etc. But Raphael wasn't compasionate and he wasn't affected by Magnus' whining. However, Magnus knew that it was a punishment for discharging too fast from the hospital. So he decided to grit his teeth and survive nurse Santiago lack of concern.

***

It was already two days since Magnus was back at home, dealing with Raphael. And Alec couldn't find himself a place, still thinking about the sparkly man. He even wanted to learn but he couldn't, his mind wandering off.  
Maryse and his siblings tried to cheer him up but he just wasn't in a mood. And he finally had enough. Raphael told him to man up? Then he was willing to do this. Alec threw the pencil on the desk and then went to the closet to grab his bag. He started putting his clothes and books in there. And when he was done, he told his family about his plan. He didn't care if they would like it. He had to do it. He wanted to do it. Because he was dying, not knowing what was happening with Magnus.

Maryse wasn't very happy about it. And his siblings were quite shocked but also proud of him. Finally, he was back on his feet again. Or so they hoped.

\- Mom, please... please, I know. But I need to see him. I owe him that!

\- Alec, darling... I really missed you.

\- I know, mom. But you will have everyday here. And Magnus... Magnus needs help. And I really feel obliged to do this. He took care of me. He defended me. Mom, please...

His pleading eyes did their job. Maryse just couldn't say no. And well, she was also happy that her baby had such a good heart.

\- Okay. I'm proud of you, you know? - she smiled and caressed his cheek.

\- Thank you mom - he smiled back and hugged her.

\- So, where are you going to see him? - asked Jace.

\- Today. Actually, I would love you mom to give me a ride. Pretty please?

\- But Alec! - Izzy butted in. - Today is...

\- I know, Iz. And I promise you we will be celebrating. But I can't do this now knowing that Magnus needs help.

\- You're such an amazing human being, you know? - she had tears in her eyes and was grinning.

\- We have that in common, you know? - he chuckled. - So?

\- No - Maryse shook her head and Alec opened his mouth but she hushed him. - No before I'll pack him some food. And we need to do some groceries for him.

Alec looked at her with wide eyes and when he realized what she said, he just hugged her tighter.

\- Thank you! You're the best mom ever.

\- I sure am.

Maryse grinned and then Izzy joined them. Jace hugged them all, a bit too tight but they didn't mind it.

\- We would love to have you here today, though. But I understand.

\- We will do this some other time, Jace. Maybe... let's celebrate it along with your driving license?

\- I'm in!

Maryse packed a lot of food for Magnus. And bought even more, not forgetting about Chairman. By noon, they already were in Brooklyn. Alec had troubles with carrying all the stuff at once but he managed to do this. They said their goodbyes and then Alec headed to Magnus' house.

The doctor was sleeping but Ezekiel's barking woke him up. Raphael cursed in Spanish and then went to open the door. He blinked twice seeing Alec there. But he let him in.  
They went to the living room where Magnus was already wide awake, still laying on the couch, a remote in his hand.

\- Alexander? What are you doing here, darling? And what's with all the things...? - he eyed him from tip to toe, confused.

\- I'm moving in.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm evil, yeah, I know. 
> 
> So, guys, did I tell you already how much I appreciate all your support and how much I love you? No? So I'm telling you this now. Thank you ♥ 
> 
> The next chapter will be updated on Sunday/Monday. I can't really tell. My exams are starting in two weeks so for this week my bloodstream will be filled with vodka instead of blood. I probably won't have acces to my computer so I won't be able to write anything. But I promise you a big fluffy... *winkwink* with the next chapter.  
> Thank you ♥♥♥


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was not beta read since I wanted to post it as soon as possible. I promised you this for yesterday and well... I failed, I'm very sorry!  
> There probably are a lot of typos and grammar mistakes. They all were made by me and I'm not proud of them! Sorry for that. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy it. :3

"I'm moving in". These words echoed in Magnus' ears and he really had to focus hard to understand them. Moving in? Like... literal moving in? Alec was going to live with him? Magnus didn't get it. Why Alec would want that? Yes, it was cute and all but why? Taking care of sick person wasn't a nice job and Magnus was more than sure that Alec had thousand of other things to do in his free time.  
And yet, he was there, standing in the doorway with bags in his hands, looking amazing as always. And when he crouched down to pet Ezekiel that, suprisingly, didn't want to eat him alive, Magnus heart melted. Was he real? His smile, his eyes, his everything! Even the hell hound loved him right away! And then it hit Magnus pretty hard.

Alec was there. Alec was at his house! The house that looked now like a battlefield. It was a total mess with dirty dishes all over the place, dirty clothes thrown on the couches, floors and anywhere possible. Broken bottles, vases and books were also everywhere, not even mentioning the rest of Ezekiel's toys. It was a disaster.

But the worst disaster was Magnus himself. He was hurting and didn't really care about his look or shower, to be honest. He just wanted to lay down and wait until the world stops to be such a bitch. However, it took him a bit too much time and now Alec was there seeing him in this pitiful state.

Magnus was at the verge of tears. Alec was there for him and that was the reason of the tears of happiness. But Alec was also seeing him like this, all unattractive, miserable, with no make-up, a bit greasy hair and bags under his eyes. Magnus didn't even want to look in the mirror, to terrified to see himself like that. And now Alec was seeing it. Magnus really wanted to cry.

He looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes. Alec noticed that and blinked, not understanding what just happened. Yes, Magnus looked bad. Very bad. But what Magnus was expecting from a person, who got stabbed? It was very normal to look like this. At least for Alec because Magnus always wanted to look flawless. Unfortunately, life didn't work like this.

Raphael looked at Magnus and then back at their guest.

\- You're moving in? - he started. - So that means I don't have to be here anymore? I can go home? - the hope in his eyes was too noticeable.

Alec bit his bottom lip but nodded. Right... he didn't really think that over. He wanted to be right beside Magnus and do everything to make him feel better. But he didn't think about one probably the most important thing. Magnus needed someone to take care of him also in the medical way. He had to have his dressing changed. And the painkillers. Shit.

\- B-but I... - he took a deep breath. - I know nothing about... you know... the med stuff.

\- I can see that - Raphael rolled his eyes. - I have some days off until Magnus will be fine again. And I take Ezekiel for a walk four times a day, so I will just come here and look at the wound and the rest. Is that okay?

He felt something heavy getting off his chest. Alec sighed in relief. If Raphael was there to help, then nothing bad could happen. He smiled and nodded again.

\- Yes, perfect. Thank you.

\- I think I should be the one to thank you. But I'm not gonna do this - he shrugged his shoulders. - I'm going home then. I'm leaving this big baby with you. Have fun.

Raphael grabbed his jacket and then called Ezekiel. When the dog was already on the leash, they left and Alec closed the door behind them.

They were completely alone. Alec really wanted to be there but now he was just scared and stressed. What if he would have let Magnus down? No. That wasn't an option. He was there to help Magnus get back to health. And he was going to do this! Alec took a deep breath, making a quick list of the things to do. And decided to abandon that after looking around the room. Even the hall was messy. Okay, but first Magnus.

Alec came back to the living room only to see Magnus laying with his back turned to Alec, under three blankets, pretending to be asleep. Alec sighed. Big baby was definitely describing Magnus well.

\- Hey - he said, coming closer. - Magnus? I know you're awake. Look at me.

Alec kneeled beside the couch and waited. It took Magnus a minute or two to finally turned to Alec. He looked at the boy and sighed. Well... his chances for a lovely relationship with this angel were fading away. But he couldn't say no to him.

\- Alexander... why are you here? Why are you doing this? - he asked finally.

Alec's heart broke. What if Magnus didn't want him there?

\- I... uhm... - he stuttered, feeling the anxiety coming to him. No. No! Magnus needed him, whether he liked it or not. - I'm here to help you. I understand if you tell me to leave but I'm not going to do this. I'll stay here with you.

Magnus had to blink. He really thought that his fever was back and with double force this time. Was he really understanding the words correctly? Alec was there to him, determined to take care of him? He really was dead and in heaven because it couldn't be real.  
But on the other hand, it was really sweet of Alec. And even though Magnus felt and looked like shit, he knew that shouting at Alec and telling him to get out would have worked even worse for their non-existing relationship. So he sighed and nodded.

\- Thank you, Alexander.

\- It's... it's nothing, really - Alec blushed, clearly content with Magnus' answer. - So... - he started fiddling with the hem of his shirt. - What do you need?

\- Red tea would be lovely - he answered right away.

He was craving this stupid tea for two days already but well, Raphael wasn't eager to find the right box and do this for him. Lucky for him, Alec was more than happy to get him the tea. He smiled and nodded, getting back on his feet.

\- No problem. But... well - he shifted from one foot to another, bitting his lip again. How was he supposed to tell this to Magnus?

\- What is it, Alexander? - Magnus raised his brow, taken aback. What was wrong this time?

\- I... uhm... just... just I thought that, you know... ekhm... - he cleared his throat and decided to try again. - You should take a bath first. And then I'll prepare you some dinner, okay?

Magnus groaned, throwing a pillow on his own head. Yes, he was well aware that he needed a shower but it was so troublesome and he still felt pretty tired. Magnus didn't want to look like this in front of his future husband but when the opportunity finally showed, he lost all his motivation. And well, he didn't want Alec to see him so clumsy and weak. He was there to support him! It was a shame, though, that Magnus didn't notice that Alec was there for him as well.

\- Don't wanna - he whined.

Alec pursed his lips, trying to stifle his laugh. He really was like a baby. Cute, big baby. And so bothersome! But Alec couldn't really be mad at him. He just shook his head.

\- I know, Magnus. But you have to! You'll feel better! And so will my nose!

He wanted to tease him a bit. And well, he received a pillow thrown at his face in respond. However, it was worth it. Alec laughed, seeing Magnus' offended expression.

\- I hate you! - Magnus growled, irritated.

\- Yeah, I know - Alec placed the pillow on the couch. - So? I will help you get there.

\- Alexander. You're a little shit. Sweet but still - he remarked first. - But I don't think you can help me there. You would have to accompany me and I don't think you'll be comfortable with it.

Magnus' words hit him hard. Right, he didn't think about it. Magnus was still hurt and it was rather obvious that he needed help with things like bath, etc. Yes, he felt very uncomfortable already but he couldn't just back away now. And he didn't want to. Magnus needed the bath to feel better. Alec took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. It wasn't easy, though. But he came there to be some help for the drama queen not a burden.

\- Well... y-you can... ekhm, you know - he blushed so hard that his cheeks started to burn him. - Keep your underwear on and it will be fine - he blurted out, not looking at him.

Magnus really regretted that he couldn't just stand up and hug him. This man was impossible. And impossibly cute! Magnus' heart broke again. Alec was just too good. He knew perfectly how shy Alec was. And yet, he was willing to help. And Magnus couldn't help a little blush appearing on his face. But he blamed the slightly fever.

\- You're sure? - he almost whispered.

\- Yeah... I... uhm... will be back in a moment.

Alec almost fled to Magnus' bedroom, his face still on fire. _"What did you get yourself into, Lightwood?!"_  
Now it was too late. Alec went to Magnus' closet to get him some clothes. He decided that simple casual clothing will be the best and so he took pink, glittery sweatpants and bright yellow t-shirt. Very flashy but he knew it will suit Magnus perfectly. The worst part was finding new underwear for Magnus. His choice of this was... even more extravagant. Alec had never seen anything like this in his life. He wanted to abandon the mission and call it a night but well, he couldn't imagine life without underwear and that was the only thing that kept him motivated. Finally, he found a pair of boxers with hearts pattern.  
Alec placed the clothes on washing machine and then brought some clean towels. Everything was set. So he went to get Magnus. Or rather drag him to the bathroom.

Magnus tried to cooperate but he was just tired. Tired and hungry. And hungry Magnus didn't mean anything good. Alec got to know this a little too late.

\- Magnus! You're heavy, I can't lift you all by myself! - Alec complained, trying to hold the older man in a standing position.

Magnus was leaning on Alec, his arm thrown over Alec's shoulders. And well, the affection for Alec being all cute and lovely already faded. Yes, he knew how sweet it was but he was hungry! And he really didn't understand why they couldn't eat first. But Alec wasn't a person you could argue with. This stubborn, little shit.

\- I'm not heavy! Did you see my silhouette?! It's perfect! Like a fucking wasp! - he exclaimed, annoyed.

Alec rolled his eyes but they managed to move. Slowly but they finally reached the bathroom.

\- You're not going to say butterfly? - he let go of Magnus when he made sure that the man wasn't in danger and took a deep breath.

\- I'm as fabulous as butterfly, you're indeed right, my dear. But well, my waist is amazing.

Alec couldn't really argue with that. It was perfect. Just like whole Magnus. Magnus, who started getting undressed. Alec knew how man's body looked. He had one as well, for Christ's sake! But it wasn't the same. Magnus' body was more beautiful than anything he had ever seen in his life. His skin had the colour of caramel, and his muscles were perfect. Not too big and not too small, making him look strong but not like a jock. Alec could stand there forever, looking at him. But then he realized that Magnus had problems with his shirt and he came right there to help him.

\- Let me do this - he said quickly and helped Magnus take off his shirt.

Magnus winced. The wound still hurt. He tried to hide this but sometimes it was just impossible. Alec felt really bad, knowing that he was the reason Magnus was now hurting. But well, he could only try to comfort him now. And the bath was definitely a good start.

Things got more awkward when it came to the pants part. Alec's hands were shaking, he was sweating nervously and his cheeks were the colour of beet. Magnus also looked awkward. He didn't actually pictured the first time with him and Alec on his knees in front of him like that...

Alec took off Magnus' pants, looking away and threw them to the laundry basket. Couple of minutes passed until they were able to look each other in the eyes.

\- Can we start? It's quite cold - said Magnus first and Alec almost jumped.

\- Yeah! Right! Right, come on!

Alec helped Magnus get into the shower. They made sure the water won't get into the wound and Alec wanted to get out from the bathroom. But Magnus stopped him. Right... he couldn't do everything on his own.

\- Sorry, Alec, but I really can't wash my back right now. Will you lend me your hand?

\- Y-y-yeah... - he stuttered and then started to take off his clothes as well.

Magnus tried not to watch. Even imagining that Alec was striping right in front of him was doing funny things to his body. So he closed his eyes shut, hating himself and the world for that. Alec didn't want to be completely naked. He left the boxers and his tank top on since he still didn't feel very comfortable with his own body. Then he stepped right into the shower and took the bottle with gel to his hand.

\- I'm really sorry, Alec... you don't have to do this... I...

\- Shut up - he said simply.

Alec poured the gel on his hands and then placed them on Magnus' back. And fuck. Alec started to have a thing for back. And he so blamed Magnus for this!  
But now, he was rather enjoying it, running his hands up and down Magnus' back and his spine, massaging him gently. And Magnus was pourring like a cat, enjoying every second of that. Alec's hands were on his back and he didn't want him to take them away. He wished he could just turn around, kiss Alec full on the mouth and make passionate love with him in the shower. But then he would have probably lost Alec forever. So he slapped his imagination and started thinking about things that were very asexual. Old glitter, poorly dressed people, Camille... okay, it worked for a while.

\- Oh my dear god, Alexander... you're amazing - he gasped, not being able to stop his body from feeling the pleasure.

And that was everything Alec could take. It was too much. He was almost naked with also almost naked man in the shower, massaging his back. And it wouldn't have been so dreadful but the man was Magnus Bane, the most gorgeous man on the planet. And Alec was weak. He knew that it wouldn't end up well. So he decided that the shower was over and stepped on the mat, all wet. Alec grabbed the towel and dried himself. Magnus finished the shower in the meantime. They were again completely silent. But they needed this to calm down. Magnus even considered changing the water to ice cold but he decided not to. It would have been too suspicious.

They decided not to talk about the showe part, drying part and dressing up part. It was too awkward for both of them. Magnus cursing when his foot got stuck in the sweatpants, Alec stifling his laughter, Magnus wincing in pain when Alec helped him to put the t-shirt on, Magnus complaining with his mouth full with toothpaste when Alec was drying his hair and didn't want to put any weird hair product on it. It was quite fun, actually. But for now, they didn't want to go back to this.

Magnus was more than happy to be back on the fluffy couch, surrounded by hundreds of pillows and warm blanket. Alec put some dry clothes on himself and sat on the armchair.

\- You're horrible - he said, breathless.

\- I didn't force you to do this - Magnus stuck out his tongue at Alec and Alec rolled his eyes.

\- Yeah, it seems like it - Alec rolled his eyes but then smiled. - Okay, I'll go get you the tea.

Magnus mumbled something but Alec didn't listen to him anymore. He went to the kitchen and wanted to go back right away. It was even bigger mess than the rest of the house. He sighed heavily and started putting the dirty dishes to the sink. He had to wash them first because Magnus didn't even have a single, clean mug. However, Alec managed to clean only two plates before Magnus called him.

\- Alec!

He sighed again and went back to the living room.

\- What is it, Magnus?

\- Don't be so loud, dear.

\- Sorry.

Alec really tried to be more quiet. He didn't know, if Magnus wanted to sleep or not. But he assumed that yes, that was the reason he told him to be quiet. So Alec tried and washed the dishes slowly and carefully. He almost threw himself at the cooker when the water was boiled and the kettle started to make noise.

Alec cursed under his breath when the boiling water poured on his hand. He hurried to the sink and put it under the cold, running water, not believing that this was happening. Well, his hand hurt but Magnus was waiting for his tea. So he ignored his own injury and finished making the drink for the lazy doctor.

\- Here you are, Magnus. Red tea, just as you wanted - he smiled gently.

\- Oh! I forgot to tell you, Alexander. I don't want red tea anymore. Can you make me the black one? - he asked politely.

The younger man wanted to strangle him but he managed to stay calm. Alec took the mug and smiled even wider.

\- Of course. Any special wishes?

\- Yes - Magnus nodded, smiling. - Three teaspoons of sugar, one teaspoon of honey and five teaspoons of warm milk.

\- Pardon? - Alec was dumbfounded, never in his life hearing something like this.

\- You heard me, darling. It's very simple. You'll be alright.

\- Oh... okay?

Alec wasn't so sure about that but he went to the kitchen, trying to remember the recipe. He really felt sick just thinking about the tea Magnus wanted but well. It was his choice, after all. The problem for Alec was that he had no idea where all the ingredients were. Magnus had a whole cupboard full of various teas. And since the black one wasn't hard to find, the honey was a real mystery. He looked everywhere and finally found it under the sink. Alec had no questions.  
He was in the middle of counting the teaspoons of milk when his lovely not-yet-boyfriend called him again. Alec went there right away.

\- What happened? - he asked, worried.

\- I dropped the remote - said Magnus, looking like a beaten puppy.

Alec wanted to kill him but Magnus was looking at him with those pleading eyes and he just couldn't say no.

\- Here - he picked it up from the floor, realizing that Magnus had to just reach his hand and grab it. But he didn't say anything.

\- Thank you, Alexander - he grinned. - How's my tea?

Oh shit... Alec hurried back to the kitchen but it was too late. He lost the count and had to start all over again. But it was finally done after couple of minutes. The tea looked weird but Magnus liked it so Alec could sigh in relief.

\- You're amazing, Alexander. I don't know what I would do without you.

Magnus was really grateful. He was aware that he was a pain in the ass for Alec but the boy didn't seem to mind it. And well, he really didn't.  
Alec smiled, blushing a bit. Being praised by Magnus was so nice and he felt already much better. Cleaning the whole house or doing whatever Magnus wanted seemed like nothing when he heard that the man was content with him. Maybe Alec wasn't as useless as he thought?

\- Well, you saved my life and I made you tea. I think we're even.

Magnus laughed at that. Alec really knew how to make him smile. He was magical and Magnus wanted to know more about this magic.

\- You're impossible - he stated, sipping his tea slowly. - Can you fluff my pillow? It's already too warm.

Alec rolled his eyes but did as Magnus asked. The older man laid down again and sighed.

\- It's perfect. So, could you find and feed Chairman, please? - he asked for another favour but this time it wasn't his fault. He really forgot about his poor baby.

\- Chairman? - Alec blinked. - What did you do to the poor cat?

\- What?! Really, Alexander? Me? I did nothing! It's Raphael's dog's fault! - he exclaimed and then took another sip.

Alec made a face but said nothing. He just started to look for Chairman but the poor cat was still scared and not very eager to leave his hideout. Alec looked everywhere. Under the furniture, in flowerpots, on bookshelves that were now almost empty. He was about to give up but then he heard a quiet 'meow' and he looked up. The cat was on the highest shelf. Alec cursed. Of course it had to be the highest shelf!

\- Chairman Meow, it's me - he started, not being sure if he really should have talked to cat like that. - Come on. I'll give you something good.

Chairman only hissed at him. Alec sighed. There was no other choice left. He brought a chair and stood on it, reaching his hand to the cat. He tried to call the pet down but this fluffy ball was still nervous and anxious because of the big, scary dog. And Alec got irritated himself. He grabbed the cat but Chairman wasn't a nice baby that day and pierced his claws into Alec's arm. The poor boy yelped, the chair swayed under his feet and gravitation did the rest. Alec was only grateful that Magnus' house was such a mess because the piles of dirty clothes made the fall less painful.

\- Everything's allright? - he heard Magnus calling.

\- Yeah... it's fine.

Magnus didn't really believe him but he couldn't get up from the couch so he decided to trust Alec this time. And Alec groaned, sitting up. The cat ran away to the kitchen, probably looking for food. And Alec stopped thinking about him as a 'poor creature'. It was a monster! A monster he still had to feed.

He watched the cat eat, trying to relax a bit but of course, it was just too beautiful.

\- Alexander!

Alec counted down from ten to zero and then put a smile on his face and went to Magnus. It wasn't that he didn't like helping or taking care of someone. He did. But Magnus didn't need him with all the trivial things.

\- Yes?

\- I'm a bit hungry - he complained and Alec smiled.

\- Then I'm going to start making a dinner. What do you want to eat?

\- Anything? Whatever. I'm starving - he hugged the pillow tighter and looked back at the tv.

\- Okay.

Magnus didn't say what he wanted. And 'whatever' meant for Alec only one thing. No matter what you do, it will be good. So he heated up the chicken noodle soup Maryse gave him for Magnus. It was probably the best soup his mother could make so he was already happy that he will make Magnus smile. However, the man didn't smile at all.

\- What's wrong, Magnus? - Alec was really worried now. - You're not feeling well?

Magnus almost felt bad, seeing the boy so concerned. Alec was a gem. A precious gem, so pure and innocent. And Magnus knew he shouldn't be saying this but he was hurting too much already to force himself to do anything more unpleasant.

\- No, no. It's fine, totally fine. It's just... I don't like chicken noodle soup...

\- But you said 'whatever' - Alec frowned.

\- How could I know you will make this? - Magnus shielded himself with a blanket.

\- Magnus! - Alec whined.

\- I'm sorry! - Magnus hid his face in a pillow.

\- Ugh! - he took the bowl and went back to the kitchen.

Alec had so many things to do that he really didn't feel like cooking. So he made some french toasts and put fresh strawberry slices on top of them, hoping that this meal will be worthy the prince charming's taste. He wasn't mad at Magnus. He had all the rights to act like a child and well, Alec agreed to that. He was totally okay with it. But he was just anxious that Magnus' constant complaining meant he wasn't content with Alec being at his house. Alec was scared of that. But at the same time he didn't care, knowing that he would have stayed with the doctor anyway. Magnus needed him. Or at least Alec wanted to believe that Magnus needed him.

Of course, the poor angel didn't notice how much of a help he was for Magnus. The doctor couldn't do anything on his own. Raphael was sitting with him for three days and the only thing he did was a horrendous mess and even more complaining. And Alec? He only just showed up and helped him with shower and fed him. Magnus felt stupid that he needed so much assistance. And at the same time he was glad to know that Alec had such a good heart. Yes, Magnus had to thank Alec properly soon.

\- Please, tell me you like it - Alec placed the plate on Magnus' lap.

\- I already love it - he grinned and grabbed the first toast.

Alec watched him eat for a minute. It was good to know that Magnus finally ate something, even if it was full of sugar.

\- You won't eat with me? - asked Magnus, looking at the younger boy.

\- What? No. I've already eaten. I'll look for Chairman now.

\- You can stay with me here, you know?

\- I'll be right back.

Alec left him alone. Magnus was disappointed. He really appreciated Alec's hard work but he just wanted to talk to him or watch something together. And Alec wanted that too but he first needed to do some things. He didn't find Chairman, the cat disappeared in a thin air. So he decided to clean up the house.

The bathroom was a weird place for Alec. There was too many things! Alec even didn't know that so many hair and body products existed. The same thing was with picking up the clothes from the floor. Why Magnus needed so many clothes?! He could understand books. But clothes? No.

It took him some time and when he finally was done with it, Magnus was already asleep. Alec smiled. Sleep was good... he thought that he could use some of this either. However, he didn't want to use Magnus' bed and the armchair was taken by Chairman that magically appeared again. Alec didn't have a heart to put the cat on the floor...

He decided that the best option would be to shower and change first. He opened his suitcase and took new sweatpants and t-shirt. Alec hoped Magnus wouldn't mind him using the shower. But well, he needed it after all day working hard. It was worth it, though. The house finally looked decent.  
Alec let the warm water pour on his body. He realized that he didn't feel uncomfortable, what was quite weird because Alec didn't like places he didn't know. And Magnus' house was a place like this. He really was happy about that. He felt good at Magnus' house. And he felt good with Magnus. Maybe he wasn't as damaged as he thought? He wanted this to be true. Because, Magnus was a big baby. A whiny big baby. But Alec wanted to spend more time with him, no matter what. He only hoped that Magnus felt the same way.

Alec put the fresh clothes on and went to the living room. Magnus was still sleeping, so was Chairman. The poor boy didn't have much choice. He couldn't just throw the cat on the floor. So the only option was the couch... he blushed hard. Shit...

He looked at Magnus sleeping form and forgot how to breath. Did this man have to be this gorgeous?! He didn't have make-up on his face and Alec thought that he looked even more handsome that way. His lips were slightly parted. Oh damn, those lips... Alec didn't know what was happening with him. He didn't like kissing or any other 'relationship' activities. But with Magnus it seemed... different. He was thinking about it and came to terms that he actually wouldn't have minded kissing this sparkly doctor. But did he want the same?

Alec sighed, rubbing his face. He was tired. Yes, he definitely was tired, if he was thinking about things like that! So he came closer to Magnus and lifted his legs a bit. Then he sat on the couch and placed Magnus' legs on his lap, watching him closely. But Magnus was still asleep. He sighed in relief and leaned on the couch, putting his hands on Magnus' ankles. It was warm. And even quite comfy. So he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep, hoping for his stupid thoughts to die the moment he will be awake again.

***

When Alec opened his eyes, he realized that it was already night. Or late evening, he wasn't sure. But what he knew perfectly was that someone was watching him. He turned his gaze to Magnus and saw the man smirking, wide awake.

Alec blushed and almost jumped from the couch but Magnus held him in place. He winced when Alec unintentionally touched his bandaged wound. And it worked for Alec to calm down and then panick right away when he realized what he had done.

\- I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry! Magnus, I'm so sorry! I didn't want to! I'm sorry! - he felt so guilty it almost hurt. Yes, well done, Lightwood.

\- Alec! - Magnus exclaimed, not being able to reach him. So he had to use his voice. And luckily, Alec shut his mouth. - It's fine. I'm fine. Calm down, dear.

Alec saw him smiling and calmed down instantly. How Magnus was doing this?! He was the only person that could stop his panick immediately. And the only person that could embarass him even faster.

\- I'm really sorry... I shouldn't be bothering you... - he bit his bottom lip and looked away.

\- Alexander - Magnus shook his head. - Quite the opposite. I was really happy to wake up with you so close to me. It's a shame you didn't lay down with me here.

He blushed even harder.

\- I-I... I didn't want to interrupt your sleep... - he muttered.

\- Nonsense - he rolled his eyes. - It would be delightful, darling. Maybe next time? - he winked and Alec looked at his feet only to avoid Magnus' gaze.

\- Maybe...

Magnus chuckled. He loved teasing Alec because the boy's reactions were so cute. He almost couldn't handle this. This young man deserved to be protected and loved. And well, Magnus could do this. He wanted this so bad to take care of Alec and show him that life could be beautiful. And then he realized something.

\- Did you eat anything, Alec? - he asked, frowning a bit, knowning exactly the answer.

Alec pursed his lips and fiddled with the blanket. He forgot about it but well, he had a great excuse! He was just too busy.

\- Ummm... not really? But I'm not hungry! - he added quickly.

\- I don't even want to hear about it! - Magnus crossed his arms over his chest. - Look. I really appreciate that you want to help me but you can't forget about yourself, darling. So I have a deal. Since I don't want to poison you, I won't cook anything. You stay here, I'll order a takeout.

\- I can cook something - he said quickly, not wanting Magnus to pay for him again.

\- No. You also need to rest, Alexander. I'll be right back.

It took him a minute or two to stand up but he finally did this and first headed to the bathroom. He noticed right away that the house was cleaned up, everything was nicely put back on the shelves. He smiled. Not only beautiful and kind but also hard-working. Magnus already knew that he would never find anyone better than Alec. But he still had to fight for this treasure. And the best way to do this was giving his loved one a delicious meal. Magnus ordered chinese, not even asking Alec about it. Because, who didn't love it?

Alec waited on the couch but he couldn't stay without moving for too long. So he put the pillows in a row and then took the remote, checking every channel possible. But he couldn't focus on the television. It all came to him right now.

Alec had made a very hasty decision. It was an impulse. He felt like being with Magnus and so he was. But he didn't think about the rest. He was going to spend a night. Alone. With Magnus. At Magnus' house. Yes, they slept together already but this time it was something totally different! Now he knew that Magnus probably was interested in him. And he felt anxious.

\- Relax, darling - chuckled Magnus, sitting back on the couch. - Thank you, Cinderella.

He smirked and Alec blushed hearing this. What the hell?!

\- What?! - he blinked.

\- My cute Cinderella - Magnus winked. - Thank you so much for cleaning up this mess. I would probably never see the floor again, if you hadn't cleaned this.

\- D-don't call me that! - he muttered.

\- Aww, but why? I would love to be a prince charming! And believe me, Alexander! I would search the whole kingdom just to find you.

Alec really needed some fresh air. He had no idea what she should have answered. But fortunately, a dorbell saved him. He took the money laying on the table and rushed to the door, hearing Magnus' laughter. Ugh! Why this man enjoyed teasing him so much?!  
Really. Magnus was so childish... and yet, Alec liked him like that. He returned to the living room, carrying a bag with two plastic boxes.

\- What is it? - he asked, sitting next to Magnus and giving him one of the box.

It was Magnus' turn to blink now.

\- You're kidding me, right?

\- Now...? - Alec looked puzzled. - Why would I?

\- You want to tell me that you have never had a chinese before? - he really was shocked.

\- Ugh, no. Not really. I always thought that it wasn't very healthy and... well... - he shrugged his shoulders.

\- You're so innocent - whispered Magnus and then he smiled, handing Alec his chopsticks.

\- And that...? - Alec raised his brow, ingoring his remark.

\- Chopsticks?

\- Right.

\- Are you okay?

\- Of course!

It turned out that Alec wasn't okay. He knew what chopsticks were but how the hell people ate with that? He had no idea. Maryse and Robert never took them to any fancy restaurant or nothing like this so he just clearly didn't have any chance to learn how to use them. And Magnus... he was using them like a pro. But he was an Asian so maybe that was the reason.

Magnus ate, watching tv. He enjoyed his meal, grabbing the noodles with ease with his chopsticks. And Alec had problems. His fingers were clumsy, the chopsticks didn't fit in his hand and finally they slipped and Alec groaned, deciding to give up. The food wasn't worth it.

Magnus looked at him and chuckled. Alec and his stupid pride...

\- Let me help you - he took the boy's hand before he could protest and placed the chopsticks between his fingers. - Great, now put your ring finger like that...

Alec really did his best to follow Magnus' orders but he was more focused on the man's face that was now very close to him. He could feel Magnus' body heat and he wished for nothing more than just leaning on him and cuddling. But well, Magnus didn't notice that and kept going with those stupid sticks!

\- I don't get it - sighed Alec.

\- You're doing good. Now hold it like this and move your middle finger.

\- I'd rather show you my middle finger! - Alec groaned, frustrated when he failed again. 

\- Hey! Respect your magnificent sensei!

They tried again but the chopsticks were clearly broken because they slipped from Alec's hand again.

\- You know? It's a great way to start a diet. You wouldn't be able to eat anything, even if you really wanted!

\- You just can't use them! - he protested.

\- So show me how to do this! - he exclaimed.

\- I've already done this!

\- Do this again!

So Magnus did. But he was under so much pressure that the noodles fell from the chopsticks before he managed to put them into his mouth. Alec folded his arms, oddly satisfied with Magnus' failure.

\- You're a shitty teacher.

\- And you're even more shitty student.

They finished their supper with forks since it was more safe. And Alec enjoyed the new food what really made Magnus happy. Well, Magnus was happy with everything that day. The wound still hurt but he didn't care anymore. It was perfect. He was in his house with the man he loved next to him, eating a supper together and enjoying each other's company. It could only be better if they were actually together. But Magnus wasn't going to ask him out just now. He decided to wait for their date. He had no idea when would it happen, though.

For now, he was having fun with Alec anyway. They watched 'Orphan'. And it actually really amused Magnus how Alec was reacting to some of the scenes. He probably wasn't any different, though. The movie was great and they sat there in total silence, their bodies so close they were almost cuddling, waiting what will happen next. Magnus yelped seeing some of the scenes and Alec closed his eyes, not wanting to see some of the things. But they all agreed that it was so worth watching.

\- It was...

\- Yeah...

\- We're going to bed?

\- I can sleep on the couch.

\- We're going to bed.

Alec didn't argue anymore. He knew that Magnus wouldn't have let him sleep on the couch anyway. So they went to brush their teeth and then hopped to bed. Well, Alec hopped and Magnus crawled.

It hurt Alec seeing Magnus like this. He knew it was his fault. Sebastian would have known nothing about Magnus' existence if it wasn't for Alec. But it happened. Sebastian was somewhere, locked up. And they were here, together. And happy. Or so was Alec.

\- Magnus... I'm really sorry - he started suddenly, not knowing if Magnus was already asleep.

He wasn't.

\- What for, darling? I should be the one apologizing. You worked so hard today and I did nothing to thank you properly... - he sighed heavily. - I'm really grateful, though.

\- No... I'm not talking about this... I'm just... - he took a deep breath. - I'm just really sorry you have to suffer because of me. Your life must have looked much calmer before I showed up...

Alec heard the sheets rustling and suddenly Magnus was in front of him. Alec could see the pain painted on his face but he wasn't quite sure if it was caused by the wound. And soon he realized that it wasn't.

\- It was - he nodded and Alec felt the tears in the corner of his eyes. - It was calmer. And so much sadder.

Alec looked up at him, a gentle blush on his cheeks.

\- Huh?

\- You don't even know how much you mean to me, Alec... - he said it finally.

Magnus was nervous. But he also was a grown up man and he knew that he couldn't let the love of his life go. No... he lived a bit longer than Alec and he knew that things like that shouldn't be ignored.

Alec definitely didn't have such knowledge. But he lived through a lot of nasty things and if he learned a lesson from this, then fighting for your own happiness was one of it. And Magnus was his happiness. So he ignored his shyness. And let the words flow.

\- You either - he answered after a moment. Magnus blinked. - You mean so much to me, Magnus. You were always there when I needed. And you never got angry, even though I deserved it. And now you're here, telling me those things and not bothering that I'm damaged... - he chuckled but it was very painful.

\- Damaged? - Magnus repeated, confused.

\- Yes... with Sebastian and all these things... I will never forget it, Magnus. I was raped, I almost killed myself and the scars on my wrists will never let me forget. And then you've got hurt as well... I don't think I'm the same person I was... - he sighed but he kept looking in Magnus' eyes.

\- Alexander... - Magnus placed his hand on Alec's cheek. - You are amazing. I don't know what a person you had been before all of this. But I know what a person you are right now. And I wouldn't want to live without this person anymore. You're incredible. Kind, loyal, polite, smart and so beautiful I can't take my eyes off of you - he smiled gently, feeling so relieved after finally telling Alec all of this.

Alec looked at Magnus and couldn't believe the things he was hearing. Magnus wasn't lying. He really thought all the things about him. His heart melted. He wanted to hear it so badly. And now his wish had come true. Alec wasn't only Magnus' patient. He was someone else. Someone more than a patient. Someone important.

Alec smiled, feeling the hot tears on his cheeks and he looked to the side. Magnus panicked a bit, seeing him like this and he leaned closer, reaching his hands to Alec. He felt so bad, seeing that he only hurt Alec. Maybe Alec didn't really love him back.

\- Alexander, I'm so so...

Alec cut him off by crushing their lips together. He grabbed Magnus' t-shirt and pulled him closer, kissing him full on the mouth. Magnus froze for a moment. He needed a few seconds to process everything and realize that it wasn't a dream. That the warm, soft lips pressed to his own were Alec's.

Magnus didn't think anymore. He ignored the pain and wrapped his arm around Alec's waist and placed the second hand on Alec's cheek, finally returning the kiss. Alec was scared at first that Magnus will push him away but nothing like this happened. He kissed Alec back.

And Alec felt like in heaven. The kiss wasn't like any other kisses he had with Sebastian. This one was tender and loving. He felt that Magnus didn't want to hurt him. Quite the opposite. He was doing everything to make sure Alec was comfortable and safe. That he enjoyed this as much as Magnus. He first cared for him. And then for himself. Alec couldn't help it but smile during the kiss, his eyes still closed.

Magnus knew right away that Alec was smiling and he did the same. He chuckled. It was like a first kiss of teenagers, sloppy and unpracticed. But special. And Magnus knew he would never forget it. They stayed like this for a moment before Magnus raised his head and looked Alec in the eyes.

\- That was amazing, Alexander - he whispered, still holding his hand on Alec's cheek. He bit his lip. - But I don't think I should do this...

\- And why is that? - his smile faded. - You didn't like it...? - he looked down. Of course Magnus didn't like it. Alec didn't even know why he thought he would have wanted it...

\- No, no! - he rushed with explanation. - It was amazing. Truly amazing. But... I'm breaking my rules...

Alec wanted to laugh at that. Magnus Bane, a man of honour. He respected that. But this time it was just funny and he chuckled softly. Magnus blinked, tilting his head.

\- It's five past midnight. You should wish me happy birthday, dr. Bane.

Alec grinned, amused with Magnus' expression. All the information was going through his brain. Midnight, happy birthday... holly shit! Magnus totally forgot about Alec's birthday! He knew the data, of course he knew! But with everything going on and his lazy recovery time at home, he totally lost the track of time. And forgot about the most important day...

And then the realization hit him like a train and Magnus grinned like an idiot. Alec's birthday meant one thing. Alec wasn't a minor anymore. He wasn't a kid anymore! He was eighteen, legal and free! And Magnus had the best chance ever to use this. He had to. He waited definitely far too long.

\- My dear Alexander - he took his hand and looked in the beautiful, ocean blue eyes. - I would love to give you the best birthday present. But not like this. I don't want to be your doctor anymore. I would love to be someone else to you... Alexander, my beautiful angel... - he squeezed his hand tighter and Alec's heart beat faster. - I know that so many things make us different. And I know that it won't be easy. But I wish for nothing more. Alexander, will you do me the honour and become my boyfriend?

Magnus was really scared now. The answer would have changed everything between them. And Alec knew that as well. He looked at Magnus and grinned wider. He had no idea how Magnus wanted to propose to him now after such a speech but he knew one thing. He would have been a total fool if he said no.

\- I would love to.

He nodded. And Magnus wanted to cry from happiness. He cupped Alec's face with his hands and leaned to kiss him again. Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus' neck and brought him closer, melting into the kiss, enjoying every second of it, every brush of Magnus' lips on his. And he didn't care that it would be difficult. He was in love. For the first and for the last time in his life. Because Magnus Bane was his whole life.

\- Happy birthday, my Alexander - he said in a break to catch a breath.

\- Put your mouth to a better use, Bane.

\- So needy!

Magnus chuckled. Who would have thought that being stabbed was leading to such a beautiful happy ending?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! 27 chapters, and finally, holly shit! But that also means the story will come to an end soon... but I'm thinking about writing a sequel so you guys can see how Malec's doing in their life together c: 
> 
> And again, sorry for the delay! I'm so, so busy! And this will be even worse...  
> Yeah, I'm so sorry but this month and the next will probably be a hell for me. I can't promise when the next chapter will appear but it will! The same thing goes for my two other fanfics. I just don't have time for them right now but I'll continue them. And when I finally pass/fail all the exams, I will be back!  
> Thank you for your patience. I love you all ♥


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hah, I'm back!   
> No beta read. Sorry for any mistakes!

He was again in his office. The big, comfy leather couch was standing in its place as always. He was sitting at his desk, prescribing new medication for one of his patients, smiling gently to himself. He was waiting for Alec to visit him. Yes, he finished all sessions almost hour ago but it wasn't a problem. Alec was going to visit him anyway. Just to chat, relax, have some fun. It was only one week for him to be discharged from the hospital and have his life back. A life with him, with Magnus. A brand new life that Magnus was going to make even better for his blue-eyed angel. He couldn't wait any longer for the day he could hug Alec not only to comfort him as his doctor but also as someone else. Someone important for this young man.

The door opened and Magnus' smile grew wider. He looked up from his papers and looked at his visitor. His smile faded. The door closed.

Sebastian stepped into his office, fresh blood on his hands. The metalic scent filled the room and hit Magnus' nostrils, causing his stomach to feel uneasy. Magnus stood up and took a step back.

\- What are you doing here...? You are...

\- Oh... - Sebastian laughed and came closer to Magnus, holding the weird knife thing in his bloody hand. - You really thought I will just leave? That you will get rid of me so easily?

The laughed echoed in his head and he felt cold sweat on his back, taking another step back.

\- What do you want from me? Where's Alec? - it hit him just then. - What did you do to Alec?

\- You should be more concerned about your own well being. But if you're really so interested... - he moved his finger from the hilt to the top of the blade. - He won't interrupt us, that's for sure. I hate leaving my business for later. And I waited enough already...

Magnus heart beat faster at the thought of Alec being murdered. Hot tears filled his eyes.

\- What has he ever done to you?! What have you done to him, you sick bastard?! - he exclaimed and pannicked right after.

His feet were glued to the floor. Magnus couldn't move and Sebastian started coming his way.

\- Nothing. It was just fun seeing him like this. I mean... have you seen him? He has the purest sking I've ever seen in my life. I wasn't mistaken, you know? The pale, alabaster skin contrasted perfectly with red. Let's see how your caramel skin will look with a little blood to it, hmm?

Magnus was terrified. He started to struggle but to no avail. He couldn't move, dodge... nothing. And then he saw the black, mad eyes and felt a sharp pain in his middle. He wanted to bend over and press the wound but he couldn't move his limbs. So he was standing there, the radiating pain taking over his body.

Magnus clenched his teeth and looked at his attacker. Sebastian was holding the blade in his flesh, smirking viciously. He swiveled the knife, cutting Magnus' inside more. Tears ran down his face and Sebastian leaned closer to him.

\- You will never run away from me, Magnus Bane. I will always be here. Right beside you.

He whispered to Magnus' ear and that was enough. Magnus couldn't take it anymore. He started screaming, scared for his life, because of the pain and fear of losing Alec. He screamed and screamed until he heard someone calling his name even louder than his screams.

\- Magnus! Magnus, please!

He opened his eyes and saw Alec's face. His beautiful, angelic face, now concerned and scared because of Magnus. Alec kept his hands on Magnus' shoulder and his cheek, brushing away the tears Magnus didn't notice were flowing. He realized just then that he was covered in cold sweat, crying and trembling.

Magnus looked at Alec again. He felt guilty to worry this poor boy that came through hell and back but he just couldn't help it. He looked in the beautiful blue eyes and grabbed Alec's forearm before he burst into more tears. He felt like a burden and wanted to hide his face in a pillow, ashamed. But he didn't have to.

Alec was there for him. He closed Magnus in his arms and cradled him, caressing his back in a comforting manner. Magnus eyes wider but then he just pressed his face to Alec's chest and cried more.

\- Shhh, it was only a bad dream, Magnus. I'm here - he whispered.

Magnus smiled but he couldn't help the tears. Alec was okay with that. He knew better than anyone else how important it was to cry sometimes. So he let Magnus do it until he felt lighter. It took him some time, though. When Magnus finally cried himself to sleep it was already a dawn. Alec laid him down on the mattress and pulled the covers to his chin. He was exhausted but it didn't matter. Something was wrong with his boyfriend and it wasn't only the wound...

His boyfriend. Alec smiled gently. Yes, they were finally boyfriends. Only... six hours but it already meant the world for Alec. And he already was put on a test. It wasn't Magnus' fault that he had a nightmare. But Alec was nervous. He had no idea if he was any kind of help for Magnus. But he remembered that the man did the same thing when he was scared. So he repeated the action and well... Magnus was asleep, his breath steady. So maybe he helped a bit?

Alec ran his fingers through Magnus' black hair and then down his face, caressing his cheek for a moment. And he noticed that Magnus was warm. Warmer than he should be. Of course, the crying must have taken a lot from him. But he was worried anyway. Alec got up from the bed as quiet as possible and went to the bathroom. Magnus had everything there and Alec was really intrigued what he could have found there, if he looked closer. But it wasn't a time for exploring.

He grabbed a fresh, clean washcloath and soak it in a cold water. He came back to Magnus' bedroom and climbed back on the bed. He was still amazed how comfy and soft this place was. He loved it. And with Magnus... Alec blushed. Well, this place with Magnus could be very... intimate...

He shook his head and then put the washcloath on Magnus face, deciding to wipe it from the tears. Then he placed it on Magnus' forehead and when the man sighed, Alec smiled again. Six hours and he already was so deep in the relationship. He was sure. He cared for Magnus. He wanted to be there for him in moments like this to comfort him and let him know he wasn't alone. Because... because he loved him.

Alec was tired himself. He laid next to Magnus but didn't go to sleep. He wanted to watch him and make sure nothing like this will happen again. And well... watching Magnus was very fascinating and pleasant for his eyes so he went with it. He took Magnus' hand in his own and smiled. Yes, this was just perfect. It was from the very first minute...

They kissed once. Then again and again. Magnus was gentle and understanding, he didn't force Alec to do anything. He wasn't obtrusive as Sebastian, who only waited to push his tongue in Alec's mouth. No. Magnus didn't do anything like this. This evening was for Alec and Alec knew this, felt it. It was the best feeling in his whole life. He didn't remember when they fell alseep but he remembered how Magnus used Alec's shoulder as his pillow. And he wanted to spend more night like this, holding this big baby in his arms.

***

Magnus woke up four hours later and blinked couple of times, realizing that he had, already dry, washcloath on his forehead. He wanted to take it off but then he realized that someone was holding his hand. Alec didn't let his hand even for a moment. And now was smiling to him. Magnus saw how tired he was and remembered everything. He was really ashamed.

\- Alexander... - he said, his voice hoarse from all the crying.

\- Good morning to you too, Magnus dear. Want some breakfast? - he decided not to talk about this now. It was a tough night and he was sure that Magnus preferred to rest a bit.

Alec was right. He really wanted to forget about it even if only for a moment. He couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face. This boy was just too cute with the bags under his eyes and bed hair. But what really melted his heart was that Alec was there for him. He wasn't laughing, he didn't leave him. He was there. And even took care of him, even if his condition wasn't life-threatening.

\- Can I have a dessert before breakfast? - he asked, squeezing Alec's hand tighter.

\- And what would you want? - Alec didn't quite get it. Magnus laughed.

\- You. Come here, hot stuff - he pulled his hand gently.

And Alec knew what he wanted. And he was more than happy to give it to Magnus. He moved closer and leaned down to him, placing his lips on Magnus'. And Magnus had smiled before he pulled Alec closer and deepened their kiss. They took their time.

\- Mhm, good morning to you too, cutie pie - he grinned and kissed his cheek that was now red from the blushing.

Magnus laughed. Alec really couldn't take the pet names easily. He started fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt but the small remained on his angelic face.

\- Y-you... you know... Alec is just fine... - he mumbled.

\- Oh, I know, darling. But you're too adorable and precious to use just your name.

\- So I should call you pet names too? - he asked, blinking. That would be... nice but also pretty awkward.

Magnus chuckled and shook his head.

\- I know it's not your thing, darling. I'm completely okay with that, don't worry. I will just double the amount of pet names - he winked and Alec rolled his eyes.

\- You're insufferable - he stated but kissed him again. - You're warm.

\- I prefer 'hot'. Or 'handsome hot'. Or...

\- No - he sighed. - I mean you still have a fever - he corrected and replaced the washcloath with his hand.

\- Oh... - he grabbed his wrist and brought it to his face to kiss it. - Don't worry. It's totally normal.

\- It's not - he narrowed his eyes and took his hand away. - You're staying in bed. And don't think I won't call Raphael to tell him about it.

Magnus blinked. What had happened to his cute boy? It was almost confusing how fast Alec could change from 'cute' to 'don't come near me if you like being alive'.

\- Sweet pea... - he tried.

\- No.

Well, at least he tried. Magnus sighed, defeated. He really couldn't have demanded anything from Alec. He was just worried. And Magnus already made him stay awake for all night. So it wasn't fair to be even more annoying.

\- Can I move to the couch at least? I would love to spend this day watching 'Project Runway'. If you don't mind...

\- Come on.

Alec couldn't say 'no' to this man. And well, he only cared for him to lay down. And the couch was as good option as bed. So he helped Magnus get up and first helped him go to the bathroom. Then to the living room and on the couch. Alec tugged the blankets tightly not leaving Magnus any space to move.

\- I have never imagined I'll be a pancake in my early thirties... - he chuckled.

\- Oh, shut up - Alec rolled his eyes and then turned the tv on. - I'll be right back with breakfast. Any special wishes? - he bit his tongue a bit too late but raised his hand, silencing him. - Or not. Forget it. I'm not taking any requests that day.

Magnus had to accept his fate. He stayed on the couch, watching My Little Pony because this show just started when Alec had left. And well, he wasn't complaining... that much. Some of the ponies were sparkling and that was everything he needed that day. A pony in make-up, making dresses. Well, still early thirties, let's not forget about it.

Alec made pancaked with sweet cottage cheese, cut some fruit and made a camomile tea. Then he went back to the living room and placed the tray on the table. Just then a song in the tv started and Alec looked that way.

\- Really, Magnus?

\- It's your fault, darling. You left me like this. And besides, I actually identify myself with this pony. It's fabulous.

\- Oh, really? - he bit his bottom lip not to smile and helped Magnus sit up. He handed him a plate with food and sat next to him. - What's the name of this pony?

\- Rarity. Just like me - he took a bite of his pancakes that he decided to eat using his hands because well, fork was too troublesome to use.

Alec already had a pet name for Magnus. He reached his hand for his phone to text Raphael. He really hated those things after all what happened but well... Maryse bought him a new one and he really didn't have much choice just to take it.

\- Of course. And who would I be in this show?

\- Hmm... - Magnus really started to think about it. He watched only two episodes but he already knew everything. - You're kind and beautiful. Funny. And hardworking. And a nerd. It's really difficult, you know?

Alec wanted to laugh. Was this man for real? Well... he was...

\- Come on, you definitely know - he took a bite of his pancake.

\- Hmm... Fluttershy - he smirked.

Alec almost choked. Of course he knew ponies. He didn't watch it but knew it. The life of a nerd.

\- You're kidding me, right?! - he looked at him and wanted to strangle this man for laughing.

\- No. That's pretty accurate, sweet pea. Hence your blush - he poked his cheek.

Alec slapped his hand away and got back to eating. Magnus did the same. They didn't change the channel.

***

Raphael visited them during a dinner that Alec prepared. He ate with them because well, free food was always a great option. He examined Magnus and changed his dressing, stating that the fever was a normal reaction. It didn't calm Alec down. So he told Magnus to sleep. And well, that was a thing Magnus always did gladly. So taking his time, Alec cleaned after the dinner and then started to study.

The one thing he was very insecure about was his education. He knew he wasn't stupid, however... he wasn't a genius as well. And he had a lot to catch up with. But he was determined to graduate this year and go to Uni. The reason of his motivation was napping on the couch, drolling in his sleep. Alec smiled. This man was really insufferable.

But he also did wonders because Alec didn't want to die anymore. He wanted to live, to achieve something in his life. Of course, he was afraid of the difficulties and obstacles but at the same time, he wanted to try. And he felt like he just had to... well, he really wanted to be with Magnus. And Magnus was educated. He was a doctor, a smart, intelligent man and was earning good money. Alec didn't want to be a burden and make Magnus look like his sugar daddy. Especially when the age gap was quite big... no. Hell no. It wasn't a problem for him. But he still wanted to be someone, not just a boyfriend of a rich man. So he decided to work hard. And got to it straight away, even if he still had no idea what he wanted to be doing in his life.

Three hours passed. Magnus woke up but he didn't move, watching his adorable boyfriend studying hard. He was so focused on remembering some difficult names from his biology student book that he wanted to get up and take it away so his brain could take a rest. But at the same time he enjoyed the view. Alec wrote something down and then looked up, noticing that Magnus was awake.

\- How long? - he asked simply.

\- Not long. Are you finished?

\- No... I still need to do some things... - he sighed.

\- Want some help? What? I'm a doctor, Alec. I'm sure I can handle a highschool biology level - he smiled.

Alec was hestitant for a moment but then he joined Magnus on the couch. The older man sat up and wrapped his arm around Alec's waist, pulling him closer and kissing his cheek. Alec blushed but didn't move, enjoying the warmth of his boyfriend.

\- So... I was learning about hormones and I don't really get it... - he admitted shyly.

He hated to let other people know he didn't know something. But he showed Magnus the book and he took a look at what Alec had a problem with. Magnus placed a hand at Alec's hip and nodded.

\- It's very easy, darling. You just have to understand how it is done and then you can put everything like this.

\- I know... it's just... - he sighed. - I missed so many classes, Magnus. It would be much better if a teacher had told me about that...

\- Oh - he grinned. - Then let professor Bane take care of it and listen to my lecture!

Alec looked at him and laughed. This man was just insane. But he appreciated his efforts.

\- Okay.

\- Okay what? - he pinched his cheek.

\- Okay, professor Bane! - he swatted his hand away and smiled, amused.

\- Good! So let's start with this. Tell me something about thyroid hormones.

\- What? - he blinked. - Magnus! You're not supposed to ask me about it, just explain it! - he crossed his arms over his chest.

\- Of course, sweet pea. And I will. But I need to know what you already know. So?

\- Just explain it, please... - he didn't look at Magnus, feeling like a total idiot. Of course he had to forget everything while being confronted.

Magnus didn't like it. He could understand everything but he didn't like that Alec was feeling insecure with him. Magnus would have never judged him. But well, Alec needed more time to understand it and he, as a good boyfriend he was, decided to give it to him.

\- You forgot the 'professor' part - he lifted his chin and kissed him, causing the boy to blush again. - Don't do this again or I will have to punish you, mr. Lightwood.

Alec smiled and just hugged him, wrapping his arms around Magnus' neck. He had no idea what he had done in his life that he got someone like Magnus. And Magnus hugged him back, putting his hand in Alec's dark hair. That's how the lecture started and ended because Alec fell asleep. And Magnus followed, enjoying every minute of watching his sleeping beauty. He caressed Alec's cheek and touched his soft lips with his fingertips. Could he be more perfect?

***

Their life was monotonous but they loved it. They could talk all days about everything and nothing. Alec was laughing at Magnus' lame jokes and Magnus was laughing at Alec's clumsiness. They were happy. Just happy.

And their relationship was getting better and better, even though they didn't do anything than kissing. Normal kissing because Alec still wasn't sure if he liked the tongue part. Well, he wanted to know how it felt with Magnus... but he still wasn't ready. And Magnus was okay with waiting what was weird even for him. He had never done anything like that before. But with Alec everything was different. He was happy and satisfied just with having the man with him and being able to call him his boyfriend. That was everything he needed. Because Alec was something more than just a boyfriend. It was only a name. However, this boy was doing so much for him. He was there when he had a nightmares and it turned out to happen more than once. And he was there to take care of him, feed him comfort and entertain him. No one had ever done so much for him. And Alec didn't want anything back.

That's why he was now with him at the hospital, holding his hand while Ragnow was pulling the stitches out. It was already over a week and unfortunately, it was the last day of living together. Alec had to come back home and go back to school. It was only one day because Maryse decided that it would be the best for him to be home-schooled and he agreed. But he had to go there for the last time. He had to. And wanted to. He had some things that just needed to be done.

\- For fuck's sake, stop whining! - Ragnor growled, gritting his teeth.

\- But it hurts! - he whined even more.

Alec didn't judge. But he had to stifle a laugh. It was just too hilarious to be there and act like nothing was happening. Magnus knew how to drive Ragnor nuts without even doing anything. Because well, he was just laying down, totally unarmed.

\- It doesn't! - he rolled his eyes and went back to work.

\- It does! Stop this! - he squeezed Alec's hand tighter and Alec patted his shoulder.

\- Shut up or I'll make you - he sighed. - Why are you even with him, again?

\- I don't know - he shrugged.

\- Alexander! - exclaimed Magnus.

\- Shut your mouth, Magnus. I still didn't forgive you - he frowned and Magnus went silent, letting Ragnor do his job.

It was a day after they decided to date. But Alec knew this on the second day when Magnus was too sleepy to pick up his phone and asked Alec to do this. He didn't know it was a text message, though. And that's how Alec got to know that Magnus and the rest of his exquisite group of friends had a group conversation.

**Sparkling annoyance:**

Me and Alec are dating!!!

**Hot nurse:**

Fuck yeah! Finally!

**Grumpy vampire:**

Use condoms.

**85% of Will's self-control:**

Congrats! I told you it will happen sooner or later!

**Sparkling annoyance:**

Better sooner! Gooood! He's so cute!

**Gray-Herondale-Carstairs:**

He is! Congrats!

**Cabbage:**

I don't need to give you the speech, do I?

**Hot nurse:**

Please don't.

**Ducklings lord:**

MAGNUS! CHANGE THIS FUCKING NICKNAME RIGHT NOW!!!

**Sparkling annoyance:**

Hahaha

**Ducklings lord:**

I'll kick your ass later. But yeah! I fucking told you you'll have your happy ever after!

**85% of Will's self-control:**

He's not dying, William. But yes, we were totally right. You own us a dinner.

**Gray-Herondale-Carstairs:**

You do.

**Hot nurse:**

I second that!

**Grumpy vampire:**

Some Spanish cuisine

**Cabbage:**

I'll eat anything as long as it's for free.

**Ducklings lord:**

So let's choose something expensive. We deserve that.

**Sparkling annoyance:**

Alec will choose. You have no power here, peasants! But I will ask him later. We're learning biology now.

**Grumpy vampire:**

Use condoms.

  
  


It was just embarassing. He wasn't mad. But still! He looked at Magnus. It was great that he was happy. But Alec still wasn't used to share his happiness with anyone.

\- Okay, all done - Ragnor sighed in relief.

\- I won't have any scars, right?

\- You will. But it's small, don't worry. Is it all?

\- Yup.

\- Then get the fuck out!

Soon they were driving in Magnus' car to Alec's home. Maryse invited them to have a dinner together. And Alec was pretty nervous because it was the time to face the reality and tell them all about their relationship. What Alec didn't know was that his siblings already knew and Maryse had her suspicions.

\- Hey, it will be fine. We'll be together no matter what - he smiled, not looking at Alec because well, he was driving.

\- I know - he smiled. - But it's not easy... - he sighed and closed his eyes.

\- I will be there, darling. Just take a deep breath.

Maryse, Jace and Izzy were more than happy to see Alec again. They hugged and then said hello to Magnus as well. Of course, Alec was avoiding the topic named 'Magnus' for whole week and now they were so curious to find out that Alec was afraid to leave Magnus alone even for a minute. Who know what questions they had! And knowing them, it couldn't be anything good...

His mother invited them to sit at the table and served them dinner. She was a great cook. Alec still didn't eat much but at this moment he couldn't eat anyting because well, he was too nervous...

\- Are you feeling better now, mr. Bane? - asked Maryse.

\- Please, call me Magnus - he smiled and she nodded. - And yes, I'm totally fine now. Thanks to your amazing son.

She smiled and the two devils smirked.

\- Oh - started Jace. - So you're saying that nurse Alec did his job well?

\- Yes - he nodded. - Even better.

Alec choked on his water and Izzy laughed. He looked at Magnus and if his gaze could kill, Magnus would have been already dead. This bastard was enjoying it!

\- Woah, Alec! - said Izzy. - I didn't know you are so skilled.

\- Izzy... - he hid his face in his hands.

It wasn't easy but well, Alec knew he had to do this. He looked up at Magnus and when he saw the smile he knew that no matter what, this man will be with him to support him.

\- Actually... - started Alec. - There is something you should know. Mom... I know it's probably not what you would want to hear but... as you know, I'm gay. And... Magnus and I... we're... we're kinda like... dating.

\- Kinda? - Magnus raised his brow.

\- We are dating - he corrected himself. - Magnus is my boyfriend - he didn't look ashamed. Just scared of their reaction.

It was quiet for a moment. He was too afraid to look at them so he kept his gaze on his plate. And then Izzy squeeled and Jace whistled.

\- I knew this! Malec is real! - exclaimed Izzy.

\- Ha! Finally! - added Jace.

Alec had no idea what had just happen. He started blinking and then smiled, happy that they approved. But he had no idea what 'Malec' was. He then looked at his mother. And Maryse... was smiling gently. It wasn't easy for her but she learned her lesson the hard way. And knew that she had to be supportive. And well, in this situation it wasn't so difficult.

\- Alec, I'm happy for you - she said. - Of course I would love you to have a boyfriend a bit younger than Magnus... but the age doesn't matter - she shook her head. - All I want for you is to be happy. And I see you are. With Magnus.

\- I am - he nodded, feeling tears in the corners of his eyes.

It wasn't easy for Magnus. He knew that it will look like that... He was too old for Alec. But then a miracle happened. He really thought that he heard her wrong. Did she just approve? Magnus couldn't believe it. His future mother-in-law accepted him and his future husband fought for him. Could this day get even better?

Maryse smiled a bit wider. She really wanted to see her baby happy. And now Alec he was happy, healthy and ready to start everything all over again. He wanted to live. And that was everything she prayed for. And well... Magnus was a very fine man. He was handsome, witty, intelligent. He was a doctor and really cared for Alec. Maryse definitely prefered someone, who knew how to take care of a person with issues to someone, who couldn't tie his laces.

\- I know. That's why I'm totally fine with you two dating. However, mr. Bane.

\- It's...

But he shut up, seeing her face. They all looked at Maryse and shivers ran down her spines. She could be really scary.

\- I appreciate everything you've done for my baby. And I'm very, very grateful. However... hurt him in any way, disrespect him at least once, and trust me, I will find you, I'll rip your balls off and replace them with your eyeballs. Got it? - she narrowed her eyes.

Magnus shifted on his sit, feeling the cold sweat on his back. Alec was dumbfounded, not believing that his mother said something like that! Jace and Izzy were in the same situation. But Maryse waited. And Magnus had to admit that he was happy that Alec's mother started to care about him. But he really started to be scared for his life!

\- Dear Maryse, I have no such intentions to hurt Alexander. He is very precious to me and all I want is to treasure him and make him happy. I know that he's young and I'm not anymore. But I can assure you that I would never force him to anything. I would do anything for him.

Magnus looked at Alec and saw that the boy was at the verge of tears but he was smiling. He took Alec's hand and squeezed it tightly. Maryse only nodded and watched them.

\- Awwww - called Izzy and then stood up to go to Alec and give him a big hug.

\- I'm happy for you, buddy - said Jace. - But so you know, Magnus...

\- Our mother was very kind to you and told you about the nicer option - said Izzy.

\- Yup. But if you make Alec cry, I swear to god, you will ask for our mom's offer.

\- As I said, I won't hurt him on purpose. I would never do this. But thank you. I will keep that in mind - he nodded.

Magnus didn't doubt Alec's siblings were also deadly. But still, he feared Maryse more.

Alec was proud of his family and grateful that they accepted him and Magnus. That they didn't say anything bad to the man he loved. That they were this supportive. Alec knew that with them, he could do every impossible thing. Starting with his exams and graduation.

After the dinner, they talked a bit more and they went to Alec's room. It was simple and tidy with lots and lots of books. Nothing extravagant, just typical teenager's bedroom. Magnus sat on Alec's bed and the boy blushed a bit. Well, the view was something...

\- So, do you want to watch a movie or something?

\- No, just come here.

So Alec did. He sat with Magnus, leaning closer to him. It was amazing that they didn't have to do anything, just stay like that without saying a word and feel comfortable with each other.

\- We have so many things to do, Magnus.

\- Yes? Like what?

\- The Christmas shopping. We still haven't done that. And some other things.

\- Mhm, we will go shopping, darling. Of course we will. And what else?

\- You know... you said that Raphael and the rest could help me study.

\- They will. Me either. Don't worry about this, sweet pea.

Alec smiled and closed his eyes for a moment. He had no idea where the courage came from but before he realized, he was sitting on Magnus' lap, looking in his beautiful eyes. Magnus was shocked at first but then he wrapped his arms around Alec and grinned.

\- I'm happy, you know?

\- I couldn't be more happy to know you're happy - he said and kissed Alec's nose.

\- Thank you, Magnus. That's all because of you - he admitted and Magnus' heart broke. This boy was so precious, so honest...

\- No, Alec. Don't thank me. I should be the one thanking you. For everything you did to me. I... I don't know if I would have survived this without you - he sighed.

\- Oh... - Alec was silent for a moment. - So it is the right time to tell me about the nightmares? - he placed his hand on Magnus' cheek. - I didn't ask earlied because I knew you would tell me one day. So? What are they about?

Magnus swallowed hard. Oh, his dear angel... he already knew him so well! And Magnus didn't hestitate any longer. He could trust Alec.

\- That day... Sebastian... I still see him, all the blood, the knife and my wound... - he shivered. - I know I'm a psychiatrist and I should know what to do... but I have no idea...

Alec hugged him and Magnus put his chin on Alec's shoulder, feeling the scent of Alec's minty shower gel.

\- It's okay. You're a psychiatrist but it doesn't mean you can't have your own issues. I also have those nightmares. I just learned how to live with that. But you must promise me that if it won't stop, you will find some help. I'm sorry, Magnus. But I'm helpless on this field... I would love to help you... just don't know how.

\- I'm not expecting you to know. You're helping me, Alexander. It's just... something in my brain. Some kind of PTSD that I can't manage to fight on my own.

\- That's why people like you excist - he said and caressed his back. - I will need some psychologist as well. It's nothing to be ashamed of, right?

\- Of course, Alexander. Thank you.

\- Shut up.

Magnus smiled. They stayed like this for almost an hour, enjoying each other's company. Magnus was afraid to go back home and go to sleep alone, knowing that Alec won't be there with him. But he knew it was necessary.

\- Alexander?

\- Mhm?

\- You wouldn't let your mother do this to me, right?

\- Of course not, Rarity.

Alec laughed, seeing Magnus' pout. Magnus really was a big, silly baby. But he loved him just this way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, fluff, fluff!   
> Guys, I'm so exhausted. I had my last exam of this week on Saturday... I'm a walking death, haha. Only 6 to go...
> 
> Sooo! As some of you might have noticed, it's only one chapter left till the story ends. I don't know how to feel about that... :c But I have so many ideas that I think a sequel would be nice. But I still have to think about it. I'll talk more about that with the final chappie. Thank you c: 
> 
> Till the next time! ♥


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, not beta read!

Magnus woke up hearing a knocking on the door. He opened his eyes and blinked few times, trying to adjust to the bright room he was in. He looked at the window and saw that the blinds weren't lowered and sighed before he realized that... they weren't his blinds. Then something moved beside him and he saw his adorable angel still sound asleep. Magnus closed his eyes again trying to remember what happened last night. He visited the Lightwoods, they had dinner and then spent the evening in Alec's room, talking and cuddling. They must have fallen asleep. But he didn't remember them covering in a blanket. What's more, he didn't see any blanket at all in Alec's room. Weird.

Magnus had no idea that Maryse went to her son's room after midnight and saw them sleeping together. She sighed in relief, thinking that they were doing something... more. But no. They were fully cloathed and asleep. She was thinking for a moment about waking Magnus up and telling him to go home but she decided not to. He didn't do anything wrong, right? And it was already really late. So she threw a blanket over them and left.

The knocking didn't stop and after a moment, Alec was awake, rubbing his eyes.

\- Come in - he muttered.

The door opened and Izzy stepped in, grinning like crazy. She definitely was shipping her brother with his new boyfriend way too much. And was thinking too much. Because when she saw them fully dressed, she pouted.

\- You're no fun, big brother - she sighed and then smiled again. - It's already seven. Get up and come eat breakfast with us.

\- Mhm, in a moment - he hugged the pillow tighter and Izzy rolled her eyes, deciding to leave them alone.

Magnus was watching Alec for a moment before he hugged him and kissed his cheek. Alec's bed was much smaller than his but he was okay with that. It gave the best opportunity to cuddle because it was impossible not to when more than one person was laying in it. Alec smiled a bit, feeling the nice warmth of his boyfriend's body.

\- Good morning, my beautiful angel - he kissed him again.

\- Morning, Magnus. And goodnight. Go back to sleep.

He bit his bottom lip to stifle a laugh when Alec covered himself in the blanket even more. He would love to let him sleep as much as he wanted but it wasn't possible.

\- No, no, darling. You need to wake up, get dressed and go to school. You told me yesterday you want to do this. Of course, if you changed your mind, just tell. No one will force you to do anything.

Magnus ran his hand through Alec's dark hair, watching his beautiful boy. He really didn't want Alec to feel uncomfortable but at the same time, he didn't want him to feel guilty for not doing something he planned. And Alec looked so determined the day before...

Yes, Alec was determined. But yesterday. And today was today. He knew he had to. But he wasn't so sure anymore. Going back to school meant going back to the memories he wanted to forget, meeting the people he didn't want to know. However, at the same time, he knew he had to do this. It was the last step of his recovery. Face the nightmares. Start a new life.

Alec sighed, sitting up. He took a deep breath, deciding to be brave. He went through so much... a short walk down a school corridor wasn't something he should have been afraid of, right? And besides he had his Magnus. He looked at his boyfriend and then started laughing, forgetting about everything unpleasant. Magnus blinked, confused.

\- Darling? Why are you laughing at me...? - he asked, sitting up as well.

\- Magnus the magnificent raccoon! - he said finally when he stopped laughing, wiping the tears.

Magnus grabbed his phone and used it as a mirror. He gasped, seeing that his perfect smoky eyes were totally ruined along with his eyeliner. He put the phone away and got up from the bed, rushing to the bathroom. Alec started laughing again. Well... no matter what would happen that day, Magnus would be there for him to cheer him up.

When he came back, the disaster on his face was gone. But he wasn't very happy, since his face was totally clean without any make-up. And he felt like he had to do something about this. So he, of course, asked Izzy for help and couple minutes later Magnus was doing his make-up in Alec's bedroom, allowing his boyfriend to get ready for the day without interrupting him.

Alec chose his outfit for the day and went to the bathroom to put the clothes on. He didn't feel comfortable changing in the same room as Magnus. Yes, he saw him naked probably too many times already but it was totally different now. They were a couple now. And Alec was taking these things very seriously.   
His clothes were different that day. All because Alec decided not to be afraid of the people that hurt him. They had their five minutes already. But Alec wasn't going to show them that they broke him. And to do that, he wasn't going to hide behind his over-sized sweaters and look down all the time like he should have been ashamed of himself. No. He started a new life, was healthy, had hot boyfriend. And they? They had nothing. They destroyed Alec's life but all their actions ricochetted against them. Alec won the trial. All rights were his and they had to pay for everything.

Alec put a navy blue shirt on and tight black pants with holes on his knees. All the clothes were bought by Izzy and they were totally new, since he hadn't had a chance to wear them yet. He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled a bit. His sister was right. Clothes did a lot to boost your self-esteem. But it still wasn't enough. He felt like something was missing. And then Alec raised his hands and looked at his wrists. They were hidden under the shirt and Alec couldn't have been more grateful. He didn't want to see the scars ever again.

\- Alexander? Are you okay? - called Magnus, concerned when Alec was taking so long in the bathroom.

And it was enough for him to realize he stayed too long observing his new look. And it made him insecure again. What if Magnus didn't like it? Alec had never cared about his look before. But now he had a boyfriend. A fancy, fabulous boyfriend. And he didn't want Magnus to laugh at him. Alec took a deep breath and finally came out of the bathroom and stood in front of Magnus.

Magnus dropped the mascara brush, his eyes wide when he saw Alec. His beautiful angel was even more beautiful now. Magnus didn't mind Alec's lack of style. He accepted the sweaters and the rest because it wasn't really important. However, the new outfit looked so good on Alec... and then he realized that he was staring and Alec was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Magnus cursed and stood up from the chair.

\- Alexander, you look... smokin' hot. You are smokin' hot- he corrected himself immediately and came closer.

Alec looked away, blushing. But when Magnus stood only inches away from him, he looked up at his boyfriend and smiled gently.

\- Thank you. You look nice yourself.

Magnus scoffed. Nice? Nice?! This little brat! But he couldn't be mad at him. So Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec's middle and hugged him tightly.

\- I will forgive you this time. But only this time.

\- Of course, your highness.

\- What's wrong, Alexander? - he asked, knowing by only looking at Alec that something was not right.

\- It's... it's nothing, Magnus. I just... - he shifter from one foot to another. - Can you... I... I know what I said about make-up but... can you do my eyeliner?

Magnus was really taken aback by Alec's request. But then he remembered how he once told Alec that make-up was helping him his confidence. And he smiled.

\- Sit down, princess. And don't be scared. It will be done in a minute.

It took Magnus five minutes but his work was really worth a prize. Both lines were the same length and size, not too long and not too thick, just perfect. As Magnus promised.

\- You like it?

\- I love it - he said sincerely. - You're really good at it. Probably even better than Izzy.

\- Kid. I'm the best. Remember this once and forever - he pinched his cheek and then put the eyeliner bottle in Izzy's beauty bag.

Alec laughed at that, deciding that yes, Magnus was the best. At everything. And then Izzy called them again but she wasn't so nice this time. No wonder, they took quite a lot of time and they all were waiting for them. So they finally decided to go downstairs and have their breakfast.

Magnus was eating, not saying anything because he felt the tension in the air. It wasn't so weird, considering that Alec was coming back to school. Only for one day. Only for a moment. But still. Maryse was worried sick.

\- It's okay mom. I will be fine, I promise - he said finally.

\- Well, I'm also worried - said Jace. - You even painted your eyes.

\- I'm more than sure that you can't call it like that...

\- Magnus! - Izzy hit the table with a palm of her hand and they all jumped and then looked at her.

\- Yes, darling? - he stammered.

\- You have to teach me how to do this! - she pointed at Alec.

\- Well... I didn't... yet...

\- Magnus! - exclaimed Alec.

Maryse gasped and Jace burst out laughing.

\- I didn't mean doing my brother! The eyeliner! I need to know! But the first part, I need to know either. So call me when you're done - she winked.

\- Izzy! - Alec yelled, hiding his face in his hands.

Maryse did the same and Jace roared even louder.

\- What?! It's totally normal I'm interested in my brother's sex life!

\- Izzy! - Alec was at the verge of tears.

\- Isabelle, stop this! - Maryse ordered, irritated.

\- D-don't stop! It's priceless!

\- Blondie, I think you have enough - said Magnus finally and then looked at Izzy. - Sorry darling. But no - he winked at her and she smiled. They both knew what that meant. "Wait till it happens."

\- You're so boring - Jace rolled his eyes.

\- I'm leaving - said Alec, grabbing his bag.

\- Wait! I'll give you a ride, Alexander - Magnus put the mug on the table and stood up only to be stopped by Alec's raised hand.

\- No. I want to walk and clear my mind. Please, respect that. I'll call you later, okay? - he just smiled and left the dining doom.

They all sighed. Alec was stubborn. But he still didn't know how stubborn his boyfriend was. Before anyone could say something, Magnus started.

\- He wants to walk. But he didn't say anything about picking him up from school, did he? I'll wait for him, don't worry.

\- Thank you, Magnus - his siblings said.

\- I should go with you - said Maryse.

\- I don't think it's a good idea. Sorry. But I'll text you.

\- Well, if you're driving to school then we are coming with you - said Izzy. - What? We have lessons today and I'm not my brother. I don't want to walk. And besides, have you seen your car?! It's amazing! And I have a plan.

\- Here it comes... - muttered Jace.

\- Shut up.

Alec stood in front of the school building. He shivered, even though he had his coat on. But he knew it wasn't because of the cold. He was afraid of going in there. But at the same time, he knew he had to. It was too late to go back now. Alec took a deep breath and pushed the door opened. He unbottoned his coat and started his walk down the corridor.

He didn't have to wait long till people noticed him. It was quiet all of a sudden. All the students were staring at him, some of them whispering something. But Alec didn't pay much attention to them. He felt a weird strength taking over his body. He was the one they were afraid of now. He didn't have to be wary and watch his every step. Quite the opposite. No one wanted to even come near him. But he still heard everything.

-Is it the Lightwood kid? He looks different?

\- Are you kidding me? It can't be Lightwood!

\- Why?

\- He's hot! Freaking hot!

\- You're right... a Lightwood couldn't be so handsome...

\- But if it's him...

\- It can't be him! He killed himself! I heard the rumors!

Alec wanted to laugh. Magnus was right again. His classmates were too childish and too stupid for him. And Alec was really happy he finally was going to be free and far away from them. Because he really started to worry that their stupidity was contagious.

Maryse already took his papers out of the school. But there still was his locker that he wanted to empty by himself. It contained his stuff after all and he didn't want his mother to find some of the things... Alec used to write or draw things that bothered him. And it would be too painful for his mother to find out. He had to destroy it as soon as possible.

Alec opened his locker and started to putting his things in his bag when some people approached him. Alec looked at them. He wasn't shaking, he wasn't freaking out. He just looked at them and wanted to laugh. Because they were all in tears. Fake tears, Alec was sure about that.

\- Alec... - said Raj. - We... we really wanted to...

\- To apologize - Aldertree finished his sentence. - We want to apologize.

\- For everything - said Lilith.

\- We shouldn't have done this to you, Alec. And we are really sorry - added another girl.

\- Look, man. We're sorry - said Jon. - It was stupid. I'm really sorry. So... are we okay now?

He reached his hand toward Alec and Alec looked at it, then at him, not shaking it. Jon realized that and put his hand into his pocket.

\- Yes, we are okay - he said finally, putting the last thing in his bag, watching them at the same time.

They sighed in relief, a sudden happiness overwhelmed them.

\- That's so cool!

\- Then it means you will tell this to the judges? You know, it's very important!

\- Yeah. We were totally stupid. But... we can't go to college if you don't take back your accusations. So... can we count on you? - asked Raj, almost shaking.

\- Yeah. You can count on me and be sure that you wouldn't have to bother with college at all - he said, shrugging his shoulders.

They were silent for a moment before Marisol started talking.

\- Wait... you're not going to do something about it? You will let them ruin our lives?!

\- Oh? Well, I think you are all experts on this field. How about some practice on your own?

\- You can't do this to us! We apologized! You have to take help us now! - yelled Victor.

\- Do I? - he raised his brow. - And you? Did you help me?

Alec narrowed his eyes. They didn't answer him. Of course. Because they did nothing for him to feel better, to know that he had someone he could have counted on. And now he was supposed to help them because what? Because no one wanted people like them? Funny. Alec wasn't cruel. But he wasn't stupid either.

\- Alec, please... - said Marisol. - You need to help us! Help me! My dad is going to kick me off from home if I don't go to college! Please...

\- I asked you to stop. And you laughed. And now I am going to be laughing. Have a nice day.

Alec turned on his heel and was about to leave when Jon pinned him to the locker. Alec felt like he was having a deja vu. But this time, he wasn't scared. He had no idea why. Jon was still stronger than him and could hurt him. But Alec didn't care. He knew Jon was desperate. And incredibly stupid. Maybe that was the reason?

\- Shut up, smartass! You are going to do what I'll tell you or we can do this the hard way - he growled, irritated that Alec wasn't affected by his threat.

\- If I were you, I would let me go. You already have troubles with the law. It's still not enough for you?

Jon hestitated for a moment but then let Alec go and took a step back. Alec didn't say anything more, ignoring their requests. He buttoned his coat and headed to the exit. They followed him, still trying to gain his attention and make him change his mind but to no avail. Alec was stubborn. He didn't want to punish anyone but well, they deserved it. And it wasn't him, who was making them pay for it.

Soon, their voices were mixed with others. And this time no one was talking about Alec. They were talking about a handsome man in an awesome car that was standing in front of the school's entrance. Alec didn't have to see it to know that it was Magnus. Freaking show off. But he loved it, right?

The kids went outside, ignoring the snow and cold. They wanted to see what other kids were talking about. Of course, the person who spreaded the rumors was nothing else than his lovely sister. Right... she watched too many movies. But at the same time, he was quite glad she did it. It was the best 'goodbye' he could have done to this school and these people.

Alec ignored the crowd and talking. He went straight to Magnus who was clearly busy trying to ignore two irritating girls. And he did the same. When he was close enough, Alec stood on his toes and kissed Magnus with everything he had. The older man wrapped his arms around him and leaned for the kiss, deepening it even more. They heard people gasp, the two girls squeeled. And then Alec finished their little show. It was lame and not in his style... but no one was hitting on his boyfriend on his watch!

\- Alexander... - Magnus smiled, clearly happy because of what happened.

\- Please, don't. Let's get home, okay? - he said quickly.

\- As you wish, darling.

Magnus opened the door for Alec and closed them when Alec took the sit. They drove off, followed by the students' gazes. Yes. It was totally worth it.

Alec was quiet until they got to Magnus' house. He put the bag on the floor in the hall and went to the living room to find Chairman. This cat was helping him so much in staying calm. And lucky for him, Meow really loved him and didn't mind being cuddled by his owner's boyfriend. Magnus joined them, placing two steaming cups of tea on the coffee table and then sat next to Alec.

\- Who's a bigger show off, huh? - he raised his brow, trying to stifle a laugh but he failed miserably.

\- Shut up!At least I'm not covered in glitter like you! - he crossed his arms over his chest.

\- But you would look lovely in glitter, you know - he kissed his cheek and smiled widely. - Buttercup, I'm so proud of you.

Alec looked down at his lap but seconds later he was hugging his boyfriend tightly.

\- Thank you, Magnus. I mean... It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be... but at the end I felt like running away. If you weren't there...

\- I'm always here. And I always will be. If you only let me.

\- I know, Magnus. That's why... thank you - Alec smiled and finally let go of Magnus, so he could take a breath.

\- You don't need to thank me, darling. Just tell me... are you ready to fight? For yourself. I mean, it was a big step, Alexander. But we still have a long way to go. You have to start eating regulary and more, definitely. And your meds and study, and...

\- Shut up already - he sighed.

Magnus cocked his head to the side.

\- Alexander?

He watched Alec for a moment before the boy was ready to tell anything.

\- Magnus. It's great that you worry about me. But as I told you already... I want to fight and get better. And I will. Just trust me?

Alec took Magnus' hands and smiled again. The man didn't answer. Instead of that he just kissed his angel. They took their time, enjoying each other's company. They ended up with Alec laying on his back and Magnus leaning on him. Then Alec pushed Magnus away a bit. He panicked and felt very stupid because of that. But he couldn't help it. Magnus was worried. Again. He get off the couch and knelt beside the couch.

\- Alec? What's wrong, darling? I'm so sorry if I did something wrong I...

\- No... - Alec shook his head. - I should be sorry... Magnus I... I'm so sorry! - he looked at him with teary eyes and Magnus' heart broke. Alec was really scared and... guilty?

\- Alexander, shhh, please, don't cry! - he cupped his face. - Don't cry, darling. Just talk to me, please...

Magnus was terrified and guilty, thinking that it all happened because of him. And Alec didn't want to talk. So Magnus waited, looking in his beautiful blue eyes.

\- You are just... -he started finally but it turned out into sobbing. - You're so good to me, Magnus. But I'm not worth it. I'm broken... I... I don't even know... I...

\- Calm down, darling. Deep breaths.

Alec calmed down a bit after the breathing session but he still felt bad. He reacted like this only because their making out was longer than normal and Magnus' hands were on him. But nothing happened... and he acted like a freak.

\- I'm sorry... - he mumbled.

\- Will you tell me what's going on, Alexander?

\- It's... - Alec sniffed. - It's that... I'm not ready, Magnus. Not ready for... this... - he made a motion with his hand and Magnus eyes widened. - I know you need it. But I really can't. Not now... I...

\- Alexander, stop. And look at me - he ordered and after a minute Alec did what he was told. - I won't force you to anything. Of course, sex is nice and I'm sure you will love this as much as I will. But I can live without it. And I will wait. No matter how long. So please... don't be scared because I would never hurt you, Alexander.

Magnus looked hurt but at the same time he was understanding. There wasn't any trail of disappointment. Magnus understood and accepted Alec's decision. No sex for now. Well, of course Magnus wanted to make love to his angel. But if he wasn't ready, then he was okay with that. He lived long enough to know that sex wasn't the most important. And Alec was worth the wait.

\- Thank you - he hugged him again, looking for comfort in Magnus' arms. And he was more than eager to give it to his adorable boyfriend.

They stayed on the floor for a good half and hour, just cuddling and enjoying the moment. But there was still so much to discuss.

\- Magnus? - he sat in front of him and looked him in the eyes. - And what with your job?

\- Well... I'm going to quit. I won't work there... not after everything that happened. I don't want to do anything with Luke anymore. So we all decided to quit.

\- But Magnus! - Alec was shocked. - You love this job! And... how... Magnus!

\- Alexander - he smiled gently. - I know I'm a psychiatrist. But as you said earlier, I'm just a human. I can't work there anymore. But don't worry. After all, I'm a doctor. Magnificent one, I may add. So finding a new job will be very easy. For every one of us. So don't worry. We wanted to do this even before we met you.

\- So... you, Cat and the rest are going to find a new job? But...

\- No butts! Yes, we are. But we're going to have short vacation first. And help you with your studies.

\- And you're saying you're not too good for me? - he sighed.

\- Hmm... Nope. So stop complaining, you grumpy angel.

\- You're the worst - he rolled his eyes. - So, what are we going to do?

\- Well... I think today is a great time for chemistry. Come on, get your books.

\- You're kidding me, right...?

\- Quite the opposite, dear. Go.

\- You really are the worst!

\- And don't forget your calculator!

\- The worst of the worsts!

***

It's been five months. Alec was home-schooled and after the lessons he was going to Magnus' place. A lot of things happened. Good things. And Alec finally felt happy. With a great boyfriend and loving family, he felt like he could do anything.

All the kids that bullied him were punished. The website and his photos were deleted from the Net. He didn't hear about Sebastian for so long. Clary visited them couple of times but Alec didn't want to talk to her so her visits were very short. Jace still was mad at her as well and prefered to spend time with his siblings than his ex-girlfriend. And well, they all had lot of fun, especially when Alec started teaching Jace how to drive a car because his instructor didn't make it to the end, too scared for his life to finish the lessons with Jace. So it was really funny and probably for the first time in his life, Jace's crying didn't bother him at all.   
His studies were going great as well. He finally got teachers that cared about their job and Alec appreciated that. Mainly because it helped him save a lot of time, since he remembered most things from the lessons. However, Magnus made sure that Alec always knew everything he should have known. He really cared about him and helped him as much as he could.

So things were going great. Also for Maryse, who finally started enjoying her life. She cared about her children and spent more time with them. She didn't want to be in any relationship for now, even though there was some men who were interested in mama Lightwood. However, she didn't trust them. Not after Robert. And Robert? He knew that Maryse wanted a divorce but he wasn't willing to give it to her. So he moved to Europe, claiming that he had a job there. And that was everything. They didn't hear from here since that day. But no one seemed to be concerned. They hated Robert for everything he had done.

His life was finally good and not messed up. Now, after six months Alec had had already taken all his exams and was waiting for results that were going to be sent to him that day. He was nervous and alone at home. But it was better that way. No one knew that his results were supposed to arrive that day. Only Magnus knew.

Around 2 p.m Alec heard the doorbell. And after that, everything happened very fast. He was standing in the middle of his living room, fighting with himself over the envelope. He had no idea, if he should have opened it or not... and then he decided not to. Alec grabbed his car keys and drove to Magnus' place. Their relationship really developed. They still weren't intimate but they were happy. And Alec knew that Magnus was the best person to share his insecurities with.

\- Alexander? Have you already got the results? - he opened the door and invited him inside.

\- Yes... but I wanted to open them with you. If you okay with that...?

\- I'm honored - he smiled.

They sat on the couch. Magnus kept his hand on Alec's knee, trying to give him as much courage as possible. Alec looked at the envelope. He was scared, of course he was. It was very important. All his hard work... his future depended on this little sheet inside. Alec took a deep breath. Now or never.

He opened the envelope and took out the paper sheet. His eyes worked very fast, reading the letter. Magnus waited. And when Alec dropped the document, Magnus felt like dying. He really believed in Alec and he was sure his angel would achieve anything he wanted. Why anything? Because Alec didn't tell him what he wanted to do. He didn't tell anyone where he applied to. If he even did! Only Magnus knew that yes, he did. But where? It was still a one, big secret.

\- Alexander, don't worry! You can try some other time and until then...

\- Magnus...

\- No, no, darling, no. It's totally okay. I'm so proud of you anyway. You're so smart...

\- Magnus.

\- So amazing. And so handsome! Have I already told you how gorgeous you are? Oh my sweet, Alexander.

\- Magnus.

\- Don't worry, buttercup. Don't...

\- Magnus!

Alec couldn't take it anymore. He looked at his boyfriend, in his eyes full of concern and smiled, showing him the letter.

\- Alexander...? - he stammered.

\- I got in! Magnus! I got in! - he exclaimed.

Magnus didn't remember the moment he took Alec into his arms. And he didn't remember the moment he started crying. He was so happy. He didn't think he could have been so happy because of someone's else success. And here he was. Alec looked at him and laughed but he also had tears in his eyes.

\- Oh my dear god, Alexander... - he sobbed, pressing his face to Alec's chest. - I'm so happy! And so relieved! And so proud! I'm so proud of you!

Magnus cried harder and Alec sat there, trying to calm him down. But it turned out that Magnus just had to let it go. So he let him cry until he was slightly dehydrated.

\- You're okay now? - he asked, caressing Magnus' cheek. - Thank you so much, Magnus. I wouldn't have done this without you.

\- It's my pleasure, sweetheart. But... can I already know what you chose?

\- Veterinary medicine - he answered a bit shyly but proudly at the same time.

\- Alexander...

Magnus was speechless, hearing that his adorable angel chose something as difficult as veterinary medicine. He didn't doubt his boyfriend would manage to slay this, though.

\- Yes, I know... - he sighed. - I know it's very hard. I know. But... I know it's something I can be good at. I love animals. And I really hate people now. So it seems like the best option - he explained, smiling gently.

\- My sweetest angel. You're so brave. I'm so proud - he said that again, knowing that he would say this at least hundred times more this day. - You're going to be the best, the hottest vet alive.

\- You're insufferable.

Alec laughed. Yes, he wanted to be a vet and help animals. But he didn't choose it because of that. Not entirely. Alec wanted to be worth Magnus. And to do that, he knew he couldn't be no one. And a vet, a doctor? It seemed like a good plan. At least no one would tell that Alec was with Magnus for his money. Because, even if he didn't care about other people's opinion, he didn't want to hear it.

\- I am. And I will be even more. We need to call Cat and the rest and tell them about it. Or no. You know what? I will throw you a party! Yes, that's the best idea! But not now. No, were going somewhere.

\- Huh? First, I don't need a party. Second, where?

\- First, yes, you do. Second, you'll see. But... what would you say about a fancy dinner, hmm? - he winked, already picturing himself and Alec at a fancy restaurant, looking fabulous.

\- Hmm... no - said Alec after a minute, destroying Magnus' dreams.

\- Why? - he asked, confused.

\- Because I don't see a point in spending so much money on food. And I don't want anything fancy. Let's get some McDonald's and go somewhere?

Alec smiled and Magnus couldn't believe it. Camille or any other partner of Magnus would demand a fancy dinner. But Alec? He was so unique.

\- But we're taking my car.

\- Of course we are!

Magnus was the one driving but Alec was already used to this. So he took his sit and fastened his belt, turning on the radio. Of course, Magnus had to sing along but Alec didn't mind it. They drove to McDrive and Magnus placed an order. Of course, he had to exaggerate and take couple of burgers, fries, every beverage they had and mcnuggets since Alec loved them. What irritated Alec was that Magnus ordered a Happy Meal for him and refused to let him pay for their food. But well, Alec was already used to that as well.

When they got to the second window to collect their order, Alec almost choked on his own saliva when he noticed that Raj and Aldertree were working there. Alec didn't judge anyone and thought that working at fast-food restaurant was really hard but seeing them like that, the successfull lawyers, who were always laughing at the poor kids, he really wanted to laugh. Maybe it was bad but he was really satisfied. Especially when Raj almost cried, handing Magnus their order. But Alec didn't care anymore. They got what they deserved, case closed.

Magnus was silent for a longer moment and then, when they were finally on the outskirts of the city, he stopped and got out of the car. Alec followed him.

\- Magnus, what's going on?

\- Here.

Magnus threw Alec the car keys and he stared at them, totally shocked and confused.

\- I don't get it...?

\- You always wanted to drive Baby, right? So now you have the opportunity. Hop in before I change my mind.

Magnus laughed seeing how enthusiastic Alec became. He almost ran to the the driver's seat. Magnus got back into the car and right after the engine started working. It was a beautiful sound. And Alec was so excited.

Driving Magnus' car was really something. The car was amazing but at the same time scary because he didn't want to leave a single scratch on this beauty. Lucky for him, he was a really good driver and there was no one to cause a danger. And Alec could drive wherever he wanted. And he knew just the place.

Alec stopped the car on a meadow near the lake. Magnus didn't ask. Instead of that, he took the food and blanket. Alec helped him carry everything and soon they were sitting on the blanket, eating the junk food and enjoying their afternoon. It was perfect. Warm, a light breeze and Magnus playing with a Happy Meal toy. It couldn't be better.

\- Wanna take a walk? - asked Magnus when they rested after their dinner.

\- Sure. Well, I want to tell you something!

He took him to the place where he first met Sebastian. This place was different, though. Not as messy and definitely more green. Magnus liked it but he still didn't understand so he looked at Alec, raising his brow a bit.

\- It's very nice, darling. But...

\- It's where it all started - he said, looking at the bushes where Sebastian was throwing up. - It seems so far away...

\- Because it is - said Magnus and took Alec's hand. - It's all in the past. And past doesn't matter. We're here now. Together. And that won't change, Alexander.

Magnus smiled and Alec's heart melted. He loved seeing his boyfriend like this, happy and carefree. And fortunately, he was seeing more and more of this Magnus everyday. His new job was doing wonders to him and Alec saw how it helped him with the nightmares. However, they still had a long way to go with them.

\- I know. I just... I wanted to come here. It's where it all started and it's where it all ends. And something new starts. Something much better. I... I know I was stupid, Magnus. I should have never wanted to take my own life. Now I know this. And I want to thank you. You saved me. And now you're showing me how life can be beautiful. I... I'm really grateful for that. You don't even know how. And Magnus... tell me, what can I do for you?

The question was sincere and Magnus really felt a sting in his chest. Alec really felt obliged to do the same for him? And he really didn't notice that he did even more for him?

\- Alexander. You don't even know how much you helped me. But if you really want to show me your gratitude, then move in with me.

Magnus' offer was simple. He grinned, looking at Alec's shocked expression. He thought for a second that he made a fool out of himself but then Alec threw his arms around Magnus' neck.

\- I would love that! - he smiled even wider that Magnus and said man wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist. - My mother won't like that but... I will. I will, Magnus!

\- I'm so happy, Alec! You're everything I have.

Alec shut his mouth with his own. They kissed passionately but Magnus did nothing to make Alec feel uncomfortable. He showed him all his love, concern and affection with this kiss. And Alec did the same or at least he did his best to return all the emotions. And Magnus felt them.

\- Thank you, Magnus. Thank you so much!

\- Stop thanking me - he laughed.

\- But I have to, Magnus. You gave me a new life.

\- A new life? Alec, I don't think...

\- No. You really gave me a new life. You collected the broken pieces and put them back together. I want you to know that you can also always count on me, Magnus.

\- I know that, angel. I know that.

They kissed again but this time their lips were barely touching. Magnus loved teasing Alec and it seemed like a great moment to do that.

\- You're the worst, Bane!

\- Nah, you know you love me.

\- Do I know that? Yes, yes I do.

Alec nodded and Magnus laughed, leaning for the kiss again. This time they weren't teasing each other. Their first love confession was a Disney one. And they both loved that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goood, Angels! It's the last chapter and I feel so... empty? I want to thank you all for staying with me and this story for so long. Thank you all who supported me through my first work. It really means a lot. Thank you ♥ 
> 
> ***  
> I was thinking about the sequel and I think I will write it. It won't be this angsty. I promise! It will be called "Always". As simple as that because I suck at titles. There will be more of their life together. Alec's college, new people, maybe friends, maybe something more ;) Magnus' old loved ones! Cute sickfic because I'm a sucker for this kind of shit. Jelously, troubles in paradise, troubles with Alec, troubles with Magnus, more of the six dorks we all love so much, more friendship, maybe some Clace, Sizzy, or Saphael maybe? Who knows. And Malec first time c: Would you like to read it? Did I get your attention folks? :D 
> 
> Haha. Thank you so much again! I love you all. ♥


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